I had a pre-meltdown conversation with mum earlier. She doesn't drive me insane, no. More like dad drives her insane and then she complains to us kids and expects us to solve it. And when we give her options, she chooses not to exercise any of them.
Anyway, this is NOT a post about that.
What it is, is a post about my conversation via Skype with BIKSS after that.
I told him that I was annoyed and pissed off and as the story flourished, perhaps so did my flowery language.
Now, the use (or should I say, ban) of colourful words isn't a formalised item on our D/s agenda. I use the F word loads and he's never had a problem with it. But in my fit tonight I might have said something like "For F's sake it's none of his bl**dy business" and when I was done with that bit of ranting BIKSS came back with an adequately thoughtful reply - followed by "... and mind your language, however angry you are".
Well, ok, I had to shelve that for a moment so that I could continue with my complaints, but after that I asked him why he made an issue of it. Since it never came up before.
Apparently it's cos ordinarily I use it as an embellishment but here I was talking in reference to my parents and I guess he felt I was being disrespectful.
"You know you're becoming one of THEM don't you?" I accused him.
I guess it was a matter of time... He wears this suit easily, His Dominance.
Oh, and by THEM I mean the upstanding, responsible, integrity-filled Doms / HoH's who refuse to allow their subs to sink to disrespecting their families. *Mutter* After all, this was TOTALLY him. We never discussed putting this bit up for scrutiny in our dynamic.
I suppose I should be rejoicing that he seems to be coming into his own as a Dom, doing what needs doing instinctively. I remember the days when I would suggest he did this, or asked me for that, or used a particular word. Hah! Those days are over, methinks. So to all the beginning-subs who are finding it frustrating that your Doms aren't doing what you want them to do, BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR! One day they'll get it. Ohhhh, one day they'll get it alright!
(BIKSS is even now amused that it came so naturally for him to stop me at that point cos he felt I needed a reminder.)
And while looking for a pic he sent me this:
 |
| The lesson that I'm meant to learn... |
"Be careful what you wish for" I can so see the truth in that statement! We are in the beginning of all of this and I catch myself suggesting things or showing him things from this blog or that and thinking yes yes we need that but then I think "uh oh....what if he does do that, plus more!" my oh my!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing:)
Belle:)
Uh-huh. As we normally do, we dissected this a little later on. And he said that he may have been "thinking" in the past, but today it was just a "reaction". And that he has become so comfortable in our roles that he did feel it was his right to voice out that instruction, exactly in the manner that he did.
DeleteLove the quote,,it is a good one! That be careful what you wish for....today I am wishing for a whole lot of dominance and...pain??...maybe I should re-think..huh?
ReplyDeleteIt is such a pleasure to see the two of you accept and grow in your roles, thanks for sharing.
hugs abby
Haha. Let us know how that turns out!
DeleteBut I'm not complaining at all. I'm jus' sayin' ...
And it is his right to tell you to stop, because you think it is your duty to stop, when he says "Stop".
ReplyDeleteAs long as you both think that is natural, you can both be comfortable.
Uh huh. Exactly. I think now that we're both doing and not "watching" it gets easier to trust what we're doing instead of second-guessing.
DeleteOh, be careful what you wish for all right. I know all about that.
ReplyDeleteIt always pays off tho, doesn't it?
Delete
ReplyDeleteThe dynamic does become very automatic, doesn't it. Sometimes I worry that it must be like having another child to look after, but Ian says absolutely not. He says it is one of the benefits of being the protector, the leader, that he gets to have his home and wife comfortable to his standard of acceptability.
One of the unspoken demands of our pre-dd life was that the children would behave according to Ian's moral code, and I didn't argue. He did an excellent job with the kids.
Good luck - it is kind of a learning curve, at least I sure think so.
thanks! Yeah... seeing as how BIKSS has kids of his own, I've sometimes wondered if this is another "chore"... like, if i'm his escape, then taking care of me can't be the funnest thing to do! LOL
Deletebut then i know it's not that way at all. I trust that he loves this as much as I do.
Sometimes i think that in the beginning when exploring these dynamics especially from a subs point of view there is that frustration or determination of how we think it should be...then they go and do it as they want it....and thats what we want isnt it? for them to dominate? lol
ReplyDeletex
yes. you're absolutely right. the frustration and determination bit gets written about A LOT in blogland...
DeleteI thought it would be nice to share the "he did it right" stories too!!
Well, I can see that it's not always about you, but it is always about me, isn't it??? Mwahahahahahaha.... ok, that probably just amused me.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, yes, being careful what you wish for is good advice, but much easier to give than to take. It sounds like you two are doing just fine - because it feels right to you. I'm so glad for you both!!!
hugs,
aisha
*mutter*
Deleteyes, well, in MY universe it IS all about me. BIKSS doesn't seem to agree tho..
and yes, it DOES feel totally right, for BOTH of us ;)
thanks!