Saying Goodbye to Mum, and Carrying On

Mama passed away very peacefully on the morning of the 11th of March. CG 1 noticed her breathing becoming very shallow. When I got to her bedside was when we saw the first of her final gasps for air. She was asleep the whole time. We put on the Divine Mercy Chaplet on Youtube and prayed by her bed. 8 minutes and something later I crossed her and after two more gulps of air she stopped breathing. The oximeter flashed for a bit then went blank. 

The wake was held near my place and I was so touched and grateful for all the friends who showed up to pay their final respects. 

I myself had taken time off work (piano lessons were rescheduled) to spend the last week or so with her. My boss was really sweet. The Thursday before she passed was the first day she was too weak to sit up or be taken out in her wheelchair for her regular park visits. He told me to just take the next two days off work and stay home to spend time with her. (While HR has checked in with me about the date of her passing and submitted my days of compassionate leave and general leave for the week of her wake and funeral, no one has mentioned anything about that Thur and Fri I didn't go in.)

We didn't expect her to last the weekend, but it gave a lot of relatives and friends the chance to come and visit for the last time. All her siblings and their kids had come round by then, the only one she hadn't had a chance to see or hear from was her youngest sister. Finally on Sunday evening I got hold of my aunt (who lives in Europe) and held the phone up to mum's ear. I put her on speaker and we chatted. She talked to mum, who by then was no longer able to open her eyes. She told her to rest, sleep, and don't worry about the kids cos we're all grown up now. And to go be with my dad, he's waited long enough. 

She must have been holding on to hear her voice, for she passed the next morning at 638am. 

Her last trip out to the park was on a Wednesday. Ice cream truck day. The last thing mum tasted was her favourite yam ice cream. I'm glad she got that. 

On the sibling front, neither of them got in my way. I am also very glad for that. With dad they were a little more annoying. Wanting things done this or that way. This time round I made all the decisions, did all the admin and sorted out all the bits and pieces. 

And when they asked for the children and/or grandchildren or beloved family members to stand at the 4 corners of her coffin at the beginning of Mass, my 2 siblings and I took 3 corners and I gestured to CG1 to take the 4th. 

I was expecting some whispers or comments about that, after all there were 3 grandchildren in attendance. But as far as I was concerned she deserved to be counted above and beyond even my sister and brother. And so for the remainder of the funeral she stood with 'the children', and that was that. 

Over the last 4 weeks I've been tidying up - both my physical and emotional space. It's nice to have the caregivers here both to help and to reminisce with. We cried together, we laughed together, and we recounted all the silly, funny and even frustrating moments of mum's final years. 

I made some video montages, and each one took me through a bittersweet journey of grief and smiles at the same time. 

I'd be happy to share with anyone who wants a look. 

And it has been slow going, but it's been going. I'm glad I managed to pass on her hospital bed and geriatric chair to people who are now needing these items for their own parents. And we donated the consumables to a family who is in need of help. 

Some of her clothes and accessories went to close friends and family, and me and the sister have taken over all her sleep-shirt-pjs - you know those things that look like extra long tees? I don't know what they're called... nightdress? Sleepshirt?  I was worried it would make me sad, but I find myself smiling whenever I pull one out to wear. I can still see her in them. 

Anyway, now that this phase of my journey thru life is done, it is time to move on. There is still paperwork to get thru. Accounts to close. Documents to file. But I've also decided to extend the holiday we had initially planned for May from a 5 day trip to a 9 day one. 

Come May 3rd Bikss and I will find ourselves in the freezing (for us equator folk) cities of Tasmania and then Sydney. We land in Australia on Star Wars Day! And if we're lucky we might be able to catch the Southern lights during our 4 days in Tassie. If we don't, there's always Jason Donavan to look forward to in Rocky Horror in Sydney! I'm excited, and a little bit relieved at knowing I won't have to worry about my phone ringing with some kind of emergency news from home. 

I've decided to ignore all calls and messages, cos there really is nothing that needs my attention anymore. Nothing that I need to attend to while I'm on vacation anyway. 

In some happy news, I got a bonus at work and a pay raise. So this trip isn't really putting a dent in my financial plan. Now that mum isn't the most important thing in my life, my retirement plan needs some attention. 

I haven't been back online to do any classes on the course I started a while back. So that will need some attention too. 

And I'll have to try and get CG2 transferred to another household asap cos the powers that be won't let me hold on to 2 caregivers for no good reason. 

So that's where I'm at. Thank you all for your kind words, both on and offline, and for keeping us in your prayers. The thing I'm most thankful for is that she did, in the end, pass away very peacefully. I could not have asked for a better crossing over. 

A Bit of Sad News and Medical Tests for Me

Before I get into it, I'm going to put up the food pictures before I forget. There've been a few dinners and lunches and thankfully not all of it was fried chicken, even tho that was the original plan for Feb. 

By the third week I was begging for ANYTHING ELSE except fried chicken cos I was just so sick of it LOL. 

On the first day out together after his trip we ended up having a really long talk cos I was feeling lonely and abandoned. We needed a plan. Eventually we worked something out. After a 3 cigarette conversation we managed a nice fajita dinner at a nearby Mexican/Italian place near the marina. It's a strange combination right? We decided against having that AND a pizza together cos it would just be too weird.

Since I was so tired of Western cuisine we decided on a Chinese restaurant the next time we went out.  Anti clockwise from top left - Vermicelli salad (complimentary), stir fried Chinese spinach, xiao long bao, and dumplings in soup; Right - Dumplings aka Chaoshou) in a chilli /mala vinaigrette.

Lemongrass chicken skewers, grilled salmon, C/salad

Remember how BIKSS had a birthday in Feb? He had birthday vouchers for a bar and grill place so we lunched there the day I went for my mammogram. Yes. Mammogram. The summary - Boss wants to start me on HRT so he needs to make sure there are no issues before starting meds. That means having an ultrasound, pap smear (last one was clear so don't need another), mammogram and bloodwork (also recently sorted so don't need another) done. 

All I need to do now is wait for the mammogram results to come in and we're good to go cos everything else is fine. 

That night we ended up eating at another branch of the same Chinese restaurant of dumpling fame above. Because he had MORE birthday vouchers LOL. 

Sweet & sour fish - if there's one thing you can count on the Chinese restaurants doing right in where-I-live, it's sweet and sour anything. 

Specialty of the month - some fish mala soup thing with salted/preserved veggies. When the bowl came to the table we both panicked a little. That is a HUGE bowl. The pic doesn't do it justice. It was huge. 

Broccoli and szechuan style prawns. They're sitting on regular sized dinner plates mind you, so you can imagine the size of the bowl in the background. 

Red bean pancake - my favourite Chinese restaurant dessert.

And now that February was over, there was no more birthday feasting to be had. On Friday night we settled on a vegetarian restaurant. From left - Lions mane mushroom rendang (a spicy coconut gravy), stir fried napa cabbage, curry vegetables, and sweet & sour tofu nuggets (bottom). Clear soup, and brown and sesame rice. We doggie bagged the rice and some of the food. 

Fondles went from 57kg to 59kg over the Chinese New Year period and needed to lose some weight. So this week was spent watching my calorie intake. I'm happy to announce I'm in the correct zone again.

And the thing about losing the weight? Trust me, it's not just vanity. As I got heavier my hip got achier. That IS a word. Ok more achy/achey if you prefer.

My trusty physio fella has declared it an osteo-arthritic hip. Hurray me. Aren't I too young? Nope, he says. It's a genetic thing sometimes. And since BOTH my parents were OA candidates, he's not surprised that it's beginning now. 

When I lost the weight the ache stopped too. One of my clinic doctors wasn't surprised. In some people, as little as a 1-2kg weight gain can be the difference between fine and OUCH, she says. She was the one who joined the dots for me when we were talking about it yesterday. 

Yesterday - when the two doctors from my work were here to visit mum. Who is deteriorating. 

She stopped eating on Tuesday night. We were told to prepare for the end. That's what we're doing. Apart from not swallowing, she also hasn't got much control of her mouth - lips and tongue. So whatever we put in comes out almost straightaway. Surprisingly, yesterday I noticed she was smacking her lips together, so we tried giving her a little bit of baby food. She managed to swallow about half of the 10ml we gave her - in small doses of 1.5-2ml each time. 

We even managed some very mushy blended watery oatmeal last night, enough for us to use as a vehicle for her insomnia meds. The poor thing hasn't been sleeping since Wed night, so at last she managed a good sleep yesterday. 

This morning she was alert - looking around, even smiling. Her tongue is lolling out a litte again today and she's not taking in as much as yesterday, but at least she's managing a few drops each time. 

I'm not sure that's anything to be happy about, I mean, she's almost at the end, they say. And 10ml of liquid a day is hardly enough to sustain life. But at least her mouth isn't dry and she gets to taste some chocolate, coffee, and whatever else we put on her tongue. The websites all say it's a good way to comfort her as she approaches the end, even if she's not swallowing it. Allowing her to taste the flavours, if she wants, will comfort her. 

So that's what the situation is for now.  Thank you in advance for your prayers. Our wish is that she will pass peacefully and without struggle. 

WorkTrips Bleugh

BIKSS has been away 2 out of the 3 weeks this month so far. That means we haven't had a lot of opportunity for his birthday feasting. 

We did manage a Korean fried chicken dinner before he left on Monday.

Salad with balsamic vinegar dressing AND YOGHURT! What??? Surprisingly it was quite delicious!

Fried cheese balls. Nuff said.

Crispy Korean style soy wings! Very very good. We ate all of it, which is amazing cos we don't usually finish our meals out. And then the food coma hit. LOL.

Last Thursday I took a day off to head across the border for a spot of shopping with the sister. I ended up getting lots of supplement drinks (berry juice, prune extract etc) and bird's nest! It's pretty expensive, well, the undiluted versions that is, and with the favourable exchange rate it was worth picking up a few bottles over there. 

I also ended up getting chips from Marks and Spencer LOL. Why not right? NOM NOM NOM~~~

Reunion Dinner

Today is the eve of CNY and Chinese folks all over the world typically have what we call Reunion Dinner with family. 

My brother basically declared a fortnight ago that he's not celebrating CNY this year (I didn't know it was optional) and my sister decided it's too much trouble to drag her clan (7 people including her mother in law and her caregiver) all the way to my house. And it's gotta be my place cos my mama aint moveable. 

So in a last minute effort at making something out of tonight (it's supposed to be a special occasion innit?) I dug into the fridge and me and the caregivers managed to whip up a splendid feast! For very little money.

Abalone (FOC from last year's office gifting) and broccoli (a dollar!)

Chicken in a kebab seasoning - (chicken thigh - $2.50, seasoning mix, lime, tomato - free from my caregiver's morning jaunts to our equivalent of a soup-kitchen - it's a charity organisation that distributes bento meals and other stuff like bread, veggies, pre-mixes, PET bottle drinks, and we even got a box of Reese's pieces once). 

Vegetarian Ngoh Hiang (frozen) - FOC - from soup-kitchen place. Chilli sauce for dipping - courtesy of Betty's mum who makes a very awesome chilli dip.

Anti clockwise from bottom  : Stir fried veggies with mock chicken (both free from food rescue) / Braised egg tofu (free from food rescue) / Prawns (courtesy of the sister) and potato (soup kitchen) in a chilli (soup kitchen) gravy. Garnishings - from my own fridge.

We even got a bottle of non alcoholic sparkly bubbly - FOC from soup kitchen

Now how's that for an under $5 reunion dinner? 

The best part is that it was full of laughter and merriment and we all took turns to feed mum whom we'd wheeled over to the dining table so she could eat with us. And despite the spills and mum's less-than-perfect eating / swallowing skills, no one got flustered or upset, we just took turns to wipe up, pass clean tissues around, swap one towel for another, pass soiled tissues to whoever was closest to the bin... it was great. My heart is overjoyed for this 'family' that has developed in my home. And for the lovely joyous dinner we shared tonight. 

WITHOUT my siblings. Who always stress me out when they descend upon me. 

I dare say this was my HAPPIEST reunion dinner ever!

Happy 'Long' Year everyone (say it like LOAN but with an NG at the end). 

Physio, Audio and Sciatica

So my audiology test went great. The doctor says no deterioration. There IS some level of hearing loss but it has remained stable over the last 3 years... so that's GOOD! I don't have to see him again till Jan 2026! 

Meanwhile BIKSS discovered at physio that he can't straighten his right leg lol. He just never noticed that after the meniscus injury he kept compensating with the other leg and never worked to recover full range of motion in the bad leg. 

It's a bit too late now that the joint has healed in the fashion it's healed in. Ah well. He's not too bothered. He joked that the physio took his pants down while he was lying on the massage table. When I pulled his pants off that night he said "You're the second person (not counting me) to remove my pants today". Tsk. Well I bet HE didn't give you a blow job did he? HAHAHAHA

(Um he'd better not have.) 

Ahem. 

These few days with the impending CNY holiday (this weekend!) I've been cleaning (and baking) and my back has been acting up because of it. Additionally today I felt the annoying pains of sciatica attacking my butt and hip and back of leg as I got up to go to work. Gah. Just what I need right now. Never mind. Boswellia to the rescue! 

I'm also pretty certain it's because I'm stressed (and pissed) at my boss. Long story short - he mentioned that he could hear me hollering at my colleague and more and more these days it seems. I said that's because if I don't stop her from making mistakes she's going to fuck up. As it is I made a mistake on a lab form (nothing major thank goodness) because I'm constantly keeping one eye and one ear on her. How is anyone supposed get any proper work done when they're constantly monitoring someone else?!

Anyway today I popped a St John's Wort cap and went to work bright and early. Transferred some templates to the back station lappy (where the colleague usually sits) and parked myself in the front. Where the registration happens. I've decided that instead of the fluid whoever's-available-do-the-next-thing system we've been using I'm marking out clear and distinct boundaries so that I shall just do my own shit and she can do her own shit and stop watching her and correcting her. If she fucks up then she fixes it. If she doesn't know how then she can make it the boss's problem. 

As Betty says, he doesn't FEEL the pain cos he never has to deal with the backlash of her mess-ups. I've always either prevented the problems or fixed them for her. I'm done. If he wants me to holler at her less, then I'm gonna holler less. Or not at all. 

It aint my problem anymore. 

Grrrr. 

Ok so now that that's out of the way - here's a plate of Indian skewered roast meats we had for dinner the last time we went out - he was away last week, is back this week, and will be away again next week. I'm not happy about it. But I suppose I'll have loads of time to catch up on my course, since I did absolutlely nothing last week (and probably this coming week too) with all the CNY prep.

Today's chips -  a friend came in from Perth (by way of Bali) and brought me some awesome snacks from Australia. Specifically I asked for two of the Chef Series flavours (can't get them here) but he added this one cos it's his wife's favourite and she wanted me to try 'em! I haven't yet... but I'm sure it's delish. Especially since I love cheese!