Legs in the Air

The spatula, I offered. But no, you had to decide to be generous and let me have the cane too. It's my favourite is it not? Hrmph. Well, yes. But the spatula is kinda ouchy, you know. 

Sure, I'll roll over and settle in for a nice, warm... what? On my back? 

This smells fishy. Something is afoot. Or abutt. NO... you can't be expecting me to... what? Hey, you've got my ankles held together with one hand... are you thinking what I think you're thinking?

imgur.com

You want me to put my legs up? Like in the air? YIKES! Didn't you said you had no pressing desire to try out the diaper position? I thought we were happy with our usual, you know... the one where I'm cuddled in the crook of one arm, or I'm comfy lying on my tummy in bed amidst piles and piles of pillows? 

Fine. Up they go. But that's not really diaper, I'm just lifting my legs in the air and hugging them to me with my own arms. Aren't you supposed to lift me OFF my butt to get access to it?

Ouch! You're evil! That's my sit spot! OK, I guess that one counted as butt cheek. EEK! I can't move or react in this position. At least if I'm lying down I get a little relief from being able to react by kicking my feet up or squeezing a pillow with my arms. 

I can't do very much with my knees in my face and my feet dangling in the air like this. And my arms are occupied too, wrapped as they are around my legs to hold them together and upwards towards me. 

This is NOT a butt spanking, I tell you. This is a sit-spot-upper-thigh spanking. Ouchy Daddy...

Ahhh rubbing. Rubbing is nice. Is he grinning? He's got his evil grin on!  Urgh. It's my fault I suppose. I should know better than to expect he won't use the things we talk about and turn them to his benefit! 

What's that now? Time for the cane. OK. I like the cane. Mmmmm, yummy. Especially when he goes tappety tappety continuously in one region! 

OW! Not so yummy anymore now. I know... the skin is stretched when my legs are up this way, and the tappety tapping isn't on my butt cheek proper!!! He's pulsing the strokes on the bottom curve of my bum! 

Does the word "sensitive" mean anything to you Daddy? Ack! Ok, ok, I get it! Enough! 

Look I'm all sweaty now from the exertion of taking a spanking! It's not so often that that happens anymore. Mmmm hands. I like it when you use your hands... ow ow oW OW! That hurts! 10 smacks in the same spot DOES that to a girl!

*Flop* Ooooh my legs are tired from trying to stay up during that session! 

Hey, what are you doing with the spatula now? Mmmm love it when you play with my nipple, er, why are you pulling it to the side... oh great.. I get it. You're keeping it out of the way while you *smack* *OUCH* slap my breasts with the spatula... argh. 

Look it's so red. I suppose the skin on my boob colours more easily. Heh. Breathe... breathe... ow ow ow...

I'm sure you're going to want a go on the other boob... oh right. There you are. Moved the other hand to the other nipple to keep that one out of the way while you work my right side now. Are you counting? Hey it's not a contest. You don't have to speed up. Ouch!!!  Going faster hurts more you know... wait, silly me. I'm sure you knew that. 

The cane? You want to use the cane on my breasts? Why not. I suppose it can't hurt much more than anything else you've done. 

I was wrong. It can. Notice my eyes are closed and I'm wincing? That's me saying OW OW OW OW. But again, I'm sure you already knew that. Evil Man. Mean Daddy. And lucky me - for I love EVERY minute of it!

Can You Handle All Of Me?

24/7?

Could I handle your being angry?

Being upset?

Withdrawn and stressed?

Could I handle your moments of weakness?

Of discomfort, of depression?

Could I handle your idiosyncrasies?

Your flying off the handle?

Your moods?

If you showed up tomorrow and said you were all mine now, I honestly don't know if I would freak out.

But would I let you be my full time 24/7 guy?

Should ever a day arrive that I have to answer that, the answer is Yes.

LOVE

... shouldn't be painful.

It shouldn't cause you to ache in the depths of your chest.

It shouldn't make you want to reach into your belly and hold it shut.

It shouldn't make you cry every time you think of the one you love.

It shouldn't be the pain you hold on to when you close your eyes at night.

It shouldn't be the tears that drop onto your pillow when you wake up and think of him.


Where did that other feeling go to? You know... the one that makes you smile?

The one that fills your heart up so big you could swear you're puffed up a size bigger?

The one that you never want to stop feeling?

The one that you wish everyone could see?

The one you wish EVERYONE COULD FEEL?


The one that you can't express in words to let him know it's there?

The one that he can only fathom from the way you look into his eyes and hold his gaze?

That's the one I want. I want it back. But it's never coming back...

Soliloquy

It hurts. My nipple. The right one. No, it's not that I want you to stop. Well. It's not up to me. Not to say the left one doesn't. It's just overshadowed by the pain the other one feels. 

You've gotten good at this. Making me feel you in both the pleasure and the pain.

I don't mind the pain, you know. I told you that didn't I?

My Love, I Love You

"Just as you help me overcome my inadequacies and insecurities, so am I committed to helping you become more comfortable with being verbal within our relationship. So instead of shying away from telling you I Love You because I'm afraid you won't tell me you love me, I'm going to say it as I feel it. And you feel it too, I know you do. 

"I don't always say it; I've stopped myself many times. So many times it hurts, and I drive myself mad. And I may have driven myself to madness and self-inflicted pain with my ex boyfriends, but I refuse to subject myself to that with you of all people. So I'm not going too cheat myself out of saying I Love You anytime I want to.

"If you can't, or won't, or don't say it then that's your call. But if that causes a problem between us, then let that be the problem we fix, and not my self-imposed gag order on saying I Love You. 

"So since you DO love me, and you KNOW how detrimental it is for me not to be told it, I'm quite sure you'll want to reassure me enough to say it back. I doubt it'll be a case of saying it "just for the sake of it" because there is already truth in those words. 

"In the long run (taking you at your word about this subject the last time I kicked up an emo fuss) I hope to get you comfortable enough saying it that maybe it'll just flow naturally from you and not only ever be a response.

"And my duty, as your sub, is to let you know when I'm not feeling connected (spanking, making love) and when I'm not feeling cared for (instructed, given rules) and when I'm not feeling loved (spending time with you and hearing you say you love me).

Pawe Strykowski (?)

"Cos when I am feeling loved and owned and connected you always know - I always tell you either directly, or via text, or on my blog. So there shouldn't be a reason why I can't tell you when it's NOT happening right for me too. 

"I always worry that I'm TOO much effort if I do. But you've told me enough times that I shouldn't worry that your love is conditional (I'm ignoring the BIG other definition of 'conditional' here which is anything that applies in direct relation to your being married).

"So if you say I'm stuck with you, which you DO, and since I'm quite happy to devote myself to you (and I SO am), then I'm gonna quit feeling insecure and build the relationship I always wanted. And I'm gonna stop worrying that if I said I needed something you would automatically give up on me and walk out. AND if you do I'm taking the stance right here and now that it won't be my fault. But I know you won't cos you're the greatest Dom on earth and you're MINE. My Dom. As I am yours. Your sub.

[ok, sorry, sister-subs, I mean he's the greatest to ME... as I'm sure your Doms are the greatest to YOU...]

"And I will be happy to sit by your feet, kneel by your side, give myself wholly unto you. And ONLY you. 

"And that might have been the strangest declaration of love and commitment ever! But it's MY declaration of love and commitment and of being your sub and believing everything you've told me and of becoming more self-assured all rolled into one. And it's all because of who you are, and all that I want to be for you - your good little girl, your lover, your friend, your slave, your submissive... Yours.