When Is a Breakthrough a Breakthrough?

I suppose when things feel stuck, and your brain latches on to some new idea

Or when a thing you're afraid to say just cannot be left unsaid anymore

Perhaps when there's a problem that needs addressing, and you know that talking about it COULD make it worse

How about when you BOTH are reluctant to admit something because doing so would make it real

💢

*IS* there a problem? 

☝Disconnect. I miss the tenderness, the reaching for me, the grabbing my hand and putting it on his lap as he drives... it had been ages before the day we talked that he last kissed my forehead, my nose... 

Lesson - INSIST on being treated the way you want to be treated. 

Tangential Lesson - sometimes you realise shit only when you're talking about the OTHER shit.

✌D/s. It had all but disappeared. I'm not innocent in this. The menopause and the fluctuating hormones that accompany this time in my life has wreaked havoc on my libido. Do we still have sex? Yes. Is it as hot and heavy as before? No. Do I consider it a duty? Yes. Is that bad? No. Does he want me to think of it as a duty? Probably not. But as one half of this relationship and because I acknowledge that sex is part of this relationship is that acceptable? Yes. To me anyway. 

Sex is a strange part of relationships. I've decided that it's a HUGE part, but one that is played down because society thinks it's crass to talk about it as if it's ALL there is in a relationship. It's not. But it's a HUGE PART. Acknowledge it. 

Still, old habits. We are conditioned I suppose, not to place emphasis on it. I live in Asia. Conservative Asia. Pffft. 

Lesson - Be crass, be obvious, be direct. If you want sex, say so. If you want sex, initiate it. If you want sex, whisper it in my ear. 

Lesson 2 - Be deliberate in the D/s. We need to be quiet, there are other people in the house. But there are quiet ways to have kinky sex. 

👌Fondles is mad. Well, Fondles wants to know stuff. But some stuff about how he does his life and his family, Fondles doesn't agree with. 

But more than that, I have a chip on my shoulder and it's too heavy for me to shrug off on my own. A little help would be appreciated. I'm a minefield, he doesn't know when a thing is a thing that I'll get mad about or a thing that I'll ignore. I recognise this. I also recognise that I need to be better at being a LOT MORE DIRECT about telling him and not be worried about what he will think of it. 

Lesson - BIKSS is difficult to offend. (At least, he'll try really hard not to let what I say offend him.) So if something hurts just say it.

Reminder Lesson for BIKSS - if you say something and I get upset by it, grab me, hold me, and reassure me. Don't 'give me space'. 

Bangkok Foto Dump - May 2025

I'm back. It was a lovely vacation, we had a fair amount of couple time *ahem* if you know what I mean, but I cannot expound because Blogger will probably put a ban on me again.

I found renewed joy in being able to serve again. BIKSS always said I was a service sub. I'm not sure I enjoy being told what to do, or how to serve tho. I'm more a control-freak sub. Plus ok, maybe a bit of it is I want to serve, in general. I enjoy hosting dinners, organising brunches, sorting through tons of still-good clothes, toys and kitchenware to post on my re-homeing groups. There is a FINE line between service and bossiness, as you can see.

Anyway, it's wonderful to be appreciated. We had a lot of good conversation, about us, about our relationship, about how we interact with each other. I made him coffee, did some shopping on his behalf while he was at work, and managed a spot of ironing - and sewing, cos I saw some of his shirt buttons needed reinforcing. They weren't gonna pop off anytime soon, I don't think, but would have at SOME point! 

Our *ahem* couple time was also a little bit more spicy than usual, with some ripping of underwear (disposable panties are awesome!), mild choking, spanks and just a bit more relaxed banter and fun being had all-round. 

There was a point where I said I would endeavour to stroke Roger with my mouth 100 times. And I did. And I think that simple non-complicated act I'd done a thousand times before might have been the highlight of our fun times just because I put a number on it. I dunno what that's about, but it felt very satisfying. 

I got most of my shopping done on the first day! Located a supermarket that I chanced upon on my last trip there (and therefore didn't really take note of which mall it was in) in the second mall I came to... and spent a hundred bucks on snacks and condiments. It was madness. 20% of it was snacks. 80% was condiments. 

Here goes... (in no particular order... I'll post captions along with the pics)

The Promised Land... aka Tops Supermarket where I spent the MOST money in one go

Half of my loot -

Most of it was Namprik,  which is a dried chilli condiment that can be mixed with fish sauce and/or lime or vinegar to make a dipping sauce, or just sprinkled over a dish (rice, stir fry veggies, fried noodles etc). Some of it is plain dried chilli seasoned with shallots and garlic and what not, but I also got some with dried fish, dried squid, and some paste (in-oil) versions made with crab and shrimp.  There were also mushroom ones (vegan-friendly) which I got for the brother - let it not be said that I'm not charitable even tho' I know I said once mum was gone he'd be cancelled from my life! Hrmph. I have a soft heart, what can I say. Well, not really. If I'm being really honest, this is just me protecting my reputation and making sure NO ONE can say I was the asshole here. Ha! Take that!

I digress. It looks something like this - and I have a LOT of little packets. 

The view of the mall's facade from the connecting linkway from the hotel

Dinner at a restaurant that was recommended by one of the hotel staff

Stir fried something (veg), crispy squid and squid roe (I didn't know there was such a thing) in a bed of crunchy fried seasoned garlic bits. (They sell those in a bottle too, and I bought some, of course!)

Blended guava with plum puree drizzle. Not my thing. BIKSS enjoyed it tho.

And a sampling platter. Skinny chicken in filo pastry rolls, Thai fishcake, moo ping (yum!) and some prawn fritters.

I'm not sure if they intended for Eatopia to sound like Ethiopia. I thought it was most unfortunate.

(But seriously, Bangkok IS a lousy place if you're on a diet...)

Croissant-waffles. They go by a lot of different names, usually some combination of the two words, but I understand at least ONE of those names have been wordmarked. I didn't try any simply because there were a pair of flies hovering over the treats. 

I did have a mille-feuille. And some kind of earl grey lavender tea concoction that tasted neither of earl grey nor lavender. It was still delicious tho. It was also a very expensive afternoon treat (20 bucks!). But oh my, that confection was HEAVENLY.

I also did buy a couple of Cinnabons - well, BIKSS bought them to placate me after I got upset that the lady at the restaurant made a boo-boo when I was paying with my phone... she brought her silly handheld machine to my phone BEFORE I could toggle to the card I wanted to use. I mean, GO AWAY and let ME bring my card to YOU. Pfft. I was grumbling. I saw the shop. We stopped in. And I could see the excitement in his eyes at the opportunity to buy me some pacification by way of a sweet treat. 

"If I said I was still upset would you buy me more treats?"

"Uh-huh, for sure. What would you like?" 

LOL.

There's a music studio INSIDE H&M!

There's a cafe in H&M too. Seems there are cafes EVERYWHERE in BKK.

More shopping. Beauty haul. Got a foundation stick (not so great, so I'm glad I didn't pay FULL price for it which I would have if I'd gotten it back home). Tweezers and little scissors for beauty needs. A whole bunch of perfumes from a Thai perfume brand called Butterfly - they have a permanent booth in one of the marketplace areas of the mall and it was crazy packed. I'll admit, that was the only reason I wandered over to take a look - to see what all the fuss was about. Got BIKSS one too, and they gave some tiny samples. Picked up a bottle of lemongrass and mint essential oil blend - heavenly! And mixed nuts for half what I have to pay for them back home.

Very informative labelling on their cooking oils.

Dinner at Beer Republic on the ground floor of the adjacent Holiday Inn Hotel - the top left photo is a baked tandoori-seasoned cauliflower covered in some kind of yoghurt based dressing. And served with a knife stabbed into it! The chicken quesadillas had a crispy shell, almost like a deep-fried roti. Very delicious.

Fried vermicelli with crab and water mimosa. Tastes like kangkong (aka water spinach) if you ask me. That's green curry in the background. And we actually DID have stir fried kangkong too. That spoon tho, was absolutely perfect as a serving spoon. It really did the job! Looks like the bigger brother of what we used to get in the old days back home for tiny dessert spoons.

(This is a picture from Ebay - under Vintage Old Chinese Metal Spoon)

THIS dessert was NOT $20. Krispy Kreme had an Ovaltine thing going on and the lady recommended this from the 3 offerings they had on display. I was not disappointed. Cream covered Ovaltine glazed donut with mascaporne cream filling. 5 bucks, Thai milk tea included.

(Ovaltine Krispy Kremes)

Part of our Siam Paragon Food Court dinner. We traipsed over to the slightly farther away (20min walk) Siam Paragon cos the food court there is somewhat legendary. BIKSS had never been and he was pretty impressed by what it had to offer. We found a table and I sent him off to "find interesting food". 

He came back with moo ping (have I mentioned it's a favourite of mine?) and crab meat rolls (also something I enjoy tremendously!). Clever man. And that green dipping sauce? I got me a bottle of that from the supermarket too. Spicy, savoury, sweet and sour all rolled into one. Absolutely perfect!

While looking up the internet for a description / wiki page on crab meat rolls I learned they're actually called Crab Jujubes or Hoi Jo. Which sounds similar to what we call them at home - Hey Cho. I just didn't know they were called Jujubes!

After some dumplings and a layered pasta and cheese dish (that felt like it was supposed to be lasagna but wasn't - still delicious tho) I sent BIKSS off to get a banana crepe. I saw the sign as I went past the shop, but I didn't LOOK at what their version of a banana crepe actually was. I imagined slices of banana in a rolled up crepe. With a dollop of cream. I was wrong. As BIKSS said "There's enough cream in there to paint a house". I am wont to agree. Still, we DID finish the lot! LOL. Diet be damned.

(Assorted dumplings with chive, yam, bamboo shoot and turnip fillings)

Squares of 'Decepticon' lasagna with various toppings. It's meat + tomato sauce ala lasagna, but instead of layers of lasagna, it's layers of mozarella sheets, and between them, more meat, veggies, and at least one layer of fusilli.

We saw these WAY after we had finished dinner and while I desperately wanted to try some, I was too full of banana crepe cream. Originally a Japanese pancake, the okonomiyaki sold here are covered in a variety of delicious toppings and set on a stick for portable eating. Oh, but don't you fret. I'm coming back for you! 

(CLICK HERE if you'd like to watch a half an hour Youtube review - not by me - of said food court)

Then there was the fluffy pancake that was magic on a plate. Ricotta pancakes are the best thing since sliced bread, I'm telling you. It's the first time I've had a chance to try some, and I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED. I console myself by believing there's more protein in them cheesy clouds of bliss than in a regular pancake plate. Check out more pics on Instagram.

I think ours was a macadamia and vanilla sauce with mango topping.

And that's that. I don't think I did anything else besides eat and shop. And have some fun times in the room with BIKSS. The PERFECT getaway imho!

(Yes, I'm sure you put on a couple of pounds just looking at those pics!)

The Trouble with Men

Is that they screw up. And then what am I left with? A broken heart? Nay. An unsafe one. That's the outcome of our most recent squabble. He did a stupid thing. A repeated stupid thing. One that I've already worked out a solution for, but would he do me the favour of just doing it the way I've asked? Nope. Cos in his head his way MAY still be the better way. Perhaps this time his way will work. Well it wasn't, it didn't, and a massive screw up followed. 

That's been sorted by now. But for the first time in a decade, I told him, my heart felt unsafe. How do I know this isn't going to happen again? It's happened before and it happened again, despite his saying in the past it wouldn't. Am I to be resigned to a rinse and repeat situation for the rest of my life?

Long story short, he assures me that it won't happen again, perhaps because this is the first time I've ever said I don't feel safe anymore. And that made him sit up. So we'll see. Do I wish it didn't have to come to that? Yes. But it did. So it did.

But this is just to say that the same shit can happen again and again, and with each working out of the mess that ensues, something may change. Sometimes a big thing. Sometimes a small one. But we just keep moving forward. That's all we can do. 

And just cause you've sorted out a mess, it doesn't mean it won't happen again. Frustrating, but true. 

Meanwhile, here are pictures of our most recent dinners - because what else can I write about on this non-R-rated blog. Pfft. 

Fried yam ring with scallop in the middle. 

Various dim sum dishes. 

This was had at a dim sum restaurant that was offering its bestsellers at 50% off as part of their anniversary special. Who doesn't love 50% off dim sum?!

Doesn't look like much but this butter chicken shakshuka was very delicious! 

Thats a wagyu burger. I think waygu is wasted on a burger. 

This was had last week when I was in town to see my jeweller. We looked for a quiet-ish restaurant because it was a Friday and the masses were out and about. The crowd was ridiculous. Ended up at a farm to table Australian place. Not bad, but very expensive.

Barramundi with a side of lotus root and artichoke. Soaked and baked in a medley of Mediterranean flavours, olives and all.

A friend recommended the pancake stack but the dessert version sounded way too sweet for my liking. We ordered the fish and chips with pancakes instead. I really liked the maple syrup. 

I'm going to sign off abruptly now because Blogger seems to be editing my words. Like I'll type something and then it'll just change magically to some other word. So before I lose the entire post, I shall take my leave.

A Girlfriend's Job and Mooncakes Etc

I am glad I haven't been so wrapped up that I haven't noticed something being up with BIKSS lately. This girl's still got her mojo!

I think I might have sensed something a couple of weeks ago but didn't say anything till I was a bit more certain and we had the time to chat about stuff if it really was something. 

Or maybe I have been so wrapped up in my stuff that I didn't notice till I got out of mum-sitting jail. 

He was surprised I asked if anything was bothering him / stressing him out / on his mind cos it kinda came out of nowhere. And to be fair he really does keep everything under wraps quite well. I think it's more of a vibe than any actual difference in his mood or behaviour. As I said to him, well, if I'm right, then I'm just THAT astute. And if I'm not, then just put it down to my being over sensitive and having an active imagination. Then you're astute, he replied.

Anyway, we managed to have a bit of a conversation about what was on his mind - work related stuff - and I'm glad it's not anything TOO serious. Yet. 

I think it was a meaningful way to end a lovely day out together across the border shopping for mooncakes. 

We got - Hello Kitty snowskin avocado and chocolate (top right), chocolate and walnut (top left), baked skin custard with lava egg yolk (bottom middle), flaky pastry yam with egg yolk (bottom left), and of course, some snowskin durian (bottom right). Yup. No actual traditional mooncakes for me, cos really, I don't particularly like them. I prefer the variations TYVM!

Lunch was at our favourite Japanese place - 

Soft shelled crab salad

Beef crepes

Wasabi mayo prawns

And some sashimi

We had some time to kill after shopping since it was too early for dinner so we popped into a hotel for a quickie and a lie down and cuddle. As we were leaving BIKSS mentioned he liked the view so I took a pic. I think it just happened to be nicely backlit somehow. Don't know where the light was coming from, but it was beautiful.

Dinner was a quick 4-topping pizza at a new Italian place we discovered earlier on this week - we ate at their other outlet and decided to try this one yesterday... but it was crowded and noisy and I think we'll be sticking to that first one from now on. 

Tuesday's dinner - 

Grilled veggies / spinach and ricotta pizza / tiramisu

Yesterday's pizza - 

Spianch / meatballs / artichoke / ham

And now I shall resume my watching of The L Word Generation Q!

Happy Mid Autumn Festival! (I shall leave you with a picture of a pretty box of mooncakes that was gifted to me by some ex-colleagues - the hotels charge an arm and a leg for packaging I swear! This is why we don't buy ours locally. It's way cheaper - we're talking 1/3 the price - across the border!)

Not Just Clothes on Shein and All Sorts of Pain + a PS

Two totally unrelated topics, I know. But I just had to tell you this. 

Last Friday when I was in bed with a sore foot, I actually was quite naughty asking BIKSS if he had given any thought as to how we could have sex despite the inconvenience! LOL. He said no, but I admitted that I was thinking about it. Haha. The sex was good sex, with a round two blowjob after. But the thing that made it super hot that night was that we played with our crop, on my boobs, on my thighs, on my pussy (WITH undies on).. and then because it was a bit noisy we went and got the cane instead. On my boobs, on my thighs, on my pussy (still with undies on)...  and then he used it on my face... just a tap, enough to sting but no serious lashings. I loved it. Can I just say (again) I really love the cane? 

And we talked a bit about him inflicting pain. In the past he always maintained that he only enjoyed it because he could see how much I  enjoyed receiving the pain. But then pain in itself doesn't turn me on. It's submitting to his pain that does. But if he doesn't want to inflict said pain, then am I submitting to something he wants in the first place? And by the same roundabout theory, if I don't ENJOY the pain for the pain itself, then why bother causing it? HAHA. OK. Anyway, I've been trying to work this out for the longest time, but recently when I've asked him the same question, he's gotten more and more comfortable with the idea that he enjoys hurting me. He does enjoy inflicting pain, he admits. Well then, that's that dilemma solved, I say. 

And he loves to inflict pain on my nipples because I "react" he says. Well, ok, I do like the pinching and twisting BEFORE sex. Or DURING. It really is a magic button. Heh.

But the other thing about nipples... I wrote something about it at the beginning of this blog, I can't remember where (and I've spent too much time trying to look for it, in vain) - one of my exes, wait maybe 2, used to do this thing where they'd sit next to me and cross their arms and use their fingers, hidden under the other arm, to reach across and fiddle with my nipples. I didn't like it. It used to annoy me. Even worse was that I'd told them so but they didn't respect my wishes for it to stop, instead they both insisted "But no one can see... ". But that wasn't the point was it? Pffft. 

So when BIKSS started doing that (IN BED, IN BED, in the privacy of the bedroom because he's a stickler for proper behaviour in public, right down to covering a yawn - yes I get told off every single time, and not with the fondness of a lover but with the sternness of an authoritarian!) I initially flinched and told him that it made me feel cheap and like a piece of meat. 

He reassured me that 1) I'm his sub and he will touch me where he pleases, 2) he only wants to touch my nipples because he loves how they feel in his hands, and he enjoys touching my body in general, 3) that every time he touches them he'll remind me of number 2. And for the most part he has, in the beginning anyway. But I realised that I must have learnt this lesson some time ago, cos I would somehow make mention of it before he did. And that night wasn't any different. 

"I don't like it, but I like it you know?" I told him. "I mean, I'm still not thrilled at having my nipples twiddled with just lying here and hanging out together, but I *do* like that you do it anyway because it reminds me that I'm submitting to you." 

"I know," he said simply. 

And now, on that nipply note, I found these on Shein as I was looking for some white tees for my cousin, since it was free-shipping-day. OK, admittedly they didn't appear out of nowhere. I was searching for nipple covers. And THEN they popped up! (And yes, they sell nipple covers too!)

And since they were so cheap ($3 bucks each, local ccy) I got them both before BIKSS answered my question of "Which one do you think I should get". His answer was also "Ooh, both".

But while I was there, on the "body jewellery" page, I found some other things :

Pretty things no? One doesn't have to only shop the VS site for such things no more.

And then I saw they had a "personal care" section under BEAUTY so I went browsing.... and compiled this bunch of pictures. Wanna play? I'm going to have them numbered... and if you like you can write down what you think they are in the comments below! (Some of them are pretty easy, but others may be less commonly seen in your part of the world.)

And with that I shall bid you all a Happy Week Ahead!

My mood pic today ~

ANOTHER HUGE PS - The announcement this time -  Bleue's blog is back up! And if you already knew this, I'm sorry. I'm kinda late to the party. Thank goodness she popped by yesterday to leave a comment here. Go visit, or make a new friend. Her "about" page is linked here. 

The One Day I Got Horny (4)

PART ONE IS HERE

PART TWO IS HERE

PART THREE IS HERE


It was 10 minutes of fucking with, literally, no end in sight. For him, I mean. I knew at some point he would tire and withdraw... but for now he would pound into me until he decided he was done. 

He had just had a cum and it was too soon for another. That didn't stop him from getting hard enough to penetrate me tho. He likes me on my front, so I can squeeze his cock with my butt cheeks. He likes that a lot, and if it wasn't for the fact that he had just cum 10 minutes ago he would surely have fired his load by now. 

He flips us both on our sides and is still fucking me. Hand tight around my neck, then a finger in my mouth. I automatically suck on it. It's never been any rule or protocol, the sucking, cleaning up, or anything like that. But I do it instinctively. I know he enjoys it. When Roger drips his last vestiges of cum as we're cuddling he'll draw my attention to it. "He's dripping," he'll say. I think in the beginning he expected me to procure a tissue to mop it up, but I have always preferred sucking / licking him clean. Too much oral attention, tho, and he starts making those "dangerous" noises again... the ones that signal his desire building. 

I digress. 

Sucking. I suck on his finger, he enjoys it, I can tell. He gets harder inside me. 

----

Eventually when we're snuggling together we talk about what's been going on around Blogland. I tell him about the search for quieter implements. And we start experimenting. 

A hand or belt is definitely going to make some very distinct noises. What about the flogger that Fiona gave us? We pull open the drawer and he stands over it, naked, arms akimbo, surveying all the weapons he has at his disposal. 

He tries the flogger (it's a lovely turqoise one, made by the equally lovely Conina) but it makes a kind of swooshy splat. The Christmas paddle (was that almost 9 years ago??) is a definite no. That's one noisy fucker. We don't even bother to test it out. And I'm not the biggest fan of how it feels either. It's mostly a sentimental implement.  

"I know," he proclaims. He pulls out the dog training stick... I don't know why they call it that, or how it's used to train animals... but I have one, and we've used it before, but not for animal training, you would have guessed. The black spade shaped thing at the end had been pulled off long ago, cos we wanted it for a cane-like implement more than a paddle-y one. 

It kinda works I suppose. It has a muffled thuddy whack rather than a splat. But it's heavy and would definitely bruise - not in a good way either. 

"Daddy, try the cane. I don't think it will be too loud... " I ask hopefully. 

BIKSS is sure it would make a tell-tale noise.

Hm... unless...

He picks up the sturdier one and gets to work on my ass with light (but pretty rapid and constant) tappety taps. 

I dare say the "drumming" he does with that cane feels quite comforting. A nice warm glow starts to spread over my bum and I relax into the pillows... 

Ever so often he adds some weight to a stroke and I'm surprised by the sting. But that's what makes it so lovely - that I never know what's coming next. 

tap tap tap TAP tap TAp tap TAP Tap tap tap tap tap tap THWACK tap tap ... you get the idea. 

He's done. And I'm rubbing and we're talking some more.

"I only asked for 2 stripes, spaced out... so that it won't sound like I'm getting whacked in here. That was NOT what I had in mind." I giggle. 

He laughs and goes to get the cane to try again. 

But he doesn't do the 2 swishes this time either. More tappety taps. I think they are his warm ups (and by that I mean a warm-up for himself, not for my bum) and then after about 8-10 taps he lets a heavy one drop. And he continues like this for a fair bit.

It's still nowhere as ouchy as I know he's given it before... and we start talking about percentages. What amount of force he's using, what level of pain I'm feeling... we're nothing if not communicative. 

After a debrief of sorts and just as it's about time for us to call it a night he picks up the cane again and is determined to give his girl what she asked for. 

2. That's what I had said earlier. And so that's what I got. 

And then another 2. 

Good golly. The man has some serious trouble with counting, methinks. 

We tumble about and I tease him about that. "Those were nice ones, but I probably could handle a bit more, you know, since we're talking about what you imagine the pain to be versus how much force you're using." 

"Well, we could definitely give it a go the next time, if you want. I could use more force. Give you harder strokes. Or more in number. IF you want me to.... DO you want me to?"

I bite my lip. If there's one lesson I HAVE learned over these years, it's be careful what you wish for.

There's a twinkle in his eye. He fully intends to use whatever I say next against me... I know the way his brain works. 

"How about, um, we'll see what happens, and um, let's just not commit to anything right now ok?"

He laughs. Crisis averted. For now, anyway.

And now I hope you enjoy these vignettes. Compliments are always welcome. 😜 (Because I'm shameless!)

5 mins post-caning

Lone stripe the morning after

Faded to a mere shadow by the second morning

THE END

Discussions and Mindsets - What about the Pre-Spanking Psyche?

There has been a lot of activity at Morningstar's place lately and if you haven't been there to visit and join the chat yet, I encourage you to head over there and join the discussion.

We talk about aftercare a lot. But what about the "before-a-spanking"?

First the gist of the event:

Last Monday I got into a bit of a tiff with BIKSS over something that I shan't dive into in detail because, really, it was just one of those relationship things that happens from time to time. 

Suffice it to say that I was disappointed at something but eventually found time to communicate to him that it wasn't so much the thing itself (because his logic for the decision was very sound) but that his delivery of it made me feel, well, pretty sucky. (Plus, Mondays are always busy days for me at work and that is probably the WORST time in the world to give me 'bad' news.)

Eventually he got round to explaining the reason for his 'something' and I understood why he did it. I can't say I'm pleased with the situation or that it doesn't bug me, but I don't blame him. And that's an important distinction, for me at least. 

Which brings me to the discussion about aftercare. While we all know that for the spankee it is so, so crucial in reinforcing that feeling of being cherished and loved and knowing that we (for I am of the spankee species) are safe and not just a thing to be smacked around (unless that's your thing, but this isn't what I'm talking about here...), BIKSS has also shared with me that as a spanker, he finds that engaging in aftercare is reassuring for him, in that my accepting it lets him know that I'm not going to suddenly turn around and scream abuse, or as I said on Morningstar's blog, that *this* is not the straw that's going to break the kinky camel's back. 

I'm not sure I'm doing a terribly fabulous job of explaining this, but I hope you get what I'm trying to say: that after every 'rough' session (whether it's impact play, bondage, whatever) there is a fear that the spankee may feel ashamed / afraid / turned off / pushed beyond limits to the point that she (or he, but I'll just use she) calls it quits. And the closeness and loving that comes from/during aftercare provides reassurance to not just the spankee but the spanker as well. 

And now that we have THAT sorted, the event on Monday got me thinking about the Before-a-Spank too. Given that I was feeling miffed and upset and disappointed earlier in the day, I don't think it would have been a good idea to just jump into a spanking session, even if for play/fun, despite the fact that I might have come across as being back to my normal self. 

Wait, I have so many thoughts jumping around in my head right now, I'm going to try and put them here in as organised a fashion as I possibly can. But you will forgive me if it comes out a bit jumbled.

1 - I KNOW in my brain that I have nothing to be upset with him about. 

2 - BUT knowing in your brain doesn't mean the rest of your 'mood' automatically gets updated and synced to line up with your brain.

3 - Fake it till you make it is a thing for me. When I know I shouldn't be pulling a long face and being morose, especially if it means ruining whatever time we'll be spending together, I try to put on a brave front and focus on the positive things rather than be moody. I don't think of it as 'pretending' per se, just making a conscious effort to be un-gloomy, for that never did anyone any good - and I don't want to end up with an evening spent on grouch island. ESPECIALLY when I know at some point the rest of me will catch up with my brain and be over it. 

4 - BUT sometimes this means that I look normal and fine and if the opportunity presents itself we might end up with some sexy playtime.

5 - If sexy playtime is too soon after the emotional impact of the bad 'thing' affecting me then it is almost inevitable that I end up feeling even worse than before. 

6 - Which is why knowing oneself is super super important, and being able to communicate oneself's feelings to one's other half is probably even MORE important. And sometimes I just say - "I don't feel up to it, and I may or may not know why I'm feeling this way, but I'm not ready to talk about it or I don't know how to put it in words to tell you about it yet."

7 - This sometimes gets the conversation re-started. It's not unheard of for a tiff to appear to have been sorted out, only to discover later on during one of these talks that there was more to it than either of us thought. 

8 - THESE are the kinds of Pre-Spank-Psyche checks that I sometimes think are just as, if not more, important than aftercare. 

For if either party isn't completely honest with themselves and their partner in terms of how they're feeling about something that happened, or the other person's attitude or behaviour, or something that they did that hurt you, then I can only imagine the kind of damage that could be done to one's feelings / spirit / soul / heart... call it what you will. 

9 - Sometimes the conversation doesn't get re-started right away, but we spend time cuddling or he holds me and we just let our (read: my) feelings settle down a bit in a safe and reassuring space.

10 - These quiet hold-me-close moments tell me I'm important, and how I'm feeling is valid, and if I need him to just be with me then that's what he'll do, without needing any further explanation. 

To ignore one's feelings or dismiss them as nothing, or be told that one is over-reacting can stir up all sorts of feelings of mistrust, resentment, all that nasty stuff. And I don't think there is any reason to inflict that kind of pain on yourself or your partner.

I mean, in my opinion, the only thing that should hurt from all of this is your butt!

My mood pic today ~ 

More Dinner Adventures and Sneaking Into My House

First of all, I apologise for the typos in the last post. Clearly I cannot spell RECLAMATION cos twice there were spelling errors. This has now been corrected. Geez.

Also, I got hold of a pic of BIKSS wearing his new shoes - 

They actually look a little darker IRL which works out great. It suits him.

And now, on to Friday night adventures!

It was date night. 

We didn't make a plan. So BIKSS came to get me and we were meant to have Italian at a new place thanks to the discount app we love. But traffic was mad and there was no way we were going to get there in time. And then while looking for a place in the car as he was driving around I got a bit whiny cos "this is what happens when we don't plan ahead" and he kept a little quiet - I know he was trying to hold it in and not holler at me... and so eventually we found a place not too far away... and as we were driving there I said Sorry Daddy and he said for what? And I said for getting pissy. And he chuckled and kissed my hand. 

"That's the trick, you know... "

"What is?"

"Saying sorry and being cute... "

"It is, is it?"

"Yup. If the mood gets bad and I just say Sorry Daddy and be all cute-like, you get soft and mushy and not be mad at me anymore." 

"Hm." 

But it really is. And it's not all bad and manipulative. I mean, if the point is to just sort out the emotions and not hold grudges and move on with the evening, then it works right? And whatever works, works. It's all good. 

We went to a social enterprise type cafe/restaurant that was in a residential part of somewhere-we-never-go-to which helps up-and-coming chefs by giving them a place to showcase their menu / cooking style, and from what I saw, they also hire wait staff who are slightly developmentally challenged. (Is that politically correct? I hope I don't offend anyone...)

This, in fact, makes me want to support the establishment, as I do believe that everyone deserves a chance to live normal, productive lives and be functional, contributing members of society. Many are able to do so, but the stigma remains and a lot of companies tend not to hire persons who are not "typically normal". Which is a real shame. 

Anyway. We tried some of their house specials - and as usual, couldn't finish our food... but here's dinner! We had a salad with sous vide egg, fried battered egg plant (aubergine) with chicken floss, and the best mash potato I've ever tasted. I typically stay away from potatoes but decided to try theirs cos it got super rave reviews. We weren't disappointed!

  

As we were ploughing through our salad and starters we both realised that we wouldn't be able to finish our pork knuckle. True enough it was a monster chunk of meat with a substantial amount of delicious crackling!

The potato wedges were well seasoned, and the dish came with two sauces - a western style brown sauce and an asian garlic-chilli-lime dip. Both were good, and BIKSS ended up dipping everything in BOTH sauces. By the end of dinner we had mixed them both up into a combination sauce!

I wore my camo tee to dinner, and happened to be sitting under a huge ass money plant.. so we ended up playing with the whole camo idea. I totally needed to show you this mega leaf that had been bopping into my head all thru dinner. It was larger than my face. 

And then he suggested I hide behind the plant. LOL. 

It's one of the things I like about BIKSS... he'll totally play with me! 

And that was my camo tee in action!

After dinner we decided to walk off the calories so BIKSS drove to a reservoir park. There was a cool breeze, it was quiet and romantic, and it would have been a perfect evening for a walk if my stomach hadn't decided to do a number on me. We sat down for a bit while I waited for the discomfort to pass. It did, then it didn't. It was insistent and I started getting spasms in my gut so we abandoned our walk and drove home. 

When we got to my estate he said "Gimme a kiss, quick, then you can run off home and go to the loo." That's when I said, "You know, if you don't mind that I will probably be spending some time in the toilet so you'll have to entertain yourself in the meantime, you *could* sneak into my room cos mum will be asleep by now and she typically doesn't wake up in the middle of the night." 

So sneak in he did. LOL. After I was done with the bathroom we cuddled and chatted and I watched him play a game on his fone which fascinates me cos my brain just can't do what it takes to solve the puzzles.

"Do you feel like a 15 year old sneaking into his girlfriend's bedroom?"

"No, I feel like a 50 year old sneaking into his girlfriend's bedroom... Wait. I *AM* a 50 year old sneaking into his girlfriend's bedroom!" 

And yes. He's almost 50. BIKSS will be turning the big 5-oh on Monday. 

And we'll be celebrating that on Tuesday I think, probably dinner, and then a play on the Friday following! 

I'll update :)