Rules, Rituals, Protocols... Let's Call the Whole Thing... TTWD

It has been too many years since we had an actual discussion about our roles and why we do the thing we do, what it means to us, how our actions translate to meaning in our heads. 

I am glad that after just a day of exploring this topic I'm less muddled than I was yesterday.  

When I read BDSM or D/s websites about rules and rituals my thoughts yoyo from "that's unnecessary and obvious" to "he wants her to do WHAT now? That's WAY out!" 

But I also recognise that there is no one size fits all when it comes to TTWD, and what works for some won't work for others. And what works for us is also always changing... or something we propose doesn't 'take'... till later on, or never.  LOL

What are you saying, girl?

I'm sorry, as is often the case I try to gather my thoughts WHILE I'm writing and sometimes it doesn't bode well for the reader. 

So we now have plan, and it may be because life situations are different, or experiences have been had, or years have passed, but as I said to BIKSS, maybe it just took me 9 years to be ready for Daddy Rules (and rituals, and protocols, and commands... and whatever else you may call them). 

The Good Morning Text (Recently resurrected)

What does the morning text do for us? It reinforces our roles, and it makes him happy to see my messages waiting for him when he wakes up. (He looks forward to seeing it every morning -first thing he checks, he says.) It puts me in a more tethered space, and helps me focus on US because a lot of the time after a long period of not seeing each other my brain goes off on a tangent and I start to doubt and worry and, well... you know what I mean. Knowing that I'm doing something that pleases him reassures me in some kind of reverse psychology way that he's still keen on me, on us. 

It lets him know that I'm up and about - this is possibly more relevant on weekends as I sometimes REALLY sleep in. Plus - it immediately lets him know if anything is up with me - eg. if I didn't wake up on time, was I unwell? Or if I was feeling under the weather or needed to get to a doctor this would be a good time to let him know and he would have gotten a heads up early in the day.  

The Good Night Text (never explicitly talked about because it came about very organically)

We use our own special made up word and the exchange follows a pretty standard 'form' with stickers and emojis... and our final sign off is the same without fail every single night. I must say, I do love our goodnight ritual.

Kiss Daddy's Hand (Already in place)

Whenever he comes by to pick me up, I get into the car and kiss his hand. It started out as a way to greet him, affectionately, since it's not always possible to lean over and kiss him properly as he's driving off. Of course, if the car is still stationary after I'm belted up then I DO kiss him on the lips. But I enjoy kissing his hand. For him, it's a sign of my affection, an emotional connection. 

For me, it's reverence. His hand is the seat of his power. It spanks me, holds me, comforts me, peels away my layers, supports me and protects my heart. His hand, to me, is all of him. All that he does, and all that he is to me.

Report all cums and Send a pic as far as possible (Recently resurrected)

Why? Cos he can. It's ownership, he says. Cos he wants to know when I play with his pussy. Even tho he's not physically present when I masturbate, he wants to know he's part of the process since I will be thinking of him when I take a pic and also when I'm reporting it after. But we did agree that the pic isn't compulsory. 

And when will it NOT be possible? LOL. I'm glad I negotiated this bit, and quite elegantly IMO, as I have been known to be desperate enough to employ a water spray at my workplace loo to satisfy a craving. And when it's the time of the month and I don't want to dirty my toys, the shower is a wonderful place to get myself off - I have a shower head with an adjustable spray. The perfect clean-as-you-cum system! These would not be opportune times to take a picture as I am quite paranoid of dropping my phone into inconvenient wet zones, if you know what I mean.

Oh, also, he says cos he's pervy and he enjoys seeing pics of my pussy.

This one seems to be all for him. What do I get out of it? Knowing that I'm submitting to his desires. And that's good enough for me. 

(In the same vein, I will also report / send a pic each time I play with an insertable ie. plug or dildo.)

Single-word-commands (Already in place) 

These have been around since the dawn of time and are instinctive and automatic. I don't think, I just do. 

Spread (legs, obviously... in bed, in the car, wherever, and whenever)

Present (all fours, head down, arms stretched above my head... in private only)

Strip (self-explanatory)

Turn (usually from a supine to prone position if we're in bed, but sometimes after a shower so that he can dry my hair *giggle*)

Kneel (is it blowjob time??? Hurray!)

As far as submission goes, the single-word-command has pride of place for me. It never fails to remind me of our roles. 

My mood pic today ~

Rituals

Come one come all. Tell me what your rituals are. If they are situation-specific, or if you have daily fixed-time ones. 

BIKSS reminded me that in the past we had agreed that I would text him first thing in the morning when I woke up. Somehow I'd forgotten (obviously I don't always do this... hence, the 'forgotten' part) and often I find myself - being not a natural early riser - scuttling out of bed in a stupor and barely making it to the bathroom for a shower before my brain is even half awake. Usually I get thru my morning routine on autopilot, barely registering anything before I groggily get some coffee into me. 

By the time I have half a clue what's going on around me I'm out the door and brisk-walking to catch the bus. During said walk I check my bus app and if I have to rush then it's a half-run to make it up the "arriving soon" bus. But if I have a few minutes before it gets to me THEN I flick open my chat app as I stroll to my bus stop and wish him good morning. Or else I'm on the bus by the time I get round to doing so. Sometimes I'm there first, at other times, there's a message from BIKSS already waiting for me. 

It sounds terribly dawdle-y of me, I know. And he's been really sweet about not bringing this up. Till I asked about rituals. (Hence the reminder...) He recognises that I'm not a morning person AND also that with having the mother here, my time is not always all my own. 

Still, I can totally do this, you know. If I flip my app open while I'm still IN bed I can definitely get that Good Morning thru to him before I even get OUT of bed and start my autopilot morning routine. 

While chatting this afternoon he reminded me about another. When I was lamenting 'bout how it was that I don't remember this good morning thing...  "Remember telling me every time u had a cum" he said. 

Oops. That one I DO remember. And over time I felt like it didn't matter... or that he wasn't interested... 

It used to be that every cum was announced, and accompanied by a pic. 

I just figured it would get boring for him to see the same photo again and again, and sometimes all I wanted was a quick get-off yanno? Having to send a pic felt like I had to make special effort to change angles, use a different toy, find a new position... blah blah. 

We're heading out to exercise (walk) later... and I should definitely want to discuss this further. Hopefully I'll be able to better understand what he gets out of it, as that usually helps me stick to doing something. 

As I write that I realise it doesn't sound very subby... ie. needing to make sense of something my Dom wants... when, you know, the only reason I really *should* need is 'Cos He Said So. I suppose I'm just not wired that way! LOL. 

But on the other hand, having now written that out, I think if we had a discussion about why he wanted me to send a pic of myself each time I had a cum, and if the reason he gave me was 'Cos I Say So, well, that would make me feel subby enough to comply. 

I think my brain needs a bit of sorting out. See you tomorrow... hopefully I'll have worked it out by then.

My mood pic today ~ 

Surfing Horny And Shower Time Squats

Here's a video I sent to BIKSS on Saturday night. Because, yes, I was still feeling horny and surfing the web took me to all sorts of interesting places. 

Orgasmic Meditation. Some of you have probably heard of it. I hadn't until now. And while I don't think you should support the company that runs the workshops (I don't know if they're still operational), the idea of having someone stroke your clit for 15 mins with no pressure to climax from it sounds simply amazing. Daddy said we'd try it tonight. Hurray!

And I thought I would look up edging too, since that's what I've been doing in the shower. Argh. And for the record, if BIKSS hadn't said NO orgasms till tonight (but that I was still supposed to touch myself whenever I felt needy) I would have totally thrown this whole edging thing out the window too. I want a cum soooo badly!

Instead, I've been doing Plié squats while holding the shower head in front of my clit. Do I sound desperate? Cos I feel desperate. Don't laugh. But I'm pretty sure I've built up some muscles in my quads and glutes. You should totally try this if you want to exercise and improve muscle tone in your legs and butt, but don't want to go to the gym. So what you do is, you get in the shower, find a nice pressure setting on your shower head, hold it in one hand resting that against your inner thigh, with the water pointing at your pussy, then experiment with different positions. You could hold a Plié position, or you could move up and down. Or you could do pulses. The choice is yours. Here's an article with a gif. that shows you exactly how it's done - I don't do it on tiptoe... but you could if you're strong enough. As it is my legs are killing me. Now practise that in the shower with running water flowing over your clit. Exercise has never been so pleasurable. 

This gif. shows a complete down/up squat, not just a pulse. You could do it this way too. The opening  and closing of the labia as you bend and straighten your legs really does a number on how that jet of water feels on your clit! Almost like experimenting with different patterns / settings on a vibrator.

Inner thighs of steel, here we come!

But oh crap - now my muscles are aching so badly I'm totally gonna suffer during play time tonight. I hope BIKSS doesn't have me hold some weird position or I'm really going to be paying for all those shower-head sessions over the no-cum weekend. 

I take my hat off to every sub whose dynamic involves some sort of orgasm denial + edging combination. This whole exercise has been so effective in keeping me in that submissive mindset. I've been thinking of nothing else but sex and my pussy has been in a perpetual wet or semi-wet state this whole time, so I can appreciate how such a rule might ensure a sub is *always* ready for use.

If you're not quite ready to add this to your dynamic full time (cos I sure as hell am NOT), try it out for a couple of days before a scheduled play session, and enjoy the anticipation! 

Please leave a comment...

If you are in such a dynamic - HOW on earth do you cope with the frustration? Does it keep you in a submissive mindset or do you rebel against this imposition? 

And if you're not - do you think this is something you might want to try? Why or why not? 

Feeding (and getting) Dominance through Submission

First some facts - 

1) Orgasm denial is NOT a thing we do. BIKSS is always happy for me to climax, either with him, or on my own. 

2) To do this, I employ a vibrator because that's just the way I roll. 

3) The more regularly I cum, the more difficult it is for me to have the next one. And this isn't just about having multiple cums on the same day, or during the same session. In my experience, it's a whole lot easier to have a cum if I haven't had one in the last couple of days. Daily orgasms only ensure more tired muscles and taking a longer time to achieve climax the next time I try. 

And now to our story. 

Which begins when BIKSS was still on his worktrip. 

I had been feeling particularly horny, as I've mentioned in recent posts. And I think that's because it's the first week after my period which is always a horny time for me, in addition to having a lot less stress in terms of worry about the parents *AND* having made a decision to take a break from choir for a while. 

And we all know that when Fondles is stressed everything goes haywire. Libido included. So when the stress is lifted... it's all systems go! 

I shared some gifs with BIKSS on his second last day away, as I was being particularly playful. And I mean, teasing him is always good fun! 

Along my travels around the web I came across a bunch of "how to be a good submissive" type of articles and blogs. And that got me thinking about our own dynamic. I float in and out of submission - when everything is stable in my life, I crave more D/s. When things are crappy all thoughts of D/s are out the window. 

That I'm thinking about submission now is a good sign if I'm using that to measure my emotional and mental state. And boy did I feel like I needed him to be a Dom right now. 

For some, what I do might seem like topping from the bottom. But this sort of thing works for us because we're not quite a 24/7 TTWD couple. And I have loads to do on my own that BIKSS doesn't get involved with. So it's always useful for me to give him hints when I am able to handle a larger dose of Dominance. 

So what did I do? I sent him this.

Along with the words - my panties are wet. I had been stroking my clit thru my panties and it was getting me mega-ly turned on. 

And then I stupidly suggested that I would not have any more orgasms till I saw him on Monday.

He replies "Good idea. Wait till Monday." 

And of course that didn't stop me from continuing to touch myself, because, well, telling me to wait just made me hornier. But I didn't dare use the vibe, cos I was surely going to cum if I did. So fingers it is!

That rat! Hrmph. (I mean the sticker, not BIKSS!) And now whenever I'm feeling hot and bothered I'm supposed to touch myself more? I eventually got round to cleaning the house and then hopping into the shower. But I couldn't resist spraying my clit with delicious bursts of water from the shower head. I have been known to cum that way, so it was all I could do to stop myself whenever I got too close. 

Well. This is doing a marvelous job keeping me feeling submissive - and feeling owned. Especially since it's not a usual part of our dynamic. But then again, I *did* want more Dominance. 

Turning Into One of THEM

I had a pre-meltdown conversation with mum earlier. She doesn't drive me insane, no. More like dad drives her insane and then she complains to us kids and expects us to solve it. And when we give her options, she chooses not to exercise any of them. 

Anyway, this is NOT a post about that. 

What it is, is a post about my conversation via Skype with BIKSS after that. 

I told him that I was annoyed and pissed off and as the story flourished, perhaps so did my flowery language. 

Now, the use (or should I say, ban) of colourful words isn't a formalised item on our D/s agenda. I use the F word loads and he's never had a problem with it. But in my fit tonight I might have said something like "For F's sake it's none of his bl**dy business" and when I was done with that bit of ranting BIKSS came back with an adequately thoughtful reply - followed by "... and mind your language, however angry you are". 

Well, ok, I had to shelve that for a moment so that I could continue with my complaints, but after that I asked him why he made an issue of it. Since it never came up before. 

Apparently it's cos ordinarily I use it as an embellishment but here I was talking in reference to my parents and I guess he felt I was being disrespectful. 

"You know you're becoming one of THEM don't you?" I accused him. 

 I guess it was a matter of time... He wears this suit easily, His Dominance. 

Oh, and by THEM I mean the upstanding, responsible, integrity-filled Doms / HoH's who refuse to allow their subs to sink to disrespecting their families. *Mutter* After all, this was TOTALLY him. We never discussed putting this bit up for scrutiny in our dynamic. 

I suppose I should be rejoicing that he seems to be coming into his own as a Dom, doing what needs doing instinctively. I remember the days when I would suggest he did this, or asked me for that, or used a particular word. Hah! Those days are over, methinks. So to all the beginning-subs who are finding it frustrating that your Doms aren't doing what you want them to do, BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR! One day they'll get it. Ohhhh, one day they'll get it alright! 

(BIKSS is even now amused that it came so naturally for him to stop me at that point cos he felt I needed a reminder.) 

And while looking for a pic he sent me this:

The lesson that I'm meant to learn...

A New Rule and other Decisions

OK, it's official. He has now decided, because I'm hopeless about it otherwise, that bedtime is now a rule - 3am, with half an hour's grace. And I'm to be ASLEEP too - not just IN BED (and presumably rolling about with a book or an iphone game in hand).

This is very fair, I think. Any earlier and I'll probably wake up too early to make it through my last class properly (I usually end at 9). This isn't a new problem. For a while there he would remind me, and I would do it. But on the days he didn't tell me to get to bed early, I'd just stay up and fold the laundry and watch my movies and catch up on these highly addictive TV series - you know the ones... Leverage... White Collar... Merlin... I could go on and on.  

"What brought this on?" you might ask.  Um, well, I texted him this morning when I woke up at 10am. I had people coming over for lunch today so there was some light cooking to be done. And I was grouchy and complaining that I was feeling crazy tired. I knew he was gonna ask the moment I said that. 

What time did you sleep?

630

(he sends me an emote: the sideways-glance-unhappy-with-you-down-turned-mouth one)

What happened to 3?

What happened to 3? What's 3? 

Sleeping at 3.

I know what you mean... but I didn't know we set me a time. Did we?

(Ok, you caught me. Pfft. This whole exchange was just me playing at being innocent and ignorant and clueless. I never thought I'd be guilty of such a crime. Clearly I was wrong.)

No, but you KNOW sleeping late makes you tired (yes he CAPS-ed it!)

---Then there was some chit chat here about how it looked like I was getting better at going to bed earlier, and how I'd been doing a good job these last few months and of my own accord too, I admitted it was probably because when he says goodnight before he heads off to bed he'll say something like "don't sleep too late", or he'll ask me what time I'm planning to go to bed and that sort of makes me feel like I have to do it, cos I've committed to it. BUT when he doesn't ask or remind me, it all goes to hell. 

Just as sleeping late is bad for me, it's bad for you too. 

(On some days he has to be up by 530 so the night before I'll usually remind him when it's about 1am that he has to be up earlier than usual, and he'd better get to sleep.)

I'd much rather have you sleep early and wake up earlier - gives you more time to do stuff and doesn't screw with your sleep cycle, like when you have to wake up early for whatever.

Sigh, yeah. Like weekends, when I have to wake up early.

Or any other weekday when you have something to do.

(like today... he didn't say it, but I heard it!)

Is there anything you absolutely MUST do past 3 in the morning? 

no...I can sleep before 3...

Then it's a rule. Sleep before 3. With 30 mins leeway. So 3.30 latest - and not just in bed.

(Maybe if he were HERE to spank me and send me to bed, I'd be less reticent about sleeping earlier every night.)

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In other news, since my hair is no longer curly, but is, instead, long and straight, and in the wake of the recent post about ponytails and hair grabbing in public, PLUS his new-found expertise in using my hair as a handle when fucking my mouth, I asked him (very submissively) if I should now wear my hair in a ponytail when we go out, so that he has ready access to hair-tugging. 

No prizes for guessing his answer. Will update the Definitions page soon. 

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Personal decisions :

1) I'm quite done with alcohol - aside from the wine we have together. I think it's safe to say I'm giving up on whiskey. I had some last Saturday - one of my favourite ones too - Famous Grouse - and halfway thru my glass I felt a little sick and trying to finish it became a bit of a chore. So yeah. I haven't drunk in so long that I think I'm losing my taste for it. 

2) Be more vigilant with my skin care regime. He shouldn't have to settle for kissing sandpaper when he can have silken tofu. (He swears there's nothing wrong with my skin, but I KNOW DIFFERENT - I can feel it!)

3) Ask BIKSS how he would feel about my kneeling when we meet instead of just before he leaves. I think it would help both of us get into the zone much more easily. (I only put it down here cos I know he reads this blog, and I kept forgetting to mention it to him today!)

Right....