Audiobooks, Anniversary, Au Revoir, Ailments

Hello beautiful people in Blogland. 

I have been away from here for so long. Not because there isn't anything to write about, but because I've been so busy. 

CG1 is going back to visit her family for a month next week, so I've been helping with organising the tickets, the admin stuff (like re-entry permits, insurance for renewing employment permits, etc etc) and I've also been the one in charge of planning the last two trips to Kuching and Malacca so I have found myself in a heap of admin recently. 

Also, and perhaps the bigger reason why I haven't written as much, is because I have been hooked to my raunchy audiobooks. The Uptown Girls series is what I'm listening to right now. And there are plenty more such *ahem* "romantic" novels. I AM fussy about the narrator tho and will only listen to the ones read by Justine Eyre. 

That aside, we celebrated our 13th year at the beginning of this month. I can't believe what started out as a sorta kinda flingy thing has ended up the longest relationship of my life. It's not been without its fair share of fights and stressors, he's the stressor, then we fight. LOL 

Most recently we had another long discussion about the difference in the flow of information between us. I tell him everything and he tells me nothing. Why? We've worked out that it's a psychological, childhood trauma thing (he doesn't think anything he has to say will be a thing I would want to know... clearly he's no stranger to self-deprecating thinking), and after hashing it out over and over in various different permutations over the years, and most recently because I refused to just let it go and sweep it under the carpet and leave things alone (do we NEED more cliches?), I said we need to deal with this and find a solution or else it's going to be hanging over me like a storm cloud and I'll resent him for it as we move through the months to come. 

If I wanna know stuff, I could keep asking. But I wouldn't know what I don't know. Most recent example, the boys' trip to HK for the rugby 7s I thought he was going on ended up being a bunch of people, some he didn't know, two he met once, and his best friend, going to HK separately and with various combos of family (wife, solo, wife+kids... etc) and the guys (and on the last day, also the wives, maybe one maybe two... who knew?) would meet up at the games on the 3 days. How is that a boys' trip?

I mean, if it's a boys' trip I assumed the 4 of them would travel there together and share rooms or at least room in the same hotel.  Not be a total bunch of upwards of 10 people, all travelling on their own, with no "together" involvement except for meeting up at the games and eating before and after - and in different combinations of who's eating and who's not at that. Cos not everyone had meals together. They just came and went as it suited each of them.

So in that case, how am I to know to ask "Are the wives going, are the kids going, are you travelling together, are you rooming with Joe..." ? There are some things that I'm allowed to assume when I hear "Boys' trip to HK for the Rugby 7s", no? Why would I ask if the wives are going, if it's a boys' trip? Cos I imagine MY response to such a question would be "I said it was a BOYS' TRIP... why would the wives be going?" Evidently this is not the case when a guy says "boys' trip". 

I COULD just ask a bunch of questions everyday. What you doing? Where you at? What plans for the day? Saw anything? Ate yet? Anything exciting happening at work? Any accidents on the road? Any medical issues I should know about that suddenly happened today? I mean, it's bluddy ridiculous. I would resent it. He would resent the questioning. And I would get tired and bored.

OR. I could just ignore everything and take an "I'll just accept what you wanna tell me when you wanna tell me" approach. In the meantime I would ask myself why I was being so stupid and needy and clingy and telling you everything that's going on in my day when you clearly do not share the same level of communication. I would resent it, and curtail the information flow. And then we would have the same relationship you have with your wife. Don't ask don't tell, yes? 

It would be the end of us. I'm certain. 

Anyway. After a frustrating evening of going round and round in circles (see conversation below) the man had an epiphany. And was also overcome with a stroke of brilliance - he said (before sharing said epiphany with me) "And with this I feel like I'm going to talk myself right into a spot". Which he really did. 

Me - Why do I tell you stuff? Why do I inform you of this and that? 

Him - Because it's exciting to you and you want me to know.

Me - Ok, how is it exciting to tell you my friend wants to borrow money. Plus, it doesn't concern you, it doesn't make a difference to your life, it doesn't affect you at all. And still I tell you. Do you want to know such things? Should I not bother to tell you this kind of stuff? 

Him - No, I like hearing this stuff. 

Me - And I like hearing YOUR stuff.

Him - But I don't have interesting stuff to tell you... my day is boring and mundane. 

Me - And my friend wanting to borrow money is interesting how? Saying "I'm on my way back from work" is interesting how? Telling you all the things I tell you .. isn't it mundane too? 

** this is the part where he had his epiphany and said what he said about talking himself into a spot**

Him - It's not mundane because it pertains to YOU and what is pertinent to YOU or affects YOU or bothers YOU or involves YOU matters to ME. Cos it's YOU. 

Me - Tada! Now do you get it? 

He says he did. He looked really uncomfortable lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling, and I could see the gears turning in his brain. 

Well then, let's see. 

At least we got that sorted somewhat... before moving ahead into the next year. I'm not saying it's going to be all hunky dory now, but at least he's figured THAT one out. I'm sure there will be other blocks. It's not going to be a fix all. But I'm nothing if not tenacious and if I have to chip away at his traumas one psychological barrier at a time, then so be it. 

Bring it on! 

Haven't invested 13 years only to give up now... 

And speaking of anniversary, he got me another silver coin - 

It's so pretty! I bought him a kazoo. LOL. It hasn't arrived. But I can't wait for him get his hands on it and make all sorts of noise! 

In personal medical news - I've changed my HRT to tibolone. It's a drug that when metabolised by the body produces the hormones I need. Don't ask me how it works. I can't fathom it myself. But it's supposed to be better than the previous one I was taking. Best of all - no withdrawal bleed. But it's early days yet... I've only started taking it this week. Hopefully the aches and pains I get during the 'low dose' week on the triphasic pills won't be as pronounced. 

Speaking of hormones, I've been to see my physiotherapist cos my shoulder pain is getting more annoying. And I'm freezing up. Apparently there is a term for it in Chinese he says - the 50s Shoulder. Seems the changes in hormone levels affects the shoulder (specifically the shoulder joint, he doesn't know why, but it does) in some women and a LOT of women in this age group end up with a frozen shoulder. Yup. It's an 18-mth curse on average, sometimes shorter in some people, consisting of 4 phases. We all suspect (by we I mean me, my boss-cum-GP and physiotherapist) that I'm in phase 2. It started presenting in November, so at an average of 3 months per phase, I'm in the Freezing stage. 

The good news is that once it's actually in the Frozen stage, there is less pain, just stiffness and limited mobility. I can't wait for this shit to be done with. 

In travel news, if all goes to plan, I'll be hopping into Kuala Lumpur with BIKSS on the 15th of April cos he has a worktrip coming up. Fingers are crossed.

And now I will sleep. Here are some pics from the last month.. 

Lunch at an unexpected Vietnamese restaurant while waiting for my physio appt

Tonight's Peranakan Dinner Buffet

Melaka / Malacca last weekend

A simple explanation of where my people come from - Melaka is the birthplace of my great great great Granddad. I think. I can't remember how many "greats" there are. And it's too late in the evening and I'm too lazy to dig out the books to check. But yeah, that's where we come from originally.

The Melaka River (and a hotel on the other side... Casa del rio I think it's called)

Enjoying a Peranakan Lunch

Clockwise from left :

Bak wan kepiting

Nangka lemak

Beef rendang

Cincaluk ulam

Babi tohay

Center : ngoh hiang with cili cuka

My own version of nangka lemak which BIKSS tried today - 

Young jackfruit in a coconut milk gravy, with prawns

on the river cruise

 

And that's all for now... I shall come back with MORE news! 

Back to Bottega, Mum's Latest Gadgets, and The Quest for Pretty Nails

Bottega Dupes I mean. Not the real deal. I don't got that kind of money. 

Betty is getting me this pair on the left for $25 for Christmas. Not quite the same as the originals, but close enough. 

All because BIKSS got a real actual BV wallet in his DnD lucky draw. 

And the fella was like - apparently it's expensive, heard of the brand? 

Me - Are you fucking kidding me? You know those braided / padded sandals I've been on about? 

So he finally figured it out. My advice was "Use it, or sell it. Don't keep it till the leather starts to peel and crack... cos then it'll be worthless." 

He's gonna use it. And that hippie outfit I curated for him for that same DnD? Bagged him the 3rd prize for best costume AND a $100 voucher! I'm taking ALL the credit.

We had part one of Christmas feasting at our favourite French place. I bought BIKSS dinner and next week he's buying ME dinner.

Fusilli ratatouille, chicken fricassee and avocado on sourdough.

We're booked this Tuesday at a Peranakan restaurant that's supposed to be really really good. I actually wanted to try it when we watched a play last month (same venue) but the roads were so congested on the way there, we detoured to a burger place and picked up some food to eat in the car instead. Good thing too. Cos we got there just in time. 

But it's not all fancy foods and uppity restaurants. One of our favourite places is a little local fried chicken chain. It's good prices for greasy fried up stuff. 

Not-real cheese and mayo on a chicken cutlet on a salad

Chilli (it's underneath all that yellow stuff) cheese fries with an egg over top. It was pretty darn good.

Halfway decent lamb chops - tasted lamby but not in a bad way. We chucked out the bread. It sucked.

The new CG is workin' out just fine. (I'm hearing a Texan drawl with that. Cos I've been watching Young Sheldon. It's hilarious.) She's very pleasant. A little round and tubby, has a good disposition, speaks English, and feels more like a friend than an employee. Pretty much how I feel about CG1. So it's going well. I do hope that the agency manages to place that other one in a new home soon so I can get my damned refund from the unused portion of the fees I paid for her. AND so that I can get a refund from her insurance (mandatory insurance policy we have to pick up for our caregivers) - they've told me that once my name is off her work papers as official employer here they'll automatically send me a partial refund. Ugh. I'm still waiting. Should be any day now cos the agency says it won't be longer than 3 weeks. And it'll be 3 weeks this Wednesday.   

I've also been listening to 99% Invisible (Ninety nine per cent invisible) - check out their website and look for their podcast anywhere you listen... fascinating stuff, and no, it's not ALL about architecture, even tho that's what their intro implied to me. It might have been, in the beginning, but it's evolved. 

This week we got mum's hospital bed in. There was a lot of moving things about but it's finally sorted. Managed to give away the bed rail that we installed last year on a local recycle app, along with an old portable air cooler that's been sitting in the room untouched for 5 years. One of the mattresses and bed slats from mum's old bed were taken off my hands too. At least we didn't have to throw it all out. 

 

I wish I had gotten it sooner, to be honest. It's so convenient and a whole lot easier to adjust everything so that mum is more comfortable. The air pressure mattress really helps too. We don't have to worry about turning her (manually) through the night cos the alternating inflating and deflating columns prevent any one spot from being in high-pressure contact for any extended length of time. (I only learned about these last year!) You can read about these mattresses  HERE. 

I've just about recovered from a lousy cold and cough. It got me pretty bad the whole of last week. I was sleeping half the time. 

I've also been experimenting with nail polish. And have found the holy grail of quick drying top coats - it does contain toluene so if you're not a fan of having that in your nail formula, skip this one.

I have discovered that the Sally Hansen's Miracle Gel top coat works best with their Miracle Gel (colour) polish. When I tried the top coat on regular (other brands') nail colour it wasn't impressive in the least. But on top of the Miracle Gel colours it really does give a rather beautiful finish. Not quite gel finish (like in the shops with the UV lamp) but about 70% of that. Which, since I've sworn off UV gel polish, is good enough for me. 

I've been getting my nail polish on the cheap - resellers on that recycle app I mentioned. It's awesome. I even managed to get a bottle of Barry M Gelly Hi Shine in Blood Orange. (This brands isn't sold in the shops here.) 

Isn't it so cheery and bright? That's the other thing. I'm purging my nail polish collection of the darker colours and veering towards lighter, as well as brighter, fun-ner ones.

(This one's called S-teal the show!) 

(Love me Lilac)

It seems like I'm spending a small fortune testing this shit out, but really, it's not as bad as one might expect. When you pay 4-6 bucks for something that costs 15 at the store, it doesn't seem too extravagant. And all because I'm determined to get the glossiest most gel-like manicure without exposing my fingers to UV light. Besides, all the stuff I've gotten so far hasn't even come close to what ONE gel mani would cost me, and that's not even counting the soak-off I'd have to pay for after. 

AND I have also found a new place to park some of my money for 3.8% interest. No minimum sum. 6 month lock in period. It's a pretty good rate as far as local interest rates go.

I'm still eating my way thru the Marks and Spencer chippy loot. This evening I nibbled some cheddar alongside my lightly salted tortillas. It was good. Koff koff.

I'm So Excited

"Hope" is the thing with feathers... is the line I've been hearing a lot recently. I listen to Dear Hank and John, the podcast, and John Green uses this line often (from the Emily Dickinson poem which is titled for that first line). And I like it a lot.

Here is the poem -

“Hope” is the thing with feathers

BY EMILY DICKINSON

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -

That perches in the soul -

And sings the tune without the words -

And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -

And sore must be the storm -

That could abash the little Bird

That kept so many warm -

I’ve heard it in the chillest land -

And on the strangest Sea -

Yet - never - in Extremity,

It asked a crumb - of me.

You can read an analysis of it HERE. 

Yes, indeed MY little "hope" bird has been singing its heart out. And today I see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. The hospital's home-visit team came in today to do an assessment and see how they can help better support the transition from hospital to home, and we got SO many questions answered. The doctor and nurse who came were lovely people; and this was clearly not their first rodeo. 

In the end they said they would arrange for a physical therapist to come in and try to help with mum's stability and strength so she can stand a bit better, helping us to help her when she needs to move from chair to bed to commode etc. They're getting the hospital's dietician to write them a memo so they can officially put mum's nutritional supplement ON THE LIST so we won't have to pay full price for it. They're going to get me a letter stating that I NEED A SECOND CAREGIVER so that the government will allow me to apply for one (there's a limit on these things so people don't just use them as cheap labour for other things). They checked my newly acquired  medical financial assistance letter and informed me that I wouldn't have to pay for these home visits OR for the physical therapist. (It would have otherwise cost me $65 per visit even after the existing subsidies I have.) AND most importantly the doctor adjusted mum's clonazepam dose. And they'll come by again to see how she does on the new dosing. I also have a contact number that I can ring for help, instead of having to call the medical centre and leave a request for mum's usual geri - the useless one - to call me back the next day or whatever.

As for paying for the second caregiver, well, it's going to cost me about 1 grand. At the moment I'm waiting for the first 2 grants to get approved, which will give me $300 monthly. I'm also going to see the social worker tomorrow about getting mum's thickener put on the "have to buy" list so I can use my medical financial assistance thing to pay for it instead of having to pay out of pocket. At the same time I'll ask her about activating mum's eldercare insurance thing that the government made everyone do via a monthly premium taken out of our salary. That one pays out $300 monthly for 5 years. So that takes care of $600. The rest of the money? 

My current caregiver, the bright spark that she is, said, "With another person to help out here at home, I won't need you to be here all the time to help me anymore. You can go to work! Teach more! Work part time? Do something to earn that $400! It'll be easy, and you don't have to worry about mama at home cos there'll be 2 of us!"

That is VERY true. Besides, the daily one-hour home care I've arranged every morning so that my caregiver has an extra pair of hands to help with mum's wake-up routine is already costing me $600 a month. These things are WAY expensive. 

With the second live-in caregiver I would save that money, AND have extra help round the clock. 

So that is the plan moving forward. I am hopeful. I can finally hear its song.

(art by Jefry Maviskho)

 

Sciencey stuff on Sunday and some Updates

No, I'm not starting a new weekly thing. I just happen to have a collection of interesting (to me anyway) stuff I discovered this week listening to the SciShow Tangents podcast. 

So here they are - all the fun, funny, freaky stuff I've discovered over the last 7 days. 

No. 1 - There are tastebuds in your penis

(I'm not sure if you can access the article because sometimes I can and sometimes there's a pay wall, but in case you can't, here's an extract - )

We discovered that the male urethra and glans penis contained many taste bud-like structures similar to the morphological features of the taste buds of the tongue. ... These structures have neuron-like appendages at the apical ends of rose buds in the wall of the urethra and glans

Yes. You read that right. Apparently something about the sweet taste receptors in the male urethra adding to the pleasantness of the feeling of having a cum. 

No. 2 -  Rats like playing hide and seek

Brecht says several clues point to the former. When the rats find the researchers, for example, they execute what are known as “joy jumps” or freudensprung. “This is something that a lot of mammals do when they are having fun,” including rabbits, lambs, and people, Brecht says. In addition, the rats often scurry off to a new hiding place after being found, extending the game and postponing the reward of being petted.

Apparently they can giggle but at a frequency that we can't hear. And they weren't even rewarded with food. 

Seems in another test they found that rats rewarded with food tended to be able to do repetitive tasks for an extended period of time, without getting tired, seemingly, while rats that were rewarded with tickles and petting got tired after a while, indicating that they were more engaged and involved in the activity.

No. 3 - Soccer-playing robots is a real thing. And there's a league called Robocup.

RoboCup is an annual international robotics competition proposed and founded in 1996 by a group of university professors (including Hiroaki Kitano, Manuela M. Veloso, and Minoru Asada). The aim of the competition is to promote robotics and AI research by offering a publicly appealing – but formidable – challenge.

The name RoboCup is a contraction of the competition's full name, "Robot Soccer World Cup", but there are many other areas of competition such as "RoboCupRescue", "RoboCup@Home" and "RoboCupJunior". In 2019, the international competition was held in Sydney, Australia. Peter Stone is the current president of RoboCup, and has been since 2019.

(From wikipedia)

Enjoy this video - 

No. 4 - This week's True Facts by Zefrank is about Wild Pigs and features a slightly more off-colour narration than usual. Not that I'm complaining. Enjoy!

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In other updates - 

On Thursday the sister pissed me off big time and said some stupid thing about how when I post stuff on FB she feels as if it's being done unto her because she's an empath, didn't I know and because I posted this - "She's so exhausting today, I just cannot" - she had a complete breakdown for the next 2 hours sitting in a corner and feeling suicidal. 

What?

I said first of all I didn't say who it was about. And there are enough idiots around me that I could have been talking about anyone. 

Secondly, by the time I had woken up from a nap I decided that I didn't want to leave the post up because I wanted to avoid people calling or texting me to ask how I was as I wasn't in the mood to respond to anyone. 

Third, if she knows it's not about her then what's all the crap about feeling suicidal and how does that involve me, cos here's a newsflash : I have mental issues too - she's not the only one with emotional or psychological shit to deal with. 

Her response was that if people saw my post they would think that I was a terrible daughter, and it would be shameful for my mum that I wrote that about her, and what would everyone think about me / us / the whole family that I couldn't do a simple thing like take care of my own mother after all the years she had spent taking care of me when I was a child. 

Hello what? 

I ignored her messages and deleted any new ones that came in as soon as they appeared on my phone. 

I had already said I wasn't in a place to have this discussion as I was having issues of my own. So I figured that was me setting boundaries and saying I don't want to talk to you anymore. Hence, swipe and delete. 

Actually after that it occurred to me that the only reason she thinks my friends would think this way is cos SHE thinks this way. Or HER friends think this way. And the fact that I don't just means that obviously I believe my friends to be way classier than she thinks hers are.  Cos my friends have been nothing but sympathetic and encouraging. 

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We went to the beach again last Friday. Spent 5 hours out. Mum was happy. This time we brought a sheet and our caregiver (can I just call her Jessica?) and I sat on the ground under a tree while the mama sat in her wheelchair enjoying the breeze. She even got up and went to breakwater to check out the water lapping at the bottom of the stone structure. 

A picnic! That's a kiwi fruit cushion we bring along for extra wheelchair comfort for mum whenever we're out and about. She's sitting on another that looks like an orange slice - so it's not like I was depriving her of it or nothing. 

Looking up! I was lying on the ground. 

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With some growing clusters here, the government has begun giving out DIY test kits to people who live near Covid HOTSPOTS! 

We collected ours this week, but since no one is ill and we hadn't actually BEEN to the locations where the Covid-positive people had been to, we're just holding on to the kits for now. 

It's good to know that there are ways to do self-checks before panicking and going to the hospital where there's probably a higher risk of transmission. 

If it's positive it means you could have had it at some point, or you may be having it now. In which case, go see a doc and get the PCR swab done. 

If it's negative, you're all good. Just stay home and feel free to self-medicate if it's just a minor cold etc. 

Seems simple enough. And it's better than nothing I suppose. 

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I've been mad about making my own quinoa bowls. I do enjoy eating them, always have. Just never thought to make my own. But with dining-in taken OFF the menu, I decided this would be a good time to get going with prepping my own bowls. 

I took two of these to a friend's house for dinner last night. She was actually excited for me to get there cos she was hungry and looking forward to what she KNEW would be Fondles-approved. She's pre-diabetic and it's always a relief when I say I'm bringing dinner over cos then she doesn't have to think too hard about what she should or shouldn't be eating. 

That's quinoa with butter chicken made with inner fillet, omelettes with white fungus / mushrooms / artichoke truffle pesto, garlic stir-fred prawns with zucchini and spinach with a dash of vermouth. 

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And finally, my current favourite - HT African Autumn - a delicious citrusy roobois infusion. 

My mood pic today ~ 

Dentist Visit

I hate them. Dental visits. 

But it's been more than a year since I've been (I was kinda hoping for the Covid thing to be over before booking an appointment) and I found myself in a new clinic that opened up about half a year ago, next to that cheap haircut place.

My usual dental clinic has changed their policy, and I am a bit annoyed at them. You see, I have a government subsidy card for medical and dental visits. When I stopped in to ask about an appointment after getting my monthly massage, they told me that I can't tap on the subsidy if I visit on the weekends, and also that I would have to pay a cash top up of $25. Which I know isn't a lot, but it used to be free, innit? 

(I shall ring the relevant agency on Monday and ask if this is allowed - from what I know, the subsidy cards need to be honoured any time they're presented.)

I decided to pop into the new clinic and ask if I could use the subsidy card. Yes, she told me. No restrictions, no top-ups. I booked myself a slot at 4 cos that was their earliest available, and went home for lunch. 

At 3 they rang and told me that there was a cancellation so I could come in early if I wanted to. Yay! Off I went!

So the thing about scaling is that it's noisy. And the sounds are perhaps more unnerving than the actual procedure. After the dentist was done with the first section I asked if they (she and her assistant) minded listening to my podcast - cos I'd prefer to have a distraction, but didn't have my earphones with me. 

She said to go right ahead, and would be glad to listen along. I could tell she was amused by the podcast, and after the session she asked what it was that I was listening to. I showed her the title and she said she would definitely check it out. 

(BTW, if you're interested, it was SciShow Tangents. Imagine if I had been midway through a "My Dad Wrote a Porno" epiosde lol.)

And so it has come to be that my knots have been kneaded out, my teeth have been cleaned, and my new dentist has now got a podcast to check out.

My mood pic today ~ 

What I'm Addicted to Right Now

I've been listening to My Dad Wrote a Porno non stop! 

From their website - 

Imagine if your dad wrote a dirty book. Most people would try to ignore it - but not Jamie Morton. Instead, he decided to read it to the world in this groundbreaking comedy podcast. With the help of his best mates, James Cooper and Alice Levine, Jamie reads a chapter a week and discovers more about his father than he ever bargained for.

The dirty book in question is Belinda Blinked, written by "Rocky Flintstone".

Reviews on the book are more about how awesome the podcast is than about the book itself... 

Here's the summary from the wiki entry - 

My Dad Wrote a Porno is a British podcast hosted by Jamie Morton, James Cooper, and Alice Levine. 

Each episode features Morton reading a new chapter of an amateur erotic novel, titled Belinda Blinked, written by his father under the pen name Rocky Flintstone. 

Morton, Cooper, and Levine react to the material and provide running commentary. Cooper and Levine are hearing the chapter for the first time, whereas Morton usually reads the chapter before recording the episode. 

As of 2021, the series has had over 280 million downloads. 

On 11 May 2019, HBO aired a comedy special of the show which features a "lost chapter" from one of the books. The special was filmed over two nights in front of a live audience at the Roundhouse theatre in London.

The response to their podcast was so phenomenal that they wrote a book! 

It's been the most hilarious thing I've heard in a long time! 

If you're into Brit wit, and don't mind dirty language (you're reading here so I reckon this point is pretty much a given), go listen to My Dad Wrote a Porno. I the Podcast app on my iphone and Google podcasts on the lappy (if you've never used this site before, click on the up/down arrow to see the list oldest-first so you can start at the very beginning - you'll need to listen to this one chronologically.) But I think you can find it on pretty much any podcast app.

Let me know if you gave it a go and whether you enjoyed it. 

My mood pic today ~