30 DoS - 21 to 30

21.

Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?

Kneeling, pressed to his chest by his arm around my head/shoulders, when his hand is around my neck.

22.

Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? 

If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?

It only appears when I have a suitable partner to be submissive to.

23. 

Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? 

Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

Yes yes yes. Originally it irked me that I felt inclined to submit to a man after having been taught all the feminist / independence lessons - you know, you don't need a man, you can do anything you set your mind to, do not depend on a guy to look after you, blah blah blah. There was much conflict.

24.

What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? 

What feelings do they inspire?

Adoration and admiration. Pride (in him) and respect. 

Once I'm in that zone, there is a great need and desire to please him.

25.

Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? 

If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? 

Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?

LOL my dolphin pendant shows two dolphins, one over the other. The one above is meant to represent BIKSS, being dominant and protective over the one below which is representative of me, being led and guided.

26.

What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? 

Are some qualities deal-breakers as in "must" haves or "must not" have?

I think at the end of the day it just has to be a case of feeling it. There has to be trust so he must have shown that he will not betray me, he will hold me up, he will stand up for me; he has to be someone who is in control of his own life and emotions, who is able to express himself adequately, both his thoughts as well as feelings. The one thing that is MOST important, I think, is that he be consistent.

27. 

Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? 

Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?

There is the notion of discipline but so far it's been vetoed by both of us. However this continues to be a topic that amuses me and comes back to occupy my thoughts often enough. It does not consume me, and I am very happy to continue in the manner that we have been going about our D/s, but it IS a topic that holds some intrigue for me. 

There is also the idea of adding another person into the equation but again while the thought excites, the possibility of the repercussions that might follow is scary enough that we both do not want to go anywhere near this. 

28.

Has your submission ever let you down? Have you ever been criticized for your submission? 

Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship? 

Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that?

Well this is the first D/s relationship I've ever had. I have told a select few about my lifestyle and have not met with any criticism. 

When things aren't going so well or it gets tough to stick to a sub thing that I must do, or not do, that's when I question its worth. Also, because of the nature of our relationship, as I've written in earlier posts, there have been times when I question how one with limited control over my life can then expect me to submit wholly. 

That's been sorted and solved, thankfully.

29.

Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? 

What is your relationship to it? 

Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?

Humiliation, no. Pain - yes. It is integral to my submission. Spankings put me in the correct frame of mind, remind me who's in charge and allow me to give myself permission to let go of the control I maintain in the day to day of life. 

And it is something I appreciate and enjoy as part of our relationship.

30.

Is your need to submit being met? If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again? What makes submission special to you?

I have before, and I can again - live without a D/s relationship. 

The submission in itself is not "special" to me. It is just a facet of who and what I am, or can be. 

I am lucky to be involved with someone whom I can submit to. So, yes, for now the need is being met. But in the event I find myself back in vanilla land... I'd manage. 

30 DoS - 16 to 20

16.

Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? 

If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

I have only been in one such relationship. This one. I have been with women, but in those circumstances I had never sought out a possible D/s relationship. So it seems I see myself as being submissive only in heterosexual relationships.

17.

What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

EVERYTHING. 'Nuff said. No trust = No submission. Period.

18.

Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

The same way I do in a regular vanilla relationship. By talking. In fact, in a D/s relationship I find it easier to speak my mind because we're both clearly aware of each other's roles and there is no need to second guess, get defensive, or wonder if there's a hidden agenda. 

I speak about what I want and enjoy and there is a trust that he will do whatever is in his power to help me achieve my goals, or be treated in the way that I derive satistaction. And he is aware that I am not trying to manipulate him or boss him around, but merely communicating how and what I feel.

19.

How socially connected is your submission? 

Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? 

Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

Blogland. And a best friend who knows about my relationship. We have discussions about it, and he is insightful, being aware of (and having had friends who are also in) this lifestyle, though not a participant hiimself.

And not, we have not attended any events.

20.

Has your submission increased or decreased over time? 

Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?

I'm assuming the question is asking "across a few relationships". Which makes it moot. Only one such relationship so far, and all that. But if it is referring to an increase or decrease within this relationship then the answer would be YES. When I'm feeling safe and secure it goes up. When I'm insecure and questioning the whole affair then it goes down. Naturally.

30 DoS - 11 to 15 (and a quickie post)

BIKSS dropped by after work today. We claimed the spare room for the September Spanking Challenge... and there was some spanking by spatula while I was giving him a blowjob (the spatula was long enough for him to reach my behind, AND I was slightly elevated cos I was kneeling on the sofabed and not on the floor). Then there was some fucking while I was kneeling on the floor with my torso bent over the side of the bed, and more fucking while we were BOTH on the bed, me on my front, and him behind and over me. Oh and later, I get his belt. 5 of the best, he said. On each cheek. Oh, a happy sub am I.

But that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is that I love being his, and being told that I am. 

You see, before all that sucking and fucking and spanking, I was sitting on the bed still wrapped, somewhat untidily, in my towel. I had been in the shower and he had arrived before I got out, I hadn't yet gotten dressed. I began folding some towels and sheets that I had chucked on the bed earlier, so that we would have space to get comfortable. As he sat and watched me, while flipping thru an old Playboy magazine I found while clearing the house (yes, it's MINE, not his..lol), I rearranged the towel around me as it had begun to slip off. 

He saw me do it, and I announced that I was protecting my modesty. He reached for it, pulled it away and let it drop somewhere behind him on the bed, leaving me naked.

"Those are mine to look at," was his announcement.

 Now isn't that just the sweetest thing a guy could say?

===============================================  

11.

Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission? 

How do you define service? What does it mean to you? 

If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?

I think the whole idea of my submission stems from service and subservience (defined sometimes as "useful in promoting a purpose or end.") In my book, they're one and the same. For me the purpose or end is his pleasure and joy, comfort and convenience. And how do I do that without also serving him?

12. 

Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? 

Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? 

Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

There is no crossing over of finances between the two of us. He has his own family. I take care of my own stuff. Since we're not married, nor wholly responsible only for each other, I think this is moot in our particular circumstance. I'm not sure if things would be different were we to be married. Perhaps. But I think a lot would depend on other factors rather than just the D/s consideration.

13. 

Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission? 

Why or why not? Are there limits to this?

Yes, this is a large part of my submission. But it's not something that he has expressed explicitly. In fact, he has specifically said that it is NOT a rule. However, since I am happiest when I can be of service, being sexually available to him is something I'm proud to do. He hasn't yet (and unlikely ever will) encountered a situation where he's been denied physical access to me. 

14.

Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit? If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?

I'm not sure. I know that religion reinforces my belief that men and women have different roles to play in a marriage. Also, come to think of it, I have played for many hundreds of weddings in my lifetime and I've heard all the readings over and over. How many times did I hear "women, obey your husbands" ? Perhaps that had something to do with it... I don't really know. But this question surprised me. =)

15.

Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

I've only had THIS relationship to try it on and so far it has definitely changed - we're exploring my submission on a much more psychological level than I thought possible... also there is some behaviour and thought modification (for better, of course, and always with my agreement, and sometimes at my request) which isn't something I was aware was even possible. In theory, before I embarked on such a relationship, all I had known was that I was willing to submit sexually, and in the form of service. So yeah, I suppose there has been some evolving going on. 

30 DoS - 6 to 10

6. 
What do you feel are the roots of your submission? 
Do you think it has something to do with childhood? 
Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? 
Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

I come from a matriarchal cultural background. When I was younger I noticed my dad giving in to mum a lot and I knew I didn't want to have that kind of power/responsibility when I grew up. I agree that it DOES create a better interaction within my relationship but that's a happy bonus. It wasn't meant to be a means to an end in a DD relationship. It does give me a sexual thrill to be desired in this way, and makes me feel especially feminine.

7. 
Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? 
How do you feel about it?

I'm not sure about punishment. I'm still curious about it, although I think this is a purely academic pursuit on my part. I doubt I'll be very comfortable with the notion of actually being punished by my significant other. Discipline in the most general sense is necessary to some degree in submission, I think.

8. 
Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?

Spanking is how it all started. The act of allowing someone to inflict pain is the physical display of my submission. Do I crave pain? In general, no. I'm not into any other sort of pain-play. Just spanking. Something about that particular form of pain turns me the heck on! (I've mentioned this before in another post - it's the vibrations affected on my lady bits at first which is the physical arousal, then later on the idea of staying put despite the stinging which is the mental arousal.)

9. 
Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? 
How do you feel about them?

Yes, definitely, especially in the bedroom. But since our D/s is not confined to the bedroom, there exists expectations and rules and structure in the whole aspect of the relationship...which is similar to vanilla relationships too in a way - eg. informing the other of one's whereabouts, not flirting with other people; just that there are a few MORE rules or expectations concerning areas which might otherwise be unaffected in a vanilla relationship (permission to orgasm, being reminded to be on good behaviour around people whom I'm likely to lose my temper with).

10. 

Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? 
How do you feel about BDSM? 
Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

Yes: 

Bondage

Spanking (with implements)

Nipple Pegging

Kneeling and other positions

Aside from the spanking and kneeling, which help me feel my submission better, the other stuff is more about sexual fulfillment than submission, although since everything usually happens together, it's often all connected.

30 DoS - 1 to 5

So I see people doing the 30 days of Submission thing... and BIKSS mentioned it... 

I didn't want to at first... then I got curious... so here it is. I'll condense mine cos I don't want to commit to writing everyday - or over-post, as I'm sure I'll want to write about OTHER stuff besides these 30 DoS questions. 

Here goes.

1.

Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? 

Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? 

If you do not use a label, why?

I was intrigued at first by the Taken in Hand website. That's when I thought I had found something that described what I was feeling. I was in my early 20s. 

I'm sure what we do is not DD, as there is technically no domesticity in our relationship, and we don't share a household so I suppose he's not HoH either. It feels to me that we have more of a D/s type of relationship. I enjoy submitting, and feeling his dominance.

2.

Describe who you might submit to and how. 

Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? 

Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? 

Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

i would only submit to someone I was involved in a romantic, emotional relationship with. And whom I trusted completely. I consider what I have now to be a relationship. And I am aspiring towards being submissive all the time. I can't say that it is required of me 24/7 because of our personal commitments and separate agendas. But in all things unless we have come to some specific exclusion either formally or informally, I look to him for his decision / advice / opinion. In some areas, I make the final decision, in others, he does. 

So, no, it is not limited to only in the bedroom, but is prevalent in the entire relationship.

3. 

How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? 

How do you feel when you express your submission?

When I was playfully spanked in a relationship ages ago, and ENJOYED it, I felt I should read up on this. At first I thought it was a BDSM thing. Later upon discovering TiH, more and more of what I read sat very well with me. I realised if I didn't feel inclined towards submission it would have irked me or freaked me out. 

I didn't know for sure that it would suit me, or I would suit IT - and I never knew about the specifics of D/s or even heard of TTWD - until this relationship with BIKSS. I told him about what I liked (he already had a clue from ages ago tho) and in fact HE found me some of my first blogs to read.

How do I feel when I'm called on to express my submission? At home. Like I belong. Balanced and at peace. Centered.

4.

Do you switch into a dominant role at any time?

If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? 

Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? 

If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?

I do not switch. I'm not in a DD r/p but I will say that in terms of money control and family matters I'm still the one in control. When I have uncertainties I go to BIKSS and use him as my sounding board.

I don't switch in BDSM terms either - see previous post on spanking BIKSS - and while I did experiment, it really didn't do ANYTHING for me. I do not like to have control/power in a relationship as I spend most of real life being an authority figure as it is.

5.

Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you?

Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? 

How were they the same? How were they different? 

What is unique about your relationships in your mind?

I am in one now. This is the first. So the other questions are moot at this point =)