All the Feels

The very first plant I would give away was to Plant Mama herself. I didn't feel too bad about that, since I know she'll take good care of it. 

BUT as I was packing it up last weekend for a mutual friend of ours to drop it off at her place (since she had other things to pass to her after dropping off a thing to me) I felt really sad. I was NOT expecting that. 

Anyway, later on I asked Plant Mama if she felt sad each time she gave away her plants... and she said "All good plant-mamas feel sad when they give a babeh away. That's why I make it a point to say goodbye properly and pet it a ton before it gets picked up. And I wish it well and tell it to grow big and beautiful!"

"OMG that's exactly what I did earlier before I passed your plant to (let's call her) Jane! I stroked its leaves and whispered into the spathes to be good and to grow big and strong! And then I felt kinda sad that it was leaving me!"

At this point I felt a little less silly for having separation anxiety. (And also, she implied that I was a good plant mama!!! Hurray!)

Today I passed the second plant to my colleague, but she was so sweet, she looked at it and said it was so beautiful, and then so earnestly said to me, "Thank you so much, I hope I'll be able to look after it well. I'll try my best!" 

And that was enough for me. 

You know, I don't think I'll ever be able to give a plant to someone whom I know won't take care of it.  

And now I feel even worse for killing George. I'm sure BIKSS felt the loss terribly. But in all fairness, orchids are finicky. And this one in particular wasn't exactly the hardiest type. In one fell swoop he had to contend with changes in humidity, temperature and sunlight conditions. It's no wonder he didn't make it. 

I wish I knew about plants then what I know now, cos then I wouldn't have adopted George. 

My mood pic today is in memory of George the orchid ~

A P/S for Morningstar - 

I saw your comment, and thought I might add pics of mum's dendrobium orchids for you - I know a lot of websites say they don't like too much sun and they scorch and the colours fade if you leave them in direct sunlight for too long, and that they're great indoor plants etc. etc. But these guys have been sitting outside my kitchen window where they get full direct sun (yes even mid-day afternoon crazy heat sun like 36C)...  and they're ALWAYS in bloom. Well, they kinda take turns, cos that's just how their schedule works out, but I've always got buds or flowers from one or the other. 

And these are 2 plants I take the least interest in cos they get on just fine WITHOUT me. The only thing is they're not in soil - one is stuck on a piece of wood and the other is in charcoal. So when there hasn't been rain for more than 2-3 days at a stretch I do bring them into the bathroom and stick them in a basin of water for about 15 mins. Then out they go again. 

There ARE some blemishes on the leaves, but as the flowers seem quite alive I never bothered to check out what those black spots are. When there are too many or if I see that there are enough good leaves anyway, I simply cut away the spotted ones. And then they go on living.

THE MAIN THING WITH ORCHIDS THO - is that there are SO MANY types. And you have to search for the right one when researching how to care for them. 

My suggestion is get an app like "picture this" or "plant net" and take a foto of the orchid. It'll identify the family for you and THEN go and look it up. That's kinda what I do with ALL my plants. 

Photograph - Identify - Research! 

Good luck, if you ever want to try again!

It's Our Country's Birthday - We're 56 - and some OTHER Numbers

We turn 56 today and it's a holiday, but there's not going to be any big parade. Instead they're having a ceremonial one whatever that means and I suppose we'll all just watch it on TV. 

We should all just have one man parades.... LOL

There WILL be a "party" on the 21st, and I'm not sure if they're actually going to have people in a crowded space shouting and screaming in the heat - but I'm certain I don't want to be there. 

We've reached 70% full vaccination. I suppose the government is glad they met their target - their plan was 2/3 of the population by August. Counting those who have received at least one dose, that number goes up to about 80%. 

The plan is that by September we'll be 80% fully vaccinated. 

This is good news for relaxing of measures. 

I know that our case numbers are pretty low in comparison to other countries, particularly our immediate neighbours, but that's cos seemingly extreme measures were put in place to prevent widespread infection - evidently it's working. (To date approx 65k cases in total, 41 deaths, and about 2k active cases currently)

We test whole blocks of residents if there are at least 3 positive cases in the block; quarantine orders are issued for anyone who has come into close contact (15 mins at 1.5m or less) with a confirmed case and that means keeping any kids at home (so they don't spread it in school) until a second negative swab test result for the person in quarantine; and not allowing dining-in at all eateries, AT ALL - not even outdoor ones. This means we get LOTS of changes and updates every week or two, and that's probably the thing that annoys me the most. But I suppose the plan has been to keep everyone away from everyone else as much as possible until the majority have been vaccinated. 

Now that we've reached that point, it seems we can carry on with life again, somewhat, but I'm certain there will be new challenges and a different trend will emerge, one that will need reactionary measures again. Only this time the parameters will look very different, I suspect. 

They've taken off the "possible exposure alert" on our tracing app since they made the announcement to relax the rules. And we are left wondering if this is the next step in their move to "living with Covid as an endemic instead of pandemic" as previously announced. 

Of course this means that maybe just maybe I'll be able to sneak BIKSS in again for some nookie. The last time we had sex was on the 4th of June. I looked. Cos I write down EVERYTHING. 

That's 2 months and then some. 

We'll also be able to eat out again. HURRAY. Time to use that voucher.

Honestly, I think being NOT on dates regularly has given me some separation anxiety and I think I've coped by just shutting out and becoming numb in the relationship department. I still enjoy the texts and chats when we DO walk but I'm not craving intimacy. Which is a bit alarming. Oh well. Let's see what happens moving forward. (It could be Covid lockdown's fault, but it could also just be my hormones.)

Speaking of - my hormones have all gone haywire - the last time I had a period was on the 12th of June. Thankfully the hot flashes have stopped and I'm sleeping thru the night again. 

The irony tho. No period. But no sex. But also, no cums. Not many in any case. I've probably had 3 cums in the last 2 months. The libido has Covid. It's in some serious need of resuscitation I think.

While my hormones seem to be less problematic these days, relatively speaking, the MSK pains (musculoskeletal) have gotten more pronounced. It could be the crazy long / fast walks I've been doing (I try going faster when I'm walking solo), it could also be the uphill / downhill walk I did with financial guru/accountant friend last Wed, but I think it's made worse by the let's-push-mum TOO FAR in her wheelchair outings when I take her out solo on our caregiver's day off. 

So I went and did some research on Kinesiology tape and did a simple tape up for knee to see if it will help. So far, it's not too bad and I can at least squat to pee without pain LOL. 

In a nutshell - 

When the tape is applied to your body, it recoils slightly, gently lifting your skin. It is believed that this helps to create a microscopic space between your skin and the tissues underneath it.

Some physical therapists think the tape changes the information your sensory nervous system is sending about pain and compression in your body. 

[Our tissues] ...contain sensory receptors that feel pain, temperature, and touch. Those receptors all contribute to proprioception—your brain’s sense of where your body is and what it’s doing. Kinesiology taping creates a lift that unloads the underlying tissues. Decompressing those tissues can change the signals going to the brain. 

I don't know if any of it is actually working, but I AM aware of the tape around my knee, and perhaps that's messing with the pain signals after all.

There's a specific way to tape for injury so it's not like you just plaster it over the painful spot. 

Youtube has LOTS of how-to videos.

 

I'm going to research how to tape my 5th metatarsal next - or cuboid bone. It's been a bit achey and I suspect I may have a syndrome / stress reaction. I thought it was my ankle but it didn't seem to fit the classic ankle sprain (ATFL) descriptions. 

ATFL

The pain I have seems to be on the TOP of the foot. I might ask the boss about getting an X-ray when I go back to work after the holiday. 

(my.clevelandclinic.org)

In other medical updates, Mum's next geri appointment is on the 24th. They shifted it from the 10th. Probably because there were some cases in the medical centre at the hospital and they were trying to keep people away as much as possible. 

I hope this time the doctor gives her something for her anxiety. 

I'm nagging BIKSS cos he still hasn't gone and booked his medical appointment. He's checking with his insurance to see what they will or won't cover.

He also had the sniffles last Thursday and had to do another swab. His third so far. 

Thankfully, I've had none. 

And on that note I shall sign off with today's slightly optimistic mood pic ~ Is it finally safe to come out now?

BDSM Withdrawal

I MISSTHIS SO BAD!

Is anyone else feeling it?

Ok, maybe you live together so it's not quite as bad... but maybe quarantine is driving you insane and keeping the kids at home so it COULD be quite as bad... I don't know. I feel as if aside from exercising I'm as useful / efficient / productive as a loaf of moldy bread. 

The period is almost over and usually when I get to this part of my cycle I get really really horny. The kind of horny that has me reaching for my Aubergine. Multiple times a day. 

The kind of horny that needs a good nipple twisting, some hair grabbing, some face slapping. 

The kind of horny that makes me need Roger deep in my mouth till I gag and choke, and tears and snot start to mingle together as they trickle down my face. 

The kind of horny that has my ass aching for some reddening, till my stomach clenches with excitement and my pussy starts to drip. 

THAT kind of horny.

But instead of Daddy all I have are 6 episodes of Submission.

(You can find most of it on Youtube, albeit in sections...it's censored tho... so if you can get hold of it via torrent go do that. I'm not sure if it's on Netflix, but if you have a Showtime subscription, it's there... or you could get a trial subscription and watch the 6 episodes within the 30 days then cancel it. Heh. Or you could just watch episode 3 here on Daily Motion. I could only find the one.)

As far as the sex goes, it's decent porn. As for the plot - don't bother. It's meant to be a truer depiction of BDSM (compared to 50 shades, yuck) but I don't think it hits the mark either. Here's part of episode 5.

But now that I'm done watching that I find myself at a bit of a loss for kink fodder. So I looked it up. Google is everyone's best friend right? 

And if you have a Netflix account... it makes things a whole lot easier. Enjoy.

11 BDSM Movies on Netflix that are better than 50 Shades

Have a good week everyone!

The Day After That - Fondles' Friday Fone Fiasco

After my day from hell, things went much better on (as Mrs Fever calls it) 'rebound' day. 

But then it went a little mad in the afternoon after leaving work yesterday. I hopped out of the boss's car (he usually drops me off at a bus stop where I can catch a service that goes straight home) and was reaching into my bag for my cell to call the bff and let her know I was en route. We made plans to lunch together. Only, my fone was no where in sight. 

Oh, I must have left it at the office. Which is locked. And my boss has the key. Cos they've just changed the doors and we haven't had the chance to get the keys duplicated. Great. I'll just take a bus to the train station, and head to the main clinic which is where my boss was headed. I'll get the key from him. But um, how do I contact the bff. Maybe I should go home, get on messenger (facebook) and text her. 

Right. That's what I'll do. I'll hop onto a bus. No wait. My travel card is in the pocket of my fone case. Ok - so I have no card. No problem. I'll just drop some change into the box and get a ticket. Wait. I don't have any coins. Or dollar bills, or 2-dollar bills. The smallest note I have is a 10. 

Hmmm, better I take a cab. It'll get me home quicker anyway. So I flag one down. And tell the taxi man my address. Off we go. In the meantime, he seems chatty and friendly. I ask him really nicely if I could borrow his fone cos mine was trapped in the office. He didn't mind, and I rang the bff. Thank goodness I could remember her number. 

She rejected my call. Twice. Sure. I get it. Unknown number and all that. I'll send her a text. Er, the fone's language was set to Chinese. Eek. Um, symbols are universal tho. I click what I think is a message icon. Aha! Success. 

"Hey Betty, it's Fondles - pick up the fone." 

Then I call again. She picks up this time. I tell her what happened and I can HEAR her rolling her eyeballs. OK OK, go sort it out, she says. She'll be fine. 

So I tell the driver maybe we should just go straight to the main clinic - forget about the address I gave you earlier. 

We get on the expressway and $20 later I'm at the main clinic. 

I walk in and my boss looks up shocked. What are you doing here? 

I explain everything. He tries not to laugh, unsuccessfully. And shakes his head in what he hopes looks like commiseration I bet. 

Then I ask him if I can get on the net on his computer cos I wanted to send a text off to BIKSS. 

He logs out of his FB acc and I log into mine. BUT I wasn't sure if FB messenger was safe to send messages on - there have been instances in the past when he would say NOT to use it in case the wife was online and saw the notification. 

Hm, maybe I should call his office. Cos I can't remember his mobile numbers. Yeah, yeah. I've since asked him for the numbers and written them down on a piece of paper and stuffed it in my wallet. 

Anyway, I look up the web for his company's page and ring the main number. I ask for him when the guy picks up and soon I hear Daddy's voice on the other end. Finally I feel some sort of relief.  I wasn't calling to ask for help, per se, cos I knew he was at work. But ... if I'm to be honest - I was hoping that he would come to my rescue. 

"It's your little girl," I say. "I'm using the clinic's main line cos I left my fone at work and cabbed here to get the key from boss so that I can go back there and retrieve my fone." 

"Where are you now? "

I think he was a bit confused cos we have two clinics, and I caught him by surprise and I was talking at double speed. I told him where I was, and he said to get to XYZ train station and he would pick me up from there and drive me the rest of the way. 

I walked over to the nearest station only to discover that the spare train card I was carrying in my wallet had expired two years ago. The kind lady at the ticket counter told me so. Right. A single-trip ticket for me then. I manage to get the automated ticket machine to spit out a ticket easily enough, and was soon on my way to the station BIKSS mentioned. When I got there, he was already waiting. I think I ran to the car, knowing that once I got into it everything would be better! (Or at least now Daddy was here to help.)

And that was Fondles' Friday fone fiasco. (KD - that's for you!)

Excuse Me, Can You Fix My Brain?

You all know how I love to sit here and think about things, and about why I think about the things I think about, and what BIKSS thinks about the things I think about. 

Basically, I Think too damned much. 

But if I didn't, I'd have all these emotions that I wouldn't be able to explain (or deal with) and then I'd be a frantic/frenzied mess all the time. 

Well, most of the time I manage to figure things out. If not sooner, then later. But it usually all works out in the end. 

EXCEPT this one thing. This thing has made me pissy since the first time. 

BIKSS goes and does this training thing with his community kids on Sundays, remember? It started out as a "look-see" thing. His friend had started this group soccer thing, and invited him to go and take a look/ help out / give pointers. I THINK. I'm not even sure. 

The way I remember it, it was more like "I'm not doing anything at this time anyway and my friend is training a bunch of boys, so I'm gonna go and check it out and see what he's doing."

A couple of weeks later HE WAS NOW doing the training, there are training things in his boot, he's committed to this thing and ta-da, it was now a weekly affair that he was in charge of. 

Somewhere between Just-going-to-have-a-look Street and I-have-footy-training-every-Sunday Avenue he mentioned that getting out of the house for a legit reason on Sunday would give him more opportunity to sneak off and see me. 

Has that happened? No. Not once.  

When we were in Ho Chi Minh this is the thing we fought about. Every time he brought up this Sunday thing I would get annoyed and irritated. And I think, hurt.

I can't explain why. At the time I put it down to feeling "cheated". As if he wanted to find legit things to do so that he could have extra opportunities to swing by after he was done, or before. I got all excited about getting a chance to see him on Sundays after work (for me) when the house was definitely empty (yay, no accidental / awkward run-ins with the housemate)... I guess I was waiting for him to deliver. And he never did. 

When I confronted him about it he said at first he thought it might work but it didn't turn out that way. I don't know why tho'. Maybe wife expects him back on time. Maybe footy gets done at an inconvenient hour and he has to go straight back to get her for dinner. I think I would feel better if I knew. 

In any case, I also told him at the time that I felt like it was indirectly costing US time together. If he spent whatever time he had at home (on the weekends) entertaining the wife then at least on weekdays he could spend more time with me after work and what not. 

To be fair, he HAS been dropping in after work a little more frequently these days. So I know I shouldn't be pissy. Hey, eyes wide open right? 

But I dunno. It still pisses me off. Every Sunday when he lets me know he's off to footy I can feel the irritation start to build again. 

Admittedly the time at which he goes coincides with an annoying student I have so that might account for the added pissiness. 

Somewhere inside I think there's also this nagging feeling that's lurking in the shadows... that we always do stuff at his convenience. We meet when he can. Go out for dinner when he can. It's almost like everything else I do has to be planned around his availability. 

That's also the other reason I've been reluctant to go find more "things" for me to be involved in. I don't say it, it's not out there in the open, but I know deep down it's a consideration. There's a soup kitchen that is asking for volunteers on Mondays from 530 - 7. But that's one of the days BIKSS can come by after work and hang out with me, and, as a bonus, without any chance of running into the housemate cos she aint home then. And since I don't see him on the weekends, Monday is kinda a big deal. 

Argh, I hate that I feel this way.

Well, I've grumbled to him about it, and he says we'll talk about this tomorrow. I hope we manage to figure out what gives. 

In the meantime, if anyone out here knows how to fix it, please tell me!

Abandonment Issues

Yes. Me.

All the boyfriends I've had have this nasty habit of retreating into their man-cave when things don't go perfectly. 

When I get pissy, they disappear. That makes me more pissy. 

Things escalate. I resent them. They back off and stay holed up in their caves. The relationship teeters on the edge of a cliff. Everyone walks on eggshells. 

Eventually it's over. Then I meet a new guy. 

Rinse and repeat.

Fact - some women do better when they're left alone to calm down and cool off. 

I am not that type of woman.

Fact - some guys need to cool off before dealing with the problem. 

I understand this but expect the issue to be dealt with later and not just swept under the carpet. 

Enter a good older woman friend. Who talked me half to death about this. And made me realise I have abandonment issues. I seem to think whenever someone backs off it's a failing on my part, that I'm not good enough for them to be around. 

Raise your hand if you've had these thoughts : 

"He won't even fight for our relationship."

"He wants nothing to do with me." 

"Now I've gone and driven him away."

"I don't deserve him. I'm an awful person for behaving this way."

"There's something wrong with me. Or else he wouldn't shut down."

"It's all my fault."

Well, if you aren't nodding away, then good on you. If you are, I'm telling you right now, none of those statements are true.

And it took BIKSS for me to see that. Well, of course *I* think he's a superhero and that's why he managed to fix me. But the reality is, he understood that I needed him to be around me and reassure me ESPECIALLY when I felt like scum at the bottom of the pond. That means when I was feeling insecure, when we had a tiff, when I hadn't heard from him in a while, when I was sitting around wondering if he really loves me.... seems like a lot doesn't it? 

Which brings me to another thing - he never, ever made me feel like I was too much work. And I've asked him point blank too. LOL.

"Am I too much effort? I'm afraid I'll be too much work and you'll get tired of it one day."

Still nodding? Well, trust your man. If he says you're not too much work, then believe him. To be honest, I think they LIKE having to "work" on us. 

(Of course since I already knew that I had a problem with abandonment, I told him that I needed him to be there for me; that when I'm upset the best thing he could do for me was to hold me tight and claim me. I'm asking BIKSS about this right now and he says if I hadn't told him so, he would have pulled back to give me space cos it seems like the thing to do to let me rethink my behaviour/actions/decisions. So if you're like me, you need to TELL him what you need him to do when you're having a fit!)

The point to this post, I guess, is that I'm seeing some bloggers writing about :

1) feeling distanced from their Doms when they act up and he "gives them space to decide is this what they really want"; 

2) feeling like they are adding to their Doms' stress and  workload;

3) feeling like they shouldn't speak up because they're afraid their Doms will say "drop the whole thing";

4) feeling resistant to spankings/punishments and not knowing what to do about it because they signed up for it in the first place; 

...and I just had to write a reply in the form of this post.  

IF you worry that your Dom will walk away from TTWD, you may be worrying for nothing.

IF you worry that he's abandoning you, you have to tell him what you need - he can't read your mind.

IF you worry that you're not a good enough sub, then I worry that you think there's a recipe for a "perfect" sub - there isn't!

IF you're finding it hard to submit, TELL HIM and ask him to help you work out a "plan" to make the submission easier. I don't mean he should be "harsher" or more Dominant, sometimes taking a step back can do wonders in easing you back into that mindset.

AND if you think you're adding to his burden by sharing your stresses, trust me... it's easier you tell him as soon as possible than to try and sleep it off only to have it affect your mood the next day forcing him to then probe and force it out of you. That's MORE work for him, no?

[BIKSS adds- "Don't forget that if you don't tell me and I'm already stressed at work I could just add to your stress by snapping or being curt when you least need it. If I know, I can choose my words carefully cos if I don't and it sets you off, that just adds stress to my day and that increases the stress in yours... leading to shutdown and anger."]

You know, on the surface it looks like what he just said could be misconstrued to mean he has to be extra cautious around me. But I think the point is that we're both actively working to NOT add to each other's stress, and to be thoughtful of how the other person's day is turning out.

Right then, I admit my thoughts were a little bit scattered. I'm sure this could have been better presented but I wanted to write all this stuff before I forgot any of it. 

So. I'm getting off the soapbox now. Your views, anyone?

Just a Quick One

Blood test results came back good! Hurray :)

And BIKSS left this evening, after we had a couple of days of angst - I suppose he was busy and distracted with all the travel details on his brain, and I was stressy cos going-away is always hard for me. 

Sigh. I told him that I felt we were unravelling. He did manage to pep talk me last night, so that helped some. 

I suppose I shall just try and be nice while he's gone when I get texts from him... altho I do miss him terribly.

Warts are rapidly shrinking so I'm quite happy about that at least. 

I might not be posting for a bit.. so I'll see ya when I see ya :)

Meanwhile I shall be busying myself with catching up with people and cleaning the house... yes, some more!

The Last Spank

no no, don't panic. I don't mean EVER. 

Just for the year.

We started round two of Friday with a movie on the couch - Raise the Red Lantern - I was lying on the couch with my head in his lap, and BIKSS was stroking my back in the perfect way he does... 

At the end of the movie I needed to go pee. 

"Go, then come back and head to the room, and we'll lie down and do more strokies." (Yes, that's what I call it!)

We had a lovely time just touching and loving each other, and when he finally made love to me it was so intense (particularly after the events of the afternoon) that just before his final thrusts as I was looking into his eyes while he was moving in and out of me I started to cry. The tears just came and I couldn't control it. It was almost poetic; my eyes open, looking up at him, straight into his, tears pooling and eventually flowing over ... 

I asked him if it freaked him out that I began tearing, and he said no... that if I wanted him to stop I would say so, and that eventually I would talk to him about it when I had settled down. At moments like these I truly appreciate how well he knows what I need, what I'm about. 

When we talked yesterday he reassured me. And reminded me to trust him. 

that I won't fail u..like I feel u fear I will - like your other boyfriends did

that I will let you have your voice
that whatever I do I do for your good as well as mine: not JUST mine
that I will know when to make a decision that affects us both and that that decision was taken with thought and consideration for all concerned 
(edited)

We ended the year with some spanks over his knee. And then he rubbed me and held me... and that would be the last time we see each other (and I get spanked) this year. I was a little weepy as he left, cos holidays are always tough when you can't be with the one you love (and your friends are all married / partnered / vacationing) but I know he'll keep connected via skype IMs and texts... he always has. He always will. 

So, until my next post in 2013, Happy New Year everybody! 

Reminder - You Belong to Me

I was prepared not to see BIKSS for 10 days more after I got home, since it's difficult for us to meet on the weekend (his family, my work) and he'd be leaving on Sunday morning for another week. Yes, his company's sending him for two week-long courses back to back. Sigh. Poor me.

So I was ecstatic when he texted me last night and said that we could go walking... in my head I was jumping up and down and clapping my hands. Only in real life I replied that I would be delighted and then tried to remain cool and calm as I carried on with my last lesson of the day. 

After our walk he came over and as I prepared the bedroom (shutting windows, turning on the aircon) he molested me, kissing, fondling and ignoring my protests that we should shower first. 

"We should have dirty sex," he growls into my ear.

Now, ordinarily I would disagree vehemently, grab two bath towels, and possibly run away from him and into the shower. OCPD remember? But I was so grateful for his being there with me that all I did was wriggle out of his arms, ask him to check that the main door was locked, and continued getting the room ready for 'dirty sex'. That meant we'd be OVER the covers and not under it. It would have to do - that's as much compromise as my neurotic brain could handle. 

I flopped face down onto my bed and he came back into the room. Shutting the door he mused, "Ah, she's ready for me."

I giggled and was a little worried that I wasn't wet enough, since no part of me tingled with the familiar stirrings that are my usual signals of being ready. You know the ones, the heavy breathing, the twisting in the tummy, the clenching of pussy muscles. 

He placed himself over me and inspected between my legs, proclaiming with satisfaction (?) that I was indeed ready for him to fuck me. Oh my. I'm a class A slut for him, I swear. He proceeded to enter me straightaway. That got my juices flowing for sure. It was so hot being "taken" so immediately. The slapping of my ass cheeks as he fucked me didn't exactly go unnoticed either. He might have found the perfect recipe for making me a happy sub. 

---------------------------

When we were done, we lay there for a bit, and then I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to get clean, so I dragged him along with me to have a shower. Then we climbed back in UNDER the covers this time, and resumed our chatting and cuddling. 

He hinted that I would be giving him a blowjob later, but for now we would just talk and enjoy each other's company. Which was so perfect cos I had just finished massaging his leg (aching muscles) and he was being attentive to me by lightly scratching the small of my back. I LOVE THAT!

Soon we were spooning - a perfect position for him to twist and tease my nipples. I turned back to face him so we could kiss, and he asked me if I was ready. I made some positive sounding noises. 

"Are you ready for Roger? Go on down then."

I slid down and took his cock in my mouth. He grabbed my hair from time to time to control the depth of his plunging and the speed at which he fucked my face. 

"Will this help you remember you're mine for the next 10 days?"

I grunted something that I hoped would pass as a Yes.

"You know what will help you remember better? Get up. On your knees."

He got up too, and stood at the side of the bed. I was on all fours, my hands on the edge of the bed, and he continued to fuck my mouth while he held on to my hair. 

"That's it. That's my girl."

And then he spanked my bum as he fucked my mouth. 

And after he came and I released my hold on his cock to look up at him, he held my face in his hand and I basked in his approval.

---------------------------

Now this place that he'll be at in the coming week? There's a girl from his past that lives there. She used to work with his company but left some time back. And some of his colleagues are acquainted with her as well. 

I felt a little insecure about this so I teasingly asked if he was going to be sleeping with random girls while he was there... Yes, a different one every night, he replied. LOL 

OK, he knew what I meant, and I knew he was trying to tell me that I had nothing to worry about. 

Only we're not THAT hot, and I'm facing down, not sideways

"I'm just being silly," I whined into his tummy (I was crouched in the space between his legs and had my arms wrapped around and under him).

"No you're not. You know that we had a history, and you're just being cautious and there's nothing silly about that. It's perfectly understandable."

He also went on to tell me the last they had any contact was a text message 4 months ago about something else not "them"-related. But that since some of the people from the office also knew her, it is possible one of the others may contact her while they're there. And if she does meet them for a coffee or catch-up, he'll let me know. 

And that I could call him on face-time if I needed to talk to him "face to face" and that he'll text me every night at the very least, or call me, or I could call him. 

All in all, I think my (currently not-so-Evil) man did a splendid job in reminding me I am his, in reassuring me, and making me feel like I will survive the coming week. 

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Oh, and I kept the tee shirt he was wearing last night, and sent him home in a fresh one. I totally intend to make a BIKSS pillow with the one he had on. Hey, if I can't have the man, I can at least have his scent for company.

Emotional Safety

BIKSS was here again, doing some last minute stuff - on the house, and on me. 

I'm of course feeling really out of sorts. Well, I WAS.

Ok, there's the question of whether I should get them to install a temporary bath/WC; there's the question of staying while they renovate versus shifting out to the sister's apartment and then travelling back and forth EVERYDAY for 2 weeks; there's the stress from knowing I can't just call and ask him for help cos he's going to be in a different country the next 2 days for work; there's the lack of expendable funds should anything go wrong and require immediate fixing (calling in a specialist or buying new equipment/fixtures/material); and most of all, just an overall distaste for NOT BEING IN CONTROL of things. 

So, all the physical stuff got done and sorted- newspapers over the sink and stove; gaps between doors and frames taped over; all movable objects shoved away into the spare room. I had asked earlier on if he would spank me tonight - soundly and thoroughly. To settle me down. And to tide me over during his absence. I KNOW it's only a couple of days. And I'll probably be able to see him again in 3 or 4 days' time. But still. Explain that to the part of my brain that deals with feelings, not logic. 

Bye Bye BIKSS and Hello Corset

It's Friday and BIKSS is off on his bonding weekend. (Shhh... I won't say who he's bonding with.) And I'm so glad I work on weekends. It'll make the days pass much quicker. And before too long (I hope) he'll be back again. The plan is Monday but I'm not sure if we'll be able to see each other then. I DO hope so... or else I'll have to wait till Tuesday. Sigh. I'm feeling all "missing him" and sad-ish. 

My sweet, sweet man knows I have abandonment issues tho, so it was real nice of him to be texting me right up to the last moment. He sent me this:

You be good in the meantime...

 ...and I'll reward you when I get back.

*Grins*

(He texted a while ago to say they've arrived safely. Good. Now I can sleep properly.)

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In other news - I was browsing the local webstores last night and came across one that sold corsets, bustiers and waist-cinchers. I asked BIKSS if he liked corsets - yes, they're pretty, he said, but he reckons it would come off quite quickly. Why? I asked. Cos all the good bits are hidden!

Well, I've always wanted a waist cincher, so I politely enquired if we might be able to keep it on a little longer if the good bits weren't all hidden... long enough to justify paying for one at least. He is confident that this might very well be a likely outcome, so I went ahead and decided to order one. He chose this one :

I do so want to be able to wear it for him when he gets back, so I guess I won't be too upset if I DO have to wait till Tuesday. *Crossing my fingers and hoping this arrives before our next meet-up.*

Do any of you have something like this? Anything I should be warned about prior to putting it on?