I Was Stuck - and This Week's Food Pics

So a year ago when we needed a second caregiver for mum, the plan was to pick up some extra shifts since I wouldn't be needed at home to help out with her potty and baths and stuff. 

Somehow I think I got so used to always being home in the afternoons that I just got stuck in that routine. 

A week or so ago, a friend posted on a group chat that she had gotten a promotion. While I was really happy for her, I was also feeling a little bit sorry for myself. I don't regret the career choices I made, including turning down jobs that might have paid me more or given me better prospects at moving up the ladder. I'm happy I got to spend time with dad everyday before he passed away. And I'm trying to do the same with mum. 

But at the same time I've gotta start thinking about what happens when she's gone and I'm left to deal with rising costs of living and planning for my retirement. 

Some of my kids will be finishing with their grade 8s soon, and that means no more income from them. I think I had a little panic attack when I grabbed Betty for a sit down and chat and bemoaned my worries to her.

Which is when she reminded me that the original plan was to get a second carer for mum SO THAT I COULD GO GET ANOTHER JOB. REMEMBER???

Right. I think I was just frozen and stuck and didn't make any moves towards that goal.

So the weekend after I looked at some job ads on the web and found a music school really near my place looking for teachers. I rang them up and the centre manager asked if I could come in the next day for a chat. 

Well that was fast. Things don't usually go that quickly in my part of the world. 

I went in to speak to him the following day and got the job! 

And so now I have committed 14 hours (2 weekday evenings and a Saturday afternoon) to teaching with them, and I must say, he wasn't kidding when he said there were kids on a waitlist cos they didn't have enough teachers. I can't understand why tho, compared to my previous school, they pay a whole lot more commission, and they're very easy going - no stupid rules about dress code, no lanyards and ID tags, no hassle about taking days off as long as you find a day to make up the lesson. 

As it is we've planned a trip for the 3rd to the 7th of October - BIKSS and I are off to Chiang Mai in the north of Thailand! - and as we were coming up to the end of September I thought it would make more sense for me to start after I got back. 

No problem, we can start immediately, he says, then just see how we can make up the classes for the week you're away. I'll also be unable to come in on the xx of November (I've gotten us tickets for a play, I can't quite remember the exact date now LOL) - oh, that's fine, he says, we'll find another Friday to make that up. There are gazetted school holidays so you can just use one of those days. 

In my old school it would have been met with "Oh, I see, you have tickets... you've bought them, oh, any way to arrange it such that you can change or return or sell them off?" WTF. No. I hated that place because they were so sticky about time off. 

Mind you, I don't intentionally get tickets for days I'm working but this was arranged before I took the job right? So it's not like I did it on purpose. Old school didn't care. They were assholes. 

Anyway, so I started yesterday. And I have another lesson this Tuesday. And 3 more additional students next Saturday. He was right about that waitlist. 

So I'm happy. I've become unstuck and this is as good a way to get moving as any. More income doing what I love in a place where the people are nice, the management doesn't suck, and is close by to my home. 

AND I am totally looking forward to not worrying about spending money on the upcoming vacation! 

=================

Last week BIKSS had a bit of a stomach bug. It made itself known as we were finishing dinner. The Japanese place where we were eating had suddenly filled up with the smell of smoke from the meats being grilled in the open kitchen, and BIKSS couldn't stomach it. He was close to retching so we paid up and left pronto. 

Top - Chicken and Leek Yakitori

Middle - Salmon Carpaccio, Mentaiko grilled Tiger Prawn

Bottom - Pepper Chicken with Yuzu Sauce, Garden Salad and Miso Tofu

After a couple of days he felt better so we met for lunch and coffee to sort through or itinerary. We'll be flying via Bangkok so we needed to decide if we wanted to spend any nights there or go straight through to Chiang Mai, and also how soon we wanted to get back into Bangkok for our return flight. I wanted to go over some of the things we wanted to do in Chiang Mai so we would know how many nights to spend there. 

We were planning to go restaurant hopping for lunch. That was my plan anyway. But after a huge bowl of chicken soup (bottom pic) - literally, nothing in it but chicken and liquid - we were too full for anything else. 

Anyway, we got that settled at a Starbucks, and then headed off to get dinner. Which was a little more substantial. But it was MY turn to have not much of an appetite so we doggy bagged half of it.

Top - pork chop with tomato gravy - aka Hainanese style pork chop, Crab cakes - a favourite of ours.

And that is the news for this week. 

Exciting times ahead! 

This week I got me two packets of these from the supermarket cos they were marked down! Interesting flavour, but I don't think I'll be repurchasing!

F is for Finances, Fixed Ds and Full of Crap (F-cetera...)

I'm trying to sort out my life. More specifically, my finances. Like an adult. I've been putting aside some money every month towards paying off my main mega CC bill. That's finally showing signs of sorting itself out and I'm feeling very happy about the direction my bill is going, which is, down! 

I also looked around for a one time low-interest balance transfer facility which I've taken up so that I won't have to deal with escalating and accumulated interest debt. That's also been a great help and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. 

Now that I have some spare cash, or rather, I have managed to put aside some cash every month to force myself to start saving, I was looking at some Fixed Deposit (aka Time Deposit) account rates. I was pretty shocked. Since Covid, it has dropped by half. 

Last year I managed to secure an 11-mth tenure at 1.11% per annum. Sucky right? But when I looked a few days ago the max tenure was only 8 months for the bank which has the highest rate of... wait for it... 0.6% pa. Good golly. For every 1 thousand dollars I put in, I'll get $4 after 8 months. That's seriously awful. But it sure beats the savings account rates at the moment (0.05%pa). 

I suppose there aren't any better options out there right now (I need it to be relatively flexible so that in the event of a mother-emergency I can withdraw the monies without too much penalty.) So I shall do it! And hope that in 8 months time the rates will be better. Or at least NOT worse.

I also got some good news early this month in the form of a pay increment. It's not a whole lot, but it's enough to cover a small loss in income that will happen in the middle of the year as one of my piano kids will be finishing up her classes with me. She graduates this year and while I'm happy for her, it also means I'll be short of her monthly fees. 

This is hot on the heels of one other kid who left me last month because he has become unable to cope with schoolwork. Of course, piano and other extra curricular activities are the first things to go. One cannot just quit high school Biology, after all. 

The way around THAT was baking. I've resumed selling my lapis cakes. And business has been steady. I have lots of friends who are willing to support me (and happy to eat good cake). I've managed to sell two cakes per week, which is a comfortable rate and covers the fees I lost from the kid that left - doesn't tire me out too much, still gives me sufficient time for the other piano kids I have, and leaves me with enough free afternoons to run errands or write blog posts LOL. 

So all in all I'm kinda in equilibrium. 

UNTIL the fucktard brother came over to visit mum and tell her the news that he will be cutting her allowance by some small amount (which will only increase over time because I know how he operates). 

When he got retrenched he came by to announce it to the mother with pride and confidence. Now that I'm no longer employed, he said... I can start up my own psychotherapy practice, he said... cos I'm now a Masters Degree holder in Psychotherapy, he said. 

Pffft. Yeah right. Where I live, you need to jump through a million hoops to start up your own clinic. And be accredited with a thousand professional bodies. One does not just get a degree and open shop. When I told my friends about his proclamation they raised a collective eyebrow and said, "He does know that's not how it works, right?" I shrugged and shook my head.

There are very strict regulations here about making sure "quacks" don't go around charging good money willy-nilly for giving out advice to anyone willing to pay, without first having satisfied the government's guidelines on qualifications, ethics and a whole bunch of other things. Plus you need to have first worked in a government or semi-government facility to satisfy some sort of "training" requirement, to make sure you know what you're doing. Pretty much like a regular MD / GP / Doctor.

He has since realised that this phantom practice is earning him no money. So he moved into the master bedroom that mum vacated when she moved in with me, and has now rented out his old room for some steady income. 

Why they don't both go and get a job, I don't know. It's not like they have any elderly folk at home to take care of.  Full of crap, is what they are.

Well there is very little else I can do on my end, short of making the most economic purchases on mum's behalf, like getting her supplements and medications at the cheapest prices I can get them (thank God for online cashback stores with loyalty discounts etc).  And  I'm ever grateful for my boss who gets me mum's meds at almost cost price, even while utilising the government subsidy for 'oldies'. I mean, I'm not paying in cash, so he really doesn't have to do this for me, but he also realises that there is a limit on how much I can use per year, so the more meds I get through the subsidy, the less I'm out of pocket. 

Bless him. 

F is also for Food! 

I shall re-think our food delivery service. It was convenient and gave me some peace of mind knowing that I didn't have to rush home with lunch for the mother.  But it IS more pricey than if I were to just buy take out from our staff canteen. (I used to do that for a while but it was quite cumbersome with all the packing boxes etc.) 

I shall look into alternative packing-ware and see if we can work it out somehow so that I can save on daily food cost. It's a good thing I'm not a pork / beef eater (expensive in my country) and we don't have a habit of eating seafood (also expensive in my country). Occasionally a one-pound bag of 51/60 frozen prawns will be on sale for about $8... so I wait for that to happen. Fresh prawns, in comparison, go for about $12-13 for the same size / weight.

Mum's also on a mainly fish / chicken protein diet (as am I, but for different reasons) which, luckily, doesn't cost as much as pork / beef. So we're kinda lucky I suppose LOL. 

Salmon can be expensive so we don't eat it regularly, but there are lots of other fish available for a fraction of the cost... so we tend to eat more of those. (Altho' I did put a pack of salmon in the oven today.)

All in all, I suppose it's doable. I shall just have to pay more attention to the budget! Oh, and F is also for Frugal. 

Today's post was brought to you by the letter F

(click the pic above to find out more about the A-Z Blogging Challenge)

Being Grown Up (aka My Will Be Done)

I have the second dose of the Covid vax this Friday and wanted to get the Will signing out of the way. Who knows... they say after the second dose is when the symptoms - if any - show up and knock you over. And in fact, the reason I started the process was cos one never knows if one will get sick and die. ESPECIALLY in the current climate. Right? And there is that whole thing about cytokine storms especially in people who work in healthcare cos they have such robust immune systems. I have a robust immune system. I get sick maybe once a year (usually a flu bug in December). And when I do I'm really down for the count. We're talking 3 straight days - and nights- of sleep and then another 2 to regain some ability to ambulate that could pass as human-like movement. And I'm usually only feeling like myself again at least 7-10 days later. If there is no annoying lingering cough, that is. 

Altho, thanks to Covid (did I just say that?) I didn't get my usual year-end flu in 2020. Probably cos everyone was masked up! Kept me safe, it did. 

So my lawyer came by in the evening, and we sat down with my sister and brother-in-law who are acting as joint trustees and executors of my Will. 

It is done. 

And now there is NO WAY that brother of mine will have any part of anything I own in the event of my untimely passing. Or timely passing, for that matter. 

For if I predecease mum (that's a real word evidently, spellcheck didn't even show me the squiggly line under it) without a will then my property goes to mum. And when she dies it goes to her two remaining children. I'm NOT giving him half of my property. 

And if I outlive mum, then my property goes to my siblings. No thanks. And even if they're dead and gone, then it goes to my nieces and nephew. Again, no thanks. I'm not giving his stepkids a single cent either. They're all cut from pretty much the same shit-headish cloth as their mother.

So I've now left all that I own to my sister's two kids. Done and dusted. 

My mood pic today ~

A Spank is a Spank, to be Quite Frank

In the past I would make a fuss. Ask BIKSS why he was spanking me. I'd need to know what the purpose of a spanking was. Maintenance? Affirmation? Stress-Relief? 

Now that we've been at this almost a year ( I know, can you believe it??) I've given up trying to decipher between the different types. It's not important. Yes that's right, I have decided that I don't need to know.

Sure, as I commented on June's and Ward's Blog, the emotions associated with each one are different, but in the end there is only ONE reason BIKSS spanks me - because he can. Um, I mean, because I'm his. Yeah, that's right. *Chuckle*

You see, in the first place, if things weren't all right with us, there would be TALKING (and crying, and wailing, and some silence, and maybe exasperation on his part) not spanking. He wouldn't spank me if he were upset with me. Which means I'd have to be a good girl for a spanking to be taking place. That means it's going to always  be a Good Girl spanking. 

Now when I'm getting spanked, Roger's always up and ready for some action. So that's some Sensual / Kink going on right there. Plus BIKSS (and Roger) knows he can always put me over his knee because I'm a spanko, and oh yeah, he calls the shots. So that counts also as Role Affirmation. 

But just because I like being spanked doesn't mean it don't hurt. It does. And that's part of why I like being spanked. I enjoy the intense feeling of submission that enduring a spanking brings. It makes me feel owned, cared for, and worthy of his ministrations. That in turn drives home the idea that I need to continue being a good girl - which makes it Maintenance in the end. 

Needless to say, since I'm always happier after a spanking, I can attest to its usefulness as a Stress-Reliever too. I'm Centered and Grounded after having had my butt seen to. Because often this means that he's also seen to the parts of me that need cuddling, stroking, holding and reassurance. It's kinda like a package deal. 

And so, while each spanking may be a little different in the emotions that are flowing through both of us at the time, in the end I can safely say that I have gotten past my need for identifying and labeling them because the fact is he spanks me because I am his. That's it. Plain and simple. 

A spank is a spank. And to be quite frank.

I don't really care why and how.

All that I know, is it goes to show

He loves me even if I'm being a cow!

Talking Through It

Thursday night ended with a flurry of texts flying between our fones. I was disappointed that he couldn't come out walking with me. I had dinner plans that got cancelled, and would have gone to see my cousin off, but when the chance to see BIKSS presented itself, I jumped at it. 

And when it didn't happen I was upset. That led to some anger. And blame. And words. And frustration. And more words. Some pissy, some not. And eventually it got better.

So - over the last few posts I've learned some lessons, found out some stuff, made some decisions, and gotten some ideas.. 

1) Do what I need/want to do. And if I can't say OK if he wants to meet on short notice then I shouldn't feel bad about it. 

2) Don't plan walks together cos those are the MOST likely things to get cancelled. So if I'm walking, I'll tell him before I do and if he can come out, he can come out. And if he doesn't, well, I was going to walk anyway. 

3) Mondays seem to be the least likely in the no-show department. So maybe we'll just try and plan dinners / meetings on Mondays. 

4) I'm not sure what the Friday situation is, but I think that's a 50-50 rate of success type of thing. 

5) If he wants to meet or plan something, ask him what's the likelihood of this actually coming to fruition - is it a definite I-already-have-an-alibi thing, or a I-plan-to-but-I'm-not-sure intention.

6) Things at his house don't happen the same way things happen in my house. My family tells each other stuff way in advance and as soon as we know - Your dad and I are having dinner with your uncle next Sunday; I'm celebrating my birthday with the ex-classmates on Tues; Mary and Mike are gonna be in school till late on Fri. And this is a system that I'm totally and completely used to. Over in his house things sometimes don't get said till the morning of the same day. It baffles me, but er, what can I do right?

7) Which brings me to this - I can't fix him, or them, or anyone else. And I can't do anything about anyone else except me. So I'm just gonna have to change things that I can control in order to limit disappointment, increase success rate, and keep upsets to a minimum. 

8) Switching back to sub mode when he does come around isn't as hard... especially not when he comes and gets me from work, waits on my floor on the other side of the mall and surprises me by appearing before my eyes while I'm on the fone with him cos I called when I got done as I was told to do. 

9) Tuna in chilli and oil tastes awesome with spaghetti.

10) Men can carry a heck lot more groceries than I can. 

Which actually is really about last night - I wore a lilac set yesterday, and when we get home I typically hop into the shower. But I wasn't sweaty at all last night, so after a light hand spanking over his lap on the couch I was reluctant to let a pretty set go to waste. 

He got me into the room and I presented on the bed - and he spanked me some more. With his belt, with his hand, employing some new trick where he pushes up one finger against my pussy and spanks across both cheeks over that with his other hand. 

Some went by slowly, others quickly. One set made my toes curl - literally. He saw it and made a remark. 

Then he had me undress, as did he, and climbed over me positioning his cock at my entrance as I lay on my back looking up at him. He pushed in slowly, nudging, searching... and when his head was just about engulfed by my lips he thrust the rest of the way in.

Roger feels angry! 

Does he? Why?

Feels like he's exacting revenge on my pussy.

Hmmm why would he? 

 Cos she's been a naughty pussy?

.....You can imagine the rest. 

He stopped and tortured me by moving in an out only very slightly, just enough for me to need more, but not so still that I could forget there was an intruder in my folds - until I begged him to fuck me silly. Yes, in those words. I was all needy - and if I didn't feel subby before, this surely did the trick!

He made me repeat it a few more times before he resumed his rhythmic plunging. 

After he came I leaned over him and cleaned him up with my tongue. 

As we lazed and talked I apologised for forgetting that it's hard for him too. I get carried away with wanting him all to myself and I forget to be grateful for the times that he does spend hours with me. I suppose I really will have to learn to get used to (or at least tolerate) this habit of last minute relaying of information. 

I touched Roger after a bit, and sucked him, and unlike his usual slutty self (which is normally content with being in ANY hole) he specified this time that he wanted more pussy. So BIKSS got up, had me on my knees at the edge of the bed and doggie-styled me. 

The rest of the evening was pleasant... we measured the circumference of his shaft (yes you heard correctly), played with the tape measure (soft type that tailors use), went to the 24-hour store in flip flops to buy tuna and chilli in a can, walked past the 24-hour grocer and picked up a good sized piece of ginger that he has plans for this Monday, and we ate spaghetti with tuna while watching Honey Boo Boo on youtube - don't google it. Really. If I really wanted to share it I'd embed the video. 

Or hyperlink it. 

No, just don't. 

Then he mentioned not having the car on Monday so that he could spend a little more time with me over dinner and after - so instead of going to town for my treat I suggested an eating place a little nearer to my place, that's still relatively unknown and would be less risky in the being seen together department. 

Which makes me feel a little like, hey - YOU were supposed to plan the dinner treat and just whisk me away to a yummy birthday celebration, but again, I suppose it's just something I have to accept. The man is NOT about celebrating occasions. He does romantic gestures and surprises enough on regular days. But he just can NOT understand the concept of the Special Occasion. 

Still, we live and learn. It's been the first Christmas, the first New Year's Day, and now the first Birthday together. Next time round I'll be prepared... with a list of options. Or something. *Shrug* 'Cos hey, he may be the world's best cuddler, but P-L-A-N-N-I-N-G is the thing I do innit?

2012 going on 2013

Ok, I decided on a few things recently, and since it IS the 1st of Jan, I'll call them my resolutions:

1) trust BIKSS - he's not gonna walk out cos we have a tiff

2) dress up for my man - he won't think it's silly

3) take better care of my finances

4) continue to walk regularly

---------------------

On the last day of the year BIKSS managed to squeeze in a little Fondles time in the morning. 

He came over for breakfast, I gave him a blowjob, we went to town and ran some errands before the offices closed at 1, we stopped for coffee and carrot cake, walked around the theater poster shop to see if there was anything I liked, explored the arts and culture library that we've both never been to, then he dropped me off at the subway station where I was supposed to meet my folks. 

It was the perfect final date of the year.

And I hope we have many more perfect dates in the year ahead!

Here's wishing you Happy New Year Blogland friends! May 2013 be full of good things for all of you too!

NewsFlash - A Spatula Spanking

We interrupt our regular programming to bring you this newsflash:

Fondles' Bottom Brightened in Spanking Trial

In a delightful turn of events, it seems that Fondles and BIKSS not only sorted out their To Break Up or Not To Break Up mess over the weekend, but BIKSS is displaying a new-found clarity in the area of exploring their spanking limits. 

Perhaps the post that Fondles put up in the last 24 hours had something to do with it, but regardless of the reason, our little lady now sports an unmistakable spanking bruise on her left butt cheek. 

"It was from where the end of the spatula landed on her bum," BIKSS was proud to enlighten us when we asked him about this spanking frenzy he seems to have gotten into. 

According to our source, this was NOT the first spanking of the day either. During intercourse, merely a couple of hours before this exciting event, BIKSS had already landed 200 spanks on Fondles' upturned bum - a hundred on each side - and an additional 30 on each one after that "as incidentals", he calls it.  

Fondles reported that in a conversation prior to the afternoon's festivities, BIKSS zeroed in on the last line of her post - I see that it is his delivering one [a spanking] which is the reassurance I need of his commitment to being my Dom [verbatim], saying, to her delight, that he finally understood the reason for her desire to be spanked.

Clearly our hero has decided that if the lady wants reassurance of his commitment, then reassurance is what she'll get. Today's spanking is the first in a series of trials for this newly-enlightened Dom, but from the looks of it, I'm going to bet that it's here to stay!

When asked how she felt after the episode, Fondles had only good things to say, "It's like he finally gets how I feel about being spanked. In the past our spankings were always very mild. While they were immensely enjoyable, most of the ones we had didn't push me beyond my comfort zone, which is where I really needed him to go to feel his Dominance, I think. This is a good development for us."

Well, there you have it. It looks like our Fondles will have lots more occasion in the future to feel her Dom's hold over her - literally! As we understand it, in an unprecedented move, BIKSS held her cheeks together ("compressed" is the word he used) with one hand while raining down blows (recent reports put it at 80) across them both with the spatula in the other. 

Ouch! That's gotta hurt! 

Good girl, Fondles, as BIKSS proudly remarked : "[she] hardly squirmed even when I squeezed [her] butt cheeks together to try to increase the pain."

--------------  This is Sawyer B. Hyne reporting for Channel S News --------- 

Thank You All...

... for your comments, your virtual hugs, your care and concern. 

Thanks for the emails, and the offers to be a listening ear. 

In a nutshell, the deal is this :

I need to remember that this is temporary. No matter how much I love him and want him to be mine, it isn't something that will happen. 

So why did we do this?

Because it was supposed to make me stronger, build me up, help me realise who I am and arm myself with integrity and self worth and confidence to go out there in the big bad world and make smarter choices about the men I date while searching for The One. 

Erm - we didn't count on TTWD and our D/s dynamic to bring us as close to each other as it did. In the end I think we found a place where we both needed each other more than we cared to admit. 

On my part, I let myself forget. I latched on to the hope that maybe somewhere sometime there might be a slim possibility that we'd be together. And I was looking at that little 1% so intently I completely ignored the 99% glaring back at me - you know, the part that yelled "It's Not Going To Happen!"

OK, I learned something about myself (rather, finally admitted it to myself) over the 6-hour sit-down and dinner I had with one of my nearest and dearest friends tonight: I need to have someone to share my affections with. To rattle on about my day with. To have little anecdotes to share with. I'm at my most fulfilled when I'm "with" someone. Sad, but true. I've been single and free and obligation-less. And those were the times I felt the most empty. 

So - the right thing to do is end it, be single, date, and hopefully find someone worthy of the wonderful person that I am (*ahem*) - but if that doesn't happen, and I'm not attached, I'll be miserable.

Instead, and if you want to roll your eyeballs, go right ahead, I'm going to leave things the way they are WHILE I date. I just have to remember to date. And not get complacent and be happy with just BIKSS.

I suppose part of the reason I stopped canvasing the dating scene was cos I felt it would hurt him - under normal circumstances that's what the expected norms would be for a couple involved in a relationship! But then, given the situation we're in, I think the very concept of "norms" is moot.

And so, my love, one day you will have to let me go, because you have to. I wish it isn't so, but you and I both know that's our reality. So in the meantime, you shall just have to be strong for me and let me cling on to you for comfort while I navigate through the waters of the dating game. 

You admitted a part of the problem was your selfishness - you didn't want to tell me that we had to stop this because you love me and you love being with me. I forgive you, for it is my turn to be selfish and keep you close while I do what I must so that I can, one day, let you go. 

[Addendum]

Since I posted this we've talked some more and then some more. And it seems there has been a bit of a confusion as to what we both thought the other person thought. And there was some pre-empting of doing and saying what we thought was the "right" thing when really what we should have been talking about was what we actually felt / thought.

I feel that since I've been so emo, and that all of you have rallied round to offer support and hugs, I owe it to you to explain now that things have been sorted out some.

The realisation that hit me yesterday is very real - it exists. Chances are good he will never be 100% mine.

But I was working under the assumption that there was a time limit to our relationship - a year, or two, or five... who knows.

BIKSS, however, has been happy to be selfishly claiming me as his own cos he's prepared to be with me (in whatever form he can) until one of us kicks the bucket.

Um, I didn't know that. He didn't know I didn't know that.

Some months ago when we were talking about the practicalities and logistics of carrying on an affair such as ours I said to him that I see it ending if and when one of us became unable to move about independently - he agreed thinking that I meant when we were old and gray and, well, dead.  I was actually referring to some point in the near future, like prematurely taken ill or rendered physically impaired.

So when I asked him if he could love me forever and ever and ever if I never found someone to marry, he didn't understand me. He thought that was what our understanding was. Er, oh wait.

I was weeping cos I thought we would HAVE to break up at some point.

And I think he thought he HAD to cos I wanted him to marry me and that's something he can't promise me.

Um, we've gotten to the bottom of things. And just to be on the safe side, I'm still going to date if someone comes along that I can stand the sight of and can string an English sentence together. (Surprisingly rare in my part of the world!)

But, uh, yes. This is me sheepishly saying that we're ok now (there's more to it, but I shan't get into boring detail about who said what and who meant what etc.) And you'll be hearing about more of our adventures yet!

Spanked to Tears - A Decision Made

This will be short and sweet.

Initially I toyed with the idea of being spanked to tears.

Then we had a seriously painful spanking session which made me think I wasn't sure I'd be able to survive till  I got to the "tears" part and thought maybe I should abandon that idea. But by the next morning I wasn't so sure of anything anymore! 

Paddle Me Pink

We hadn't really decided one way or the other, thinking maybe we should get in a little bit more experience and practice with this whole spanking thing, what with trying out new implements recently and all that. 

Then Jake wrote this particularly insightful post. And then we talked about it today. 

And I suppose we've come to a decision. That we're not going to try to get there anymore. If it happens, it happens. But it's not going to be some sort of goal to strive towards. 

So there you have it. The decision has been made. Together. By both of us.