When Is a Breakthrough a Breakthrough?

I suppose when things feel stuck, and your brain latches on to some new idea

Or when a thing you're afraid to say just cannot be left unsaid anymore

Perhaps when there's a problem that needs addressing, and you know that talking about it COULD make it worse

How about when you BOTH are reluctant to admit something because doing so would make it real

💢

*IS* there a problem? 

☝Disconnect. I miss the tenderness, the reaching for me, the grabbing my hand and putting it on his lap as he drives... it had been ages before the day we talked that he last kissed my forehead, my nose... 

Lesson - INSIST on being treated the way you want to be treated. 

Tangential Lesson - sometimes you realise shit only when you're talking about the OTHER shit.

✌D/s. It had all but disappeared. I'm not innocent in this. The menopause and the fluctuating hormones that accompany this time in my life has wreaked havoc on my libido. Do we still have sex? Yes. Is it as hot and heavy as before? No. Do I consider it a duty? Yes. Is that bad? No. Does he want me to think of it as a duty? Probably not. But as one half of this relationship and because I acknowledge that sex is part of this relationship is that acceptable? Yes. To me anyway. 

Sex is a strange part of relationships. I've decided that it's a HUGE part, but one that is played down because society thinks it's crass to talk about it as if it's ALL there is in a relationship. It's not. But it's a HUGE PART. Acknowledge it. 

Still, old habits. We are conditioned I suppose, not to place emphasis on it. I live in Asia. Conservative Asia. Pffft. 

Lesson - Be crass, be obvious, be direct. If you want sex, say so. If you want sex, initiate it. If you want sex, whisper it in my ear. 

Lesson 2 - Be deliberate in the D/s. We need to be quiet, there are other people in the house. But there are quiet ways to have kinky sex. 

👌Fondles is mad. Well, Fondles wants to know stuff. But some stuff about how he does his life and his family, Fondles doesn't agree with. 

But more than that, I have a chip on my shoulder and it's too heavy for me to shrug off on my own. A little help would be appreciated. I'm a minefield, he doesn't know when a thing is a thing that I'll get mad about or a thing that I'll ignore. I recognise this. I also recognise that I need to be better at being a LOT MORE DIRECT about telling him and not be worried about what he will think of it. 

Lesson - BIKSS is difficult to offend. (At least, he'll try really hard not to let what I say offend him.) So if something hurts just say it.

Reminder Lesson for BIKSS - if you say something and I get upset by it, grab me, hold me, and reassure me. Don't 'give me space'. 

Bangkok Foto Dump - May 2025

I'm back. It was a lovely vacation, we had a fair amount of couple time *ahem* if you know what I mean, but I cannot expound because Blogger will probably put a ban on me again.

I found renewed joy in being able to serve again. BIKSS always said I was a service sub. I'm not sure I enjoy being told what to do, or how to serve tho. I'm more a control-freak sub. Plus ok, maybe a bit of it is I want to serve, in general. I enjoy hosting dinners, organising brunches, sorting through tons of still-good clothes, toys and kitchenware to post on my re-homeing groups. There is a FINE line between service and bossiness, as you can see.

Anyway, it's wonderful to be appreciated. We had a lot of good conversation, about us, about our relationship, about how we interact with each other. I made him coffee, did some shopping on his behalf while he was at work, and managed a spot of ironing - and sewing, cos I saw some of his shirt buttons needed reinforcing. They weren't gonna pop off anytime soon, I don't think, but would have at SOME point! 

Our *ahem* couple time was also a little bit more spicy than usual, with some ripping of underwear (disposable panties are awesome!), mild choking, spanks and just a bit more relaxed banter and fun being had all-round. 

There was a point where I said I would endeavour to stroke Roger with my mouth 100 times. And I did. And I think that simple non-complicated act I'd done a thousand times before might have been the highlight of our fun times just because I put a number on it. I dunno what that's about, but it felt very satisfying. 

I got most of my shopping done on the first day! Located a supermarket that I chanced upon on my last trip there (and therefore didn't really take note of which mall it was in) in the second mall I came to... and spent a hundred bucks on snacks and condiments. It was madness. 20% of it was snacks. 80% was condiments. 

Here goes... (in no particular order... I'll post captions along with the pics)

The Promised Land... aka Tops Supermarket where I spent the MOST money in one go

Half of my loot -

Most of it was Namprik,  which is a dried chilli condiment that can be mixed with fish sauce and/or lime or vinegar to make a dipping sauce, or just sprinkled over a dish (rice, stir fry veggies, fried noodles etc). Some of it is plain dried chilli seasoned with shallots and garlic and what not, but I also got some with dried fish, dried squid, and some paste (in-oil) versions made with crab and shrimp.  There were also mushroom ones (vegan-friendly) which I got for the brother - let it not be said that I'm not charitable even tho' I know I said once mum was gone he'd be cancelled from my life! Hrmph. I have a soft heart, what can I say. Well, not really. If I'm being really honest, this is just me protecting my reputation and making sure NO ONE can say I was the asshole here. Ha! Take that!

I digress. It looks something like this - and I have a LOT of little packets. 

The view of the mall's facade from the connecting linkway from the hotel

Dinner at a restaurant that was recommended by one of the hotel staff

Stir fried something (veg), crispy squid and squid roe (I didn't know there was such a thing) in a bed of crunchy fried seasoned garlic bits. (They sell those in a bottle too, and I bought some, of course!)

Blended guava with plum puree drizzle. Not my thing. BIKSS enjoyed it tho.

And a sampling platter. Skinny chicken in filo pastry rolls, Thai fishcake, moo ping (yum!) and some prawn fritters.

I'm not sure if they intended for Eatopia to sound like Ethiopia. I thought it was most unfortunate.

(But seriously, Bangkok IS a lousy place if you're on a diet...)

Croissant-waffles. They go by a lot of different names, usually some combination of the two words, but I understand at least ONE of those names have been wordmarked. I didn't try any simply because there were a pair of flies hovering over the treats. 

I did have a mille-feuille. And some kind of earl grey lavender tea concoction that tasted neither of earl grey nor lavender. It was still delicious tho. It was also a very expensive afternoon treat (20 bucks!). But oh my, that confection was HEAVENLY.

I also did buy a couple of Cinnabons - well, BIKSS bought them to placate me after I got upset that the lady at the restaurant made a boo-boo when I was paying with my phone... she brought her silly handheld machine to my phone BEFORE I could toggle to the card I wanted to use. I mean, GO AWAY and let ME bring my card to YOU. Pfft. I was grumbling. I saw the shop. We stopped in. And I could see the excitement in his eyes at the opportunity to buy me some pacification by way of a sweet treat. 

"If I said I was still upset would you buy me more treats?"

"Uh-huh, for sure. What would you like?" 

LOL.

There's a music studio INSIDE H&M!

There's a cafe in H&M too. Seems there are cafes EVERYWHERE in BKK.

More shopping. Beauty haul. Got a foundation stick (not so great, so I'm glad I didn't pay FULL price for it which I would have if I'd gotten it back home). Tweezers and little scissors for beauty needs. A whole bunch of perfumes from a Thai perfume brand called Butterfly - they have a permanent booth in one of the marketplace areas of the mall and it was crazy packed. I'll admit, that was the only reason I wandered over to take a look - to see what all the fuss was about. Got BIKSS one too, and they gave some tiny samples. Picked up a bottle of lemongrass and mint essential oil blend - heavenly! And mixed nuts for half what I have to pay for them back home.

Very informative labelling on their cooking oils.

Dinner at Beer Republic on the ground floor of the adjacent Holiday Inn Hotel - the top left photo is a baked tandoori-seasoned cauliflower covered in some kind of yoghurt based dressing. And served with a knife stabbed into it! The chicken quesadillas had a crispy shell, almost like a deep-fried roti. Very delicious.

Fried vermicelli with crab and water mimosa. Tastes like kangkong (aka water spinach) if you ask me. That's green curry in the background. And we actually DID have stir fried kangkong too. That spoon tho, was absolutely perfect as a serving spoon. It really did the job! Looks like the bigger brother of what we used to get in the old days back home for tiny dessert spoons.

(This is a picture from Ebay - under Vintage Old Chinese Metal Spoon)

THIS dessert was NOT $20. Krispy Kreme had an Ovaltine thing going on and the lady recommended this from the 3 offerings they had on display. I was not disappointed. Cream covered Ovaltine glazed donut with mascaporne cream filling. 5 bucks, Thai milk tea included.

(Ovaltine Krispy Kremes)

Part of our Siam Paragon Food Court dinner. We traipsed over to the slightly farther away (20min walk) Siam Paragon cos the food court there is somewhat legendary. BIKSS had never been and he was pretty impressed by what it had to offer. We found a table and I sent him off to "find interesting food". 

He came back with moo ping (have I mentioned it's a favourite of mine?) and crab meat rolls (also something I enjoy tremendously!). Clever man. And that green dipping sauce? I got me a bottle of that from the supermarket too. Spicy, savoury, sweet and sour all rolled into one. Absolutely perfect!

While looking up the internet for a description / wiki page on crab meat rolls I learned they're actually called Crab Jujubes or Hoi Jo. Which sounds similar to what we call them at home - Hey Cho. I just didn't know they were called Jujubes!

After some dumplings and a layered pasta and cheese dish (that felt like it was supposed to be lasagna but wasn't - still delicious tho) I sent BIKSS off to get a banana crepe. I saw the sign as I went past the shop, but I didn't LOOK at what their version of a banana crepe actually was. I imagined slices of banana in a rolled up crepe. With a dollop of cream. I was wrong. As BIKSS said "There's enough cream in there to paint a house". I am wont to agree. Still, we DID finish the lot! LOL. Diet be damned.

(Assorted dumplings with chive, yam, bamboo shoot and turnip fillings)

Squares of 'Decepticon' lasagna with various toppings. It's meat + tomato sauce ala lasagna, but instead of layers of lasagna, it's layers of mozarella sheets, and between them, more meat, veggies, and at least one layer of fusilli.

We saw these WAY after we had finished dinner and while I desperately wanted to try some, I was too full of banana crepe cream. Originally a Japanese pancake, the okonomiyaki sold here are covered in a variety of delicious toppings and set on a stick for portable eating. Oh, but don't you fret. I'm coming back for you! 

(CLICK HERE if you'd like to watch a half an hour Youtube review - not by me - of said food court)

Then there was the fluffy pancake that was magic on a plate. Ricotta pancakes are the best thing since sliced bread, I'm telling you. It's the first time I've had a chance to try some, and I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED. I console myself by believing there's more protein in them cheesy clouds of bliss than in a regular pancake plate. Check out more pics on Instagram.

I think ours was a macadamia and vanilla sauce with mango topping.

And that's that. I don't think I did anything else besides eat and shop. And have some fun times in the room with BIKSS. The PERFECT getaway imho!

(Yes, I'm sure you put on a couple of pounds just looking at those pics!)

Audiobooks, Anniversary, Au Revoir, Ailments

Hello beautiful people in Blogland. 

I have been away from here for so long. Not because there isn't anything to write about, but because I've been so busy. 

CG1 is going back to visit her family for a month next week, so I've been helping with organising the tickets, the admin stuff (like re-entry permits, insurance for renewing employment permits, etc etc) and I've also been the one in charge of planning the last two trips to Kuching and Malacca so I have found myself in a heap of admin recently. 

Also, and perhaps the bigger reason why I haven't written as much, is because I have been hooked to my raunchy audiobooks. The Uptown Girls series is what I'm listening to right now. And there are plenty more such *ahem* "romantic" novels. I AM fussy about the narrator tho and will only listen to the ones read by Justine Eyre. 

That aside, we celebrated our 13th year at the beginning of this month. I can't believe what started out as a sorta kinda flingy thing has ended up the longest relationship of my life. It's not been without its fair share of fights and stressors, he's the stressor, then we fight. LOL 

Most recently we had another long discussion about the difference in the flow of information between us. I tell him everything and he tells me nothing. Why? We've worked out that it's a psychological, childhood trauma thing (he doesn't think anything he has to say will be a thing I would want to know... clearly he's no stranger to self-deprecating thinking), and after hashing it out over and over in various different permutations over the years, and most recently because I refused to just let it go and sweep it under the carpet and leave things alone (do we NEED more cliches?), I said we need to deal with this and find a solution or else it's going to be hanging over me like a storm cloud and I'll resent him for it as we move through the months to come. 

If I wanna know stuff, I could keep asking. But I wouldn't know what I don't know. Most recent example, the boys' trip to HK for the rugby 7s I thought he was going on ended up being a bunch of people, some he didn't know, two he met once, and his best friend, going to HK separately and with various combos of family (wife, solo, wife+kids... etc) and the guys (and on the last day, also the wives, maybe one maybe two... who knew?) would meet up at the games on the 3 days. How is that a boys' trip?

I mean, if it's a boys' trip I assumed the 4 of them would travel there together and share rooms or at least room in the same hotel.  Not be a total bunch of upwards of 10 people, all travelling on their own, with no "together" involvement except for meeting up at the games and eating before and after - and in different combinations of who's eating and who's not at that. Cos not everyone had meals together. They just came and went as it suited each of them.

So in that case, how am I to know to ask "Are the wives going, are the kids going, are you travelling together, are you rooming with Joe..." ? There are some things that I'm allowed to assume when I hear "Boys' trip to HK for the Rugby 7s", no? Why would I ask if the wives are going, if it's a boys' trip? Cos I imagine MY response to such a question would be "I said it was a BOYS' TRIP... why would the wives be going?" Evidently this is not the case when a guy says "boys' trip". 

I COULD just ask a bunch of questions everyday. What you doing? Where you at? What plans for the day? Saw anything? Ate yet? Anything exciting happening at work? Any accidents on the road? Any medical issues I should know about that suddenly happened today? I mean, it's bluddy ridiculous. I would resent it. He would resent the questioning. And I would get tired and bored.

OR. I could just ignore everything and take an "I'll just accept what you wanna tell me when you wanna tell me" approach. In the meantime I would ask myself why I was being so stupid and needy and clingy and telling you everything that's going on in my day when you clearly do not share the same level of communication. I would resent it, and curtail the information flow. And then we would have the same relationship you have with your wife. Don't ask don't tell, yes? 

It would be the end of us. I'm certain. 

Anyway. After a frustrating evening of going round and round in circles (see conversation below) the man had an epiphany. And was also overcome with a stroke of brilliance - he said (before sharing said epiphany with me) "And with this I feel like I'm going to talk myself right into a spot". Which he really did. 

Me - Why do I tell you stuff? Why do I inform you of this and that? 

Him - Because it's exciting to you and you want me to know.

Me - Ok, how is it exciting to tell you my friend wants to borrow money. Plus, it doesn't concern you, it doesn't make a difference to your life, it doesn't affect you at all. And still I tell you. Do you want to know such things? Should I not bother to tell you this kind of stuff? 

Him - No, I like hearing this stuff. 

Me - And I like hearing YOUR stuff.

Him - But I don't have interesting stuff to tell you... my day is boring and mundane. 

Me - And my friend wanting to borrow money is interesting how? Saying "I'm on my way back from work" is interesting how? Telling you all the things I tell you .. isn't it mundane too? 

** this is the part where he had his epiphany and said what he said about talking himself into a spot**

Him - It's not mundane because it pertains to YOU and what is pertinent to YOU or affects YOU or bothers YOU or involves YOU matters to ME. Cos it's YOU. 

Me - Tada! Now do you get it? 

He says he did. He looked really uncomfortable lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling, and I could see the gears turning in his brain. 

Well then, let's see. 

At least we got that sorted somewhat... before moving ahead into the next year. I'm not saying it's going to be all hunky dory now, but at least he's figured THAT one out. I'm sure there will be other blocks. It's not going to be a fix all. But I'm nothing if not tenacious and if I have to chip away at his traumas one psychological barrier at a time, then so be it. 

Bring it on! 

Haven't invested 13 years only to give up now... 

And speaking of anniversary, he got me another silver coin - 

It's so pretty! I bought him a kazoo. LOL. It hasn't arrived. But I can't wait for him get his hands on it and make all sorts of noise! 

In personal medical news - I've changed my HRT to tibolone. It's a drug that when metabolised by the body produces the hormones I need. Don't ask me how it works. I can't fathom it myself. But it's supposed to be better than the previous one I was taking. Best of all - no withdrawal bleed. But it's early days yet... I've only started taking it this week. Hopefully the aches and pains I get during the 'low dose' week on the triphasic pills won't be as pronounced. 

Speaking of hormones, I've been to see my physiotherapist cos my shoulder pain is getting more annoying. And I'm freezing up. Apparently there is a term for it in Chinese he says - the 50s Shoulder. Seems the changes in hormone levels affects the shoulder (specifically the shoulder joint, he doesn't know why, but it does) in some women and a LOT of women in this age group end up with a frozen shoulder. Yup. It's an 18-mth curse on average, sometimes shorter in some people, consisting of 4 phases. We all suspect (by we I mean me, my boss-cum-GP and physiotherapist) that I'm in phase 2. It started presenting in November, so at an average of 3 months per phase, I'm in the Freezing stage. 

The good news is that once it's actually in the Frozen stage, there is less pain, just stiffness and limited mobility. I can't wait for this shit to be done with. 

In travel news, if all goes to plan, I'll be hopping into Kuala Lumpur with BIKSS on the 15th of April cos he has a worktrip coming up. Fingers are crossed.

And now I will sleep. Here are some pics from the last month.. 

Lunch at an unexpected Vietnamese restaurant while waiting for my physio appt

Tonight's Peranakan Dinner Buffet

Melaka / Malacca last weekend

A simple explanation of where my people come from - Melaka is the birthplace of my great great great Granddad. I think. I can't remember how many "greats" there are. And it's too late in the evening and I'm too lazy to dig out the books to check. But yeah, that's where we come from originally.

The Melaka River (and a hotel on the other side... Casa del rio I think it's called)

Enjoying a Peranakan Lunch

Clockwise from left :

Bak wan kepiting

Nangka lemak

Beef rendang

Cincaluk ulam

Babi tohay

Center : ngoh hiang with cili cuka

My own version of nangka lemak which BIKSS tried today - 

Young jackfruit in a coconut milk gravy, with prawns

on the river cruise

 

And that's all for now... I shall come back with MORE news! 

The Trouble with Men

Is that they screw up. And then what am I left with? A broken heart? Nay. An unsafe one. That's the outcome of our most recent squabble. He did a stupid thing. A repeated stupid thing. One that I've already worked out a solution for, but would he do me the favour of just doing it the way I've asked? Nope. Cos in his head his way MAY still be the better way. Perhaps this time his way will work. Well it wasn't, it didn't, and a massive screw up followed. 

That's been sorted by now. But for the first time in a decade, I told him, my heart felt unsafe. How do I know this isn't going to happen again? It's happened before and it happened again, despite his saying in the past it wouldn't. Am I to be resigned to a rinse and repeat situation for the rest of my life?

Long story short, he assures me that it won't happen again, perhaps because this is the first time I've ever said I don't feel safe anymore. And that made him sit up. So we'll see. Do I wish it didn't have to come to that? Yes. But it did. So it did.

But this is just to say that the same shit can happen again and again, and with each working out of the mess that ensues, something may change. Sometimes a big thing. Sometimes a small one. But we just keep moving forward. That's all we can do. 

And just cause you've sorted out a mess, it doesn't mean it won't happen again. Frustrating, but true. 

Meanwhile, here are pictures of our most recent dinners - because what else can I write about on this non-R-rated blog. Pfft. 

Fried yam ring with scallop in the middle. 

Various dim sum dishes. 

This was had at a dim sum restaurant that was offering its bestsellers at 50% off as part of their anniversary special. Who doesn't love 50% off dim sum?!

Doesn't look like much but this butter chicken shakshuka was very delicious! 

Thats a wagyu burger. I think waygu is wasted on a burger. 

This was had last week when I was in town to see my jeweller. We looked for a quiet-ish restaurant because it was a Friday and the masses were out and about. The crowd was ridiculous. Ended up at a farm to table Australian place. Not bad, but very expensive.

Barramundi with a side of lotus root and artichoke. Soaked and baked in a medley of Mediterranean flavours, olives and all.

A friend recommended the pancake stack but the dessert version sounded way too sweet for my liking. We ordered the fish and chips with pancakes instead. I really liked the maple syrup. 

I'm going to sign off abruptly now because Blogger seems to be editing my words. Like I'll type something and then it'll just change magically to some other word. So before I lose the entire post, I shall take my leave.

Thoughts and Finding my Mojo

The fotos of the trip will come soon, I promise. 

(and soon is a strange word innit? anyone here seen The Chosen? if you have, you'll understand the reference to that word!)

While we were on vacation (ok, I was on vacation, BIKSS was working) I found my mojo. Either

1) Those essential oils for rebalancing my hormones are working, or

2) The fact that they're relaxing and calming and have eased all the aches and pains means I'm more receptive to sexy time stuff. 

The boss thinks it probably also has something to do with getting over the chronic stress and tension of being a caregiver for half a decade.  He says usually it takes about 6-8 months, or sometimes even 12 months, for this kind of long-term stress and anxiety to wear off before any interest in sex returns. 

Well, whatever it is, I'm glad it's back. 

We had many plenty sex. BIKSS got many plenty blowjobs. We had sex in the mornings, before bed, when he got back to the hotel room after work and before going out to dinner... 

The room came equipped with spanking apparatus too!

OK Fine, it was a clothes brush. But a handle is a handle, and THAT handle made contact with my butt! 

There were hand spanks too, and not just on my ass. The boobs got smacked, the face got smacked, even pussy got a few slaps for good measure. 

There was pinching, there was gagging, there was panting, there was a lot of action that had been missing in our sex life over the last few years. And there was interest. 

I was horny. ACTUALLY horny. Not just "dutifully" servicing the man, but demanding to be serviced! 

So yes, I think the mojo is back, and I think BIKSS is relieved. 

He's been extremely sweet over the last few years that I've been disinterested in sex. We HAVE fucked, don't get me wrong, but I haven't exactly been eager to tear his clothes off. 

If I'm being honest, a lot of it was duty driven. Which brings me to the other thing that's been on my mind a lot lately. 

For some reason this topic of conversation has been making an appearance frequently over the last month or so. In a nutshell, it's this - if you don't take care of your man, he's going to find someone else who will. (We are M/f so my examples and references will reflect this type of coupling.)

I will qualify this by saying I'm not talking JUST about sex. But that IS a part of it. 

So here is where I might sound like I'm comparing myself to his wife. That's not the intention, but if it looks that way, then so be it. 

For one thing, there's the sex and the blowjobs. Then there's the DDlg / D/s dynamic. That one's a little contentious. After all, it was ME who wanted such a dynamic, not him. But he has found it agreeable and enjoys it all the same. 

But it's the other things. Health. Diet. Supplements. Blood tests. Vaccinations. Thankfully he's able to handle exercising on his own, but in the past, that was something I would drag him out to do too. Vacation itineraries. Food adventures. Arts and Culture - I make it a point to attend shows and concerts and events that will enrich us. Fashion. Personal Style (when he changed jobs to join the luxury industry we both realised it was necessary to up-style his wardrobe!) Information. Tools. I used to send him links to videos and articles that were relevant to his industry (especially in the first months of his joining the new company).

When we vacation together I'm his personal round-the-clock housekeeping service. Coffee maker, cup washer, shoe arranger, shirt folder, towel hanger upper, personal item picker upper. You get the idea. I said to him recently, it must be nice to have your own slave with you on a business trip. (And I don't mean specifically Master/slave type of slave in the context of us having a D/s r/p. But literally a slave-girl to do all the chores and keep the place neat and clean and serve him coffee when he arrives back at the hotel after work.)

When we do get a chance to wake up together in the morning I make certain to touch him, stroke his chest, kiss whatever part of him is easily reachable to me in my sleepy state without my having to move around too much. 

I am currently trying to reset a lappy that I got for free so that he can have it to use at home without lugging the office lappy back and forth. Sure, I could chuck the thing at him and say, here, I got it, you configure it. But if I can do a thing that makes his life easier I would do it. 

Very, very early on, in the first few months of this blog's inception, I wrote a post about our dynamic. I said pretty much the same thing. If something I do can make his life a little bit easier, a little bit happier, then I'm doing it.  

Coming back to the bit about taking care of your man, I must also mention intellectual stimulation. I know one of the things he enjoys about spending time with me is that I make him think. And we spar. And we discuss. And sometimes we fight (not my best moments...). We learn stuff together. We talk about philosophical things. We dig around each others' brains to suss out deep dark thoughts and desires. And I always want to know what he's feeling. About work. About himself. About his life. Well, with one exception. 

For obvious reasons, the one topic I will not discuss is his family. Not only does it not concern me, but I am (and have to be) kept especially and entirely separate from it. Therefore I find it would only harm my emotional self if I were to discuss this aspect of his life. And this is something I will not do. I will care for him and build him up as long as it is not detrimental to my own self. 

But that's also a very specific exclusion peculiar to our situation. And doesn't apply to regular marriages and relationships. 

Anyway I shall continue. The thing that I have discovered is that the friends (women) with whom I have discussed this topic have all in one way or another come close to 'losing' their blokes, or at the very least felt that their relationships were headed south. And then realised that the fix was relatively simple. And once they decided to start 'taking care' of their men, things got a whole lot better. 

I suppose the point I'm trying to make is, as girls growing up in my generation we were taught about equality and all that jazz. Stand on your own two feet. You don't need to pander to the needs of any man. You don't need them. You are independent, educated, confident. Blah blah blah. But no one reminded us that at the heart of the matter, men and women have very different needs and it's all just biology. They want to feel loved, wanted, cared for, and nurtured. These are not needs that are reserved just for the fairer sex, as romance novels (and Disney princesses of old) would have us believe.

(Before anyone reminds me that this is a D/s community and what I've been talking about is what everyone here already knows, that the Dom-sub relationship works wonders for a relationship because it is very often part of the contract or dynamic that subs, for want of better phrasing, give their Doms whatever is asked or required of them as the Doms see fit or for their pleasure; I want to emphasise that some men may not be comfortable with dominance and may not enter into such a relationship with thier spouses. Or their spouses may not be willing to be a sub. Honestly, would BIKSS and his partner have a much better relationship with D/s present? Sure. I believe so. Would he ever have brought it up to her? No. Would she have ever agreed to it? No. At least, I doubt it GREATLY. My point is, couples don't have to be in a D/s r/p to enjoy the rewards of this dynamic. JUST TAKE FUCKING CARE OF YOUR  MAN. Or he's going to find someone else who will.)

And now, let the arrows fly! 

(Comments are welcome. You are allowed to disagree, or unfollow. But please, keep it civil. )

Growth

... is when I tell BIKSS I disapprove of his parenting style and then I get grumpy and he doesn't get grumpy back. And then when he asks me what I wanna get first (we were at the big-ass mart cos I needed some stuff for the trip) I say "A new boyfriend would be nice" and he says "at least wait till after the trip, cos tickets have been paid for!"

And I know we'll be ok. 

It's when he starts to hold me and put his hand around me and I turn to him and say "I know what you're doing, service-recovery-ing, even tho you did nothing wrong and I'm just annoyed cos I disapprove of your choices" and we can laugh about it. 

Growth. Is not letting go just cos someone's in a pissy mood. AKA - me. I'm usually the one in the pissy mood.

It's knowing that being angry at something isn't the same as being angry at someone. That sometimes, it's better to just SAY what it is that's annoying the shit out of me than to try and have that conversation with myself in my brain. 

And I'm glad that even tho I snap at him and rant and grumble, he knows I still love him. And he knows that "controlled distancing" is the way thru the PMS jungle. (He's a pro at it now!)

Have a chip ~

Surprise $$ Gifts, Fending for Myself, All the Godkids

SO many updates. 

BIKSS visited some relatives across the border over the Diwali weekend cos #obligations. His one ounce of Indian blood means there are people he's related to who celebrate the holiday. 

Since he's been back (5 days ago) we haven't had dinner or anything cos the man is ill. Coughing. No Covid but I suspect a flu nonetheless. It's been wet and cold and hot and humid - sometimes all in the same afternoon. It's ridiculous. That's what happens when you live on the equator and have to deal with year-end monsoon season. 

He's just been browsing the performance sites and suggested getting tix to Sound of Music which I expressed interest in some time ago. But with mum's situation I didn't dare think about booking anything. Now that I have some respite I think it's safe to plan farther than 24 hours in advance :)

I paid for the tix first using my c/card cos he wasn't sure what seats I prefer and decided to leave the booking up to me. Then transferred some cash over into my bank. There are a few ways one can do this, he chose to do it the traditional way via account number. Which doesn't give me any notifications. So I asked if he had signed up for the newer interbank-phone one, he said yes. But since he's always sent me cash this way, he just defaulted to it. 

Ah, I said, cos this way the bank doesn't send out notifications. You just gotta log into the app and check the balance / transaction. With the newer way you get an email and an SMS. 

And that's when he decided to tell me that he sent me money for my lappy repair. He's sweet that way. It would be better if I KNEW he was being sweet tho. LOL. Anyway, thanks have been sent. And kisses too. 

Meanwhile, it's maybe a blessing in disguise that he's not available this week cos the Godsons (good friend's kids) have been needing me, and my niece (who is also my Goddaughter) has been feeling unwell and called me freaking out a little bit on Thursday night. 

The boys are getting whatever help I can manage, it's a long-term-plan that one. Career guidance, education pathways, financial issues. Long story. But I'm working on getting a counsellor for Godson 2 who's having self-esteem and lack of motivation issues, and figuring out next steps and calling on friends who have other friends in the F&B world to see how best to help him on his quest to becoming a chef. (His dad isn't being very supportive cos the cheaper culinary school is pretty far away, and the mum doesn't want him to go to a private institute cos it's expensive, she says...  and they have THOUGHT about counselling but never went cos, again, they can't afford it. Meanwhile there are a ton of free counselling services available here, especially for children and teens!)

The older one, aka Godson 1 - will be on school break for 2 months and is keen to move into the right college where he can then go on to do psychology in uni, so I'm helping him find suitable and relevant internships that he can think about and explore before he decides on applications. (Also, we've both enrolled in a psych/counselling intro/basics course that begins in Jan next year... I wanted to do this last year, but #mumproblems so I couldn't. Since Godson 1 wanted to enrol, I took it as a sign I should do it too!)

The niece, aka only Goddaughter, has been having warmness in her calf, tingling in her fingers and random aches and pains in her muscles and joints. Of course she went and googled everything to death and beyond thinking it's some autoimmune thing, and then her mother (my sister) said something about MS and then she went and googled MS and then started freaking out. 

So I took her to my boss's clinic this morning to get her sorted. She'd been to two doctors previously but hasn't come away feeling any better cos the second one referred her to a neuro specialist but that's not till end of next month, and when one is feeling stressed, one doesn't want to wait. I suggested she see my boss cos I KNOW he's thorough. And since all the specialists couldn't do what HE did with sorting out mum's sleep situation, I figured let him try and work out her symptoms. 

He did say they seemed rather random and didn't point to anything obvious currently. But he did a whole work up of labs and, as I expected, has been logging into the lab portal every few hours cos he's eager to see what her results show. He's THAT kind of doctor. It's not just cos she's family to me - he does this with our other patients too, I know cos I can tell when he's logging into the portal - I'm on the same email accont for the 2FA verification thingamajig. And he'll sometimes text me and grumble that so and so's results are taking a long time to get uploaded on the portal. 

Anyway, he reassured her that it's not a nerve thing, nor a muscular degeneration thing. Her symptoms don't point to that. Also SUPER unlikely to be a MS thing cos again, symptoms not quite there. Sister suggested fibromyalgia but he doesn't think so cos the presentation doesn't satisfy the requirements for that diagnosis. Still, he's curious now, he gets like that when he has a puzzle in front of him. Just like mum was a puzzle for him. And I know he'll be happily researching a bunch of things to try and figure this out. Which is exactly what we need, instead of a doctor who's just gonna pick the most obvious probable thing and "try" some meds or treatment and see how it goes (like what they did for mum). 

She was in a much better state by the time we parted after lunch, and hopefully she'll be able to sleep better tonight than she has in the last month. 

The other Godson, the nephew, on the other hand, didn't ASK for me, but I did some Godma-ing on him anyway. He's got it in his head that he wants to pursue some MLM thing, so he quit his job, took some of his savings (which isn't a whole lot in the first place) and went to the US for some MLM conference. That's a 2000 dollar trip. His wife (yes, he's married) isn't local, and has been very transparent about sending cash home to her parents who are managing the building of a house for her on their property. The nephew isn't planning on buying a place here, choosing instead to use his money for his MLM thing, instead of securing a roof over his and his wife's head. They are both living under my sister's roof. Le Sigh!

The wife's plan is - in plain ENGLISH - if he fucks up and she finds herself broke and homeless, she'll go back to her home country. 

I don't blame her. As a non-citizen there are limits on what she can do independently of her husband here, including not being able to buy her own flat (eligibility for subsidised housing not met, salary requirements for loans are stupid high etc) so she decided to build her contingency plan in the country of her birth. 

I'm all for an exciting life, but um, dude, you have a wife who needs you to be present to her needs and aware of her limitations! 

Anyway, I've been busy the last couple of weeks with these young'uns which has made me extremely prone to afternoon naps. 

Oh, and finally, mum has the start of what looks like a cutaneous horn on her forearm and I'm trying to find someone who can come by and excise it only no one wants to do procedures at home and none of the nearby GPs do in-clinic procedures cos they're all shit scared of complications.

It's fucking annoying that everyone keeps telling me they can send her to the specialist in the hospital who can do the removal - I CAN'T TAKE MUM TO THE HOSPITAL (I say while rolling my eyeballs in my mind) COS SHE'LL END UP BECOMING DELIRIOUS AND THEN WON'T BE ABLE TO SLEEP OR EAT FOR THE NEXT 48 HOURS! 

I'm so tired of explaining her hypersensitivity to stimulation. Anyway I've asked an aesthetic clinic near mum's old place. It's the clinic I first went to at the very start of this blog when I did my skin tag removal, and over the years have gone back to for various things. But since I started working at my clinic 5 years ago I haven't needed to go back there. It's a good thing I've kept in touch with his nurse tho... she's promised to check with the doc and see if he's able to do this thing in-clinic in which case I might hazard a short bus ride there to get it done. It's a much better option than taking her to the hospital. 

I'm also asking other boss who does derm and aesthetics if he knows anyone who is willing to come by the house to do this. He'll check. There's a senior consultant he knows who might do it, as he's "reaching the age where he wants to retire and is trying to find meaning in life". LOL. Come help me with the mum problem, that's plenty opportunity to find meaning in life! 

And so I've been running around, making phone calls, arranging appointments, making enquiries, checking a bunch of websites. AND getting myself fed. 

I went to a souffle pancake place the sister wanted to eat at. The diabetic had the pancakes (yes, the sister) and I had the avocado and salmon salad with extra sides of scrambled eggs and fresh berries. But there are no carbs in souffles, she says. Of course not. Only eggs. Unless you're having PANCAKES made in the style of a souffle. In which case, read the menu - there is WHEAT FLOUR in there. She shrugs and orders it anyway. I give up. 

I also gave myself a truffle cheese treat - picked this up at 40% off and had some on a rye cracker for a snack on Friday night. Perfect! 

I liked it so much I decided to treat myself some more and ordered more cheeses. 

This whiskey one has BIKSS' name on it!

And today after clinic in the morning with the niece we all decided to have the portabello burger at Shake Shack. The sister was paying. So I didn't feel bad about the cost - SHE thinks it's perfectly fine to pay $40 for 3 mushroom burgers and 3 iced teas. I ate the mushroom+cheese patty (ok, it was very yummy) and veggies and chucked out the buns. The diabetic conviced herself it was healthy cos NO MEAT, all veg, and then ate all of it. Le Sigh. 

Right. And now it's time for bed. That's been this week's update! Catch you all soon!