Thoughts and Finding my Mojo

The fotos of the trip will come soon, I promise. 

(and soon is a strange word innit? anyone here seen The Chosen? if you have, you'll understand the reference to that word!)

While we were on vacation (ok, I was on vacation, BIKSS was working) I found my mojo. Either

1) Those essential oils for rebalancing my hormones are working, or

2) The fact that they're relaxing and calming and have eased all the aches and pains means I'm more receptive to sexy time stuff. 

The boss thinks it probably also has something to do with getting over the chronic stress and tension of being a caregiver for half a decade.  He says usually it takes about 6-8 months, or sometimes even 12 months, for this kind of long-term stress and anxiety to wear off before any interest in sex returns. 

Well, whatever it is, I'm glad it's back. 

We had many plenty sex. BIKSS got many plenty blowjobs. We had sex in the mornings, before bed, when he got back to the hotel room after work and before going out to dinner... 

The room came equipped with spanking apparatus too!

OK Fine, it was a clothes brush. But a handle is a handle, and THAT handle made contact with my butt! 

There were hand spanks too, and not just on my ass. The boobs got smacked, the face got smacked, even pussy got a few slaps for good measure. 

There was pinching, there was gagging, there was panting, there was a lot of action that had been missing in our sex life over the last few years. And there was interest. 

I was horny. ACTUALLY horny. Not just "dutifully" servicing the man, but demanding to be serviced! 

So yes, I think the mojo is back, and I think BIKSS is relieved. 

He's been extremely sweet over the last few years that I've been disinterested in sex. We HAVE fucked, don't get me wrong, but I haven't exactly been eager to tear his clothes off. 

If I'm being honest, a lot of it was duty driven. Which brings me to the other thing that's been on my mind a lot lately. 

For some reason this topic of conversation has been making an appearance frequently over the last month or so. In a nutshell, it's this - if you don't take care of your man, he's going to find someone else who will. (We are M/f so my examples and references will reflect this type of coupling.)

I will qualify this by saying I'm not talking JUST about sex. But that IS a part of it. 

So here is where I might sound like I'm comparing myself to his wife. That's not the intention, but if it looks that way, then so be it. 

For one thing, there's the sex and the blowjobs. Then there's the DDlg / D/s dynamic. That one's a little contentious. After all, it was ME who wanted such a dynamic, not him. But he has found it agreeable and enjoys it all the same. 

But it's the other things. Health. Diet. Supplements. Blood tests. Vaccinations. Thankfully he's able to handle exercising on his own, but in the past, that was something I would drag him out to do too. Vacation itineraries. Food adventures. Arts and Culture - I make it a point to attend shows and concerts and events that will enrich us. Fashion. Personal Style (when he changed jobs to join the luxury industry we both realised it was necessary to up-style his wardrobe!) Information. Tools. I used to send him links to videos and articles that were relevant to his industry (especially in the first months of his joining the new company).

When we vacation together I'm his personal round-the-clock housekeeping service. Coffee maker, cup washer, shoe arranger, shirt folder, towel hanger upper, personal item picker upper. You get the idea. I said to him recently, it must be nice to have your own slave with you on a business trip. (And I don't mean specifically Master/slave type of slave in the context of us having a D/s r/p. But literally a slave-girl to do all the chores and keep the place neat and clean and serve him coffee when he arrives back at the hotel after work.)

When we do get a chance to wake up together in the morning I make certain to touch him, stroke his chest, kiss whatever part of him is easily reachable to me in my sleepy state without my having to move around too much. 

I am currently trying to reset a lappy that I got for free so that he can have it to use at home without lugging the office lappy back and forth. Sure, I could chuck the thing at him and say, here, I got it, you configure it. But if I can do a thing that makes his life easier I would do it. 

Very, very early on, in the first few months of this blog's inception, I wrote a post about our dynamic. I said pretty much the same thing. If something I do can make his life a little bit easier, a little bit happier, then I'm doing it.  

Coming back to the bit about taking care of your man, I must also mention intellectual stimulation. I know one of the things he enjoys about spending time with me is that I make him think. And we spar. And we discuss. And sometimes we fight (not my best moments...). We learn stuff together. We talk about philosophical things. We dig around each others' brains to suss out deep dark thoughts and desires. And I always want to know what he's feeling. About work. About himself. About his life. Well, with one exception. 

For obvious reasons, the one topic I will not discuss is his family. Not only does it not concern me, but I am (and have to be) kept especially and entirely separate from it. Therefore I find it would only harm my emotional self if I were to discuss this aspect of his life. And this is something I will not do. I will care for him and build him up as long as it is not detrimental to my own self. 

But that's also a very specific exclusion peculiar to our situation. And doesn't apply to regular marriages and relationships. 

Anyway I shall continue. The thing that I have discovered is that the friends (women) with whom I have discussed this topic have all in one way or another come close to 'losing' their blokes, or at the very least felt that their relationships were headed south. And then realised that the fix was relatively simple. And once they decided to start 'taking care' of their men, things got a whole lot better. 

I suppose the point I'm trying to make is, as girls growing up in my generation we were taught about equality and all that jazz. Stand on your own two feet. You don't need to pander to the needs of any man. You don't need them. You are independent, educated, confident. Blah blah blah. But no one reminded us that at the heart of the matter, men and women have very different needs and it's all just biology. They want to feel loved, wanted, cared for, and nurtured. These are not needs that are reserved just for the fairer sex, as romance novels (and Disney princesses of old) would have us believe.

(Before anyone reminds me that this is a D/s community and what I've been talking about is what everyone here already knows, that the Dom-sub relationship works wonders for a relationship because it is very often part of the contract or dynamic that subs, for want of better phrasing, give their Doms whatever is asked or required of them as the Doms see fit or for their pleasure; I want to emphasise that some men may not be comfortable with dominance and may not enter into such a relationship with thier spouses. Or their spouses may not be willing to be a sub. Honestly, would BIKSS and his partner have a much better relationship with D/s present? Sure. I believe so. Would he ever have brought it up to her? No. Would she have ever agreed to it? No. At least, I doubt it GREATLY. My point is, couples don't have to be in a D/s r/p to enjoy the rewards of this dynamic. JUST TAKE FUCKING CARE OF YOUR  MAN. Or he's going to find someone else who will.)

And now, let the arrows fly! 

(Comments are welcome. You are allowed to disagree, or unfollow. But please, keep it civil. )

Everlane Anyone?

I've heard a ton about this brand - they say the leather shoes are well made, durable, comfortable, need no breaking in, and some of them, like this one which is made from Nappa leather, are super-duper soft and a godsend for people with fussy feet (like me... bunions and what not - and by what not I mean sensory hypersensitivity). 

I've been wanting a pair of multi-occasion/cheat shoes that can double up as something a little more dressy, but could also just as easily be worn with jeans or a denim skirt. Covered toes means if I'm wearing longer pants it could likely pass off (at least from the front) as proper shoes 😁 The grey is a great neutral too.

I don't like actual court shoes because the back tends to hurt - see 'Notch' in pic below. And also to retain the shape of the shoe the 'Counter' tends to be pretty stiff. And then my whole foot hurts and my bunions start to complain.

I swear, if there is one thing I miss dearly about my youth it's that I could strut around in 3-inch heels all day, everyday. The bunions didn't happen until a year plus after my decision to chuck the heels and switch to ballet flats. Here's why that was a bad idea!

Anyway, I do already have two pairs of heeled sandals but they're strappy and open-toed and neither of them would work with a formal outfit.

Thing is, I have great faith in this brand, having asked a couple of friends who have tried their shoes, and from hearing it being recommended on some of the fashion blogs I follow...  BUT I just want to get as many opinions as I can. 

Has anyone who reads here ever tried their shoes? If so, which one(s) did you get and how was the sizing for you? Did they run big or small, or were there any other issues? 

Do let me know. Much appreciated!

Have some thank-you soy crisps!

To Answer A Question On Period Pants & Reusable Pads

If this makes you squirm, move along and skip this post. I put it in the title so you won't be unpleasantly surprised. 

Mrs Fever asked, so here are the deets. 

This is one of three I ordered -  and my favourite.

I usually wear boyshorts around the house so this Bambody one just takes the place of my regular home undies during periods. The absorbent gusset part doesn't feel thick or bulky. I've worn this overnight and haven't had any leaks. I also wear it with a tampon in the daytime. It replaces the liner I would normally stick in my undies on tampon days to catch leaks.

I also have one that is regular cut, not boyshorts, from 4Period. It's not as comfortable, as the absorbent strip isn't as stretchy as the rest of the underwear which means you can kinda feel the difference in the snugness as it sits around your butt / hips. Admittedly the gusset isn't stretchy on the boyshorts either but for some reason the fit is better maybe, so I don't quite feel a difference. 

Again, this is something I wear instead of sticking on a liner on tampon days. And perhaps towards the tail end of things when I'm just spotting or have a very light flow. This is the one I have, and looks and feels just like regular undies. I've included a video so you can see that it's pretty thin, not bulky or pad-like. 

The third one was a high waist one from Goat Union. I requested a refund from Amazon cos the size wasn't as advertised, the high waist was more like sits-right-under-your-boob (I'm not terribly short either, 5-foot-5) and it definitely did NOT look like this :

This brand gets a huge NO from me.

At about $20 a piece period panties are pretty pricey, which is why I decided to have a go at reusable pads too ...

Aight, here we go. Pads. 

I bought 2 to try from Ali Express but you can find them on most shopping sites I imagine. I don't know if Ali Express delivers outside Asia, but if you want to try and get some from Amazon, here's a link. In my opinion there really isn't very much need to get the branded ones. All you need is for the thing to be made with the correct materials. 

The ones I bought from A/E can be found HERE. It says it's made of -

Outer layer: waterproof PUL

Middle: 1 layer microfiber for small size, and 2 layers microfiber for medium and large sizes

Inner: bamboo charcoal

... which is common enough a formula, whether in a branded or non branded pad.

At less than USD$2 each, it's a lot more economical than single-use pads (and branded reusables), and more comfortable too. It's hard to show you what the fabric looks/feels like, but I try in the pics below. They attach to your undies like regular pads with wings, only with a button instead of adhesive. The absorbent part in the middle isn't much thicker than the rest of the pad, but it holds a pretty decent amount of fluid.  

On my second day I wore this all day (at home, cos it was my first time trying it out) and it turned out fine. Not messy, not icky, not wet. If I've already been sitting on a drip (there's no such thing as TMI on this blog is there?) for a bit, it just gets soaked into the middle layer. If I've gone to the loo in time to see a film of liquid sitting on the surface, I wipe it off with toilet paper. Surprisingly the older stains don't rub off. So it really does absorb everything and keep you dry. 

I bought two sizes - top middle is the small / top right is the medium.

And FLAMINGOES!!!

When I went to have a shower I just dropped it on the floor and smooshed it with my feet to get all the blood out under COLD running water. 

NOTE - hot water makes it easier for blood to stain the fabric so always remember to smoosh it with COLD water. (Same for period panties...)

Once the water ran clear, I turned off the shower and pumped some soap (I just used my castille shower soap) onto it then ran my knuckles across the pad,  pressing down slightly and working the suds into the layers. The first wash there was a very faint pink in the suds so I rinsed and squeezed and repeated the soaping. By round two it was clean. But of course, because I'm me, I did it a third time. It sounds tedious but it's really quite quick when you're actually doing it. Then squeeze all the water out and hang to dry. 

IMPORTANT NOTE NUMBER 2 - Do not use fabric softener on your pads either in the wash or in the dryer. It coats the fabric and affects how it absorbs liquid. Which is what you need it to do. ABSORB. So just don't. NO to fabric softener. YES to plain soap and water.  (Same with period undies!)

It's really quite simple, the wash up I mean, and not as bad as you would imagine (or I had imagined). DURING use it was also a lot less messy than I expected. All in all, a good experience. 

(Some companies recommend leaving used pads to soak in a pail of water and adding to it day after day, changing out the water daily, as the pads pile up over the course of the period, then washing the whole lot together in the washer at the end of the week... but I personally prefer NOT to have my cloth pads sit in dirty water TYVM.)

Definitely good for light days, or when you're only going to be around the house and don't have to worry too much about accidents, at least until you figure out the absorption vs flow of your pads and your cycle.

Here are some links with more info about reusables (some are from the reusable pad companies themselves, but I realise there aren't a lot of useful articles out there otherwise) : 

So you want to board the reusable pad bandwagon

Reusable Cloth Pads FAQs by The Period Co.

Everything you wanted to know about reusable cotton pads

4 Tips to Extend the Life of Your Cloth Pads by Tree Hugger Cloth Pads

I hope that answered your questions, if you want to know more, feel free to ask. Nothing's too gross to talk about in this part of Blogland.

Where do they get off...

thinking that they have a right to tell me I should be writing only BDSM-related stuff? 

On my last post an anon user left a comment saying they think I've lost the plot and is this a BDSM blog or a cooking blog? 

1) does it look like I'm cooking? 

2) did I say it was a BDSM-only blog? 

3) nobody held a gun to your head and made you read here. 

[EDIT - from this point forward any comment I DO NOT LIKE will be deleted and not published. The only reason I left the comment in question on my blog was so I could address it via a reply as well as in this post. And now that I have made my declaration, I shall no longer publish idiotic comments.]

Moving on... 

Having said that... I'm curious about what bits of my blog you enjoy. 

Leave a comment letting me know what you like, what you're not particularly thrilled about, and what you'd like to see more or less of. 

It could be content related (more food, less plants), it could be style (love pics, not so many words please) it could be snoopy (if my life sux you'll maybe feel better about your life), it could be knowledge expansion (wanna know about snails but too lazy to look it up), or just my personality (more wit and humour and snark please, less touchy feely stuff... ugh). 

Today's chip pic ~

Almost Hump Day - Plants, Blogs, Follow

Yes, I *am* trying to post more frequently. 

1. Today my students' mum sent them over with pots in hand. There were two really tiny ones with coleus cuttings (what's the plural of coleus? Coleuses? Coleii?) and another with a just-rooted tradescantia nanouk (Pref, here's another tradescantia for you!).

(Btw, a quick foreign language lesson - in some Malay based languages like those used in Brunei, Indonesia and Malaysia, 'nonok' is a slang word for pussy. So I found the name of this plant rather amusing. I'm sure BIKSS did too.)

 👈 Nanouk 

I transferred it to a new pot I got just this afternoon (yes, I knew a plant would be coming today and  was out of pots) and then stuck a few hoya carnosa cuttings (which I got from my colleague yesterday) in to send back to her.

 👈 Hoya Carnosa

I didn't take a pic of the coleus..es..esii? cos they looked a little ill having been exposed to a little too much sun today. I'll see how they fare in a few days. Those things are pretty hardy, I'm told.

2. I've decided that I really like it when I leave a comment on someone's blog and they bother to reply. It makes me want to check that blog for a reply a day or 2 later, and then if there's another post up by then, I'll leave another comment... and then I'll come back and check a day or 2 later... rinse and repeat. 

When people don't reply I find myself not bothering to head back there cos there probably won't be a reply for me anyway... so ... 

So if I don't head to your blog for an extended period of time or if you think that I'm not there cos I don't comment, it's safe to say that I may still read, I just don't write cos what would be the point? 

Except of course if I don't leave comments ANYWHERE or if I'm not even posting on my own blog - then it's likely I'm just super busy. 

3. You know who replies but I don't think gets a lot of visitors? Cutiebootie. Check her out. She's on vacay at the moment so the replies and posts might be sporadic. But I love that she always replies my comment! (Of course some of you other suspects always do too, and I love you for it. I'm just sayin', she doesn't get a lot of visitors, so I thought I would do a shoutout.)

My mood pic today ~ 

I'm off for a walk with BIKSS. Ciao for now!

The Mother had a Birthday

It started on a Thursday - an old neighbour and my sister came to visit for tea. This was the day I went on my mini 'vacation' day. This was the reason I COULD go on a vacation day. 

On Friday I got a Chinese restaurant to deliver lunch - the sister and brother-in-law went to get cakes from Lady M cos mum requested it. I told her that the sister was coming round again the next day, she said why - didn't she just come today? And I said it was cos she wanted to bring birthday cake for her. So then mama said to ask her to get that awesome To-Die-For cake that I said I had when we celebrated my colleague's birthday a couple of months back. That itself was a win. She can't remember something I told her 3 mins ago but CAKE she remembers!

From top left - Broccoli with spicy garlic, steamed fish with ginger and some 'special' sauce that's a house specialty (bottom left), the two round tubs are a Szechuan hot and sour soup (top) and fish maw soup (below that), and on the right is a stir-fried chicken dish.

Clockwise from bottom left - Strawberry Shortcake (with the candle - mum chose this slice to stick the candle in); Miroir Caramel (I don't usually like caramel anything but this one was chocolate below and like a caramel pudding on top - totally yums!); Checkers - vanilla and chocolate sponge - sounds simple but so delicious!

In the evening a bestie came round to pick us up for a car-ride so mum could take in the Christmas lights in town. We did two drive-bys before coming home, which took all of 2 hours cos traffic was a bit of a pain. But since we DID just want to ooh and aah at the lights, it was fine. Mum had a jolly time pointing out this tree or that reindeer, stars, balls, flashing santas etc. I needed an activity that would give her something to look at without tiring her out and didn't involve food (chewing is difficult for her), so a car ride to look at lights was perfect. 

On Saturday my aunt and uncle came round and sat with her for about an hour. 

And on Sunday her son came by and gave her a potted curry leaf plant. It was probably the worst present this son could give this mother, but whatevs. Traditionally (for as long as I can remember) the kids give our parents a red packet on their birthdays to wish them good luck and good health etc. - it's a Chinese thing I guess. 

Mum said - well, he gave me a plant, I guess that's his idea of a present. I said I catered lunch and arranged a car-ride (my friend wouldn't let me pay for petrol so I gave her a red packet by way of thanks) and still gave you a red packet. The sister went and got the most expensive cakes on the planet and also gave you a red packet. He could have just put a tenner in the thing and it would have been fine. But no... he decided that he would give you a baby plant that his wife propogated that cost him nothing, except the pot and soil that came along with it. 

(I have photo evidence of the sister handing her red packet to mum!)

Argh. Fine. I'm just bitching. 

Anyway, in other news, the mother is walking much better now, a month after her discharge (2 months post-op), and tomorrow she starts twice a week physio at the rehab centre. 

Her new drugs seem to be working - she's calmer, not agitated, still says some strange things but doesn't get stressed out about stuff, and today she was absolutely brilliant. We sat in the room and watched telly on my laptop together. At one point as I settled into bed to lean on the pillow beside her she reached for my hand, and we watched most of the episode holding hands. That was the best part of my day!

My mood pic today ~ 

Tuesday Thing (Yes, Just 1), Covid Thoughts and The Watch

BIKSS bought me a watch. Well, he was surfing for watches (cos that's kinda his thing) and there was a buy one - free one promo. There was a ladies version of the watch he was keen on so he decided to get a pair for us. 

Only HIS came, and the one for me ended up being a different one. So they said he could send it back and they would exchange it for the correct one. I have to wait a little longer for mine.. but this is the one he has now. 

It's from TruWood, and the case is natural black sandalwood; leather straps. 

This is his hairy arm - 

I hope they sort out the exchange quickly. I quite like it and can't wait for mine to arrive. 

In other things, his car is in the workshop so we won't be going anywhere for a couple of days, not that there is anywhere to go. Dining in has been disallowed again. We keep yo-yo-ing back and forth. Le sigh. I hope that when we finally hit the target of 70% being fully vaccinated (next month, was the plan) we'll be able to open up and go on with life as usual again. 

Part of me is a bit irritated. Ok, a LOT irritated. That people will insist on doing stupid things and carrying on with pushing the boundaries. If we all just played by the rules for a little while, like PROPERLY STUCK TO THE RULES, then soon this whole thing can come under some control and we can carry on. 

Take the Olympics for example. Athletes' Village Bubble. HAH. Well that didn't work. The current number of cases connected to the games stands at more than 150, of which 19 are athletes. I really don't think inviting athletes from all over the world to gather in one place doing sometimes-strenuous sports together is a good idea. 

On the opposite end of the spectrum, mum had her audiology follow-up appointment via video-call this afternoon cos they're trying to reduce unnecessary movement and limit the number of people going into the hospitals and medical centres. The audiologist had her mask on the whole time. I wondered why that was necessary, but then I realised some of her patients might have gone to see her in person and the room might not be ENTIRELY sterile, so for safety reasons all the hospital staff have to be masked up any time they're in the clinics. 

Yesterday as I was coming back from work there were 4 elderly men at the common sitting area on the ground floor, drinking from take-away cups, mask off, and chit chatting. Yes they were safely distanced - ish...  but the current rule is 2 to go out at any one time. 

I knew 2 of them cos they live in my building, so I politely suggested that they move to a different location where they could sit at 2 separate benches instead of all around the ONE table, then at least if the cops came by (yes, they patrol the neighbourhoods) they could plausibly say they were 2 separate groups of 2, and had just bumped into each other there. 

One of them was nice, he said, "Oh yes, thanks, that's a good idea." But one fella I didn't know said,  "Eh, what's the difference? It's still 4 of us, and we're sitting far apart now anyway." I said the difference is on two separate benches they can't slap you with a $300 fine each. There's no proof either way. But right now you're clearly 4 in a group and that's $1200 that the government is going to earn from you should the cops come round. 

Anyway, I said what I had to. And then I left. I didn't feel good about reporting them cos the 2 fellas I know *are* nice old men, and they're in their 70s.. and well, I just didn't want to get them into trouble. But grrrrr. 

I hope they dispersed soon after tho'. For THEIR sakes.

I find it so strange. That some areas of our lives now are SO restricted, with people who are super careful and super cautious and super mindful of others. And then there are crazy things like old men hanging out mask-off and the Olympics. 

Yes, the world can't stand still forever, I get that. But if we could all just PAUSE long enough for the vaccines to go round and the damned virus to stop mutating, then maybe we could finally ALL resume some semblance of normal living again. 

I mean, if you need to charge up your phone, you plug it in, and leave it alone. If you carry on using it, all that's going to do is slow the damned charging cycle down, AND you end up with a really hot phone in the process. 

Fine. End of Rant.

So anyway, here's your ONE Tuesday thing this week. And cos I'm being lazy, it's going to double up as my mood pic for today ~

A is for Answers and Anniversary

This year I decided to jump on the A to Z Blogging Challenge bandwagon cos Mrs Fever twisted my arm. Ok, no she didn't... but she's such an inspiration to me that I thought, why not. I have  been writing quite regularly recently... so here it is. 

And since Answers begins with A, I took that as a sign to hop on since I was planning to publish my March answers today anyway! 

First, I asked some of the other bloggers this question and those whose answers have been posted are linked below or reproduced from the comments. 

My own answers (and BIKSS') have been added to the mix.

Fondles' Question - Name three implements that are employed regularly (besides the hand) on your behind (or your spankee's behind), and rank them in order of preference.

MY ANSWER to that would be :

1) Cane (tappety taps with a chance of whooshes)

2) Belt - the very old very worn very first belt BIKSS used, which is now no longer in existence. His new belt needs some wearing in, but until that happens, it's going to be a painful road. And we haven't got a lot of time for noise-making implements... so it'll be some time yet before we get there, I suspect.

3) Small black flogger that we bought on some cheap China website. Turns out to be surprisingly comfortable. I know that's not how you traditionally describe implements, but that's what it is. Enough cushy-ness, a good range of bite (depending on the force behind it) and a lovely swishy feel as it leaves your skin. 

BIKSS likes 1) Belt, 2) Cane, 3) Christmas Paddle

We have two canes, I like them both / Belt not shown cos it's G O N E :(

• Bonnie's answer can be found in THIS POST 
• Ronnie's is HERE
• Morningstar answers IN THIS POST
• And PK's response can be found HERE
• One final entry in the form of Prefectdt's answer can be found HERE
• Roz : Spankings here are infrequent nowdays so it usually is the hand or possibly leather paddle. We don't have any other implements now.
• KD : We have several implements but only one that is used regularly: a homemade lucite paddle with a round head. So while I'd say a paddle-sized wooden spoon and a synthetic switch/cane thing see some action, they are hardly used regularly.

[EDIT - A late addition - You can click HERE to read Baker's answer]

BONNIE - What, besides nothing, do you prefer to wear to a spanking? What, besides nothing, does BIKSS like you to wear when that time arrives?

I have quite enjoyed dressing up for a spanking, with a cut out panty (here's one I DID get spanked in) or a open-back chemise (see pic 👇). 

BIKSS prefers me in the white corset/cincher, while still being nekkid below (his word not mine). 

MORNINGSTAR - Ok my question of you.......do spankings always lead to sex for you and BIKSS? IF you have an orgasm -- then BIKSS decides to spank - do you find it hurts more?? do you see a correlation between orgasms and pain tolerance?

Gosh, couldn't just ask me how old I was or something simple? We've had a lot of spanking → sex sessions. We've had a number of POST-sex spankings, where it felt more like a "rounding up" of the evening together, a reminder of his touch. There have been a few spankings with NO sex, usually because it just didn't feel right -these were usually reconnecting (and very emotional) sessions usually because I was, stressed, upset, frazzled at having to deal with real life etc.

And I have never actually been spanked after an orgasm so I honestly have no answer for this part of the question. We might table it until we've had a chance to "test" it out... you know, in the interest of science 😈. Let me speak to my CSO (Chief Spanking Officer, that is) about this. 

RONNIE - If cost was not a factor, where in the world would you most like to visit?

The answer to this has been the same for the last 30 years! The Oh-why-are-you-so-far-is! LOL

That's what I call it. I would love to go see the Northern Lights! That's it. That's the ONE thing I really really really want to see before I die -  (It really is so far away from me!. I would have to travel a VERY long way to get there. *Sad*)

ROZ - As for questions...you and BIKSS seem to manage time together regularly. How do you manage it?

It's so funny that our answers to your question came out almost a total opposite of each other. I would say, planning ahead, making the time, and arranging other stuff around it so that our time together gets priority, as we don't always have a LOT of it. 

When I asked BIKSS your question his answer was, "Flexibility & patience." Make of that what you will! I don't know if he meant he needs to be flexible with his schedule and be patient till he can see me again, or if he meant having to be flexible and patient when he's with me in case life throws a curveball and I upset his plans for us cos I need to run an errand or something. LOL. 

PREFECTDT - Where do you and BIKSS most want to travel to, when the present pandemic is over?

We both decided together that since we loved Hanoi so much on our last vacation (Jan 2020 before this pandemic) we might go there again when travel bans are lifted, perhaps as a way to "continue where we left off"... and forget Covid ever happened! Ugh.

But individually, we discussed where we would each like to take the other to, and I would like to take BIKSS to Sydney with me as I really enjoyed my vacation there a number of years ago and was thinking the whole time I was there how much he would love this or that.

His answer is that he would love to take me to see Paris. We've both been, individually, but I imagine it's an entirely different experience to be there with a significant other! 

MERRY CONTRARY - What was the most effective punishment/discipline you have received, and what did you do to deserve it?

First, an answer from BIKSS (cos I didn't quite know how to handle this one) : We have a relationship based very much on open communication (look at me saying that) and punishment does not play a part. The communication brings about a clear-headed analysis of the situation which, if required, may lead to a reset spanking/caning. 

(What he calls reset, I call penance. See below)

And my answer is -The most effective punishment (and I use the word loosely) would be having to hear him say he was disappointed in me. And I *have* heard him say that. But honestly I can't remember what I did... possibly something involving the hurling of accusations, being defensive / argumentative / rude / stubborn / unyielding / wanting to have my way / the last say in a fight... and... oh you know, just generally flying off the handle. The usual stuff. *sheepish grin*

But a reset / reconnection spanking (with whatever implement) will usually follow as a signal that we're back in the right place again - more for me, than for him. I wrote about how a spanking is necessary for me in my Penance vs Punishment post. 

Today's post was brought to you by the letter A

 

(click the pic above to find out more about the A-Z Blogging Challenge)

(P/S. A is also for Anniversary, and we celebrate 9 years of kinky loving today!)

Discussions and Mindsets - What about the Pre-Spanking Psyche?

There has been a lot of activity at Morningstar's place lately and if you haven't been there to visit and join the chat yet, I encourage you to head over there and join the discussion.

We talk about aftercare a lot. But what about the "before-a-spanking"?

First the gist of the event:

Last Monday I got into a bit of a tiff with BIKSS over something that I shan't dive into in detail because, really, it was just one of those relationship things that happens from time to time. 

Suffice it to say that I was disappointed at something but eventually found time to communicate to him that it wasn't so much the thing itself (because his logic for the decision was very sound) but that his delivery of it made me feel, well, pretty sucky. (Plus, Mondays are always busy days for me at work and that is probably the WORST time in the world to give me 'bad' news.)

Eventually he got round to explaining the reason for his 'something' and I understood why he did it. I can't say I'm pleased with the situation or that it doesn't bug me, but I don't blame him. And that's an important distinction, for me at least. 

Which brings me to the discussion about aftercare. While we all know that for the spankee it is so, so crucial in reinforcing that feeling of being cherished and loved and knowing that we (for I am of the spankee species) are safe and not just a thing to be smacked around (unless that's your thing, but this isn't what I'm talking about here...), BIKSS has also shared with me that as a spanker, he finds that engaging in aftercare is reassuring for him, in that my accepting it lets him know that I'm not going to suddenly turn around and scream abuse, or as I said on Morningstar's blog, that *this* is not the straw that's going to break the kinky camel's back. 

I'm not sure I'm doing a terribly fabulous job of explaining this, but I hope you get what I'm trying to say: that after every 'rough' session (whether it's impact play, bondage, whatever) there is a fear that the spankee may feel ashamed / afraid / turned off / pushed beyond limits to the point that she (or he, but I'll just use she) calls it quits. And the closeness and loving that comes from/during aftercare provides reassurance to not just the spankee but the spanker as well. 

And now that we have THAT sorted, the event on Monday got me thinking about the Before-a-Spank too. Given that I was feeling miffed and upset and disappointed earlier in the day, I don't think it would have been a good idea to just jump into a spanking session, even if for play/fun, despite the fact that I might have come across as being back to my normal self. 

Wait, I have so many thoughts jumping around in my head right now, I'm going to try and put them here in as organised a fashion as I possibly can. But you will forgive me if it comes out a bit jumbled.

1 - I KNOW in my brain that I have nothing to be upset with him about. 

2 - BUT knowing in your brain doesn't mean the rest of your 'mood' automatically gets updated and synced to line up with your brain.

3 - Fake it till you make it is a thing for me. When I know I shouldn't be pulling a long face and being morose, especially if it means ruining whatever time we'll be spending together, I try to put on a brave front and focus on the positive things rather than be moody. I don't think of it as 'pretending' per se, just making a conscious effort to be un-gloomy, for that never did anyone any good - and I don't want to end up with an evening spent on grouch island. ESPECIALLY when I know at some point the rest of me will catch up with my brain and be over it. 

4 - BUT sometimes this means that I look normal and fine and if the opportunity presents itself we might end up with some sexy playtime.

5 - If sexy playtime is too soon after the emotional impact of the bad 'thing' affecting me then it is almost inevitable that I end up feeling even worse than before. 

6 - Which is why knowing oneself is super super important, and being able to communicate oneself's feelings to one's other half is probably even MORE important. And sometimes I just say - "I don't feel up to it, and I may or may not know why I'm feeling this way, but I'm not ready to talk about it or I don't know how to put it in words to tell you about it yet."

7 - This sometimes gets the conversation re-started. It's not unheard of for a tiff to appear to have been sorted out, only to discover later on during one of these talks that there was more to it than either of us thought. 

8 - THESE are the kinds of Pre-Spank-Psyche checks that I sometimes think are just as, if not more, important than aftercare. 

For if either party isn't completely honest with themselves and their partner in terms of how they're feeling about something that happened, or the other person's attitude or behaviour, or something that they did that hurt you, then I can only imagine the kind of damage that could be done to one's feelings / spirit / soul / heart... call it what you will. 

9 - Sometimes the conversation doesn't get re-started right away, but we spend time cuddling or he holds me and we just let our (read: my) feelings settle down a bit in a safe and reassuring space.

10 - These quiet hold-me-close moments tell me I'm important, and how I'm feeling is valid, and if I need him to just be with me then that's what he'll do, without needing any further explanation. 

To ignore one's feelings or dismiss them as nothing, or be told that one is over-reacting can stir up all sorts of feelings of mistrust, resentment, all that nasty stuff. And I don't think there is any reason to inflict that kind of pain on yourself or your partner.

I mean, in my opinion, the only thing that should hurt from all of this is your butt!

My mood pic today ~ 

Round Up - 2020

A day ahead of the last day of the year, here are some thoughts. 

Covid sucked out all the normalcy from our lives. But in the process the world and all its peoples have become stronger, more adaptable, and found strength from deep inside that we never knew we had. 

Some have had to come to terms with truths about themselves, about how they feel about certain people and taken stock of the relationships they're in (whether romantic, familial, or just plain ol' friendships), taken steps to make them better (or cut people off altogether), or just taken to drinking to cope with all the madness!

I've spent a lot of time with my mother this year, being that she moved in in Jan and then we were basically stuck at home all the time together during lockdown. Most of it was good. Some of it was stressful. 

BIKSS and I have had so little sex, but we've found a lot of new eating places in secluded areas because #Covid. Which is nice - like this authentic little Vietnamese cafe I discovered thru a friend's FB post - 

Deep fried tofu - good and cheap

Beef salad - very raw... that's just onions and Thai basil and pineapple - the beef was very tender tho

Fried spring rolls - didn't taste like very much was in it except for the prawn

Egg Coffee - we enjoyed the ones we had in Hanoi so when we heard this place served it, we thought we just had to come here. Sadly, it tasted like just very sweet thick cream. Scary sweet. I don't think we'll come back here - and if we do, it won't be for the egg coffee.

Grilled pork vermicelli - the pork was really quite tough. The noodles are buried somewhere under all the vegetables, and there was the one lonesome spring roll. 

I give it really high ratings for authenticity - the power went out twice during dinner, and the proprietors were actually Vietnamese (unlike some of the other restaurants here proclaiming to be Thai or Japanese, and yes even Vietnamese, where the owner probably just went on holiday to said country and decided to come back and set up shop!).

The food was authentic too, tasted very much like the food we had in HCMC but then, since I'm not a huge fan of southern Vietnamese food, I think I'll stick to the little cafe that serves Northern V. 

Anyway, to continue on with the year end thoughts - I've decided to shift gears a little bit with classes, cos all the kids have fallen into no-exam-complacency. So I've taken to doing listening and music appreciation sessions with them... and discussing OTHER music-related things instead of just focusing on their yearly exam syllabus. I would like to do this all the time but most parents are sickeningly focused on exam preparation and tend to think of general musical exploration as a waste of time. It's just the way it is here in where-I-live. But since there are NO exams going on right now they can't say that we're not concentrating on "the things things that matter". Ha! 

It also feels like many of us had a lot of time this year to explore other interests that we wouldn't have had the time to do had we still been stuck in the mundane work-home-work-home lives we'd been leading. Some of us also saw huge changes. I for one went on a skincare / skin health quest. For Betty it was discovering aerobics videos and actually doing some sort of formal exercise. And she finally got round to buying a flat. For another bestie, Covid finally forced her to look for a different job because the one she had (and hated!) was beginning to look terribly insecure. She's happier in her new workplace. Another realised that he had been ignoring some mental health issues that finally became too intrusive to ignore, and is now under medical treatment and is doing heaps better! Another lost her dad this year, but has since come to terms with how fast it happened, and is currently going through a very un-Asian process of dealing with deep emotional feelings regarding her relationship with him, from childhood to present. I'm glad she feels safe enough with us to share her thoughts on our group chats and at our (small) gatherings. 

And that's been the most significant thing this year I think - many of us have learnt to lean on each other and engage more meaningfully with friends and family in the intimate settings that we have been forced to adopt if we want any human interaction at all. 

I hope you have had some positive moments from the awful year we've had too, and here's wishing one and all a much better 2021!

Opposite Sides

General Elections are approaching in where-I-live.

BIKSS and I do not share the same political views. Or rather, we share the same goals but he thinks that the opposition party I support probably can't do what the current government can. In any case, we've had some heated arguments  discussions before but have always been able to agree to disagree on contentious issues. 

Which is good. I think some disagreement is healthy for relationships.

I support BLUE! You go guys!

(His team is white. Bleugh.)

I've Been Watching Lots of Youtube Re Protests

Am I the only one who's watching Youtube video after Youtube video?  Here are some I thought were worth sharing, if you want MORE stuff to watch, that is.

1. Trevor Noah on The Daily Social Distancing Show :

Cops Meet Police Brutality Protests with More Police Brutality | The Daily Social Distancing Show

America Protests Police Brutality and Systemic Racism | The Daily Social Distancing Show

2. Hasan Minhaj on Patriot Act :

We Cannot Stay Silent About George Floyd | Patriot Act Digital Exclusive | Netflix

And also, I finally got caught up on his opinion of the whole Covid mess - 

How Coronavirus Broke America | Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj | Netflix

3. And if all that has gotten you feeling depressed, relax and have a giggle at Randy Rainbow's parody of Tradition (Fiddler on the Roof). 

DISTRACTION!

(IF you want to watch the original song from F on the R - CLICK HERE.)