Thoughts and Finding my Mojo

The fotos of the trip will come soon, I promise. 

(and soon is a strange word innit? anyone here seen The Chosen? if you have, you'll understand the reference to that word!)

While we were on vacation (ok, I was on vacation, BIKSS was working) I found my mojo. Either

1) Those essential oils for rebalancing my hormones are working, or

2) The fact that they're relaxing and calming and have eased all the aches and pains means I'm more receptive to sexy time stuff. 

The boss thinks it probably also has something to do with getting over the chronic stress and tension of being a caregiver for half a decade.  He says usually it takes about 6-8 months, or sometimes even 12 months, for this kind of long-term stress and anxiety to wear off before any interest in sex returns. 

Well, whatever it is, I'm glad it's back. 

We had many plenty sex. BIKSS got many plenty blowjobs. We had sex in the mornings, before bed, when he got back to the hotel room after work and before going out to dinner... 

The room came equipped with spanking apparatus too!

OK Fine, it was a clothes brush. But a handle is a handle, and THAT handle made contact with my butt! 

There were hand spanks too, and not just on my ass. The boobs got smacked, the face got smacked, even pussy got a few slaps for good measure. 

There was pinching, there was gagging, there was panting, there was a lot of action that had been missing in our sex life over the last few years. And there was interest. 

I was horny. ACTUALLY horny. Not just "dutifully" servicing the man, but demanding to be serviced! 

So yes, I think the mojo is back, and I think BIKSS is relieved. 

He's been extremely sweet over the last few years that I've been disinterested in sex. We HAVE fucked, don't get me wrong, but I haven't exactly been eager to tear his clothes off. 

If I'm being honest, a lot of it was duty driven. Which brings me to the other thing that's been on my mind a lot lately. 

For some reason this topic of conversation has been making an appearance frequently over the last month or so. In a nutshell, it's this - if you don't take care of your man, he's going to find someone else who will. (We are M/f so my examples and references will reflect this type of coupling.)

I will qualify this by saying I'm not talking JUST about sex. But that IS a part of it. 

So here is where I might sound like I'm comparing myself to his wife. That's not the intention, but if it looks that way, then so be it. 

For one thing, there's the sex and the blowjobs. Then there's the DDlg / D/s dynamic. That one's a little contentious. After all, it was ME who wanted such a dynamic, not him. But he has found it agreeable and enjoys it all the same. 

But it's the other things. Health. Diet. Supplements. Blood tests. Vaccinations. Thankfully he's able to handle exercising on his own, but in the past, that was something I would drag him out to do too. Vacation itineraries. Food adventures. Arts and Culture - I make it a point to attend shows and concerts and events that will enrich us. Fashion. Personal Style (when he changed jobs to join the luxury industry we both realised it was necessary to up-style his wardrobe!) Information. Tools. I used to send him links to videos and articles that were relevant to his industry (especially in the first months of his joining the new company).

When we vacation together I'm his personal round-the-clock housekeeping service. Coffee maker, cup washer, shoe arranger, shirt folder, towel hanger upper, personal item picker upper. You get the idea. I said to him recently, it must be nice to have your own slave with you on a business trip. (And I don't mean specifically Master/slave type of slave in the context of us having a D/s r/p. But literally a slave-girl to do all the chores and keep the place neat and clean and serve him coffee when he arrives back at the hotel after work.)

When we do get a chance to wake up together in the morning I make certain to touch him, stroke his chest, kiss whatever part of him is easily reachable to me in my sleepy state without my having to move around too much. 

I am currently trying to reset a lappy that I got for free so that he can have it to use at home without lugging the office lappy back and forth. Sure, I could chuck the thing at him and say, here, I got it, you configure it. But if I can do a thing that makes his life easier I would do it. 

Very, very early on, in the first few months of this blog's inception, I wrote a post about our dynamic. I said pretty much the same thing. If something I do can make his life a little bit easier, a little bit happier, then I'm doing it.  

Coming back to the bit about taking care of your man, I must also mention intellectual stimulation. I know one of the things he enjoys about spending time with me is that I make him think. And we spar. And we discuss. And sometimes we fight (not my best moments...). We learn stuff together. We talk about philosophical things. We dig around each others' brains to suss out deep dark thoughts and desires. And I always want to know what he's feeling. About work. About himself. About his life. Well, with one exception. 

For obvious reasons, the one topic I will not discuss is his family. Not only does it not concern me, but I am (and have to be) kept especially and entirely separate from it. Therefore I find it would only harm my emotional self if I were to discuss this aspect of his life. And this is something I will not do. I will care for him and build him up as long as it is not detrimental to my own self. 

But that's also a very specific exclusion peculiar to our situation. And doesn't apply to regular marriages and relationships. 

Anyway I shall continue. The thing that I have discovered is that the friends (women) with whom I have discussed this topic have all in one way or another come close to 'losing' their blokes, or at the very least felt that their relationships were headed south. And then realised that the fix was relatively simple. And once they decided to start 'taking care' of their men, things got a whole lot better. 

I suppose the point I'm trying to make is, as girls growing up in my generation we were taught about equality and all that jazz. Stand on your own two feet. You don't need to pander to the needs of any man. You don't need them. You are independent, educated, confident. Blah blah blah. But no one reminded us that at the heart of the matter, men and women have very different needs and it's all just biology. They want to feel loved, wanted, cared for, and nurtured. These are not needs that are reserved just for the fairer sex, as romance novels (and Disney princesses of old) would have us believe.

(Before anyone reminds me that this is a D/s community and what I've been talking about is what everyone here already knows, that the Dom-sub relationship works wonders for a relationship because it is very often part of the contract or dynamic that subs, for want of better phrasing, give their Doms whatever is asked or required of them as the Doms see fit or for their pleasure; I want to emphasise that some men may not be comfortable with dominance and may not enter into such a relationship with thier spouses. Or their spouses may not be willing to be a sub. Honestly, would BIKSS and his partner have a much better relationship with D/s present? Sure. I believe so. Would he ever have brought it up to her? No. Would she have ever agreed to it? No. At least, I doubt it GREATLY. My point is, couples don't have to be in a D/s r/p to enjoy the rewards of this dynamic. JUST TAKE FUCKING CARE OF YOUR  MAN. Or he's going to find someone else who will.)

And now, let the arrows fly! 

(Comments are welcome. You are allowed to disagree, or unfollow. But please, keep it civil. )

Shopping Day and Childhood Fantasies

I needed to pick up some little pots for babeh plants, and a planner for next year. And Yankee Candles. Cos they're the only scented candles that are easily got around these parts that carry the scent throughout the life of the candle. Most others are like posers - come on strong then peter out halfway through the flirtation. 

BIKSS took the afternoon off. We met in town around 1pm and had ourselves a very decent hot pot lunch. 

Set meal for two - fish, chicken, pork and beef slices, two trays of veggie/mushrooms, and two servings of tanghoon (mungbean vermicelli), with a pot containing a choice of 2 different soups - BIKSS picked a spicy tom yum and mine was a herbal chicken soup, Chinese style.

I was amused by the heart shaped tofu

Bubble bubble toil and trouble...

After lunch and having gotten up all the stuff I needed / wanted, we headed out to another mall where there was an outlet store of a brand of shoes that BIKSS likes. He picked up a pair of brown leather oxfords that look something like this - 

Altho I think they might have been a bit darker in colour. 

After shopping we went to a Starbucks, this time we stuck to regular non-sugar-laden drinks. A no-sugar cold brew latte for BIKSS and a decaf mocha for me. 

We had a lovely time people-watching and having what I call "sparkling" conversation. Mainly about BDSM, what and who we thought about while jerking off, sharing dirty secret fantasies etc. It was fun, and something we hadn't done in a long time, mainly because we haven't had to opportunity to just chat for hours and hours at a stretch in a long time. 

And even after all this time we both managed to discover new things about each other. Which was lovely and amusing. 

One of the things that came up was my early fantasies. BDSM friend had asked me how young I was when I realised I was a sub. I told her I had fantasies featuring a strict dance teacher that began when I was maybe 9 or 10. I didn't elaborate beyond that. But it started me thinking and by the time we sat down to coffee (me and BIKSS) I had managed to recall those early fantasies in a bit more detail.

I shared that while I never had a storyline in my head when I was masturbating, there was always an imagining of an environment in which I was in a class or group engaging in some kind of activity or attending a lesson under the tutelage of a strict disciplinarian / authority figure. I never pictured the actual activity or lesson in detail, but mostly it was some physical thing. Dance class, or exercise session, sometimes a music lesson, or just some form of physical training for a phantom competition I was preparing for. 

The main thing was that we were always pushed to some limit, Be quiet, Do it again, Don't stop, Keep moving,  and a lot of the time the most prominent feature was a voice in my head lecturing and scolding and being very stern about complying with the rules / instructions etc. 

There was never any punishment or consequence - I was always very obedient in my fantasies LOL. 

BIKSS knew some of this already, but I don't think I ever talked too much about it. Mainly, I suspect, because I had forgotten most of it. Until now. It's amazing what the mind remembers. I never thought of it as submission though. 

On his part, his fantasies always involved rough sex. He, too, never thought of it within the framework of D/s. But there was definitely hair pulling and choking! His choice of porn also reflected this aspect of his sexual preference. 

I suppose it's a good thing our tastes match up then. So that my saying I wanted to be TiH (that was my first encounter with anything resembling D/s when I started looking up this stuff on the web) didn't freak him out as much as it might have someone else who only thought about tender vanilla sex (yuck!) and gave him an avenue to explore his darker side. 

How about you? Did you fantasise about the kink you now partake in as a child? When did you know? How did you come to find out that you were into D/s , BDSM , whatever you call it? 

My mood pic today comes with a story ~

Midway through our sparkling conversation I said something about Pythagoras' Theorem and BIKSS went on to say something totally incorrect about it. Well, Maths was never his forte. I, on the other hand, had 'A's in the subject all through school. Anyway, I began to explain what it was and he protested, saying he didn't want to know, he wouldn't ever need to use it and I should stop before he retaliates with the details of WW1 and WW2 (I don't tolerate History well and often my eyes glaze over after 3 sentences, max, and not in that subspace way either!) 

I was laughing hysterically, giggly as shit cos he was being really funny gesticulating all over the place. But before things escalated I agreed to shut up. Then proceeded to fold a napkin. And a piece of paper. To illustrate a right-angled triangle, under the guise of mopping up the ring of condensation that had formed under his cup. When he picked up his cup to take a sip I pointed at the longest side and said - "That's the hypotenuse!"

He called me a sneaky little thing. :D

Thursday Thai and Sweaty Thighs

He was having a busy day.  AND we were supposed to go pick up another carton of rescued chippies that evening, well, 2 to be precise, and then drop one off at another location on the way home. I'm so grateful that BIKSS is supportive of my rescue missions. And is willing to shuttle me all over the place. I promised, when I asked him for help, that I would be extra sweet and submissive as payment in kind.

I told him I might even go without underwear that evening. That's ONE thing I thought would help him get through the day. And because I don't want to be a tease I decided early on that "might" actually was just a cheeky way of saying "definitely will".

As we drove to our dinner location he placed his hand between my legs. I was warm, having just come from a neighbour's flat where I had gone to drop off some stuff, and at the same time taken the opportunity for a quick "tour" around her recently renovated abode. So his icy fingers were quite welcome, sandwiched as they were between my now-beginning-to-sweat thighs. 

Of course before too long his fingers inched upwards to my puss. 

"You know, women don't look appealing at all when they have their legs spread like that... with a hand up their hoohas," I remarked. 

"Oh? They look very appealing to me."

Dinner was at a restaurant we'd seen but never tried before. It turned out to be pretty darn satisfactory. Service was prompt, the staff, friendly. It faced the marina and there was a gentle breeze all evening, and best of all, the establishment wasn't crowded so we didn't have to deal with noisy diners. 

Fried seabass in sweet Thai chilli sauce - that's a whole fish right there. I took half of it home.

 

 

Tom Yum Mushroom soup which was neither overly sour nor spicy. Quite delicious.

Kangkong / water convolvulus / water morning glory Tempura with Green Curry Sauce / Gravy - rich and a little too sweet, but not spicy at all.

Green papaya salad - delicately tangy with a mild fish sauce, no spice, and also, apparently, non digestible as I woke up with a belly ache the next morning. And according to my boss, it's a known cause of bloatedness.

I'll definitely want to go back there! 

When we were done with our chippie rescue mission I came back to find the smaller red dress (yes, I did order another one and it arrived pretty quickly!) had been taken out of the dryer and placed on my bed. 

"Look, this is the smaller size... still not as fitted, but I can definitely work with this!" I held it up against my torso. 

"Oh, put it on, put it on!"

I pulled off my black tee shirt dress and as I slipped the red dress on I noticed his eyes lingering greedily on my naken puss. 

"You just wanted me to try it on so you could look at my pussy!" 

"Well, no, I wanted to see what the dress looked like on you, but as you pulled the other one over your head I was like - mmmmm naked pussy... "

Tsk. Anyway he thought it looked nice, the dress, not the pussy. Well, wait, that too, but that's not what I'm talking about. 

And as I pulled it off and put the dress I'd been wearing back on he said "Why are you getting dressed?"

"Well because my pussy's been naked twice now and you seem to be rather disinterested in it... so I may as well put on some clothes!" 

He pulled me on all fours onto the bed and flipped my skirt up. Then brushed my slit with his thumb and then he was gone. For the first time since forever I actually vocalised the words "Oh, don't stop..."

"Who says I'm stopping?" 

He had paused to climb into bed with me and proceeded to see to a finger fucking - one I sorely needed but didn't realise till now. Evidently walking around panty-less wasn't just a turn on for HIM. 

He stood up and took off his trousers and I turned to face him, mouth open. I meant to clean my juices off his hand but instead he shoved Roger in my mouth. I did eventually get to lick myself off his fingers but was soon back on Roger. His hands, now clean and free of the task of unbuttoning his shirt soon reached for their favourite landmarks on my body. He found my nipples and pulled and pinched them thru my dress. It hurt. He seldom does it, but when he pinches and flicks his hand upward almost as if plucking them off my body, well, they hurt something awful. 

But the sound that escaped my lips somehow didn't convey the message stop. In fact it came out sounding like I was enjoying it and wanted him to do it again. And again. And again. 

"Good girl."

Sniffle

He grabbed my hair and used my mouth and I got slapped on both sides of my face. I'm impressed with the precision and care he took in doing so. First slapping my right cheek with his left hand, then swapping hands so that he kept his hold on my hair and then proceeding to slap the other side of my face with his right. 

And again, "Good girl."

As the tears rolled down my face he once again pulled me close, gagging with abandon, and held my head against his body. Then pounding his cock into my throat with his hips he leaned over me and spanked my bottom. A quiet hand spanking - I don't know how - but he did it. It hurt too, having received them on stretched butt cheeks.

He got me on my back and I thought he was ready to fuck, but he knelt up and shoved Roger in my mouth as he fingered me again.

Then more hair grabbing. No. Pinning. He grabbed my hair and held it down, resting his weight on his hand, meaning I could move my head as it was stuck against the pillow. Making it really difficult to move in an in-and-out motion. So what was a girl to do? He was coming at me from the side so all I could manage was sucking on the tip of his cock while trying to stick my tongue out to the right to reach towards his balls. It was terribly unglamorous but he didn't seem to mind. In fact, later on he admitted that he didn't realise he had my head pinned to the pillow even. 

*rolling my eyeballs so hard right now*

As he fucked me he leaned right up to my face, we kissed, we tongued, then he teased, pulling away. Thru half-lidded eyes I caught a glimpse of a string of saliva emanating from his lips. Instinctively I opened my mouth to receive it. He managed that twice before he gave in. 

"Daddy's going to cum. And I'm going to cum all over your face." 

He pulled out and moved to the side of me as he emptied himself into my mouth and on my cheek, a drop or two falling on my collarbone. 

"At least you don't have to clean any cum off your tummy today." He's nothing if not considerate. 😒

------

Fetch the cane. 

*I don't move.*

Fetch the cane... go on. 

*I still don't move.*

"Five... four...."

I jump out of bed and go to the toy drawer. "Which one do you want?"

"Any one."

"I don't know. You choose."

"The thicker one. The other one is noisier."

Shoulda known.

He kept his promise of delivering more hearty smacks. 

But before he began he tried it out on his own arm. And he winced and grimaced. And as he got started on my bum I heard him grumbling, "There's no fucking way I'm letting anyone do that to me, it bluddy hurts... " 

*Smack smack smack*

I thought it was funny... here he was, proclaiming that it was bloody painful and there was no way in hell he would ever be on the receiving end of that cane... but yet he was quite happy to DELIVER those strokes.

The tappety taps weren't as light as his usual ones. I told him I didn't know what to call them now - how do I describe them on my blog?

"Thwackety-thwacks" he offered. 

And then he got the OTHER cane out of the drawer anyway.

I mean, what was the point of choosing eh?

So there you have it. Oh, wait. there *I* got it. Two canes, some medium thwackety-thwacks, and a bunch of heavy swooshes in between. And not very *far* between, mind you. It used to be that the heavy swooshes would make up about 20% of his strokes; this time it felt more like 40%.

And then as if to say, "Let's see how much you can take," he went ahead and gave me the last 10 or 15 or so in a medium-heavy weight, in quick succession. OW! Oh, but was I in pain. I *have* learned, though, that the more you tense up your butt, the worse it hurts. And so I left my bottom and thighs as relaxed as I knew how, while I breathed as deeply and evenly as I could, and the rest of me (arms and shoulders especially) tensed up as I braced myself for each stroke to come. [It takes some serious muscle control, let me tell you.]

Does anyone else perspire when receiving a particularly painful spanking? 

Well, I do... and that is how I came to end the evening with sweaty thighs once again.

There's my mood pic today right there  - 👆

Submission Friday - Pussy Spanking / Slapping

After the week of stress with the mother and other stupid people in general, I was happy to hear that BIKSS had gotten the car back from the workshop. This meant we'd have a little more freedom in planning our date. He was also going to be off from work a little earlier than usual, so we could meet ahead of the usual time. 

We decided to take advantage of the extra time we had to catch dinner (quick simple meal at Long John Silver's) AND a movie. I wanted to watch the latest WW84 movie so we ended up getting tickets for a couple seat (which is usually situated at the very back of the theatre) at a cinema that's pretty out of the way and not very popular. There was a total of 8 people in the cinema! 

I enjoyed the film more than BIKSS did I think, but then that's because I think it gives women a sense of what would happen if we could be strong like her and didn't have to put up with the cat-calls and harassment we get from guys from the time we're old enough to be a blip on their radar. It gets tiring having to ignore and walk past idiots who think telling a female stranger 

you're pretty, 

what's the hurry, slow down babe, 

you should let your hair down, 

hey give us a smile,  

is perfectly ok and that we should be thankful that they bother to even notice us. Argh. Can we teach boys to stop this please?

After the movie we came back to my place, and as I'm on my period (yay finally a 28 day regular cycle!) we thought (ok, I thought) it would just be a night of warm comfy cuddling. 

BOY was I wrong. BIKSS was trying to hug me without touching all the "sexy" bits, and I teased him about it, saying that I appreciated how he was very careful to place his arm across me without going too low and hitting my butt / groin, but not too high that he ends up resting on my boobs. He tends to stay away from danger zones that might get me turned on during my bleed so as not to get me horny because we can't have sex. And, again, I do appreciate it heaps.

But somehow while talking about it he ended up on my nipple and immediately my brain switched gears and I thought, as a sub I really ought to let him do whatever he wishes regardless of whether I could have sex or not. And it felt really good so I let out a moan. He was encouraged by that. "You're being a mean daddy..." And I think he switched gears too, cos the next thing he said was "Uh-huh. I am. You can't have sex right now, but you can give Daddy a blowjob."

That made me groan more and my tummy started to flip. He carried on stroking thru my pjs and after some time snuck his hand under my shirt to fiddle with me skin on skin. Of course part of the turn on was that it felt good being stroked and twiddled, tweaked and pinched, but a larger part I think was knowing that I was submitting. And if you know me at all you'll know that submission is a huge turn on for me. (Isn't that the case for many of us?)

So then I told him what I was thinking. And he understood completely. And suddenly knowing that he knew, as he proceeded to turn on his Dom even more (you know, more pain, more grabbing, more holding me in place), it made me turn into complete mush and jello inside. That was an extra layer of turn-on for me, submitting is one thing, but knowing that he knew I was doing so for him, for his pleasure, as a form of obedience was mega huge to my submissive brain. And knowing that he was 'taking' whatever he wanted, I mean, talk about making sure I was horny. 

He held my head close to him, he kissed and fondled, he grabbed my hair to hold my head in place so he could kiss me hard. At one point he held my mouth open by placing a thumb to the side of my mouth - I could have closed it, but I recognise the signal, that's what he wanted. Control. And I gave it. 

His hand moved downwards towards my pussy (I'm wearing a pad FYI) and even when we HAVE played during my period in the past he'd stay clear of my girly bits. Not this time. He stroked me through my underwear and then started spanking between my legs. Oh man. I know I had extra protection, but it's not like my clit couldn't feel anything. And he did this for an extended period of time. I was going crazy with want. And a little frustrated at not being able to fuck. 

By this time I was holding Roger in my hand and working my fingers all over and up and down his cock, he responded with his own moans of pleasure. Every time he slapped my pussy and I twitched, he seemed to get harder. It went on longer than I thought it would, usually by this time I'd have suggested putting Roger in my mouth. But I let him lead. I let him decide the pace. I let him. 

He stopped spanking my cunt and went back to kissing me and pinching my tits. And then he took his pants off so I had full access to his cock and balls. But still no blowjob. He started spanking me again, with two hands this time. It was insane. Pain, pleasure, submission, all the feels. 

Eventually he thought it was about time I gave Roger a proper seeing to with my mouth. I rushed down towards his crotch and he chuckled. "She can't wait to escape and save her nipples" he commented. 

"No, that's not it, I know you can still reach my tits when I'm giving you a blowjob, but at least my pussy will be safe from the spankings... And Daddy has been waiting a long time for my mouth to be on Roger, so that's why I was quick about it."

The usual hot towel clean up followed his cum, along with fetching him some drinking water.

And the rest of the cuddley evening was spent in a wonderful submissive glow. 

"Good girl," he said, for the umpteenth time that evening, kissing me as he held me close to him. 

My mood pic today ~

 

Twas the Night before Christmas... and now it's Midnight!

First, I can say that the ring is officially my Christmas present from Daddy. He transferred the cash today lol. 

We had an early Christmas dinner last night cos today and tomorrow are going to be crazy busy for me. 

He took me to a little island I had never been to, and we had dinner at a lovely little restaurant facing the marina waterfront. 

Trout carpaccio, scallops with quinoa, and barramundi. We're fishy that way. 

And a cream puff with apples and caramel for dessert. That blob is supposed to be ice cream. I don't know why it looks so sad in this pic LOL. It was actually quite decent, really. 

I don't know why there were little pools in front of the stretch of restaurants but it did add to the whole relaxed vibe.

View of the outdoor part of the restaurant from the boardwalk.

And that's BIKSS coming out to meet me after having paid the cheque. With his man-bag. 

Here's a close up - 

I'm glad he's enjoying his present. At least it's being put to good use!

Speaking of presents... here's the other thing I got him for him to open (which I promised to post once he unwrapped it)! 

You can fill up the little reservoir in the bottom half of the mini diffuser, or just open up the bottom bit and stick the whole thing in a cup of water and it'll act like a siphon and suck up the water from the outside. There's a sponge tube inside the barrel that you're meant to drop some essential oil on and the mist comes out the top. USB rechargeable for portability or use around the office (where lack of power sockets / table top space prevents him from using a table top diffuser).

As for me, since he can't decide what on earth to get me we decided that he could take me to a nice dinner once a month. This is a bit of a deal cos nice dinners cost a lot of money and in the past I would ALWAYS make a fuss when he wanted to take me somewhere fancy  - as soon as I saw the menu I'd veto it. I mean, he's not exactly the Prince of Wales. 

Well. Ok. He has assured me that we (HE) can afford a nice dinner at least once a month so that's what he's gonna do. Get dinner plans sorted and then just tell me what I'm wearing and then off we go. 

This is also a bit of a deal cos I really wish he'd make the plans more often instead of me having to ask him where we're going, what we're doing, what time, etc... You know? The usual "Please be a dom and make the decisions" refrain that we hear all over blogland.

He did that eventually. After a bit of a messy start. Haha. By the end of my whining he said "Dress up tomorrow."

"Should I wear my red dress or?"

"You can wear the red dress. Dress light but bring a shawl. Just in case it gets breezy."

And that turned me on. *Shrugs*

It turns out I didn't wear the red dress. You know how some days some clothes just don't fit ?

I ended up in a calf length slipdress with spaghetti straps. And pretty sparkly shoes. 

And a thong underneath. 

That made getting naked after dinner really easy. 

The zip got pulled down, the dress slipped off me onto the floor. 

I helped undress him, and, sitting on the edge of the bed, he lay back while I knelt on the floor and got to work on Roger. 

Slow. Relaxed. 

Wet. 

I made a mess. That hasn't happened here in FOR-EH-VAH! 

Maybe it was the phytoestrogen from all that soy milk I'd been drinking. Or maybe the 'sub' part of my brain got activated from his undressing me and sucking on my nipples, pinching on my tits, my sucking on his cock. 

He had me stand as he sat up and pulled down my thong. Messy. A trail of cool wetness down my right inner thigh. 

His finger found his way into my pussy and with his other hand he reached up and grabbed my neck. 

He slapped the left side of my face. Unexpected. Sharp. I'm sure I got wetter. Did he still have his finger in me? 

Which hand did he use? How many hands were in play here anyway? I could have sworn he still had his hand wrapped around my throat. And inside me. And also slapping me, left, left, right, left, right, right. 

It's funny, I remember the sequence of the slaps, but not where the other hand was. 

It's been a while since I lost track of seemingly easy to remember details. And focused on the things one might not think one would remember. Like how many times he pushed his cock deep into my throat - 2 in succession, and held there for a little while longer, followed by a "good girl", then another 3 more tugs of my head and almost a choke, then a look of approval as my eyes met his. And after a short break another strong thrust - deep and long. 

Was this after I had gotten out of my thong? Was it after or before the slaps? I don't remember. 

I seem to have a problem with sequencing. 

Here's a sequence I do remember. He fucked me twice. Once on my back, and once on my belly. 

THAT, I remember. 

~~~~

It's coming up to midnight here, and I just wanted to wish everyone a Blessed Christmas, 

And stay safe!

 

Feeding (and getting) Dominance through Submission

First some facts - 

1) Orgasm denial is NOT a thing we do. BIKSS is always happy for me to climax, either with him, or on my own. 

2) To do this, I employ a vibrator because that's just the way I roll. 

3) The more regularly I cum, the more difficult it is for me to have the next one. And this isn't just about having multiple cums on the same day, or during the same session. In my experience, it's a whole lot easier to have a cum if I haven't had one in the last couple of days. Daily orgasms only ensure more tired muscles and taking a longer time to achieve climax the next time I try. 

And now to our story. 

Which begins when BIKSS was still on his worktrip. 

I had been feeling particularly horny, as I've mentioned in recent posts. And I think that's because it's the first week after my period which is always a horny time for me, in addition to having a lot less stress in terms of worry about the parents *AND* having made a decision to take a break from choir for a while. 

And we all know that when Fondles is stressed everything goes haywire. Libido included. So when the stress is lifted... it's all systems go! 

I shared some gifs with BIKSS on his second last day away, as I was being particularly playful. And I mean, teasing him is always good fun! 

Along my travels around the web I came across a bunch of "how to be a good submissive" type of articles and blogs. And that got me thinking about our own dynamic. I float in and out of submission - when everything is stable in my life, I crave more D/s. When things are crappy all thoughts of D/s are out the window. 

That I'm thinking about submission now is a good sign if I'm using that to measure my emotional and mental state. And boy did I feel like I needed him to be a Dom right now. 

For some, what I do might seem like topping from the bottom. But this sort of thing works for us because we're not quite a 24/7 TTWD couple. And I have loads to do on my own that BIKSS doesn't get involved with. So it's always useful for me to give him hints when I am able to handle a larger dose of Dominance. 

So what did I do? I sent him this.

Along with the words - my panties are wet. I had been stroking my clit thru my panties and it was getting me mega-ly turned on. 

And then I stupidly suggested that I would not have any more orgasms till I saw him on Monday.

He replies "Good idea. Wait till Monday." 

And of course that didn't stop me from continuing to touch myself, because, well, telling me to wait just made me hornier. But I didn't dare use the vibe, cos I was surely going to cum if I did. So fingers it is!

That rat! Hrmph. (I mean the sticker, not BIKSS!) And now whenever I'm feeling hot and bothered I'm supposed to touch myself more? I eventually got round to cleaning the house and then hopping into the shower. But I couldn't resist spraying my clit with delicious bursts of water from the shower head. I have been known to cum that way, so it was all I could do to stop myself whenever I got too close. 

Well. This is doing a marvelous job keeping me feeling submissive - and feeling owned. Especially since it's not a usual part of our dynamic. But then again, I *did* want more Dominance. 

Long Distance Dominance

"Show me your pussy."

I move the fone down so that the camera is in front of my slit.

"Good girl" he says.

"Spread your legs."

I do so, awkwardly, shuffling my feet apart.

I take that to mean he wants a closer look. So I use the fingers of my free hand to spread my outer lips.

He says something that tells me he approves of this. But I don't remember the exact words.

I'm feeling a flood of submission. My cunt is getting wet. I've just been in the shower getting clean. And now he's gone and made me dirty again in under 10 words.

"That's going to get a nice spanking when I come back on Monday." I know I'm dismissed and can carry on with getting dressed.

But still I ask. "Can I put on my shirt now?"

He says yes.

"Pussy's getting spanked too?"

"Yes."

"But I didn't ask for a pussy spanking... just a bum spanking."

"It's a package deal."

Video calls. Delivering Dominance whenever you need it.

How To Take Sexy-As-Hell Selfies (As Explained By Naked Barbie)

Back In The Groove and Controlling Dominance

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Wednesday Wisdom - A Word from BIKSS

Yup. You heard that right. 

Given that he's not a big fan of writing, this came to me last night out of the blue. He wrote this for me, but also for the blog. While I do most (ok, almost all) of the writing on this blog, we *both* wanted this to be a place where thoughts and ideas could be shared and exchanged. We have gained much from having blogged here, and hope that others have taken something away from it too. 

I won't be so bold as to say I hope we've provided any answers to anyone along their TTWD journey  through sharing our own discoveries here, but if someone has read here and felt they could relate or at least found comfort in knowing that we too have "been there and done that", then we're doing something right. 

It is in this spirit that I share the note BIKSS wrote for the blog.... and me. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes Doms screw up and we need to be reminded why we are who we are and what our responsibilities are. 

I can be crass. I know this and am usually in control of myself, keeping my words polite when I should. After all, one does not insult the sensitivities of other people with crude remarks in public. 

Somehow I have forgotten that rule and let myself be crass in situations with Fondles where I should have been a little more respectful. 

I was called out as being unnecessarily crude with increasing frequency; crass even. It slips out. I compare EVERYTHING to something sexual. I only do it with Fondles, nobody else. I suppose the fact she is my lidl sets me so much at ease I subconsciously figured, incorrectly, that I could say anything sexual in front of her at any time without any repercussions. 

I never gave it much thought, maybe thinking I was being smart and cheeky. Unfortunately it was getting to Fondles and last week she called me on it.

She was right. I had forgotten myself. My place in her life is as her Dom, someone who tells her what is right, how she should behave and how she should speak, among other things. Yet, here I was being rude and crass and not showing a good example. 

(To elaborate, BIKSS has pointed out that I should not stand for bawdiness - specifically from guys -  and I agree with him. In the past I never thought to object as I didn't want to be labelled a prude, and so I would laugh along with everyone else when someone made a lewd remark or inappropriate reference to anything sex-related.  I have become more discerning these days and was / am actually proud of myself for being able to say to a new chap I met that I would really appreciate it if he didn't make everything about sex, or turn everything we talked about into a "sex" thing. It was during this time, when I was feeling particularly accomplished, that I realised BIKSS was doing the very thing he had explicitly told me no woman should have to tolerate. I was confused and upset by this disparity.) 

She actually apologized to me after her rant in the car, but she didn’t have to. She was right to do so. I needed the reminder. A gentler one may have gone down a little more easily, I’ll admit, but what she said in the car that night was exactly what I needed to hear to remember who I am. 

Her Dom. 

So Fondles, thank you for that gentle kick (and other not-so-gentle ones) in the backside that set me back on the path we both travel side by side.

Quickie Dominance

This is a quickie because :

A) I have to go to bed. I told BIKSS I'd be in bed at 1130 and I'm late. I've told him I'm writing a post so I hope that buys me some time. 

B) BIKSS had a quickie Dom moment earlier this evening. 

Today my kitchen got done. The countertop came in. The sink was put in. I have running water in my kitchen again. And I'm going to let you have a peek at the new cabinets... 

But first, the story.

After we had decided to unstack the dryer and washer BIKSS offered to pop by for a short while to deal with it for me, although he had other plans this evening and wouldn't be able to hang out with me today. 

He arrived while the plumber was here for round two - as I discovered some water escaping from somewhere underneath the sink. 

When the plumber got done, the two of them got the appliances turned around and they adjusted the legs on the washing machine so it wouldn't be wobbly.

We decided that with a different facing it might not affect me as much, so BIKSS suggested I leave it be for a while and then see how things sit with my obsessive self. 

The plumber left and we said goodbye and thank you, then I went back to have a look. The dryer was a leeeeeetle bit off. So I went behind it and nudged it about 2mm to the right. But where BIKSS was standing he saw that one corner had moved out of alignment so he shifted it back into place. 

"You pushed it out when you were back there," he said, explaining.

"Let me see... " 

"It's ok now, it's fine," he reassured me.

But of course I'm a stubborn cow and can't just take his word for it, so I walked over towards said corner where he was standing and was just about to put my hands on the dryer to adjust it when he said in his Daddy Dom voice, "It's fine now, LEAVE IT." 

OK you see, sometimes I go a bit crazy - like when I asked him if I should get the plumber back to move the faucet half a millimeter to the back cos it looked a little not-so-straight. Of course, his answer was NO. And then he grabbed the thing and tweaked it a little and it budged into place and I was happy. 

So it's good that BIKSS knows when to let me call the shots (especially in my home), and when to stop me from going overboard, and when to fix things in ways that he knows will satisfy my need for everything to be "exactly just so". 

Because when I try to get something JUST RIGHT and I can't (cos it's usually so tiny or small or unnoticeable that you can't really fix it - you know ... like if it's too low on one side by just half a millimeter and then trying to move it makes it too high by half a millimeter.. that sort of thing) well, that usually ends up in me getting totally flustered and frustrated and then I work myself up into a mad frenzy. 

So um, as much as I say BIKSS usually doesn't do the Dom thing around the house cos it's mostly my call, he DOES have his moments when I need it. 

And now, finally, here it is! THIS is my brand new kitchen. THIS is what I've been on and on about for the last month. Thank you, Blogfriends, for listening to me rant and rave and ramble on about it, post after post! 

Suddenly There He Was

I knew he might be coming over. I didn't know what time.

He let himself into the house, into the room.

The shirt came off, I was midway through updating my scrapbook.

"Come here," his voice was lilting.

"What did I do now?" I asked.

"Nothing, you have 5 minutes to get on your knees and make Roger happy," came the reply.

Later I asked him where this came from, cos it wasn't really his style, not in recent years anyway.

He stated magnanimously that he thought it might be good.

"For you or for me? " I asked. 

"For you. You haven't knelt and sucked on Roger in a while."

"Oh, and what about that Dommy voice?"

"I figured it might be enjoyable." 

"Again, for you or for me?" I was amused now. 

"For you." *He laughs*

"Oh, so you're being selfless and self-sacrificing eh?"

"Totally." 

Submitting - Just Some Rambling Thoughts

*Long Post Advisory* - You might want to go get a cup of tea... or a bowl of ice cream.

Submission. Submitting.

Is it something we do when an opportunity presents itself? Or something that we look for ways in which to offer as much as possible? Are we passive or active in our submission?

Reading comments on others' posts have made me think about revisiting this topic. I don't pretend to be an expert. Some readers here will know BIKSS and I are not married (to each other) neither do we live together. So any reference to how this lifestyle works for us will only be within the framework of a relationship between two people who love each other. Think of it as D/s in abstract. In a relationship. Not necessarily a marriage. 

I can only share what I know; how TTWD has benefited us. Bear in mind everyone has / will have different journeys and it's important to remember that your individual journey will not (and probably should not) look like anyone else's. 

OK. Disclaimers sorted. On to the good stuff. 

Part 1 All Things Bright and Beautiful 

In the beginning there was excitement. It was new. It was going to make our sex life completely hot. And it did. We had the rules. We had the routines and rituals. We had the script. We said the right things, did the right things, learnt the right postures. Looking back now I giggle abit about those days. It was akin to little girls wearing grown-up high-heeled shoes. 

But let's face it, we don't all grow up to be those women who clickety clack in 3 inch stilettos every day. Some of us end up wearing flip flops 90% of the time, others live in trainers, while some of us prefer loafers, mocs, deck shoes, sandals... you name it right?

And yet there remains a "stock standard" image of the grown up woman's shoes - much like how there are stock standard ideas of D/s, TTWD, BDSM, whatever you call it.

But I've come to realise that our version of D/s or TTWD (I see one as a subset of the other) is probably more like a pair of flip-flops than stilettos. Comfortable, casual, but most importantly, absolutely essential.

Like slippers - that's what we call it here -it's a staple in our relationship. Sure, sometimes we play with the toys and trappings, and dress it up with positions and instructions. Sometimes we pull out the D/s vocabulary and weapons of ass destruction. But mostly it's just a state of being. He's my Dom, and I'm his girl. Without all the gloss and polish, our TTWD is just like a pair of old comfy flip flops - functional and dependable. 

Part 2 All Creatures Great and Small

Er, maybe not creatures. But in all aspects, big and small, the thing that is ever on my mind is to be polite and decent. Be nice to him...  

It's not as weird as it sounds.

"But of course you'll be nice to him, you love him!"  

Nuh-uh. We all know it's way easier to be rude to the people closest to us; we hurt our loved ones the most, while we tend to take great pains to be polite to and extra patient with strangers - even the ones who piss us off (at the grocery store, getting off escalators, on the way to work, while queueing up for a coffee...) right?

That's probably the one crucial aspect of TTWD that has made THIS relationship different from others we've had in the past. 

Respect. Being mindful of how we want the other person to feel. To raise, lift up, encourage. It's easy to say we can do the same thing in a vanilla relationship. But in reality, it's a lot harder when there isn't the threat of a spanking looming over your head for disobedience or disrespect.

[Right, this last point has got my brain shooting off in a whole other direction, but I shan't go there today. ]

It might appear to be one-sided in that we're thinking from the sub's point of view.

But how does TTWD help the Dom remember to be nice to his girl? What motivation does he have?

I'll share BIKSS's answer to that in a moment, but as far as I can tell, if I were to be given authority and responsibility over another person, I'd bluddy damned well show a good example. And if I want someone to afford me that kind of respect, then hashtag Golden Rule. (Note: it's not just a Christianity thing...)

OK, so what was BIKSS' answer?

Well, your open expression of submission is a constant reminder... Probably not a conscious decision or mindset but one borne of the dynamic.

Of course a Bad Dom could just take the submission and sit on it, then dish out abuse in exchange. So let's assume that we've put some thought into this and have already ascertained that the men we love aren't Bad Doms ok?

But I asked BIKSS anyway...  about Good Doms and Bad Doms. Here's his paragraph ~

A Good Dom remembers that the submission is a gift, one given from the heart, and as such, respect is the least a Good Dom can give back.  The temptation to go further, push harder, burst limits, is always going to come up but the sub's needs are foremost.

In a nutshell what I'm hearing is "good begets good". And also, that's it's his job to take care of me. I suppose it follows that if that is the mindset of the Dom (ie. to take care of, guide, help, nurture etc.,) then it's quite natural that he won't be rude / mean / dismissive to his sub.

That and if, like BIKSS, he is constantly aware that his girl's submission is a gift to him, then it is very likely to be accompanied by some kind of emotional response - this is what he replied when I asked him what his emotional response was to my gift of submission (as he put it):

BIKSS - Humility - that you would. Gratitude after - for giving it. And then a sense of how big it is.

Me - How big WHAT is?

BIKSS - The responsibility of having won your trust and submission and knowing that now one has to be worthy.

Righto then. When do we submit? How?

In all things. Great and small. That was my original point. It's not just about submitting to the punishment / spanking, or to his decision-making. It's not just submitting in the BIG things, or maybe, you thought, just the small easy-to-do things.

It's everything. Or anything that has been previously agreed upon. For example, for us there are some exclusions. He doesn't get involved in money matters or my work schedule. Not because I don't or won't let him, but it's just the way our relationship is - these are not things that concern him or that he could impact one way or another. With the parents and my classes and work, I'm the only person around here who knows what's best for me/them and what will or won't work, logistically speaking. I'm mostly financially independent. (Altho' with this kitchen mess I'm a little bit skint now.) The flat is in my name, so decisions are my burden and mine alone. However I DO go to him to get his advice and opinion if I'm not a hundred per cent sure of what I'm going to do. Basically there are areas in my life where he is unable to take a Dominant role - and in those areas I AM KING. Ok, Queen. You know what I mean.

Having said that, he does help to ease the financial strain by buying me stuff I need and feeding me when we go out to eat. He even dropped some dinner off for me last week on his way home, as he knew I hadn't bought any food to take home with me earlier in the day - and knowing full well I couldn't whip something up either considering I have no stove for 3 weeks.

When I need to run to mum's he is ready to ferry me. When I need supplies he'll gladly get them for me.

But where was I? Oh, yeah. Everything. Everything ELSE.

If he says let's go do something, we go. If he has thought up a plan that doesn't sound TOO mad, I'll go along with it. When he says I should drink water, I do (I'm awful at drinking enough water... bleugh). It is common around these parts that I tell him what I need... buy groceries, deliver meds, get food, WANT CAKE... then he'll take all the different bits and pieces and turn it into some workable plan. And then that's the plan. Cos that's his job. And it's also my job to tell him what I need.

It's called working together.

I never used to have this in my other relationships. I would dictate lead. They would follow. Cos they didn't have a choice. It was always done MY WAY. It was exhausting. Why didn't I just let them do the leading then? I didn't trust them enough I suppose. They didn't prove they were capable of doing so, maybe...

Part 3 All Things Wise and Wonderful

But what about that thing I said about passive vs active submission?

6 years ago I think I was naive and ignorant. I would wait for him to instruct. I would wonder why he wasn't more demanding. I would crave his dominance. And I would be frustrated. Erotic D/s images like this one didn't help any.

I read about subs whose doms instructed them not to cum, or to cum, or to masturbate for them.

I drooled when I read posts about doms dictating what their subs were to wear.

I panted for more rituals, more protocols, more "stuff".

And to be fair, every time I told him what I needed, he met those needs. But I eventually realised what was lacking.

My submission was dependent on his dominance. For aren't they the perfect foil for each other? Well, yes. But therein lies the beauty of this dance. Without one, there cannot be the other. But where one first begins to exist, soon the other must follow.

I've grown wiser over the years. Perhaps not in everything, but in understanding how OUR version of TTWD works. I was always waiting for him to ask me for my submission. But for it to be truly a gift, it had to be given. Over and over again. Continuously. Constantly. And consistently. That's what I've learnt in the last year. (It only took me 5 years... geez. Talk about a steep curve.)

It was accidental too. At times I found myself being more active in my submission. And it was at those times that I felt most "right". We've never had orgasm control. In fact he likes it when I have at it.

(Side note : I'm one of those women who fall into the category of "the more I have, the more likely I'll want it, and the less of it I have, the less I'll need it". I'm not sure if any of you are like that too, but I know I've seen at least one other sub say this about herself... can't quite remember who now tho.)

Going back to my point - BIKSS has never dictated my 'cumming' and going, so to speak, but I have asked him via text if I may have a cum... and he gets into Dom mode immediately. Did I have to? Nope. If I didn't ask him permission but went ahead anyway, did I have to report it? Nope.  It just isn't part of our thing. But when I ask I exercise submission, and he practises Dominance.

When he asks what I would like to eat... and I say, "You choose, Daddy." That's me being actively sub. I could just as easily have said "How about that place with the build your own sushi?" and we would have gone on to have dinner like any other vanilla couple. But when I leave it to him, his Dom gears get activated and he thinks about what I might enjoy, or what might fit into my weird food plan based on what I might have had earlier in the day (he'll know cos I usually tell him what I'm eating).

Is this topping from the bottom? I've decided if it works, it works, and I'm not even going to consider this question. Every damn thing could be considered topping from the bottom if you let it. So no. I'm not going there. I *will* say that the other thing that sparked off my whole active subbing movement was what BIKSS said to me not too long ago - that being a good girl / sub is not dependent on following his instructions or obeying his directions. That when I do "nice" things for him of my own accord (with him in mind), I'm being a good sub by showing care and concern, and pre-empting his needs and wants.

Have I been actively subbing recently? Yes. It's still tough though, cos my default setting is Go-Getter-No-Messin'-About-Bitch. But I'm making a conscious effort to be more submissive. He said to me once (on the topic of why we do what we do) that he recognises that I need to have the space to be sub.  Now this is my way of creating a space for him to be Dom.

And for the most part, we're at a wonderful, comfortable, flip-floppy, place.