Some time back I asked him if he would like me to call him Master.
He said we would try it out and see. He liked it. So we went and added that to our repertoire.
Last night we revisited this form of address. He said it sounded a little disconnected. He admitted not getting anything much out of it, since it was usually in the third person. Addressing him as Master directly might have a better effect except we hardly EVER call each other anything. There hasn't been a need to. We hardly even ever used each others' names - even before we got involved. Occasionally we call each other Hun. That seems to be sufficient. So last night we decided that maybe we would drop it. Since it did nothing in particular for him, and I've been having trouble getting over the awkwardness of using it anyway.
I had guests over for dinner today. The usual Sunday Supper Club peeps were here, except one of them brought her other half - a particular difficult character to get along with at best, grating, at worst.
It took all my effort to maintain some semblance of courtesy through dinner and by the time we were through with the food portion and just about ready to move on to dessert, she'd well and truly gotten under my skin. And I took it out on BIKSS. We'd been texting intermittently throughout the day, as is our way, and I got irritated with something he said and snapped. But I knew being the mild-mannered, forgiving, benefit-of-the-doubt giver he is he'd probably just let it slide and not jump to conclusions. Also I think he's not very confrontational so he'd rather just sit and wait and see how bad it gets before calling it. I was in no mood to let it escalate tho. I was itching for a fight. With someone. I didn't quite care whom.
But at the same time I KNEW in my head that it wasn't HIM that I wanted to pick a fight with. Choice - I just keep going and be a right snit and hope he takes the bait, or I could be an adult, be responsible, and tell him what was going on. I chose the latter. And I'm glad I did.
I'm feeling particularly bratty.
I noticed... XXX there?
Yes, I replied, followed by some letters which were meant to approximate the sound of anger and frustration.
Bite your tongue, you might regret what you say.
I'm hardly talking anyway, and I'm taking it out on you. I'm sorry. Help. Help. Help.
You'll be fine. You will NOT let yourself get worked up by her presence...and if you do, you will smile, walk into the room for a bit and come out only after you have calmed down.
I'm considering disappearing into the room and possibly flogging myself. That's how bad it is.
As long as you don't give in to a fag, he warned me. Stress and frustration = cigarette as far as I was concerned. In the past anyway. And these people are smokers. It would be so easy to get my hands on a stick.
I surprised myself when I realised at that moment that I didn't feel like reaching for one. Wasn't the least bit inclined. I smiled with pride. And told him so.
Good girl. I knew you'd be there one day... You will tolerate her because I say you will. If you don't you will have failed both of us, and given in to the irritation. You don't have to like her. But YYY does. And you like YYY.
His reasoning was sound. I already knew all this. I just have difficulty listening to myself. It's much easier when my Master says it. I'm more willing to listen to him than to me. I am amused at the choice of words I used in my head as I was deducing this. I thought the word 'Master'. Not BIKSS, not his real name, not anything else. Master. I swallowed a chuckle.
I need my Master now. Strangely, ironically. After we dissolved the whole Master thing last night.
I may not respond much to 'Master' but you are still mine to command. And you WILL listen to me.
If I do let it slip out and refer to you as Master will that be acceptable to you?
Yes. I never said it wasn't, hun. (Kiss emote)
I know. Thank you. Initially I thought it was something I would do cos it did something for you. Who knew... turns out it does something for ME. Yours to command. I'm just gonna recite that in my head.
I'm my Master's to command.
I'm my Master's to command.
You are MINE to command.
I'm my Master's to command.
And so, ladies and gentleman, it seems I have evolved myself a mantra.
So we were trying to work out a solution to my dilemma, and had come upon the perfect thing! But I changed the plan... I picked up a diet supplement for myself today, and since BIKSS sounded interested when I mentioned it to him previously, I got him a bottle too!
