It shouldn't cause you to ache in the depths of your chest.
It shouldn't make you want to reach into your belly and hold it shut.
It shouldn't make you cry every time you think of the one you love.
It shouldn't be the pain you hold on to when you close your eyes at night.
It shouldn't be the tears that drop onto your pillow when you wake up and think of him.
Where did that other feeling go to? You know... the one that makes you smile?
The one that fills your heart up so big you could swear you're puffed up a size bigger?
The one that you never want to stop feeling?
The one that you wish everyone could see?
The one you wish EVERYONE COULD FEEL?
The one that you can't express in words to let him know it's there?
The one that he can only fathom from the way you look into his eyes and hold his gaze?
That's the one I want. I want it back. But it's never coming back...
Oh I am sorry. I wish I could give you a hug!
ReplyDeleteyou just have!! thank you for the thought!
DeleteOh Fondlers, I truly hope this is not how your are feeling today.
ReplyDeleteI think love encompasses some of those elements all the time. The latter emotions should be felt more.
Wilma
actually, it was, when I wrote it. I was a mess. I've since cleaned the house and gone to have a 6 hour sit down and dinner with one of my nearest and dearest, and it's helped.
DeleteA different perspective is always refreshing.
thanks for the love.
*hugs*
ReplyDeleteI know how you're feeling. I wish I could offer some great wisdom...
Things come in their own time. And sometimes it has to hurt so we know what it's like when it does feel so good. It wouldn't be love if it couldn't hurt us.
My thoughts will be with you today. I hope you can find some peace.
i think i have. and i thank you and everyone here for sending me all the love and hugs and positive vibes.
Deleteit means a lot to me...
Big hug.
ReplyDeleteJoey
thank you, dear Joey. i appreciate it.
DeleteHUGS...wish I could give you a real one....keep breathing, find the strength to keep loving...and keep us posted..we care about you.
ReplyDeletehugs abby
thank you. it means so much!
Delete(((((hugs))))) Hang in there, I know it's not good advice though... The pain of what you feel is raw.
ReplyDeleteI can remember a time when my heart was crushed and my life was spiraling out of control. Even getting out of bed hurt. Thinking hurt my brain. I never thought I'd find real love, or even wanted to find it at all.
It's emotional pain that hurts as real as physical.
waiting for time to heal sucks, but it's really what can work. The limbo period in between is hard to take.
Hope all clears up soon.
Keep us posted like abby said!
the worst thing is having to make a choice. I hate that.
Deletei wouldn't make a decision that will end up hurting me. i'm not strong enough. but then, i would never forgive him either. even tho it's the right thing to do.
impasse. that's what it is.
i have to find a work-around.
story of my life
Well from the comments I see you are feeling better, but still, I am sorry you are so down. But getting out and accomplishing things usually helps me, although it takes a lot to actually go and do something.
ReplyDelete~hugs~
well, i can't say i accomplished anything. I did clean the house tho - but then again, nothing would stop me from doing that.
Deleteand i dragged myself out to sit and unload to a friend.
One thing about these relationships ttwd and whatever form they may take they are very intense, perhaps more so than vanilla just in a different way.
ReplyDeleteMy first dominant i got involved with was married, and although it ended for various reasons something that played on my mind was that it was a relationship with no future or at least a future that i wanted, i wanted to be a couple 24/7 not just for D/s or s/m.
It was so very difficult when emotions and feelings are this intense and i was enthralled by him perhaps because he was my first dominant and i was exploring for the very first time, i was consumed by his dominance...but ultimatley it wasnt enough for me.
I can appreciate how difficult it must be for both you and please dont think im judging your situation, im not that would make me a hypocrit (spelt wrong!).
And if im completley on the wrong wavelength just tell me to shut up...i wont mind lol
hugs
x
no, you're entirely right.
Deleteand perhaps i just wasn't prepared for how intense such a relationship would be.
and the fact that he's been a friend for such a long time.
thank you for sharing your experience with me. you're spot on! I want a future. i'm happy with now. i don't have the space for a full time relationship now. but i want to know in 10 years time we'll be together. all the time. and that we'll never have to end it.
sure the affair could go on forever... that is, until one of us is too frail to go on. would that be enough for me? I wonder...
I am so so sorry you are going throught his. I wish I was closer so I could help you through like you have done with me in the past.
ReplyDeleteYou know I am always here for you.
Thanks DB. And i appreciate the thought. Really.
DeleteBut I think i'm on the way back to somewhere-near-normal... so hopefully i'll get there in a couple of days.
This is the first time i'm here. I'm sorry you are/were feeling like that, but i must say i absolutely loved the picture. I hope you're still getting back on track.
ReplyDeleteHi, thanks for dropping in.
DeleteYes, i'm feeling much better now... things have been resolved. and i'll be happy until i hit my next meltdown point - aka neurotic Fondles appears again.
I'll go over and read your blog :)