12 January 2013

Talking Through It

Thursday night ended with a flurry of texts flying between our fones. I was disappointed that he couldn't come out walking with me. I had dinner plans that got cancelled, and would have gone to see my cousin off, but when the chance to see BIKSS presented itself, I jumped at it. 

And when it didn't happen I was upset. That led to some anger. And blame. And words. And frustration. And more words. Some pissy, some not. And eventually it got better.

So - over the last few posts I've learned some lessons, found out some stuff, made some decisions, and gotten some ideas.. 

1) Do what I need/want to do. And if I can't say OK if he wants to meet on short notice then I shouldn't feel bad about it. 

2) Don't plan walks together cos those are the MOST likely things to get cancelled. So if I'm walking, I'll tell him before I do and if he can come out, he can come out. And if he doesn't, well, I was going to walk anyway. 

3) Mondays seem to be the least likely in the no-show department. So maybe we'll just try and plan dinners / meetings on Mondays. 

4) I'm not sure what the Friday situation is, but I think that's a 50-50 rate of success type of thing. 

5) If he wants to meet or plan something, ask him what's the likelihood of this actually coming to fruition - is it a definite I-already-have-an-alibi thing, or a I-plan-to-but-I'm-not-sure intention.

6) Things at his house don't happen the same way things happen in my house. My family tells each other stuff way in advance and as soon as we know - Your dad and I are having dinner with your uncle next Sunday; I'm celebrating my birthday with the ex-classmates on Tues; Mary and Mike are gonna be in school till late on Fri. And this is a system that I'm totally and completely used to. Over in his house things sometimes don't get said till the morning of the same day. It baffles me, but er, what can I do right?

7) Which brings me to this - I can't fix him, or them, or anyone else. And I can't do anything about anyone else except me. So I'm just gonna have to change things that I can control in order to limit disappointment, increase success rate, and keep upsets to a minimum. 

8) Switching back to sub mode when he does come around isn't as hard... especially not when he comes and gets me from work, waits on my floor on the other side of the mall and surprises me by appearing before my eyes while I'm on the fone with him cos I called when I got done as I was told to do. 

9) Tuna in chilli and oil tastes awesome with spaghetti.

10) Men can carry a heck lot more groceries than I can. 

Which actually is really about last night - I wore a lilac set yesterday, and when we get home I typically hop into the shower. But I wasn't sweaty at all last night, so after a light hand spanking over his lap on the couch I was reluctant to let a pretty set go to waste. 

He got me into the room and I presented on the bed - and he spanked me some more. With his belt, with his hand, employing some new trick where he pushes up one finger against my pussy and spanks across both cheeks over that with his other hand. 

Some went by slowly, others quickly. One set made my toes curl - literally. He saw it and made a remark. 

Then he had me undress, as did he, and climbed over me positioning his cock at my entrance as I lay on my back looking up at him. He pushed in slowly, nudging, searching... and when his head was just about engulfed by my lips he thrust the rest of the way in.

Roger feels angry! 

Does he? Why?

Feels like he's exacting revenge on my pussy.

Hmmm why would he? 

 Cos she's been a naughty pussy?

.....You can imagine the rest. 

He stopped and tortured me by moving in an out only very slightly, just enough for me to need more, but not so still that I could forget there was an intruder in my folds - until I begged him to fuck me silly. Yes, in those words. I was all needy - and if I didn't feel subby before, this surely did the trick!

He made me repeat it a few more times before he resumed his rhythmic plunging. 

After he came I leaned over him and cleaned him up with my tongue. 

As we lazed and talked I apologised for forgetting that it's hard for him too. I get carried away with wanting him all to myself and I forget to be grateful for the times that he does spend hours with me. I suppose I really will have to learn to get used to (or at least tolerate) this habit of last minute relaying of information. 

I touched Roger after a bit, and sucked him, and unlike his usual slutty self (which is normally content with being in ANY hole) he specified this time that he wanted more pussy. So BIKSS got up, had me on my knees at the edge of the bed and doggie-styled me. 

The rest of the evening was pleasant... we measured the circumference of his shaft (yes you heard correctly), played with the tape measure (soft type that tailors use), went to the 24-hour store in flip flops to buy tuna and chilli in a can, walked past the 24-hour grocer and picked up a good sized piece of ginger that he has plans for this Monday, and we ate spaghetti with tuna while watching Honey Boo Boo on youtube - don't google it. Really. If I really wanted to share it I'd embed the video. 

Or hyperlink it. 

No, just don't. 

Then he mentioned not having the car on Monday so that he could spend a little more time with me over dinner and after - so instead of going to town for my treat I suggested an eating place a little nearer to my place, that's still relatively unknown and would be less risky in the being seen together department. 

Which makes me feel a little like, hey - YOU were supposed to plan the dinner treat and just whisk me away to a yummy birthday celebration, but again, I suppose it's just something I have to accept. The man is NOT about celebrating occasions. He does romantic gestures and surprises enough on regular days. But he just can NOT understand the concept of the Special Occasion. 

Still, we live and learn. It's been the first Christmas, the first New Year's Day, and now the first Birthday together. Next time round I'll be prepared... with a list of options. Or something. *Shrug* 'Cos hey, he may be the world's best cuddler, but P-L-A-N-N-I-N-G is the thing I do innit?



30 comments:

  1. Glad things are better, I think your number 7 is right on! This D/s is a process, a journey, we all learn as we walk it.
    hugs abby

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    1. Thanks for the support this week and the last 10 months... I swear you girls (and guys, tho fewer in number) are the best...

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  2. Enjoy the ginger root..The fresher, the better,Oh lucky him who will see you squirm and moan..I imagine he loves the sounds of her sweet sufferings as much as I would ..
    SK

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  3. So glad to see you seem to be in a better space Fondles and have worked through some things. Your ideas sound right on the money. As Abby said, especially number 7.

    Early Happy Birthday wishes! I hope you have a wonderful celebration together. A few neat milestones, first Christmas, New Year and now Birthday :)

    righto - off to youtube now ... oh wait ... didn't you say NOT to? - that's not very submissive of me is it! :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. oh dear. don't say I didn't warn you. Really. Honey Boo Boo "chaile"... OMG.

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  4. So glad you figured some stuff out!!!!

    And you're right. Im sure it's hard on him, too. Buy it's easy to get wrapped up in yourself and how you're feeling.

    And ha @ honey boo boo. I don't watch, I can't stomach it lol. But, I know about it. Lol :)

    Hugs,
    Elle :)

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    1. Oh aren't you the clever one. He made me watch it. To share the misery I think. Evil man is back.

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  5. Happy early Birthday, Fondles!
    A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. When you've got to do the planning then you plan. When the plan changes, there's a new plan.
    It is already quite an achievement to be able do some planning in these circumstances.
    I don't want to know details about the measuring or Honey Boo Boo.
    The list of facts is awful.

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    1. aww really? didn't like my list? :(

      but yes. I suppose you DON'T want the details.

      :)

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    2. I'm very very bad at English.
      I meant to say: awfully good!
      Does that sound more positive?

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  6. What a lovely way to come out of the funk! If it hadn't been for the Honey Boo Boo part, I'd say you nailed a pretty terrific evening. ((((Hugs!))))

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    1. LOL I think the Honey Boo Boo might have added to the "normalcy" of the whole thing.

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  7. Glad you came to some great conclusions. YOu will be better for them. Your nite sounded wonderful. Best wishes for a repeat for your birthday. Happy "Figgin" Birthday.

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    1. heh. Thanks... I'm feeling a little better... and it doesn't hurt that I've got champagne truffles in the fridge!

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  8. One cannot understate the importance of managing expectations in that kind of relationship! Expectations make the difference between quiet disappointment and bleeding-heart pain when things don't go as planned, so it's nice to read 1-5 and see that you're trying to expect a little less and come up with ideas to minimize hurt. I hope things get better for you! And happy birthday!

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    1. Thank you! I'm trying. And I'll keep trying.

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  9. Happy Birthday Fondles! I'm glad that you're coming to some new realizations especially number 7. We can only control and be responsible for our own actions.Enjoy your time together and take care of yourself in the meantime.
    Love,
    Mrs. D

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    1. Thanks! And yeah, i can only fix my stuff. And other pple have to fix their own stuff. But what might look perfectly fine to me may be dysfunctional to someone else n vice versa.

      So it's not up to me to say how other households shud function.

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  10. Happy Birthday Fondles :D You have learned a lot haven't you? #7 is gonna take you a long way in dealing with your unique situation. It will probably be the hardest one to remember, but oh so worth it when you do.

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    1. I've known this for a while now. I jus keep forgetting. But hey.. I'm gonna get it sooner or later.

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  11. I agree that #7 is a good one in your situation. I am wondering though, it sounds like you are making a lot of adjustments mentally. Is he making any as well? I know he is likely pretty limited on what he can and cannot do, but this isn't yours alone to fix. I hope he's helping you, is all. Either way, it sounds like progress, and I am so happy to hear it!

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    1. Honestly, your guess is as good as mine.

      1- the man is not a talker. If he has plans to fix it, i dont know abt them.
      2- it is likely (i believe, given i dont have any input that might suggest otherwise) that he'll say he's been doing all he can and thats just the way the situation is.
      3- i'm planning to get him to try and use sentences that will reassure me, rather than keep him separated from the sentiments he expresses. Eg. Think of me holding you IS NOT the same as "i wish i were holding you".
      4- i hope he gets it before i end up going crazy. Cos the last time i wailed for him to fix us, i didnt exactly get a man-of-action response. I must say at this point he probably feels there is nothing more he can do. So im gonna have to teach him the value of words. Did i mention before that he doesnt speak that love language? His primary love language is touch. Hard to communicate that when we're not physically in the same space!

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  12. Well, it sounds like progress is being made. It's not where you want to be, but it is progress. I wish you contentment my friend. I hope that BIKSS will communicate more...that is one of the few things he has complete control over! He can...he is more than capable of that. I come from a family of fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants people so I totally get not being huge on plans. Some people plan and some don't...all get along just fine. It's figuring a way of managing expectations and needs that is important.

    Happy Early Birthday to You
    Happy Early Birthday to You
    Happy Early Birthday to fondles
    Happy Early Birthday to You

    hugs,
    fiona

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    1. Weeee! thank you dear Fiona.

      I'm trying to be good about setting up for success and not failure. heh.

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    2. Hmmmmm....how very wise of you dear fondles :)

      Oh....
      Happy Birthday to You
      Happy Birthday to You
      Happy Birthday Dear fondles
      Happy Birthday to You!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  13. Sending Birthday wishes as well and a big hug too!

    Accepting things for what they are and seeing them clearly is so important and it sounds like you have been able to do some of that this week even if it is not exactly as you would want.

    I love #10 , especially when I had 8 bags today and no one to help me :(

    ~faithful

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    1. At times like those I wish I had my own vehicle to lug everything back.

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  14. I get the disappointment that you felt. I have been through that myself. My guy doesn't tell me about arrangements in advance. I am the complete opposite. I have accepted that it is who he is and I know from experience that you can't change a person. That person has to be willing to make the first move.

    Honey Boo Boo, huh? I will avoid the temptation of looking for any YouTube videos there. =)

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    1. I think maybe I should just ask. I think the barrier here is that I'm afraid that if I ask all the time it gets annoying for them you know?

      I'll ask him if asking is the solution... *doubt he'd know tho...

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