Early on I was always stressing cos I felt BIKSS didn't demand my submission as much as I wanted him to.
I was waiting for him to put on that Dom voice and tell me to do this or that, simply cos he wanted it so. Sure, he did it often enough in the bedroom, but he KNOWS that's not what we're about. I didn't want the submission to be confined to the bedroom, to sex. He knows! I told him! We talked about it plenty!
If you think that sounded bad, imagine how it sounds to me now.
It came to a point, not without the help of reading other blogs, where I realised that I was looking at it wrong the whole time.
Now it's easier to be content with the state of our affair. I have learnt to look at things differently. And if it helps anyone out there who's trying to figure out this bit about what it is that we do, here is what I now know:
Submission is a gift. It is my gift to him. I want to offer it to him, all the time. It is a state of being. And now I can do so because I know there is nothing more important to me than his happiness, his pleasure, his comfort; and so I do whatever I can to ensure that his life is made better and more beautiful by my actions, words and attitude.
I kneel or sit at his feet when I can, I wear something I think he'll like seeing me in, I offer to bring him food and drink, I touch him and kiss him and let him know he is loved, I lift him up and take pride in his accomplishments at work, I give him the opportunity to be needed for guy-stuff around the house, and often I will ask what he desires of me.
Has he once demanded any of this from me? Never. And yet he approves and enjoys that I do.
Just as I needed him to understand and accept my way of submission, I needed to understand and accept his way of dominance.
And how do I know he likes what I do? He tells me.
"I like that you like sitting and kneeling at my feet..."
That is all the reassurance I need.
This post was inspired by Mrs. SB's Submission and Kitty's The Art of Submission
============================
P.S. I love the caption to this picture:
Those are the times it is okay to stand above her.
But when she is kneeling because the weight of the world is just too heavy to bear…
THAT is when You should be kneeling beside her.
A real Master will know the difference.”
And I have no doubt that my Master does.
I can so relate to this Fondles! Things felt so much better, more natural, once I wrapped my head around accepting HIS way of leading, doing ttwd. When I think back on some of those early doubts now it's sort of like, well duh! lol.
ReplyDeleteyeah... i guess it's just something we ALL go through at some point... i've definitely seen other women write about this.
DeleteWow. The caption below the picture is terrific. Submission is a gift that is very special. Brilliant post.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I am so glad I stumbled upon that picture and the accompanying text.
DeleteI love that last pic and what it says...My Master does too.
ReplyDeleteYou reached your understanding of submission far faster than I did....when I started to find myself thinking..I wnat to plese Him in all things...I was on the right road. My submission is a gift to Him...His dominance is a gift to me!
hugs abby
well reaching the understanding is one thing - being able to LIVE it is another.
Deletei got into a pissy fit last night over something that wasn't his fault.
i think it was a case of not understanding his reason for doing what he did, and perhaps also that he didn't explain it in a way that i could understand.
mars and venus eh?
but it was over easy enough. nothing a half hour scalding shower couldn't fix. might be easier to sort out if he were physically next to me tho.
still, I think without ttwd it might have been way worse.
'My submission is a gift to Him...His dominance is a gift to me!'
DeleteYES! that's exactly it! *light bulb* (I too was caught up with the 'but he just does it to please me, and if he's not doing something so I ask him to & he does it, then.. he's just doing it to please me!' thing. I know I know!)
Oh, gosh, Fondles, I adore that last paragraph. Simply beautiful.
ReplyDeleteyes i thought so too.
Deletevery nice post..food for thought.
ReplyDeleteL x
Thank you. I've written similar things on other blogs as comments, so I thought it was about time I compiled my thoughts into a post.
DeleteThat is a lovely post FA and I knew you were writing it at least partially because of me... I hear all of this, and I stand on the edge and I look over. But I find that I am afraid of heights.
ReplyDeleteSigh.
yes, definitely inspired by the post you wrote... but you know, your submission doesn't have to take the same form as anybody else's.
Deletenow step away from the edge, it's dangerous out there.
Very beautiful. I would like to offer more submission without it being demanded as well...
ReplyDeleteI think it's easier to think of it as a mindset than a series of behaviours.
DeleteThat's my take, anyway.
This is so beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI so understand that BIKSS doesn't want to force submission out of you by acting dominant. What kind of submission is that, when it has to be forced?
But when you give it it to him....? Not because he demands it, but because you think he deserves it.
That makes a guy feel really dominant.
Well it sure took me a while to figure it out. I think many of us envision a slightly more "active" dominance from our guys- u know, the "take me i'm yours" approach where there's actual TAKING rather than "here I am, I'm yours" =)
DeleteBut i can definitely understand it better now.
"Dang it! I DEMAND that you dominate me in EXACTLY the way I want, WHEN I want! Now why won't you dominate me!'
ReplyDelete*grin*
Oh, haven't we all been there? :)
OH YES! Exactly!
Deletehahah. doesn't it sound a little strange now?
The photo and caption at the end are wonderful. Thanks for sharing. I have been working on a story about a woman coming to terms with her desire to be spanked and your post, along with Renee Rose's (and I'll go check out the two you referenced) have helped so much. Great timing. I may give you a mention in the acknowledgments!
ReplyDeletewow... thank you, if you do.
Deletei'm just glad to be able to help.
if you wanna chat, drop me an email =)
I was just talking to DH about this. About how I thought I wanted him to demand my submission, and that I had it all wrong. :D
ReplyDeletegood to know we all kinda go thru the same processes huh?
DeleteYeah apparently yes. One of those things that you have to understand first though. I am glad I got it!
Deletei wish someone would have told me sooner tho. It took almost half a year for me to figure it out! Sheesh!
DeleteMe too! That is funny. How strange how well this works, I think.
DeleteAwesome post, Fondles.I really enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'm glad you did.
DeleteI've just come through this too, so glad it's not just me! Very reassuring post and even more reassuring comments!
ReplyDeleteThat last photo and caption - just gorgeous
uh huh... it's ALL of us at some point or another I think.
Deleteand thanks for leaving a comment. It's nice to meet you =)
Great post thanks for the shout out!
ReplyDeleteyou're welcome. thanks for sharing your thoughts!
DeleteJust started reading your blog. had a long period not blogging or reading but back to it again. I have read and been read by the Heron Clan for years now, that's where I got your blog address from.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Fondles, that was a very good post and interesting to read. I have always felt that women who unreservedly OFFER their submission have most fully understood the saying "it is more blessed to give than to receive"; they are the most intensely womanly.
I cannot help but agree about the intensely woman statement, Malcolm.
DeleteThat said, it may be more blessed to give than to receive but us men should not forget that we are blessed to have received the offering in the first place.
Thank you for coming over to read the blog.