Private

It had to happen some time.

We had 3 pretty awesome years, and the shit has hit the ceiling. We're in a bit of a limbo now and I'm not sure what will happen after.

It's not like I've been writing much anyway.

So I've gone private and whoever I had on my contact list has been added to the invite-list.

If anyone asks any of you about the blog, send them my way via email and I'll be happy to add them.

But I think the time has come for me to retire. Whatever's here is here. And I'll leave it up. But I suspect this will be my final post.

Thank you all for letting me read your blogs and peep into your personal lives.

Thank you for being so warm and helpful when we were starting out, and when we were trying to find something that fit us.

My email's still active, so you know where to find me.

Hopefully I'll have something to write about soon.

Spring Clean and a Ritual Update

BIKSS came by and we ate dinner together then settled on the couch to watch telly. 

It was a very vanilla date until we headed into the room to clean up the toy drawer. And dug out the toy tin hidden on the top shelf of the wardrobe. 

And after chucking out half the stuff (useless vibes, butt plugs that don't stay put, disintegrating dildos) we had a quickie.

My most recent favourite thing is nuzzling my face into his balls before spending a good long time licking and sucking them. Mmmmmm.

And then it was time for daddy to go. I remembered the cane. He didn't. LOL. After many hints, and a decent game of charades he got it, and then *I* got it. This time it was a little more stingy cos there was no prep (hand-spanks) and, as I was on all fours on the bed, the skin over my bum was a little more stretched than if I were to be, say, lying flat on my belly! 

So he was right when he said he'd probably forget the new ritual... but I won't! At least, I'll try not to!

6 of the Best

Turns out this was one of those Sundays where I didn't have to go to work. So after my day of errands and cleaning and stuff-I-had-to-do was done, I met BIKSS for a last minute dinner date and suggested that we might get some spanking time after since the house was going to be empty.

Here are the ingredients of our evening:

Flipped-up skirt
Thanksgiving paddle (rubber and wooden side, both!)
Spatula
Cane
Longish flexi rod thing that was meant as a dog training stick (racket dog stick to be exact)
Wet knickers
Butt plugs (2) - one for each of us
Hairbrush

And some talk about a ritual that he's thinking about implementing :

6 of the best each time before he leaves. Because the cane is relatively quiet and can be applied even if the house isn't empty.

"Shall I bring you the cane?"

There's no time like the present to start a new habit eh?

And so it came to be that I found myself over his lap, feet on the floor, torso on a couple of pillows beside his thigh, and this-

Trust me. For a bum that doesn't mark easily, that took some doing. 

6 hard and fast ones. Followed by 6 more at medium strength and speed. 

I think I'm going to enjoy this new ritual :)

He Writes

So you know how I said I'd been feeling needy? It was last Sunday and I was at work and feeling rather miserable. I had been craving a nice spanking session. And perhaps, as I mentioned in the last post, a reset spanking after the little issue we had (which resulted in a teddy bear and new paddle... yes, that one.)  This is what he wrote for me to tide me over to Monday's session in the car. I guess Daddy does know best (what I need...)

 

Enjoy. I did. 

---------------------------------------------------------------

As the whines got louder and more persistent he came to realize that this was a cry for help. He turned to her and stated, quite clearly, "you need a reset spanking."

As he said so he stood and unbuckled his belt, the belt she had bought him for his birthday. 

She stopped her whining and looked at him, her eyes wide as she realized what he had said. Her demeanor changed as she nodded and a feeling of relief came over her. 

She moved over to where he had sat down on the couch and stood before him, quietly, in anticipation. He indicated that she should take her pants off and she did, pulling the zip down and letting it fall to the floor at her feet. 

Vulnerable before him in her panties she lowered herself and got over his knees as directed.

His voice was soft as he said," I love you," and the first solid thwack of the belt landed.

The Thing about Twiddling

You know that post-coital cuddle where you're both just lying and touching and smiling like idiots? 

Sometimes BIKSS seemingly carelessly twiddles my nipple(s).

Yeah yeah, I'm his, he can do what he wants with my body, his body, I understand this. Particularly when I'm horny. Or wet. Or being spanked. 

But when there isn't sex (or spanking) on the horizon, a part of me floats back up to the surface that I'd buried long ago. 

Settle in for some history:

My very first boyfriend, the one who took my virginity as-good-as by force, never missed an opportunity to grope. Yes grope. It wasn't classy, it wasn't romantic, it wasn't dominant. It was clumsy and immature. He'd be trying to molest me in all the wrong places. I don't mean places on my body, but places as in when we're out in public - on the escalator, on the bus, I was a little more than put off by his over-eager handsy-ness. 

I was 17 and he was 21 at the time. Now that I've got 2 decades on him I realise he was still a child. But back then he seemed way older than I was and should have known better. Yet I had to always push his hand away, turn my back to him, or playfully slap his arm so he'd stop. 

His actions, along with his opinions about my being friends with other guys (they're just friends with you cos they wanna get you in bed), going to college (why waste time if you're not going to need a diploma), and wanting to be a teacher (work? what work? when we're married you'll stay home and look after the kids...) reinforced the notion that I (and women in general) was nothing to him but a pair of tits and a pussy on legs, only good for cleaning house and incubating younglings.

Now don't get me wrong, I have fought like hell to purge these thoughts. God knows I know there isn't an ounce of truth in them. But for some reason whenever a partner (yes, he wasn't the only one) fondles me "out of context" (meaning, not as part of a sexual interlude) I get a little bit uncomfortable (read: defensive / irritated / annoyed / panicky / defensive... wait, did I say that already?) and try to stop it because the words that pop into my head in bright neon lights are "I'm NOT just a pair of tits and a pussy!"

Right. History lesson over. 

Cut back to today: 

Today I told BIKSS a little bit about this whole twiddling thing. I feel like I'm at my most submissive when I'm horny. And I'm most horny when I'm in sub mode. I know, I know, it's a circle that doesn't really have a beginning nor an end. But as I was saying, when those two things are in play, touching me isn't an issue AT ALL!

But aside from allowing him to touch me when sex is on the cards (that's the horny bit), or when he gets into Dom mode (and I feel very submissive), I want to be his little girl all the time -which INCLUDES accepting his touch - ALL the different kinds, twiddling too! And not just when I feel like it. Or when I'm ok with it. Because in my desire and in my heart I want to be totally available to him. But sometimes my self-defence mechanism kicks in and my brain wins the battle. 

So I finally asked him if he would help me push through this. I think if he started twiddling and I looked like I'm about to bolt, it might help recondition my thinking if I associate it with being loved and owned,  rather than thinking that I'm nothing to him but sex on legs. Of course this would involve some serious verbal reassurance.

BIKSS promised to help, but not before also telling me that sometimes it's ok for me to feel like I'm not in the mood for his twiddling, and that he doesn't feel rejected or slighted, and he reassured me that he knows sometimes his babygirl just wants to be left alone. 

The man is a softie. When he wants to be. When he thinks I need him to be. :)

Some of the history might be news to BIKSS, we didn't have much time to go into details and such earlier. So Daddy, this was for you as much as it was for my blogland friends :)