**ULTRA LONG POST ADVISORY**
We went out to dinner last night, and after a lovely meal in a quiet-ish corner of the restaurant where I ate too much I told him I realised that when I get busy and don't have time for myself (running around with errands, taking mum to check-ups, dealing with admin / mail, sorting through old photographs - another bag arrived!) it's not so much that I can't do the things I want to do, but more a case of not being able to sit with myself and mull over things.
"I'm definitely NOT a muller," he said to me.
Which led to a lovely exploring-each-others'-brains type of conversation in the car. I love those types of chats.
Eventually we got to talking about how I'm the MOST turned on and tingly when he does something that asserts his power. Mostly in the bedroom, but in reality, anytime he does a Daddy type thing that pulls me back or reminds me of my place I get a bit warm and fuzzy in my belly.
Turns out I would get more than I bargained for tonight.
As BIKSS prefers cake to crumble, and me the reverse, we had a difference of opinion regarding which was the better dessert! LOL. (They did still give us two slices to take home with us, and this time he took them home cos I was just up to my eyeballs in cake by now.)
When we were safely hidden away in the room, I began to undress, letting the spaghetti strap of my dress fall off my shoulder.
"I like how that's coming off you," he remarked. And came over to assist. Soon I was in my lace panties and nothing else, sitting on the bed and facing his crotch. He undid his jeans and freed Roger from his shorts. I immediately began sucking.
As we had been discussing how power and dominance turns me on earlier, he took the opportunity to ramp up his Daddy Dom game. Gentle caresses were abandoned in favour of sudden nipple pinches. Hair stroking for neck grabbing. Kissing for slaps across my cheek.
My legs were spread and held open, his fingers playing with my clit, then pussy. And one finger found its way into my bum hole. I mean, yes, I had been thinking about it recently, but most of the time he'll check with me if I'm having a 'good' bum day.
Not this night tho.
After some time of being lost in the sensations down below he asked me if he thought I could handle Roger. I said yes. And he got the lube.
Anal sex isn't pleasurable for me physically. It doesn't hurt if I'm in a receptive enough state. But it's nowhere near pleasurable. More like tolerable. I do it because it's the one thing I can offer him that isn't "good" or "okay" or "neutral" to me. It's a bit to the left of neutral, creeping into the "dislike" zone.
And when I'm giving him something I don't like, that makes me feel very submissive.
After cleaning up we talked about the spectrum of our sexual encounters, from plain ol' / simple all the way to phenomenal, and where our different adventures lie on a scale of 0 to 10.
We also talked about what was something that I "didn't like" that I could offer as a form of submission, on par with the act of offering anal, but that would still let him fuck pussy instead of butt (cos he still prefers that, in terms of physical sensations). Somehow topics like threesomes and 2-couple/partner-swapping sex came up and as he presented these scenarios to me he started fiddling with me again.
When we had sex this time around it seemed like he might not cum, having had one quite soon before, but when I proposed my own scenario...
"What if you were watching someone else fuck me the way you are now... seeing his cock thrusting into my pussy like that..."
...he stuck his thumb in my mouth and I sucked it hard.
He countered with "Maybe I won't be just watching, I would fuck your mouth, and you would suck on Roger just like that." (BTW, dirty talk isn't something we do often, I feel kinda strange doing it TBH... but it felt right at that point.)
That must have done something for him cos he came, sweaty and panting after prolonged exertion.
We talked about why it wouldn't be possible for me to enjoy something like that tho'. The conclusion I came to was that I wouldn't be able to manage switching between little (which I reserve ONLY for BIKSS) and controlling bitch (which is how I've always been with all other sex partners). And that would cause a problem because I refuse to be a sub for another man, but it's not as if I can be domineering and such to a fella my Dom is directing me to fuck right? And even if he said I could be as sassy and dommy as I wanted, it would be weird being that way in bed with the fella while still taking instruction (as a little) from Daddy who's watching from the sidelines, no?
As he mm-hmm-ed his agreement with my analysis, BIKSS turned on his side and reached for my pussy. Without thinking (possibly cos part of my brain was in bitch mode) I swatted his hand away. And not in that playful Don't, Daddy way either. He told me later he was rather taken aback that I did that. He reacted by smacking my inner thigh immediately with a pretty stern "What was that?" I did say "Sorry Daddy", but I think it was an automatic reflex. I don't think anything was registering in my brain. I sure as hell didn't MEAN it.
Then he smacked me again. "Hm? What was that? Swatting my hand away?" If he had left it there - which he said he actually thought was enough to jolt me back to the present - I think I would have started a fight cos I was still in default sass-bitch headspace. But he didn't. He pushed my legs apart and held my face in place with the arm that was under me, then continued smacking my inner thighs, alternating between sides, sometimes doubling up on the same side, just to keep me guessing, I suppose.
In the calmest, smoothest voice he spoke into my ear. "Someone's forgotten her place, hm? You're Daddy's little girl, don't you forget it. You don't swat my hand away. What was that about? Daddy's girl doesn't do that. Right? No. She doesn't slap my hand away when I reach for her."
All through his litany he was smacking. And finally I felt it. And it hurt! Funny I didn't feel it till now. The sting was coming through, breaking into my thoughts and consciousness. I realised *then* what I had done. But it wasn't till he was almost at the end of the smacking that I apologised again. And meant it this time.
(He did say a large part of the continuation after the first two smacks was just going along with the scene, but that maybe 10-20% of it was genuine "chastisement". I told him it was a good thing he went on. If I were to hazard a guess I don't think BIKSS was aware of just how serious/significant that little episode was to me until I told him either.)
When he was done spanking me I put my legs together and turned towards him, burying my face in his chest. He held me and comforted me. I didn't know what had come over me, but that spanking was definitely a good call. My thighs continued stinging for some time after that, let me tell you.
Earlier in the evening I had asked if we could play with the cane... he said yes but instead of doing so BEFORE the sex, it seems he intended that our cane session would come at the end. Cos he wanted to do that NOW.
"Ready for your cane?"
Looking up at him, I shook my head, no.
"4 stripes."
"Wait wait wait!"
He chortled.
"Why are you laughing Daddy?"
"Cos you suddenly sounded so desperate and alarmed."
That's when I said "I think I'm feeling a bit fragile about what just happened to play with the cane right now. What was that about, the smacking my inner thighs?"
"A reminder. Reset. You were lost in your old self. It wasn't a punishment. I just needed to pull you back."
"I know. But that's cos you were talking about having me be with other people, and you know how I used to be with the others ... so it's your fault!"
"It is. And I will accept the blame for that."
And he kissed me and rubbed my back, and held me tight some more. We talked and I said all the things I needed to say and asked all the things I needed to ask. When I was eventually done working out what happened, I thanked him for the spanking. He checked if I was feeling ok. Yes, I said.
"I think you can get the cane now, I could do with a proper reset."
He got up to get it as I turned over to lie on my front.
Tap tap tap tap Swish... and it went on like that till he had gotten in the 4 strokes he had promised. Then he said "6."
So he continued the tappety taps with intermittent proper swishes in between till he reached the number he wanted.
Then he stopped. And he came to lie down and hold me tight.
Later, as he was about to get up to get dressed he picked up the cane again, it had been placed beside me so his hand found it easily enough, and proceeded to swat my inner thighs with it.
It wasn't a spanking session per se, we were just experimenting with it. It felt really good. And probably way more efficient than a traditional ass spanking, imho. I get an ouchier (and more lingering) sting from a much lighter stroke on my thigh than from a heavier one on my butt.
"You know, of all the toys, the cane really IS my favourite."
My mood pic today ~






I wonder if it is less a matter of BIKSS being "not a muller" and more a matter of not needing to "sit with himself" (as you put it)?
ReplyDeleteNot, "not introspective." Instead, "not introverted."
Because I was totally *nodnodnod* at that bit -- I am exhausted and feel over-stimulated if I spend my day running - especially if that running is on someone else's behalf - and as an introvert, I feel the need to be alone and just... THINK... in a way that my spouse absolutely does not understand.
He *does* mull things over. He just does his thinking about things very differently than I do. (And "not thinking" doesn't bother him. Lol.)
I shall let BIKSS give you his take on this but I am pretty sure he DOES think. I suspect he does it best while he's driving about aimlessly. But according to him, he doesn't do much active thinking because he tends to drift and go off on tangents. And then he loses track altogether!
DeleteFrom BIKSS -
DeleteFondles asked me if I mulled and I think I said I never saw a necessity. That isn’t really accurate. It’s not that I haven’t tried; just that in those rare moments I find myself thinking about mulling, my mind wanders almost immediately. I see it moving off in a tangent, drawn to slivers of thought beckoning through half-opened doors, which probably explains why I usually have 36 or more tabs open on my web browser. Deep down inside I’m sure the new direction will bring me some new information which will bring benefits; somehow and sometime, probably NOT right now or for whatever it was I started my mulling exercise.
I run a workshop where I deal with a multitude of problems daily. I like to say I operate in chaos. Always have, always will. I’m comfortable in chaos. I suppose that’s why I don’t mull, no chaos.
Mulling is too quiet and I find it disconcerting (this is probably why I took so long to open up to Fondles), so the slivers of light beckon and I flee to the welcoming glow. I go walkabout in the different subject/websites and then, once I’m done with the tangents, I’ve usually forgotten the main point of the mulling or I figure it wasn’t that important after all.
And I agree wholeheartedly with your view that “not thinking” does not bother us. However, I must add a caveat; those moments where we stop thinking…we’re just idling while we gather steam to begin our wanderings once again.
Hi Fondles, wow, this sounds like it was an important, and maybe a milestone moment for you both. BIKSS knows you and your mindset so well he did the absolute right thing to bring you back to him. I do love how you talk about things and how open you are with each other and how you resolve issues.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious,you are usually the dominant partner bit submissive to BIKSS. What do you think makes the difference with him to allow you to be submissive and could you see yourself being submissive to anyone else (without BIKSS in the picture or present). I apologise if my questions are too tmi.
Hugs
Roz
Not TMI at all. I think I've always wanted to be submissive but my partners were never "good" enough or "worthy" of it. If that makes sense. They either never stepped up or showed the ability to take charge (in their own lives, eg at work, with their families) and so I didn't trust them to be able to handle the responsibility of being a / my Dom.
DeleteA large part of it is also that I've known BIKSS for way way way too long, and he's always been able to handle the problems I've come to him with. And handle ME, for that matter.
So in that same vein, unless the "anyone else" you speak of is someone I've known (and trusted) for a time, it is highly unlikely that we would have a D/s relationship. Perhaps after some time if the relationship develops to a level where I feel I can trust him wholly, then I might broach the subject. Or perhaps I might mention it in the beginning and see what the reaction is and how much interest he has in it (research, conversations about it etc).
But right now, I'm not too bothered by such a possibility as I've no intention of beginning again. It's just WAY too tiring. Even a vanilla relationship would be too much bother, i suspect, what more a D/s one! lol.
Also, I think it wasn't so much that I added the D/s to our r/p, as much as whenever we interacted it felt like it was already naturally present. The D/s found US, it would seem. It was just a matter of providing him with the relevant information. ;)
DeleteFondles - I read this last night and shared with Sir Steve - he had so many questions about your meals :) :) He loved the descriptions just like I do :)
ReplyDeleteAnd the rest -- the time in your bedroom - it was so intimate and personal - and I thank you for sharing it with us all. I feel like I learned so much about your relationship - and I keep thinking how wonderful it is! AND you're right about the D/s being naturally present - it's like that with us too... nothing is forced - it just is.
Thank you for sharing with us
Thank YOU for such lovely words. I'm glad you enjoy the food pics. I reckon it's probably not something many of you might see a lot of in your part of the world (most of my readers aren't Asian...) so I thought it would be fun to share this part of our daily life.
DeleteAs for what goes on in the bedroom... sigh, I apologise in advance if this sounds like i'm tooting my own horn. That is NOT my intent. I think one of the main reasons I write is because I see SO MANY blogs / bloggers that don't tell the "bad" side, the ugly side, of the D/s relationship - that I feel I need to represent that! LOL
I mean, if I can even get ONE person to understand that it's OK for a sub to say NO I'M NOT READY, or question something her Dom says/ does, or any of those things that *most* blogs imply 'good subs' shouldn't do, then my job is done.
There's a difference between a good D/s relationship with open communication, and a one sided abusive relationship.
(I don't mean to say we're experts at it, but that's precisely why I write - we all fuck up, sometimes in small ways, sometimes in big ways, but it's ok, and I want my blogging to reflect that, to be REAL for others who might be curious or looking for their own path to D/s.)
Dinner sounds delightful. Dining out is a pleasure we have missed during the past year.
ReplyDeleteThe physical assertion of power might be my biggest turn on. My thoughts on anal are very similar. It wouldn't be my choice which makes it a perfect gift of submission.
I absolutely love how you called a halt to something for which you were not ready. That's so important to remind bottoms that we have a voice as well. Even if we don't play that card very often, it's essential that both partners know that it's there and available.
Thank you for sharing your culinary and erotic adventures!
Socially distanced virtual hugs,
Bonnie
"to remind bottoms that we have a voice as well" - INDEED! I think too many people forget this part of the dynamic.
DeleteAnd that was such a lovely sign-off!