Post 'Dark Wing Talk' Reflections

I'm writing to gather my thoughts, not so much to report anything. So you'll forgive me if it feels/sounds like I'm all over the place won't you?

After BIKSS' last post about being worried that I would ever be a doormat (sorry, I love that word!) as part of my total submission, I got to thinking a few things - 

1) confirming that I am indeed as strong as I believe myself to be, as I convinced him to believe I am, and as necessary to "kick him out" if I needed to. 

I played some scenarios in my head, I thought about what happened during that first and only DW-Dom episode and what I said to him following it. I also dissected all that I said to BIKSS in the car about his concern, about how my protective BIKSS would jump into action and vanquish his dark side (I believe those were his exact words). And I truly believe that unless he's a psychopath and sadist and gets off on watching someone suffer for suffering's sake, he would never allow me to be hurt, not even by himself. 

What happened the last time was a verbal display of his DarkWing Dom, not a physical manifestation of his evil dark side. And already I was not going to lie there and tolerate it. So I'm quite certain that given everything I know about me and about him, I'm damned well sure I won't allow things to get ugly.  

2) considering the possibility that I would no longer be as trusting now that I knew he had misgivings about his own ability to control his "darker" desires.

Nope. I still trust him as much as I did before that conversation. Possibly 'cos I also trust myself to know when to tell him to QUIT IT if he got too far. Plus, to put this to the test, so to speak, we had an opportunity last night to get into some D/s play in bed, and let's just say that at no time did I become suspicious as to whether he would go too far. I allowed myself to enjoy the "torture" and give in to his manipulations (the man had me suffering from extreme clit stimulation and then after I came he continued to hold the Yellow Fellow inside and left the vibrations on while he fucked me with it AND spanked my bottom at the same time.) I did not abandon ALL sane thought though, there was still a little left in me - as is usually the case whenever he brings me to this lovely place where I'm merely reacting and not controlling anything anymore. I guess a good description would be to say that no matter how much into the zone I was (I'm still not entirely sure this is subspace but I suspect it could be) there is still a thread of consciousness present in case I needed to put a stop to things. (There has to be though, right? Or else what use would a safeword be? One has to be just lucid enough at all times to employ it after all.)

After he replaced the vibe with Roger and had his way with me, he held me tight, called me his good girl, and I think he said, "My girl" too, which made me beam with pride (in case you didn't know, hun, cos I was in no condition to respond). 

So I'm certain the trust (for both of us) is still very much intact. Hurray. Great. 

3) being convinced that what I can and will accept is still at a healthy level for us, that it hasn't changed and I'm still very decided in what I will or will not be a part of. 

Definitely. You see, I was reading part II of "Teacher's Pet" which I got for free since I've earned some credit for writing reviews at Blushing Books. Part I was great fun to read. The lead up was plausible enough. It wasn't some unbelievable scene where the professor just grabbed the protagonist and started thwacking her backside or anything like that. So I was all eager to read part II and I must say it was a disappointment in that the story became totally unbelievable (yes, even for fiction) and began to look much like The Story of O.

Only not as well written and with NO consent from the sub at all. 

Now I'm a firm believer in the Dominant partner building up the submissive one, supporting her, nurturing her, helping her grow to her full potential. That's the model BIKSS and I have. And the first part was based on that premise. However part II was all about him pushing her to do as he desired merely to please him. This includes suffering some embarrassment which seemed to be merely for his amusement (and totally unnecessary as far as I was concerned cos it didn't help her get over ANY fear or self-consiousness or anything like that), being made to feel anxiety and uncertainty and put in a risky position when he shipped her off to his Dom's club's leader's estate where he hinted that the other Doms may have different views of a D/s relationship as what he had set up with her. If she had been willing to be subjugated in that manner it would be entirely different. I didn't have a problem reading 'O' simply because her mindset was that of one who was happy to be treated the way her master treated her so as to please him. However this wasn't the case in this story. In fact, there was fear and worry in her mind, and the author made it clear that she was not willing to be a part of it - but that she went along anyway because of a blind belief that she ought to because she had already agreed to be his sub. 

I finished reading the book feeling upset and indignant. And I was annoyed that it wasn't a physical book that I could throw in the bin. Cos that's what I would have done. 

Anyway, that made me realise that I probably would NEVER allow BIKSS to push beyond my limits simply because I'm very sure of what his role is as my Dominant. Insofar as his requirements of me serve to elevate my enjoyment in the bedroom, turn me on for some crazy hot sex, or make me a better person, I will go along with it. The minute it is only for his perverse pleasure to the detriment of my psychological or emotional well-being, he can go fuck a spider. (Sorry hun, but you know that's the truth!) 

So the conclusion is that we're both still quite well-adjusted and happy to be where we are, we're better for having talked about it, and sharing our fears and insecurities about TTWD and how it pertains to us as individuals as well as a couple, and ready to move on and face the world (and our future) a little more securely for having done so.

BDSM Quiz

I did the quiz cos cutiebootie did it. After she saw it at Renee Rose's site.

Here are the results:

Submissive 93%


Experimental 82%

Bondage         79%

Masochist         71%

Exhibitionist /
Voyeur         50%

Sadist         46%

Switch         46%

Degradation 39%

Vanilla         18%

Dominant         7%

no surprises here =)

Dark Wing Dom - Will He Rise Again?

[A post by BIKSS]

I’ve read about sub drop and Fondles has mentioned it before, so when I had an uneasy feeling on Tuesday night I started to wonder if Doms had their own form of drop.

I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t shake off the feeling of unease that I had been feeling the whole night, so I decided to go for a drive. It was 11.30pm but Fondles is a late sleeper, as am I on most days, so a quick call and she was waiting for me when I drove by to pick her up.

She got in and I got my kiss and a quick hug which helped a little but the feeling didn’t go away. As we drove off we started talking and I let Fondles loose. She has a knack of getting me to talk, asking the right questions and not letting me get away with evading the questions. She’s my beautiful little lady who, once she has her teeth in something, simply won’t let go until SHE decides its time.

So here’s how it went, sort of…

I’d been cruising blogs the last few days and seeing quite a bit of stuff that had got me wondering. These things varied greatly, from little tiffs between Doms and their subs, to subs questioning limits of  their own submission, and even to people going on a break. The list goes on and on in different variations.

So Fondles asked what had brought about the sudden call so late at night and I said that something was bothering me. Fondles, being Fondles, asked what it was and I found myself struggling to find an answer, totally NOT Dom-like as far as I was concerned. I wondered aloud if I was feeling the way I was because I might be thinking about the issues raised by some of the Blogland subs during the preceding days. 

With more probing, she got me digging deeper, much more than I would do by myself and, in no time at all, I started talking about what I believed had been getting to me the whole evening.

As I grew up and porn became prevalent on the Internet  I realized there was much, much more that turned me on than just sex. Movies where women were forced to do things on demand, seemingly against their wishes; movies where women were humiliated in front of crowds of people and those where women were spanked and seemed to enjoy it; these affected me in ways that, I will admit, surprised me. I was sure at some point that I was a pervert.

I’d been brought up to NEVER hit a woman. Men simply didn’t hit women and I couldn’t fathom that a woman would voluntarily want to be hit by a man. The relationship I have with Fondles has shown me otherwise of course, and as we progress in this relationship I find myself more and more comfortable with spanking and who I have become.

Then came a tipping point when I read a blog. The question of how far a woman could go in her submission was brought up. Not so much submission in daily life but more of her submission to pain, whether in a sexual way or because of discipline.

I have had one episode where a darker side of me came out. It was a moment where my hold on the logical, normal and pleasant side suddenly became tenuous. It was me and yet it wasn’t.  Somewhere within me the dark side took over and I behaved in a way that made Fondles uncomfortable. From what I remember, I was suddenly mean, my voice changed, and it wasn’t just a role I was taking. It was me. At that moment, that was who I was. Thankfully Fondles pulled me back from that moment.

We spoke about it almost immediately and I am glad to say it hasn’t happened since.

Anyway, I should get back to the reason I’m writing this post.

There are many different variations of relationships evident in the blogs in Fondles’ blog list. Each relationship has their own dynamic and each of the bloggers has set their own limits. If they move on to explore those limits, they make the decision with eyes wide open. In no way do I mean to belittle any other form of relationship seen in these blogs. As such, if I do offend someone, please accept my apologies in advance.

The post I saw made me wonder again if I could lose hold of my logical self to the point that the dark side could take over. The questions were simple; would I be able to stop any escalation if I was in the midst of spanking Fondles and the dark side came out. Would I want to go further to see how much she could take, the extent of her submission? How far WOULD I go?

If I found myself in that dark place, would Fondles be able to pull me back before I hurt her?  If she tried, would I WANT to stop? Would I see a need? After all, isn’t she supposed to submit to my wishes and aren’t I supposed to know what she wants and needs, even better than she does herself?

I told her this.

The great thing about Fondles is her ability to think things through, explain things to me and, more importantly, get me to accept that some things are simply the way they are. While it CAN be quite exasperating at times (yes hun, it can be, but I love you still) she does break things down to the simplest form and make it easier to digest.

I read how some subs push the limits and do stuff they have never done before, or feel uncomfortable with, and how they go through with it regardless of their own feelings because their Doms require it of them. It’s that part that scares me a little. If my dark side comes out and I want to push the limits, will she do it to please me? If the time comes when I want to push the limits beyond what she is comfortable with and to unreasonable levels, will Fondles be strong enough to tell me to stop?  Will I know when to stop? Will she want to?

So she says that she knows I will be able to pull back from the dark side IF it ever happens again. She also says she will stop me if she feels uncomfortable doing what I want. I trust that she will.

Even if I don’t pull back, initially, of my own volition, she is confident that I will do so if she reacts negatively because my protective side will come out and vanquish the dark side. She knows that I would never intentionally harm her.

Finally, if my protective side doesn’t come out, she’ll just kick me out.

Strangely, that last statement was probably what I wanted to hear. That she would be strong enough to say enough is enough, that when it became too intense, too much for her, she would put a stop to things. I suppose I don’t want her to simply accept that she must submit. I want her to remember how strong she is and that her submission is something she gives voluntarily and that she decides how far it goes. It’s her gift to offer me and one she may retract at any time.

As one who loves her, I would have to respect her wishes over my own wants. I want to be deserving of her submission, and hurting her, abusing her if I may say so, would not, in my eyes, be an acceptable way of showing her how much I care. It may go against some trains of thought but that’s the way I see it.

It is as simple as that.

[Fondles: For those of you who've never heard it before, I made a reference, at least once before, to this particular side of BIKSS as DarkWing Dom. If you don't recognise THAT reference, look up DarkWing Duck on the internet.]

30 DoS - 21 to 30

21.

Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?

Kneeling, pressed to his chest by his arm around my head/shoulders, when his hand is around my neck.

22.

Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? 

If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?

It only appears when I have a suitable partner to be submissive to.

23. 

Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? 

Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

Yes yes yes. Originally it irked me that I felt inclined to submit to a man after having been taught all the feminist / independence lessons - you know, you don't need a man, you can do anything you set your mind to, do not depend on a guy to look after you, blah blah blah. There was much conflict.

24.

What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? 

What feelings do they inspire?

Adoration and admiration. Pride (in him) and respect. 

Once I'm in that zone, there is a great need and desire to please him.

25.

Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? 

If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? 

Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?

LOL my dolphin pendant shows two dolphins, one over the other. The one above is meant to represent BIKSS, being dominant and protective over the one below which is representative of me, being led and guided.

26.

What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? 

Are some qualities deal-breakers as in "must" haves or "must not" have?

I think at the end of the day it just has to be a case of feeling it. There has to be trust so he must have shown that he will not betray me, he will hold me up, he will stand up for me; he has to be someone who is in control of his own life and emotions, who is able to express himself adequately, both his thoughts as well as feelings. The one thing that is MOST important, I think, is that he be consistent.

27. 

Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? 

Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?

There is the notion of discipline but so far it's been vetoed by both of us. However this continues to be a topic that amuses me and comes back to occupy my thoughts often enough. It does not consume me, and I am very happy to continue in the manner that we have been going about our D/s, but it IS a topic that holds some intrigue for me. 

There is also the idea of adding another person into the equation but again while the thought excites, the possibility of the repercussions that might follow is scary enough that we both do not want to go anywhere near this. 

28.

Has your submission ever let you down? Have you ever been criticized for your submission? 

Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship? 

Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that?

Well this is the first D/s relationship I've ever had. I have told a select few about my lifestyle and have not met with any criticism. 

When things aren't going so well or it gets tough to stick to a sub thing that I must do, or not do, that's when I question its worth. Also, because of the nature of our relationship, as I've written in earlier posts, there have been times when I question how one with limited control over my life can then expect me to submit wholly. 

That's been sorted and solved, thankfully.

29.

Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? 

What is your relationship to it? 

Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?

Humiliation, no. Pain - yes. It is integral to my submission. Spankings put me in the correct frame of mind, remind me who's in charge and allow me to give myself permission to let go of the control I maintain in the day to day of life. 

And it is something I appreciate and enjoy as part of our relationship.

30.

Is your need to submit being met? If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again? What makes submission special to you?

I have before, and I can again - live without a D/s relationship. 

The submission in itself is not "special" to me. It is just a facet of who and what I am, or can be. 

I am lucky to be involved with someone whom I can submit to. So, yes, for now the need is being met. But in the event I find myself back in vanilla land... I'd manage. 

I Have a Vision

I have a vision of being held in your arms, of being kissed on my head, of inhaling your scent. 

I have a vision - my face is buried in your neck, my hand clutching the front of your shirt. My legs are tucked into me as far as I can bring them so that they too are within the circle of your arms. 

Your hand strokes my face and neck, moving down the front of my body instinctively to my breast.

Cupping it easily, back and forth, absently, your thumb brushes lightly over my nipple. I can see you smile, as you enjoy the hardening bud under your thumb.

I lie as quietly as I can on your lap, still curled up into you.. The feeling is sexual, but not lewd. Your touch feels deliberate. Careful and caring.

It is comforting yet at the same time a declaration of your dominion over me. That's what it is: dominion. Yet I feel neither used nor cheap. Instead, I feel celebrated. One could even say, revered.

Your hand leaves my breast and moves down to my belly, to the protrusion I detest and it is now my turn to give in to instinct.

I suck in my breath and retract my tummy as far in as I can.

Your hand tenses on my skin, telling me there is no need for that.

Stopping me.

Reluctantly, with a great feeling of insecurity, I let go of my muscles and lie naturally in your arms.  

You nod and massage my tummy as you smile at me.

I exhale audibly, allowing myself to relax and enjoy your fingers.

You move your hand down to my legs, stretching to place it on my knee, guiding one leg to stretch out straight onto the empty space beside you on the sofa, and nudging the other so my foot falls off to rest on the floor.

In this way you open me up, making me available to you.

Your hand slides back up slowly, caressing the soft, pale skin of my inner thigh.

You curve your hand, making a “C” over my flesh, still moving upwards. Your thumb passes my mons before your fingers reach the apex of my thighs. There you rest your hands briefly, making sure I register the position of your hand poised and waiting upon my flesh.

Almost imperceptibly, your index finger tilts upwards, easily finding my wet slit, sliding right in.

With no preamble, no need for any stimulation on my clit, you slip your middle finger in along with the other.

You give a soft moan of pleasure as you feel my heat.

With two fingers buried in my cunt, I’m beyond caring what I look like. I’m beyond thinking, beyond wondering, as I surrender to the pleasure of feeling your fingers inside me.

I tilt my hips forward so as to bury more of your fingers' length inside me as you move them slowly but firmly in my pussy, pressing them against the anterior walls of my passage.

My hand's grip on your chest grows stronger. I am hanging on to your shirt as if it were the last vestiges of my own consciousness.

This is how you spend the next few minutes, pleasuring me just so, without any pressure to cum, fuck or anything else; just the sweet, sweet torture of your fingers in me.

A torture that is yours to impose, my Master.

Tuesday Toon #13

Celebrating the innocence of children!

ENJOY!

Speak Softly, Love - A Play in 2 Parts

Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far. ~ Theodore Roosevelt

The scene:

Fondles is on her belly in bed. BIKSS has just climbed on top of her, Roger poised to do some teasing then enter her in this position.

The incident:

The newly installed doorbell chimes. Or does it? The two stop whatever they're doing and Fondles grabs a robe to see if there's anyone at the door. Perhaps there was earlier, but not anymore. 

She re-enters the bedroom and they resume their activities.

The continuation:

Fondles playfully announces as she dives under the blanket that it is a means of escaping Roger's advances. 

The dialogue:

Escaping... this is me escaping under the covers!

Escape? There is no escape. I will have you.

(BIKSS flips the blanket off in one smooth sweep of his arm. He moves between Fondles' legs and proceeds to bully her clit with his cock.)

Would you prefer me like this? Or on my front?

This way I can watch you. 

(BIKSS thrusts Roger firmly in Fondles' pussy and begins fucking her.)

I'm afraid there may not be very much to see...*gasp*... *moan*... (closes her eyes and grips the edge of her pillow)... it's not like I do *ahhh* anything...

Oh, there's a lot to see. There's definitely things to see. 

What's that smug look for? 

I'm not smug. This isn't smug.

Oh yes it is. You're terribly pleased with yourself right now. It's MY turn to be smug. 

(Fondles reaches down and holds his cock between her fingers, the way she knows he likes it.)

You're so damn hard... you wanna cum don't you? Why won't you cum then? Why hold back?

Uhhhh! MMMhhhh! 

You just don't want to do you? Hm? Fuck me... fuck me hard.. yeah, that's it... you DO want to cum... 

Oh fuck...

(BIKSS proceeds to thrust rhythmically and empties his load into her.)

-------End of Act One-------

The scene:

Fondles is catching up on her blog reading, BIKSS is lying beside her. 

The conflict:

BIKSS climbs over her again and kisses her everywhere up and down her back, behind her ears, on her neck... she is ticklish but enjoying the attention, and is finding it terribly difficult to continue reading.

The action:

Roger is coaxed into employment once again, pushing his way into Fondles' pleasure hole. 

The monologue: (whispered into her ear, one hand wrapped around her neck)

This is not for me to cum. It's for you to feel me inside you. If I cum that will be very nice. But it's not the goal. The point is that you feel me. You know I am inside you, filling you up. 

The resolution:

Fondles wiggles and rubs her bum against BIKSS as he slides his shaft deep within her channel. His desire and lust are ignited once again and after quite enough time has passed proving his point and Fondles has NO doubt that she is his to fill, he finally gives in to his shuddering orgasm.

-------The End------

A Picture...

...or 4.

I was surfing and catching up on FB posts made by friends and the pages I "like", and some of the pictures amused me. Here are a few:

Enjoy =)

The person who wrote the slogan ought to be shot. But then, having been a copywriter myself earlier on in life, I suppose at the end of the day what really matters is that the public REMEMBERS the product. And I would DEFINITELY remember this! (BTW, would you opt for medium or large?)

See what? I don't get it. What am I seeing? Huh? Huh?  I DO want a hot dog now though.. with ketchup and mustard and when it starts to ooze all over my fingers I'd lick it off and ... oh, wait. Never mind. I get it now.

Ack! Say it isn't true! Does this mean the next generation will see NO shining examples of dominant men on the silver screen? Really? Oh thank heavens for re-runs.

Cheers indeed! This was posted by the White Collar page on FB. I'm beginning to think the person in charge of the show's viral marketing is a fellow lifestyler! What say you?

And with that, I bid you all...

Tri-Factor

*Long Post Advisory*

According to BIKSS it's (trifecta) a horse-racing term where the bettor picks, and places correctly, the top 3 horses for a race.

Well, it has a totally different meaning where WE're concerned tho.

Friday night was simply wonderful. You might want to look up a thesaurus at this point and attach ALL known synonyms for WONDERFUL here too. 

He picked me up from work at 9, and we headed out somewhere to have a drink and grab a bite, like on a date... only I was twiddling on his ear, and neck, as he was driving and trying to decide where to go, and midway through our conversation I ran my fingers along his bicep and up and down his arm and told him how hot I thought he was that night. (Which I really did.. either he was particularly testosterone-y, or I was particularly horny!) And of course he enjoyed that quite a bit and mentioned that he was tempted to just grab a bottle of wine and go back home instead. 

Toys Toys Toys

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Follow Friday - Sept 21st

I've been busy collecting some new blogs to follow this week.

Here's a look at some of my new adds and the posts that I landed on when I visited:
(please excuse the economising on words... it is late and I have a curfew! LOL)

1. The Heron Clan - spanking is good for physical therapy

2. Ian & Lillie's Place - a sexual survey on the "accidental" female orgasm

3. Discipline & Dreams - #kinkygirlproblems

4. Lil Misses Unfolds - Chiropractor is to Spine, as Assopractor is to _____

5. My Breath - That way, This way, My way, His way  (Yes I'm still in Dr Seuss mode it seems)

6. Red Booty Woman - an anniversary note from Jim

7. (D)ee for (D)esire - subspace : where might it be?

8. Cowgirl Up - spanked, grounded, spanked and spanked...

9. A Slave to Master - This is the pose, I suppose


Here's wishing you...

My Submission / His Dominance

Early on I was always stressing cos I felt BIKSS didn't demand my submission as much as I wanted him to. 

I was waiting for him to put on that Dom voice and tell me to do this or that, simply cos he wanted it so. Sure, he did it often enough in the bedroom, but he KNOWS that's not what we're about. I didn't want the submission to be confined to the bedroom, to sex. He knows! I told him! We talked about it plenty! 

If you think that sounded bad, imagine how it sounds to me now. 

It came to a point, not without the help of reading other blogs, where I realised that I was looking at it wrong the whole time. 

Now it's easier to be content with the state of our affair. I have learnt to look at things differently. And if it helps anyone out there who's trying to figure out this bit about what it is that we do, here is what I now know:

Submission is a gift. It is my gift to him. I want to offer it to him, all the time. It is a state of being. And now I can do so because I know there is nothing more important to me than his happiness, his pleasure, his comfort; and so I do whatever I can to ensure that his life is made better and more beautiful by my actions, words and attitude. 

I kneel or sit at his feet when I can, I wear something I think he'll like seeing me in, I offer to bring him food and drink, I touch him and kiss him and let him know he is loved, I lift him up and take pride in his accomplishments at work, I give him the opportunity to be needed for guy-stuff around the house, and often I will ask what he desires of me.

Has he once demanded any of this from me? Never. And yet he approves and enjoys that I do. 

Just as I needed him to understand and accept my way of submission, I needed to understand and accept his way of dominance.

And how do I know he likes what I do? He tells me. 

"I like that you like sitting and kneeling at my feet..." 

That is all the reassurance I need. 

This post was inspired by Mrs. SB's Submission and Kitty's The Art of Submission

============================

P.S. I love the caption to this picture:

“There are times she is kneeling out of obedience, reverence, and respect.
Those are the times it is okay to stand above her.
But when she is kneeling because the weight of the world is just too heavy to bear…
THAT is when You should be kneeling beside her.

A real Master will know the difference.”

And I have no doubt that my Master does.

30 DoS - 16 to 20

16.

Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? 

If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

I have only been in one such relationship. This one. I have been with women, but in those circumstances I had never sought out a possible D/s relationship. So it seems I see myself as being submissive only in heterosexual relationships.

17.

What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

EVERYTHING. 'Nuff said. No trust = No submission. Period.

18.

Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

The same way I do in a regular vanilla relationship. By talking. In fact, in a D/s relationship I find it easier to speak my mind because we're both clearly aware of each other's roles and there is no need to second guess, get defensive, or wonder if there's a hidden agenda. 

I speak about what I want and enjoy and there is a trust that he will do whatever is in his power to help me achieve my goals, or be treated in the way that I derive satistaction. And he is aware that I am not trying to manipulate him or boss him around, but merely communicating how and what I feel.

19.

How socially connected is your submission? 

Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? 

Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

Blogland. And a best friend who knows about my relationship. We have discussions about it, and he is insightful, being aware of (and having had friends who are also in) this lifestyle, though not a participant hiimself.

And not, we have not attended any events.

20.

Has your submission increased or decreased over time? 

Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?

I'm assuming the question is asking "across a few relationships". Which makes it moot. Only one such relationship so far, and all that. But if it is referring to an increase or decrease within this relationship then the answer would be YES. When I'm feeling safe and secure it goes up. When I'm insecure and questioning the whole affair then it goes down. Naturally.

A Spanko's Ode to Seuss

Won't you spank  me on your knee?

A swat, or two, or thirty-three?

Yes, I'll put you on my knee

And spank you plenty, wait and see

Won't you rub it when it's sore?

That's what loving hands are for?

Oh, I'll rub you when you're sore

Then keep spanking you some more

Won't you spank me till I sigh?

Till the pain gives me a high?

Sure I'll spank you till you sigh

Maybe even make you cry

Won't you make sure that it's felt?

Smack me till my insides melt?

I'll ensure that it is felt

- the whipping from my leather belt

Won't it be under the moon?

Romance me till I nearly swoon?

Certainly! Under the moon

There I'll spank you with a spoon

Oh my goodness, gracious how!

Quite the spanker are you now?

Yes I'll spank you quick or sparse,

But rest assured I'll spank your arse!

- a Fondles original 

Tuesday non-Toon #12

Ok, this week's pic is NOT a toon. It's a music book I've had for a long time. Since I was a little girl. It's probably older than some of my followers. But I still love the pieces in there. 

It's the one book that has stayed with me all these years even though the other early-grade books got chucked out ages ago. 

I wonder, now, if it has anything to do with the title having a special place in my heart...

this is NOT my copy

CWS Challenge #3

Spanky issued his 3rd CWS challenge a few days ago and I really wanna participate.

"What is going through your mind while you are engaged in worshipping a cock"

While I wish I had something poetic to say, I must be honest and admit that there aren't that many clever things in my mind once I've started on a blowjob - here are the phrases that I cycle through:

1. I wonder if he likes this

2. Or is this better

3. Should I go on till he cums?

4. Do I want to slow down some and get him to fuck me?

5. OK now my hand's all wet with saliva

6. Deeper... try... just try...

7. Look up

8. Don't forget the balls

9. Use the other hand too

10. And stick your tongue out

And there you have it. 

Feels more like I just took the anti-Challenge.

you wanted to know what goes on inside...

The Kitchen Update

BIKSS is in charge of sending the updates to Jake's September Spanking Challenge but since I was in a rhyming sort of mood all day, here's today's post which I'm putting here so you guys can read it too.

Join me in the kitchen please
We will claim this room with ease
One more hundred to your bum
Making it a healthy sum

Earlier on two hundred spanks
(Well-received with many thanks)
Makes for quite a randy prick
So suck me now, get kneeling, quick!

Now we'll write a little poem
To report to Jake to show 'em
One more room's been crossed, with glee,
In this September Spanking Spree

-a Fondles original

PS. if you're wondering about the huge number - his team won last night, meaning he won our wager, meaning tonight my ass belonged to him. Not that it doesn't otherwise, but the deal was he could do whatever he jolly well wanted with it. 

The first 200 was in this position :

and the final 100 in the kitchen was over a chair kinda like this:

[Edit : I forgot to mention they were all good ol' fashioned hand spanks - the best kind ever!]

Snippets - Warning, Ornaments, a Ditty and Retro Porn

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Quickie - Free Book

If you haven't already checked out Blushing Books, now's as good a time as any. There's always a free book for download and here's this month's:

ENJOY!

(I haven't read it yet... so I can't say what I think of it. But if you get to it sooner than I do, please feel free to share your opinion and write a review as a comment. I'd love to hear from you!)

If We Lived Together...

would there be DD?

or just D/s?

or is this why we call it TTWD?

We chatted about this on Friday night.

We would be domestic. And I suspect there would be discipline in how we both ran our lives and our home. He'd be in charge of some things. I'd be responsible for others. He would want me to always be safe, happy, communicative and open to him. And he would never want me to suffer his neglect or disregard. 

But there would be no disciplining - his words. There would be no spanking for punishment. There would be no punishment. Period. Cos if I did something wrong, I'd be so upset with myself that I'd be apologizing and trying to make it up to him that he wouldn't need to punish me. I'd get a spanking to help me feel better and release all my guilt and then we'd be happy... and have sex. 

If I didn't think I was wrong, but he was mad at me for something I did, then I'd probably try to defend my position until I saw how much he was upset or hurting inside then I'd relent and be all soft and yielding and explain to him that I really hadn't meant to do hurt him, but I'm sorry that he got upset by it anyway and now we'll just be more careful about similar types of situations when they happen and deal with them better in the future. And he'll spank me so he could relieve the stress and I could feel better about the whole thing by being able to offer up my bum, then we'd be happy... and have sex.

And since punishment isn't supposed to end in sex as far as the official DD websites are concerned, I suppose that means we wouldn't be doing any punishing. 

OK, this is going in too many circles in my head. How about we just look at the definition of 'Discipline'?

-to train by instruction and exercise; drill.

-to punish or penalize in order to train and control; correct; chastise.

-activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill.

-behavior in accord with rules of conduct; behavior and order maintained by training and control.

-punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.

Right. So there CAN be discipline without punishment. In that case, I suppose there may be DD after all. But let's just call it something else so that people don't get confused. How about Domestic Responsibility? Yeah. That'll do nicely.

A Spanking Retold in Pictures

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.