The Last Spank

no no, don't panic. I don't mean EVER. 

Just for the year.

We started round two of Friday with a movie on the couch - Raise the Red Lantern - I was lying on the couch with my head in his lap, and BIKSS was stroking my back in the perfect way he does... 

At the end of the movie I needed to go pee. 

"Go, then come back and head to the room, and we'll lie down and do more strokies." (Yes, that's what I call it!)

We had a lovely time just touching and loving each other, and when he finally made love to me it was so intense (particularly after the events of the afternoon) that just before his final thrusts as I was looking into his eyes while he was moving in and out of me I started to cry. The tears just came and I couldn't control it. It was almost poetic; my eyes open, looking up at him, straight into his, tears pooling and eventually flowing over ... 

I asked him if it freaked him out that I began tearing, and he said no... that if I wanted him to stop I would say so, and that eventually I would talk to him about it when I had settled down. At moments like these I truly appreciate how well he knows what I need, what I'm about. 

When we talked yesterday he reassured me. And reminded me to trust him. 

that I won't fail u..like I feel u fear I will - like your other boyfriends did

that I will let you have your voice
that whatever I do I do for your good as well as mine: not JUST mine
that I will know when to make a decision that affects us both and that that decision was taken with thought and consideration for all concerned 
(edited)

We ended the year with some spanks over his knee. And then he rubbed me and held me... and that would be the last time we see each other (and I get spanked) this year. I was a little weepy as he left, cos holidays are always tough when you can't be with the one you love (and your friends are all married / partnered / vacationing) but I know he'll keep connected via skype IMs and texts... he always has. He always will. 

So, until my next post in 2013, Happy New Year everybody! 

Friday in Brief

I look at my Blogroll and I'm stressing. There are SO many new posts to read. Everyone's talking about time with their significant others, how they spent Christmas, stuff to look forward to in the new year... 

I was going to write a rambling post but perhaps I'll keep it short. Not so much for your benefit, readers, but so I can wrap this up soonish and head over to your blogs and catch up. (Altho I doubt I'll be able to get thru many before my dinner appointment!)

So these are the highlights. 

Yesterday was a D minus. For a couple who communicate so regularly bby text / IM / whatsapp, it amazed me that we could get into so many "tiffs" (he calls them episodes) in one day. First it was why didn't you tell me, then I might have snapped at him and said he was blaming it on my dinner party, then later on I thought he was just being evasive by not giving me a fixed time, and he thought I was just being difficult and pushy. Yeah, all in all I counted three different snappy conversations. It didn't end well. 

Today we had a chance to put that behind us. Well, to put that on my behind, anyway. As usual I apologised. I just felt like I needed him to hear me and he wasn't. He maintains I didn't let him say what he needed to say before I cut him off. In the end, perhaps I was fighting him because he's been away from me and D/s for an extended period of time, and I'm convinced when he's with his people he slips back into his old self - the old him around his family and friends. And when I don't hear / feel the strong confident Dominant him my strong independent self stands up and makes the decisions and barks the orders. It's a subconscious thing. Not something I'm aware of. This only occurred to me today as we were discussing yesterday's disaster. 

Anyway, it was all done and cleared up. And after that I needed him to spank me. To assuage my guilt. And bad feelings. Only -- I couldn't say it out loud! Me! Me who tells EVERYONE in blogland that I just ask him for a spanking whenever I need one. Sigh. I made him guess. I had 4 words in my head, I said, and he played along. He got it eventually. I smiled and was so relieved that I wouldn't have to verbalise it. 

"Well, what are you waiting for then? On your tummy."

So something like 300 swats with his hands and the Christmas paddle later, I was lying in his arms, his cum inside me, my face in his chest. 

And all was right with the world again.

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Today was also the first time my breasts bore the brunt of a brutal beating. How's that for alliteration??

It wasn't the intention to mark me, but I'm sitting here and noticing some tiny bruises on the inside of my right boob. His spatula was trying to prove its worth as the Christmas paddle seems to be BIKSS' new favourite these days. He slapped my breasts all over, under, over, at the side, he put my vibe between my legs and told me to close them, and hold it there, while he smacked me all over with his spatula. He put his cock into my mouth and had me suck him off while he did all this. 

I was writhing. And making terribly unlady-like sounds. I asked him for permission to cum and he said yes. I reached down with my hands and took the vibe, placed it in just the right spot, and concentrated on cumming. Only it is kinda hard when you're being beaten repeatedly in the same place at rapid fire speed - and when that same place is sometimes your sensitive inner thigh, sometimes the bottom of an already sore breast; his fingers found my nipples and he twisted them, pinched them, his other hand still wielding the spatula and slapping them all over as he did, and eventually I came. With his cock in my mouth. 

I let go of my vibe and moved my hand around his shaft and soon he came in my mouth. I was spent. But it was good. 

Oh and I was in pain - the residual kind - the good kind.

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After that he wanted to spank me some more with the Christmas paddle - told you it was his new favourite. 

He does this thing where the full length of it lands on both my butt cheeks, right down low just on the outside of my pussy. It does wonderful tingly things to my girly-bits and of course I get wet. 

Roger by now has decided that there is no reason why he shouldn't admit to enjoying it when BIKSS gives me a spanking, so after some discussion between the two of them (BIKSS and Roger, that is) they decide not to waste the opportunity of a dripping wet pussy and have another go. 

Perhaps the reason I was so easily aroused is that BIKSS said to me "Get on your hands and knees so I can spank you. That's right - no,up here, ass over there, good." The whole talking me through a position thing, telling me I'm going to spanked, that's like an instant turn on switch. 

At first he stood in front of me and reached over my back with the paddle to swat my ass. Then he stuck the vibrator in me but as I clenched and squeezed from pleasure, it fell out. He went round behind me now, to continue, and that's when they decided after a few more spanks to just mount me and not let good wood and a dripping cunt go to waste. 

What can I say. Today was a day of thrusting and spanking at the same time. It was so hot my brain just shut down. And so was he. He was being totally Dominant again today. Reclaiming my submission. As I was readying to leave the room and get us some lunch, he said "Before you go, come over here."

I hopped back into bed and went over to where he was lying on his back. 

"Give me your breasts"

I positioned myself over him and he started sucking on them. First one, then the other. And by this time I had sat back on my calves and placed my arms at my side, giving him full access once again to my tits. He enjoyed watching me make those I'm-so-horny-please-fuck-me-now noises as he played with my nipples. 

After some minutes had passed I called him an Evil man for making my pussy hungry again. He asked me what it was hungry for. Attention, I said. He reached down to finger my clit, my pussy, and asked me if that was the kind of attention it desired. Or does it want a cock? Hmm? 

Oh yes! I definitely wanted cock! I wanted him to pump into me, to ram his cock against the inside of my cunt. He got up and pushed me onto my back and climbed over me, thrusting himself into me quickly, and continued to pump immediately as soon as he had penetrated me. 

There was no cumming this round, but after I had had my fill he withdrew, laid back and declared "You may go now, before Roger changes his mind."

And after that, I got us lunch :)

last night's left overs for lunch today

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The last game his team played they scored 4-0 in a win. We had a carry over double stakes from the previous game. at a dozen strokes per goal that now comes up to 96 strokes. The plan was to get the cane out today and do that. And for every stroke I'd give him a kiss - so that's 96 kisses all over his body. 

Now I've done the 96 kisses this afternoon. I wonder if he'll still be game to do the 96 strokes later on? *My fingers are crossed.*

To Fig or not to Fig

That is not the only question.

I've been cooking with ginger over the last 2 days. While I'm peeling it all I can think of is what it would feel like in my, you know... bottom. 

Thanks to the people I've met in Blogland, I now can't prep ginger without thinking of figging. 

A few of my blogging friends (Dragon's Rose, Sin and Jake to name a few) have written about it but what I want to know is :

1) Will getting it on surrounding areas make your lady bits burn like mad?

2) Will it get onto your partner's schlong and make him smart too?

3) How do you make the smarting go away if it's too much to handle? Is there an "antidote"?

4) Those of you who have tried it... once you've got it in there, what do you do? Spank? Watch? Wait? Do you use it like a dildo - move it in and out? 

And then you watch a video like this one and you think, um, maybe not.

So, BIKSS isn't keen on feeling the burn, well, that is, Roger HATES feeling ouchy. 

Fondles is curious tho. 

Any advice/suggestions? 

Awesome Ad that BIKSS Found

Happy Boxing Day!

Merry Christmas Darling

In the spirit of the season, I thought I'd write this post in rhyme:

'Twas the day before Christmas, he came to my house
I was wearing some tiny shorts and a multi-stripe blouse
The beef franks were grilling, the veggies were done
I had me a shower, my hair - in a bun.

He came with a present, not the one he had planned
A stop-gap he calls it, what to do with this man!?!
My cushions didn't fit the new covers - they're mother's
So he went to Ikea and bought me some others.

I panicked I thought this is it? That's my present?
I'd be happier with a roast turkey or pheasant!
I trusted he'll listen and proceeded to talk
I was hoping he'll understand and not likely balk

It's not all about gifts, I know, I'm not greedy
But it's Christmas and this girlfriend is just feeling needy.
It's not that I want to have presents galore
I'd just like to know that you bothered before...

...Christmas day is upon us and I'm left feeling adrift
Cos the love of my life didn't get me a gift
He smiled and he laughed and he wiped off a tear
"I know what to get you, but haven't found it, I fear"

In truly man fashion he didn't want to say
Anything in case he couldn't find a way
To get his hands on the present he had in mind
He wanted to keep silent till the thing he could find.

So I giggled and hugged him and told him "Okay,
Let's see if we can work it out this way.
In future when you're scheming or hatching a plan
Let me know that you're thinking of me, if you can.

Don't just keep silent cos that makes me think
That you've forgotten about me, as soon as you blink"
We made love right after this convo we had
And now all is right and I'm no longer sad.

I played him a video clip, I'll show it to you
I love how the lyrics are so apt and true
I've always wondered if there would ever be
Someone whom I'd truly want to spend Christmas with me.

Christmas Waltz

That's been my favourite Christmas tune for the longest time now. I can't even remember when I first heard it. But it might have been the Carpenters version that I fell in love with.

Here's us wishing you and yours a Blessed Christmas:  May you have many happy moments, make lovely memories, eat lots of good food, share lots of laughter and enjoy the company of friends and family over this holiday season.

From Bikss and Me : Merry Christmas, Froehliche Weihnachten, Sheng(4) Dan(4) Jie(2) Kuai(4) Le(4)!

Dear Diary - Friday and a hint of FF

(Thursday's entry is here.)

So BIKSS decided that he could spend half the day with me today before I had to go to work.

(and look out for the Christmas spanking pics along the way)

Having him come over in the morning is hell on my sleep, but it's SO worth it! He crawled into bed with me after I chucked a load of laundry in the machine.

He played with my clit again, relentlessly! Then when I was panting and couldn't bear it any longer he turned me onto my front and entered me from behind. He was rock hard!

I tell you, Roger is all about wanting sex in the morning!

We lazed about, talked a whole bunch of crap - totally fun, non-emo, just going on and on from one unimportant topic to another, and then his hand started straying again and he reached across to get at my nipple.

And I realised that I love moving my arm or any other obstruction away so as to allow him access. They belong to him, after all, so I shouldn't brush him off.

I suppose that's why sex lives start to suffer sometimes. If a guy gets brushed off too often it becomes very off-putting doesn't it?

"This is mine. You *should* give me unrestricted access anytime I want to touch you. "

Swoon.

While he was playing with my clit, I pulled my legs together and wouldn't budge.

He increased the pressure and whispered sternly into my ear, "Open your legs. (I was frozen.) Open them. (Still nothing from me.) I said, OPEN."

I obeyed (finally! - I know right? I don't know what got into me!) and got a "Good girl" from him. 

Again, swoon.

"I'm going to get out the vibrator. You're going to use it. Clear?"

I nodded. And he passed me Capt Silver. I held it between my legs and buzzed off to a happy cum!

Then he moved upwards towards my mouth and allowed me to suck on him.

"Greedy huh? Wanting to suck on Roger?"

I made some gurgling noise in the back of my throat, and he smiled down at his greedy little slut.

Oh at that moment I didn't care which hole he fucked, so long as I had his cock in me somewhere!

He came fucking my face and after that I refused to let go! He let me suck and lick Roger a little while more before eventually pulling out and getting back in bed.

Next, we wrapped and packed some presents which I'd put some finishing touches on last night. And then we agreed it was time to get my Christmas paddling!

I turned over. He got up. My ass was pummelled. It hurt! And after asking which side hurt more (the convex one!) he eventually let up.

"Will that last a while?"

"Well, I dunno if it'll last till after Christmas.."

"Oh is that right? Be careful what you wish for, little girl."

And with that I got a second round of spanks - with his hand this time!

"Oh Roger definitely likes that!" 

And as he spanked me he climbed on top and entered me and he fucked and smacked me good for the next few minutes. Then the smacking stopped and it was just pure fucking until he came.

The rest of the time was spent running yet more errands. We bought sealant for him to patch up my still-slightly-leaking sink, then ran off to the post office to send something off to Fiona, then bought lunch, went home, he fixed the sink, we ate and he dropped me off at work. Phew!

How do u people wake up this early EVERYDAY?!?!?

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PS - Since I've missed Follow Friday this week, here's a blog I just added. Feel free to go visit Cassaundra with a Collar.

Dear Diary - Thursday

BIKSS woke me early on Thursday. When I went back into the room after brushing my teeth I saw a present on my pillows. It was a paddle!

Or was it?

Apparently he got it at the marketplace while on his last work trip. It's a traditional rice-stirrer. (I'll add pics to the side of this post as I go along.)

original

Anyway we cuddled a bit and he played with me, tweaking my nipples, kissing me all over! He swatted my behind a few times with the new toy- I decided to call it our Christmas paddle! As I was yabber-jabbering on, I might have gotten carried away and said something that might have been over the line, so he smacked my bum once and said "Don't be rude."

varnished

I think that's what I miss most of all. Having my boundaries defined!

Then he had his way with my girly bits till I was practically dripping on the sheets. Thats when he moved my head between his legs to have me suck on his cock! It was so big and hard, more turgid than usual. Perhaps Roger's more "awake" in the mornings!

handle covered with soft leather strips

I begged him to fuck me. I even called him Master. It's been a while since I've done that!  He obliged, quite readily. I could feel his smooth body, tense and ready to unload into my warm, greedy pussy.

After, there was much chatting and cuddling. And finally it was time to get my maintenance sorted. He had me roll over onto my tummy. I was wondering if he'd use the Christmas paddle. But he said he preferred to use his hand.

close up

"So, this is maintenance," he announced. This is something I respond well to - acknowledging and understanding the reason for a spanking. I nodded into the pillow and started breathing deeply.

After 50 on each cheek I said Thank You and we hugged for a little while.

The rest of the day was spent running errands together. I asked if I could wear a new blouse I just bought. It's kinda see-thru so I was being good by checking first.

He said OK and when he actually saw me dressed, chuckled to himself cos he hadn't realised just how transparent it was! Later he told me that he had considered vetoing the outfit but decided against it cos he'll be right beside me, so I'd be safe. Besides I wasn't actually showing anything cos I had a bra on!

Of course he has since decreed that I'm not allowed to go anywhere in that unless he's with me.

That kind of control makes a girl swoon I tell you. Who'da figured I would be craving it the way I do! Anyway, I told him I had NO intention of wearing that out solo cos I'd be very vulnerable. And the very reason I wanted to wear it that day was BECAUSE he was going to be with me the whole time!

The sweetest thing he said to me over the last coupla days was that he often wondered too, about what would happen if and when *this* wasn't enough anymore... It's nice to know he feels the same way I do.

For now we're good the way we are... But what if?

Okay I have to stop. I'll write about Friday later!

(PS My bum didnt start hurting until I put on my tights in the afternoon and went to work. Apparently spanked bum + skin-tight fabric + hard plastic chairs = sore bottom!)

the finished product - with hand attached!

All I Want for Christmas -

- is a stress-free holiday.

Seriously. 

*Beware, rambling rant coming up*

Wanna know what happened? I spent my only day off in the week in the hospital with dad attending to his check-up. This led to a billion more some tests that we managed, thankfully, to get done on the same day. We are still waiting on one more appointment to be confirmed tho. That's something we need to do with a private clinic so they'll have to get back to us. 

On the home front, some time ago I discovered some funky spots and growths on the sofa-bed that mum's been sleeping on - which I decided HAD to go. (She didn't tell me there were things growing on it!) There's a queen-size in their room but she refuses to sleep on the same bed as dad cos he snores something fierce. Sleep apnoea  is just a lovely test of your spouse's patience, I tell you.

We chucked out the beds and went and ordered some new singles from IKEA last week. The delivery was scheduled for this morning. Which meant that I had to make sure the old beds got carted away yesterday. Lucky for me my town council has a fantastic service where they remove your bulky items/furniture for you free of charge.  So I got on the phone and arranged to get that done. 

I tell the guy on the fone I have a queen-size bed to be removed. He says he'll send a couple of guys. At the appointed time one fella comes and takes a look at the bed and then exclaims "Oh, I need to get another guy to come up and remove this - I come back in half hour." Like, uh huh, I told your guy it was a big bed right?

That was last night. He came back an hour and a half later! While I was trying to cook two traditional family recipes for my uncle. See, his wife doesn't cook. And she sure doesn't cook our type of cuisine, being from a different cultural background. So every once in a while he'll ring mum up and ask if she can whip something up. 

Seeing as how mum doesn't cook in her home no more, it stands to reason that if there's to be any cooking, it would be taking place in MY kitchen. Which is where I was last night. Slaving over a stove. With mum barking out orders and nagging my ears off. When the blokes came back to remove the bed. I wanted to scream.

Whose idea was this again? 

See, I told her we'd be able to cook up something for him if he could wait till after Christmas when I had a break from work (I'm off from 24th till next year!) but NOOOooooo he wanted the stuff before Christmas. 

Pfffft! 

My sister's moving house. Far far away. To the other side of the country. Admittedly it's a small tiny country. But still. She's got a plan. The plan being to get as far away from stressful people as she possibly can. Hrmph. So you know that means mum and dad will be at my place loads more now that she'll be gone far far away. 

So back to this morning. The IKEA people delivered and assembled the beds, my uncle was ringing non-stop cos he kept changing his mind about what time he'd be here, the sink decided that NOW would be a good time to spring a leak, and one stressed out Fondles was about ready to lose it. Oh, add to that mum had gotten changed and left the house to go shopping with the sister and nephew. Leaving dad (who, on some days, can't tell up from down) to handle the passing of the food to my uncle - including gathering stuff from the fridge and packing everything up ONLY when he arrives cos if you do that too early it won't stay fresh... (can you SO see me rolling my eyeballs right about now?)

You know this means *I'M* the one who has to now deal with all these details, while trying to put new sheets on the beds, clean the floor and chuck out all the plastic wrap and cardboard bits that come as part of the packaging, and then go see what I can do about fixing the leak. 

So when BIKSS texted to ask if the room still smelled funky (WHAT?) I actually growled out loud. And then told him what a horrible day I'm having and then I think I might have snapped at him in as controlled a manner I possibly could given the way I was feeling. 

What's that about a stinky room, you ask?

One of my students came in to class yesterday with a funky-smelling tee shirt. It's wet weather this time of  year over in my neck of the woods, and some people just DON'T get that damp clothes hung indoors need to have LOTS of circulating air. Or that they should just use a dryer. 

So um, after a bit I explained to him that in light of the general world-collapsing-around-me going on, that seemed a little inane. And I was irritated cos I had already spent all of last night in said room while we were skyping. So I figured he'd have figured that there was no more smelly-room-problem.

To be fair, I admitted later that I know he was just trying to stay connected and show concern, letting me know that he remembered a "thing" from yesterday. But it was just bad timing. I could have just texted him back with "That's no longer a problem - I'm having worse problems today, tell you about them later," and left it till, well, later. 

I mentioned on someone's blog recently that pre-emptive (reminder?) spankings have become less frequent over here; there hasn't been a need for any maintenance/affirmation of late, I've been awesomely good, handling stuff well, not flaking out. I've also not been so stressed that I become unhinged to the point of requiring any grounding spanks since the first three months (I think) we were together. 

But I think the holiday season is just way too much for one little sub to handle all by herself. 

So like the good girl I try to be, I apologised to BIKSS when I got online and sent him an IM on Skype and asked for a proper spanking, not the playful, fun type, you know? 

I told him I know I'm being needy, but better to be in need of a spanking and let him know, than just going out and doing something destructive. 

"That can be arranged for tomorrow... and I agree - better a spanking than you going out and self-destructing."

(It turns out he was dealing with something at work too, that involved almost making a million dollar mistake... so he was kinda worked up too, by the end of the day...and I feel horrible now, with my petty little problems and for getting annoyed when he was making the effort to let me know he cares despite having to meet a deadline AND not mess things up at work.)

So guess who's in for a bottom-warming tomorrow morning before we head out to collect sausages and pies? Sigh... 

I prefer the kind of spankings that come from a scene like this though... maybe another time...

Can You Handle All Of Me?

24/7?

Could I handle your being angry?

Being upset?

Withdrawn and stressed?

Could I handle your moments of weakness?

Of discomfort, of depression?

Could I handle your idiosyncrasies?

Your flying off the handle?

Your moods?

If you showed up tomorrow and said you were all mine now, I honestly don't know if I would freak out.

But would I let you be my full time 24/7 guy?

Should ever a day arrive that I have to answer that, the answer is Yes.

Overachiever (III)

Click here for Part One 

Click here for Part Two

or just read this as a stand-alone emo piece... it's up to you, really.

-Part Three-

(in which Fondles is emo not once, not twice, but three times - you see what BIKSS has to deal with? I feel sorry for the guy, really, I do)

I'd been feeling miserable over the last 24 hours before meeting BIKSS, mostly cos dad and mum have been here and oh, let's just say I'm not as nice as I should be to my father. 

This man who was clever and strong and had the answers to everything, who told me I could do anything and I shouldn't let people take advantage of me, this man is not who that man was. 

I'm not going to list his crimes. For they are not of his choosing. He is just being the way he is now and I was having trouble accepting this new reality. I was still holding him to the same standards he's always held us to. Logic and reason are no longer the mainstays of his consciousness, tho. And I need to remember this now. 

And because I am woman (hear me roar, no.. really, you know the song right?) and tend to collapse all my problems one on top of the other, when we were cuddling and BIKSS was half asleep (yes, I know, timing is everything!) I suddenly felt very vulnerable and just needed him to know how I felt about him. 

So you know, I said "Love me?" (yes, cos that's how I say I love you when I'm emo, it seems.)

His reply is "Uh-huh."

"You don't do intimacy very well, huh?"

"Uh-huh."

"Is there a way you would show me you love me so that I'll know that's the equivalent of your saying so? Cos I know you're not about the words..."

"Spanking."

"What???" 

"It's ALLLLLL love!"

This conversation is officially dead. And he kisses and gropes and cuddles me, only there's something festering inside me now. 

And because I am me, I won't let it rest.

So I tell him. Because I'm good at holding on like a pit bull terrier and not letting go until I'm satisfied. Which I was SO not at this point. And we finally get to the bottom of it. I wail, I whine, I weep. And he finally wakes up. Properly. He's actually sitting up with his eyes open now. I needed to know. I can't be brushed off. I won't accept a flippant answer. 

And just as he solves one problem, he creates another. 

"I'm sorry, I know that you're not the sort of person that can I can just brush off and not give a proper answer to. You're different, you don't think like most other people."

I don't know about you - but I heard that as a failing right there. I'm strange, I'm different, I need special handling and jeepers, that made me cry. 

... until he sorted me out by explaining that it wasn't a bad thing. It's the way I am and it's the me he's known for the last 24 years, and he's still around isn't he? So he pep-talked me for another half an hour and eventually I felt better. 

"I'm a bundle of trouble aren't I?"

"No, but you ARE a bundle of nerves. A lot of things on your plate huh?" 

"Yeah. Can I just throw it out and get a new one?"

So that's when we move into dealing-with-the-parents territory. 

G U I L T is a bad word. But that's how I'm feeling. That's the ONE constant feeling that I am aware of - it is all pervasive. It tempers every other feeling that tries to bubble to the surface. Guilt. Yuck.

But he lectures and shares and coaxes and soothes and comforts and convinces and eventually I think I understand where I need to go with this, what I need to do, how I need to think. Sigh. A serious mind shift is in order, me thinks.

So yes. Three episodes in the course of one night. I did say I was an overachiever... and actually, so is BIKSS.

Overachiever (II)

Click here for Part One

Still with me? Welcome back to

-Part Two-

(in which we play with some new toys)

I'm released and he's undone the cuffs, and I just lay there with my knees still on the floor and my upper body slumped over the bed. 

We lie there and talk in this manner for a few minutes, while the blood flows back into my arms. 

Eventually he helps me onto the bed and I join him in a warm loving cuddle. Then we talk about the gruff voice that will never be heard again, thank you very much. It's not his natural self, and it doesn't do anything for his lust, or MINE. Plus, I tell him, I don't like how it makes me feel knowing that I'll push aside the fear it elicits for wanting to obey his instructions.

And then we open up the Christmas present Fiona sent us : It's one of Conina's creations!  A lovely, weighty,  luxuriously soft baby blue flogger!

It's the prettiest thing ever! Thanks to our new toy, I'm now ignored for the next half hour or so as BIKSS plays with the flogger, swinging it this way and that, using parts of my body for target practice. 

We get on the fone and text Fiona and it seems distracting me is BIKSS' one goal in life so while I'm texting her this pic (on the left) to say we've opened the gift, and telling her what a wonderful flogger it is and how much we enjoy it, he's happily swishing it all over me, himself, the bed, everything in the room! 

And he keeps exclaiming that it's such a lovely heavy flogger. Meanwhile I'm racking my brains for a safe place to hide it! LOL

Apparently it's got him so excited that he decides to chuck it on the bed beside me and flop me over onto my belly so he can enter me from behind. I'm not ready. Well, my traitorous pussy is, but I wasn't expecting to be fucked again so soon. We reach for the We-Vibe that I'd been charging so that we could have some fun with it tonight, only I'm impaled on his cock so we kinda wriggle over to the dresser together, and he has to stretch to get some antiseptic wipes so I can clean it up before inserting it. Oh, not to mention chucking wrapping paper and postal envelopes on the floor as we move over the mess that my bed has suddenly become home to. 

I swear, I've never had so much junk on it in my life. Having a cock in one's pussy certainly eradicates all need to keep things neat and tidy. OCPD be gone!

We vacate my pussy long enough for me to switch it on and insert it, and Roger comes back in to see what the buzz is all about. 

We fuck this way for a bit but I'm getting sore and Roger's tired out from he previous cum so we abandon the sex after a time and get back into cuddle mode. And he's playing with the flogger again. Have you heard of golf widows? I felt like a flogger widow. 

But oh, what a beautiful flogger! 

Thank you Fiona, and thank you Conina. I've wondered long enough how and when I would be able to afford getting my hands on one of these lovely floggers, and now the universe has dropped one into my hands. 

I cannot tell you how grateful I am for this gift!

*to be continued*

Overachiever (I)

Yes, that would be me. As soon as I get a night with my man, I unload sex and submission and stress and sadness on him all in one go. But I'm getting ahead of myself. 

-Part One-

(in which we make out)

BIKSS picked me up from work and then we came home to find my tummy unwilling to co-operate with my corset. So much for that idea.

He did, however, lay THESE out on the bed. I was given instructions to shower, then come back into the room and put on some white lace knickers, and stand beside the bed with my eyes closed and then wait for him while he showered.

These I did with great anticipation in my belly. The same one that was already feeling not-so-corset-friendly. 

He entered the room and began touching me, fondling my nipples, kissing my impatient lips. I felt myself reaching out to him with my face, trying my best to figure out where he was. 

I felt cuffs go on my wrists. These are new. He must have brought them with him. My breath caught as I waited for him to attach them one to the other behind my back. A couple of slaps on each butt cheek signaled he was satisfied. Or else he might have just been testing to make sure my hands weren't in the way for the spanking that was to follow. 

My ankles too, were cuffed and the feeling of wrapped snugness was not unwelcome. It was strangely comforting. The cuffs were weighted, to a degree, so that helped (if only psychologically) enhance the helplessness.

He continued touching me and making my skin tingle in all the right places. I felt my pussy clench from time to time. Then the door. He had gone out to get something, I knew not what. When he returned he moved behind me and rather gruffly growled Kneel as he pushed me to my knees. Ah. The ottoman cushion. That's what he went out to retrieve. 

I did not like his tone. It scared me. I am used to a gentler, whispering BIKSS. Or a calm, steady BIKSS.  The loud, growly BIKSS isn't my BIKSS. It's another person. He scares me. The fear threatens to take over and make me safeword. Not because he could hurt me. But because it is so unlike the man I know. It is this unknown that I fear. Not the threat of danger. 

And yet my willingness to comply overruled any instinct I had to call a hiatus to the exercise. And I was more than a little amused that a thought could flash so quickly across my brain in the mere seconds it took me to move myself to the floor - My desire to submit outweighs my instinct for self-preservation : we need to talk about this later.

And just like that I shelved it away for the conversation I knew we would have after this was over. 

He had me kneel forward, supporting my weight so that I didn't hurt myself, seeing as how my arms were pinned behind me, and began using the flogger on me. I think we were having a conversation about how long it's been since we've played with that. And then he spanked me with his hand, and then with his belt. It hurt. All of it hurt. It had been a while since I've been beaten so thoroughly. 

And then he attached my ankles together, yanked my underwear down to my knees and pushed his cock into me. Was I mistaken or has this scene gotten him harder than usual? He fucked my slippery pussy relentlessly, and I cried out with each thrust. He hissed something that I think was meant to shut me up. And I did, '-ish'. But the way I felt, I just couldn't keep completely silent. Instead, I ended up whining. It was kinda funny, thinking about it now, that I could make such strange, keening sounds. Yes, that's right. You may whimper if you like. 

Argh, so hot. NOT helpful when trying to keep me quiet. Oh, but he knew what would work. He pulled out of my juicy cunt, I'm sure my pussy was gaping at the sudden withdrawal, and fucked my mouth. I was gagging, I was choking, my eyes were watering, and he didn't care. I could taste myself on him, smell it. Is it wrong to be even more turned on by one's own scent and taste? Take it, all of it. You want my cock don't you? Say it. He pulled out of my mouth and left yet another orifice gaping for his hardness. 

Yes, I want to suck on your cock. 

Yes you do. Good girl. 

He shoves his cock back into my mouth, poking into the back of my throat and pulling my head backwards and forwards by my hair and collar. 

You want to see what you look like when you're sucking my cock? You should see yourself..

I stupidly heard the word "see" and automatically opened my eyes (don't ask me what I was thinking - I wasn't) altho as I did I realised there was no reason for me to do so. 

Who said you could open your eyes? 

*I shut them immediately*

He continued fucking my mouth, thankfully stopping every now and then for me to recover and catch my breath somewhat, before plunging into me again. Every time he pulled out I reached for him with my mouth, like the slut that I am, greedy for his cock. Between sucking his cock and his balls he readied himself for an orgasm, and started jerking off right in front of my mouth. I lapped at his head as best I could and prepared myself to taste him, but he had me close my mouth as he came, spurting his viscous cum onto my face... then instructing me to open midway so he could finish cumming in my mouth. 

Have I told you how much I love having him cum on my face? I have recently come to appreciate the warm jets hitting my skin, trickling down the side of my nose, past my lips, and being kept from tasting his cum until he deems it permissible to do so.

*to be continued*

Follow Friday Dec 14th

These were the blogs I found (and one I inspired! Woohoo!) after writing New Kid In Town. So to all my friends peeps out here in Blogland, please go and say hi and follow them and welcome them to the community! You guys rock!

Anna May at Owned Little One

Mrs. D at A New Chapter

Scarlett Loxingly aka Submissive Scar (I think) at A Submissive's Journal

AtiyaLuv at Sincerely Yours

---------------------


Ah heck... Owned Little One has been eaten by the Blog-Not-Found monster.

I hope it's a temporary glitch. But let's wait a week and see shall we?

Thanks Young Lady for pointing it out to me.

Sorry about that, folks.

I Am Bound

by your restraints... I feel them on my wrists,
I do not have to push against them, yet I know they keep me in place

by your commands... I hear them whispered so calmly into the side of my face,
I barely hear you, yet I have already complied before the words are spoken

by your gaze... I remain fixed to this spot, or perhaps you will move me,
I see you pointing with your eyes, yet when you tilt your head I have already shifted in anticipation

In the end I am bound by nothing else except your desire.

It is intangible, unheard, imperceptible.

But it is all that you need, for I am bound, to you.

CWS Challenge #4

Spanky over at Bright Bottom issued yet another CWS Challenge. Here's my ecard. Enjoy!

Poll Results - Mobile vs Web

I asked if you preferred to have the Mobile site activated or go straight to the Web Version when reading blogs on your phone / handheld device. Here are your votes:

Mobile Site - 4

Web Version - 10

So, I apologise to those who prefer reading the mobile site, but it looks like I'm gonna leave the web version on my blog. Thank you for playing :)

It's Been 11 Days...

... since my last spanking. And today BIKSS came over with my new made-while-he-was-away spanky thing (there's a pic HERE) and tried it out on my bottom. It's slappy. Pesky almost. I say that because it doesn't leave like a "real" sting, and it's too light to be thuddy at all. But after a few splats it actually kinda feels rather ouchy. Not a deep pain, but more of a surface sensation.

The rest of our reunion was just perfect. We kissed like we'd been apart for years instead of days, and I was so happy to see him I was practically bouncing all over the place. The words he used were, "you're like a prancing puppy". Pffft. I'm allowed!

So I ushered him into the room which I had set up with an early Christmas present on the bed, "cos I didn't know how much I'd see you over or nearer to Christmas," which was promptly met with, "Of course you'll see me at Christmas-time..." which then made me smile even more.

I was wearing a black burnout tee, which I had just bought on Sunday, and a matching pair of lace boyshorts as I climbed onto the bed and knelt at the edge. We continued kissing as I undid the buttons on his shirt and trailed kisses down his front till I reached Roger. I spent some time welcoming them both back... and then I told BIKSS I was being rude, he should take a load off and get into bed. Well, he got into bed alright - only he tossed me on my back and knelt over me and proceeded to fuck my mouth. 

"First we'll cum in this hole, then later on we'll come back for the other." 

I was so hot for him, for his sex, for his dominance... 

--------------------------------

I always say he should let me serve him more. BIKSS is often inclined to do stuff himself. But I think he's getting the hang of it. After we flopped down on the bed together and were hugging and kissing for a bit, he said, "Bring me my bag," and I was a bit confused. Bag? What bag? I didn't even know it, but he had brought his backpack into the room! 

LOL That's how excited I was at seeing him again - I didn't even notice he had his bag on him.  

This struck me as being rather out of character for him cos the bag was nearer his side of the bed, and it's heavy (cos he has the laptop and other junk important stuff in there) - asking me to go out of my way to bring something to him is NOT his M/O. So either he put some thought into it, or he's naturally getting used to asking me to do stuff for him - which is a huge fist pump moment for me! 

I climbed over him and traipsed over to the bag to lug it back over to him. He hoisted it onto the bed and proceeded to unload my presents. It was like Christmas came early for me too! He showed me the spanky thing with the music charms, the would-be clamps (which we tried straight away but they didn't really work the way he intended) and finally, some jewellery!

I sent my man on a mission to come back with not only kinky gifts, but something pretty as well. Because, as Fiona puts it, 'You may be his sub, but you're his girlfriend first!' 

His answer to my quest was a shiny bracelet with a design that reminds me of nipples (trust him!) and a choker / collar in silver. "Something vanilla that you can wear out that reminds you of me."

"It was actually harder finding vanilla gifts than kinky ones," he lamented! 

"I know," I replied, "that's why I asked you to get some." *Wink*

And He definitely GOT SOME after that!

TBBT and Me

So by now I'm sure you've all heard the news that Sheldon spanked Amy on this week's epi of The Big Bang Theory. 

I love this show and I love spanking, so when I saw some bloggers had posted it I simply couldn't put it off any longer and stayed up to watch this episode. (I've been a little behind on my TV watching!)

Never mind how many hoops they had to go thru to get this approved for mainstream TV, never mind how authentic it was or not, never mind what the writers were thinking (or if there was a spanko among them).

The thing that is really on my mind, is this - I can only watch it with the (small, slitty, Asian) eyes of someone who is living a spank-positive lifestyle. All my thoughts and impressions and acceptance of it stem from my spanko-schema. I thought it was cute, it was totally implausible but very entertaining to watch as she expresses pleasure at enduring something that's meant as a deterrent. 

Welcome to my world.

But it got me wondering what I would think of such a scene had I not been a spanko or turned on by this...

Which leads me to a story which I'll try to relate without too much specific detail for anonymity's sake... 

When I was in high school, in my first year, the music and drama department put up a musical play. Now seeing as how I'm a music student, participation was "strongly encouraged". Ok. We didn't have a choice. I was cast as a child of the noble family that the story revolves around. And at one point in the music the father sings of how he keeps his children in line - apparently he is pro-spanking, and there was mention of "twice a week - a reminding tap!"  

I guess that's maintenance. Though I didn't know it at the time. Heck I didn't know ANY of it at the time. 

I only knew that when our director said that perhaps at that portion of the song the kids should all line up with bottoms out for our "mum" to swat our behinds, I got super embarrassed cos I felt something in the pit of my tummy. The kind of something you feel when you're in high school and the cute guy from chemistry sits at your table and comments on that awesome crystal garden you grew. 

OK, to put it into context, it's like the feeling you get when the cute hunky jock asks if the seat next to you is taken. And you've had the hots for him since 3 years ago. 

So... the other thing that I was a little concerned about at this point was that not only did I get flustered at the thought of being swatted, but that it was to be by our "mum" who was this senior girl whom I had a massive crush on. 

OMG! It seemed my inner lesbian AND spanko decided to wake up at the same time, all in the first quarter of that year! 

Well, in the end that particular scene didn't work out that way. I was filled with equal parts relief and disappointment. But that's just a little nugget that I remembered as I was thinking, "What would watching this scene be like if I weren't me?" I might feel amused, watch it with disbelief, and in a detached this-is-a-sitcom-so-it's-not-real-life kind of way. It wouldn't have gotten me thinking in the middle of the night that's for sure. 

Or would it...?

(And now I have to sleep because I've missed my curfew by 18 minutes but BIKSS'll understand cos he KNOWS how I am about writing... and I'm off tomorrow anyway. Speaking of, he's coming over tomorrow! Whoooopppeeee!)

New Kid In Town

I like the Eagles. So shoot me. 

But that said, this really IS a post about being the new kid on the block. (No, I didn't like that boy-group as much as I like the Eagles.)

When I first started blogging and reading other people's blogs I felt so completely lost and yet like I belonged all at the same time. It was like stepping out of real life and into a parallel universe (kinda like Fringe). 

I remember spending a lot of time reading posts and comments, and going from one blog to another via blogrolls and clicking on the profiles of the people who commented. 

And the biggest thing that struck me was that I would never be one of these people cos I didn't know anyone. Some of the comments seemed very familiar. Like they've known each other for years. There were references to things that weren't mentioned in the post so I assume they had some background information that I wasn't privy to. 

I didn't think I would write about my story with BIKSS here. Initially it was just going to be about my sexcapades. Maybe a place to practise my smut-writing. Sometimes a page I can rant about stuff on. But I'm so so glad it is what it is now. And I'm so glad that I actually have friends who know (and care) enough about me to leave the familiar comments. 

I suppose what I'm saying is, if you're new to my blog, or new to blogging, or new to the lifestyle (whichever one you identify with) and if you wanna get to know me better (um, I tell you about my emotions, family angst, and sex life here... so yeah, it's almost like you live in my head!) don't be shy - just leave ONE comment, then I'll reply, and you can tell me where your blog is at (if it's not linked to your profile) and I'll go over there and comment, and then YOU can reply, and then that will be the start of a wonderful blog-friendship. See? Easy. 

And even tho it might seem intimidating that some of the others here write stuff for me that allude to some other personal info or private joke that you've not quite gotten in on, please don't feel like it's to make you feel excluded. It just so happens some of these wonderful people know me better (and vice versa) than others. Don't let that stop you from coming in out of nowhere and leaving your comment too ok? I promise NO ONE looks at you funny or wonders why you'd butt in. Cos if there's one thing I can say about the community here, we're very happy to add one more to the fold. 

In the beginning, I would be slightly disappointed when I added someone but they didn't add me back. I've come to realise that everyone has different criteria when deciding what goes onto their blogrolls. Also, adding "follow" doesn't automatically put it on the blogroll. And sometimes I forget to edit the gadget! So, um, I suppose what I'm saying is, if you don't see your blog on the roll, please don't be mad ok? And if you don't want to put me on yours, that's fine too.

I can't be everyone's best friend... so if my stuff doesn't float your boat, that's cool. But if you'd like to say hi, me and BIKSS would love to have you over for comments and chats and bring along your coffee while you read!