Mama passed away very peacefully on the morning of the 11th of March. CG 1 noticed her breathing becoming very shallow. When I got to her bedside was when we saw the first of her final gasps for air. She was asleep the whole time. We put on the Divine Mercy Chaplet on Youtube and prayed by her bed. 8 minutes and something later I crossed her and after two more gulps of air she stopped breathing. The oximeter flashed for a bit then went blank.
The wake was held near my place and I was so touched and grateful for all the friends who showed up to pay their final respects.
I myself had taken time off work (piano lessons were rescheduled) to spend the last week or so with her. My boss was really sweet. The Thursday before she passed was the first day she was too weak to sit up or be taken out in her wheelchair for her regular park visits. He told me to just take the next two days off work and stay home to spend time with her. (While HR has checked in with me about the date of her passing and submitted my days of compassionate leave and general leave for the week of her wake and funeral, no one has mentioned anything about that Thur and Fri I didn't go in.)
We didn't expect her to last the weekend, but it gave a lot of relatives and friends the chance to come and visit for the last time. All her siblings and their kids had come round by then, the only one she hadn't had a chance to see or hear from was her youngest sister. Finally on Sunday evening I got hold of my aunt (who lives in Europe) and held the phone up to mum's ear. I put her on speaker and we chatted. She talked to mum, who by then was no longer able to open her eyes. She told her to rest, sleep, and don't worry about the kids cos we're all grown up now. And to go be with my dad, he's waited long enough.
She must have been holding on to hear her voice, for she passed the next morning at 638am.
Her last trip out to the park was on a Wednesday. Ice cream truck day. The last thing mum tasted was her favourite yam ice cream. I'm glad she got that.
On the sibling front, neither of them got in my way. I am also very glad for that. With dad they were a little more annoying. Wanting things done this or that way. This time round I made all the decisions, did all the admin and sorted out all the bits and pieces.
And when they asked for the children and/or grandchildren or beloved family members to stand at the 4 corners of her coffin at the beginning of Mass, my 2 siblings and I took 3 corners and I gestured to CG1 to take the 4th.
I was expecting some whispers or comments about that, after all there were 3 grandchildren in attendance. But as far as I was concerned she deserved to be counted above and beyond even my sister and brother. And so for the remainder of the funeral she stood with 'the children', and that was that.
Over the last 4 weeks I've been tidying up - both my physical and emotional space. It's nice to have the caregivers here both to help and to reminisce with. We cried together, we laughed together, and we recounted all the silly, funny and even frustrating moments of mum's final years.
I made some video montages, and each one took me through a bittersweet journey of grief and smiles at the same time.
I'd be happy to share with anyone who wants a look.
And it has been slow going, but it's been going. I'm glad I managed to pass on her hospital bed and geriatric chair to people who are now needing these items for their own parents. And we donated the consumables to a family who is in need of help.
Some of her clothes and accessories went to close friends and family, and me and the sister have taken over all her sleep-shirt-pjs - you know those things that look like extra long tees? I don't know what they're called... nightdress? Sleepshirt? I was worried it would make me sad, but I find myself smiling whenever I pull one out to wear. I can still see her in them.
Anyway, now that this phase of my journey thru life is done, it is time to move on. There is still paperwork to get thru. Accounts to close. Documents to file. But I've also decided to extend the holiday we had initially planned for May from a 5 day trip to a 9 day one.
Come May 3rd Bikss and I will find ourselves in the freezing (for us equator folk) cities of Tasmania and then Sydney. We land in Australia on Star Wars Day! And if we're lucky we might be able to catch the Southern lights during our 4 days in Tassie. If we don't, there's always Jason Donavan to look forward to in Rocky Horror in Sydney! I'm excited, and a little bit relieved at knowing I won't have to worry about my phone ringing with some kind of emergency news from home.
I've decided to ignore all calls and messages, cos there really is nothing that needs my attention anymore. Nothing that I need to attend to while I'm on vacation anyway.
In some happy news, I got a bonus at work and a pay raise. So this trip isn't really putting a dent in my financial plan. Now that mum isn't the most important thing in my life, my retirement plan needs some attention.
I haven't been back online to do any classes on the course I started a while back. So that will need some attention too.
And I'll have to try and get CG2 transferred to another household asap cos the powers that be won't let me hold on to 2 caregivers for no good reason.
So that's where I'm at. Thank you all for your kind words, both on and offline, and for keeping us in your prayers. The thing I'm most thankful for is that she did, in the end, pass away very peacefully. I could not have asked for a better crossing over.
