Goodbye Morningstar

Shine brightly in the heavens that all of us who knew you may remember your spark and energy 

We will remember you adventures and your stories and your weekly Sunday Sentiments. 

We will remember how you stood up for your beliefs, how your home projects with the Lil one delighted not only her but us as well. 

We will remember you. And your presence will surely be felt from the heavens.

If I should go tomorrow

It would never be goodbye,

For I have left my heart with you,

So don’t you ever cry.

The love that’s deep within me,

Shall reach you from the stars,

You’ll feel it from the heavens,

And it will heal the scars. 

~ author unknown

And the Covid has Finally Got Me

I had a scratchy throat on Sunday night. I thought it might have been too many crispy snacks. 

By Monday night I started feeling feverish. After getting home from the council-member meeting where one of the assistants very kindly went ahead and wrote an appeal letter for my application to get a second live in caregiver, I sensed something was not right. My temp was up to 38.6°C and every muscle in my body was aching. 

Antigen test was negative. 

Tuesday morning I couldn't move. Took some paracetamol and serrazyme for the throat, went back to sleep, fever yoyo-ing up and down. Test still negative. Skipped work.

By Tuesday night the cough had set in. But bodyaches were gone. 

This morning my test finally came back positive. Throat is fine. Muscles are fine. No more fever. Just this annoying cough. 

I'm required to stay home for 3 days in isolation then after that once I test negative or after day 7 I'm free to leave the house again, whichever is sooner. 

Alright, Covid, you've won this round. And so, this is where it's at. 

I also came across this thing called the Adversity Quotient recently. I think I must be developing LOTS of it in recent years.

You can check out your Adversity Response Profile HERE 

Plodding Along

Mum's condition seems to be deteriorating fast. She's even less communicative than before. Thankfully she still knows I am kin (or at least, someone familiar) as she reaches out to pull my face to hers for a kiss occasionally. 

She holds on to my hands and arms ever so regularly too. So that's encouraging. 

She tends not to respond to questions. I don't ever know if she wants to go potty. We just try. And then we ask her a million times if she's done pooping, or peeing. Or if she wants to sit some more or wants to get cleaned up and be moved back to her chair. It's a lot different from my father's dementia. 

And I keep having aches. I know people mean well, but telling me to take care, be careful,  or  please take it easy means absolutely NOTHING to me. I've also had don't overdo it, think of your back, as well as try to take the day off, find a way to relax for a few hours. 

It's. Not. Possible. I can't do that. I need to be home ALL THE TIME. I don't know how much clearer I can be to these people. Mum goes potty at 1-130pm, then lunch. Then she gets transferred to the bed for a lie down in the afternoon. She's not a fan of lying in bed so about an hour later she's out again sitting in her chair. We give her something to eat in around 4, and then around 5 it's potty time again. 

She's on a 90min water-ing schedule so that she takes in bits of fluid throughout the day instead of a whole load at one go. And then at 7ish it's dinner time, plus mashing her meds, then the pre bedtime potty and transfer to bed. 

Now sure ONE person can feed her. But it's a lot quicker if TWO people are present to do up her drinks (she needs a thickener) and heat up the food, and mash up her meds. And it's not like it takes 10 mins for her to eat a meal. Coaxing takes up 90% of the half hour (at least) that it takes for her to finish 6 spoons of porridge. Oh, there's also the blending of the food on alternate days- I take care of bringing the frozen stuff out of the freezer, thawing it in the fridge, cooking and blending it for storing for the next couple of days... 

So when people say to me - you must remember to take a break - I want to ask them "Will you be here to take my place while I'm taking a break?"

I know it's a "being kind" sentiment they're trying to express, but I would rather if they just said Dammit it's tough. I'm sorry you're going thru this crap. 

There. That makes me feel a LOT better than any 'advice'-type nicety they might throw my way. Pffft. 

Anyway, thanks to PK for checking on me and helping me post an update on her blog. I really appreciate it. 

Meanwhile, I'm going to steal a half-hour nap (throat is scratchy, feeling feverish but temp is normal) before heading down to the meet-your-local-government-representative session where I'm going to ask for help by way of getting an appeal letter for me to get approval for a second live in caregiver. Wish me luck. 

I only hope mum doesn't kick the bucket before I get help. Or if she does, it'll be before I pay the agency 3 grand for the application and paperwork. I have this icky feeling that by the time all the things that need doing get done,  I won't be needing it anymore. *THAT'S* how fast she's deteriorating. And bureaucracy is s.l.o.w as fuck.