Impressed with the Robot and a Hiatus

I've seen some reports of this sort of thing on the news.... but this was the first time we'd encountered one in real life. 

4 veg stir fry

Barramundi fish and chips

The robot that brought us our food

BIKSS' hand getting in the way of my picture of the robot leaving our table.

I'm sure some of you have noticed that nothing has been going on in these parts except for dinners and medical updates. 

I'm not feeling much of anything at the moment. Except maybe overwhelmed. 

I still love BIKSS and he still means a lot to me. But I'm not sure this relationship means to me what it once did. 

I don't know that it's not contributing to my feelings of sadness and Blah. 

My inner monologue keeps coming back to the idea of us being on different trajectories. He's moving forward, towards stuff. I'm being held back, stuck in place, pulled back by responsibility. 

The language I'm hearing in my head consists of phrases like "nothing's going to change till something/someone dies", "what's the point?", and "eventually it'll just die out, maybe". 

So as you can see, I'm not in the best place. Maybe it's burnout, maybe it's reality hitting home. Maybe the time has come / is coming that we just can't do this anymore.

Our time together has dwindled to twice weekly dinners. And I don't even feel sad anymore when he tells me he has to go on a work trip. I meet most of his news with a figurative shrug and inner "yeah, ok, whatever" - cos the truth is it really doesn't change my life. How can it? I'll still be here, at home, watching mum, I'll still be dealing with her dementia. I'll still be dealing with my perimenopause, and work and class, and aches and pains and all of my own stuff that is separate from my romantic relationship. 

This is how I feel right now. And until something changes, I'm going to take a break from blogging. I've run out of things to say. I've run out of drive. I've just run out. 

If I have updates, I'll pop in and write something. But I just wanted to let you know not to panic if you don't see a post in a while. I'm just going to lay low for a bit.

Monday Dinner

So this middle age premenopausal weight gain is disgusting. I haven't been walking as much cos I'm tired as fuck. And it's only been recently that I managed to sleep properly again, which means the aches and pains are just about starting to go away. 

I have put on a couple of kilos and they haven't budged no matter how I've tried so I resorted to a phentermine pill on Sunday. I have them in stock, I just don't take them regularly (cos I don't want to, and usually I don't need to) but once in a while (every half year or so) if the weight / belly bulge won't go away no matter what I do, then I pop one. 

It makes me very wired, and super thirsty, so it's not something I enjoy. Hence the VERY RARE popping of said pill. 

It did help some, it curbed the appetite and I didn't feel munchy at all. Which is good. 

And I've decided to pay a bit more attention to my diet these next few days. So when BIKSS asked where I wanted to have dinner I decided that I would really like a nice quiet place with fish and veggies. (The other thing that's been bugging me with more people headed back out these days is the incessant chatter on buses and trains. It's so bluddy annoying.)

We went to a tried and tested cafe and had a caesar salad with grilled chicken (I had a piece, BIKSS had the rest of the chicken) and seabass with olive pesto. Only I don't like olives. And I didn't see it written on the menu, excited as I was about the fish. LOL. 

So when it came I kept insisting there was a funny smell. BIKSS said - Olives. Then I realised it was ALL OVER THE FISH. So I dumped all the pesto on his plate! 

Other than that hiccup it was a lovely meal! 

We're having dinner tomorrow after I finish my afternoon class, hopefully I'll read the menu more closely this time! 

NOT A to Z - K is for Potassium, L is for Labs, and M is for Medication

The renal doctor ran mum's labs again this week and her potassium has come back down to a decent level. He has also put her on a twice weekly resonium protocol to control her easily-skyrocketing potassium levels. 

We have a plan now. And that is good. 

She's been put on Valproate - when we last went to the geriatric clinic, and she is sleeping thru the night. 

This is also good. 

I have been put on oral contraceptives to elevate my oestrogen levels. The hot flushes are less frequent and for the first time in 2 months I have slept thru the night. Well, 6 hours anyway. Then I had to pee. 

But at least I wasn't waking up from sweats. 

My back has also been aching less. So that's an extra win for me. 

It looks like my days of feeling like life has knocked me over are almost over. Things are looking up finally!

I hope the week ahead continues to be on the up and up! 

For anyone reading this who's feeling down, under the weather, financially stretched, or emotionally weary.. I hope the coming days are filled with positives for you. Have a rainbow hug!

NOT A to Z - J is for Japanese Discovery and a Familiar Favourite

It was a tiring week for me. I had a class on Monday afternoon. Mum had a repeat blood test. On Tuesday I had a bunch of calls to take from the hospital, renal clinic, and integrated care representative who wanted to talk about getting a spot for mum in a dementia-day-care facility. I was also teaching an extra long session. Wednesday was another long class that ended late and BIKSS had to come get me from where I was. I wanted to go to a popular book store where they had lots of pre-K stuff for little ones so we went to a nearby mall where the shop could be found and I got a bunch of writing books and picture cards for mum. We also discovered a Japanese restaurant which had some interesting combinations - we ordered the salmon plate, a pork belly salad, and a chicken katsu in hot pot! 

Look at it sizzle! 

The following day we met for dinner again and headed back to our friendly dim sum / Chinese restaurant for another go at their semi-free-flow ala carte buffet dinner. I say semi cos you get up to 3 servings (one serving is meant to feed 2 pax) of each item on the menu. But trust me, one serving of each was more than enough for us.

This time we didn't pick one of everything on the menu like we attempted to the last time. 

But it was still way more than enough! 

Buddha jumps over the wall for me and a shark fin soup for BIKSS.

Prawns in a wine and herb broth. Black pepper stir-fried beef. Mushrooms and tofu.

Broccoli with scallops. Chinese cabbage in 3-egg-soup.

Deep fried prawns + wasabi mayo, deep fried soon hock (marbled goby) fish. It's supposedly found in nature around mangrove and bamboo swamps, preferring non-moving water with dense aqua flora. Literally translated the name means Luck (hock) of the Bamboo (soon). 

Dessert was osmanthus jelly. 

You basically make osmanthus flower tea, chuck out the petals and other bits, cook the liquid with anything that resembles jell-o - eg. agar, konnyaku, gelatin or whatever you have in where-u-live - and then you add wolfberries and dried osmanthus petals and other bits into the mixure. Next you pour it into a pan to set a third at a time so that the stuff you've just added doesn't all sink to the bottom. Pour slow-&-low to ensure you get the least number of air bubbles as possible. A good jelly in a Chinese restaurant is judged by its bubbles! 

And now, I'm going to hop into bed because my eyes are closing. Getting older is seriously NOT fun! 

Have a good weekend everyone :D

Happy Easter Every Bunny

 

NOT A to Z - I is for Indoors

It rained something crazy on Friday morning and I woke up to this - our caregiver loves plants too so she's happy to take care of the flora around the house when I'm not able to. 

When it's dry out we have the flowering plants and the tradescantia sit outside the window-sill to soak up the sun. But when it rains they get rescued and placed indoors, but where there is still daylight so they don't suffer too much! 

NOT A to Z - G is for Good Friday & H is for Hot Crossed Buns

I received 4 home made hot crossed buns from the boss's wife yesterday. 

I didn't wait till today to eat them. I had one for breakfast straightaway. I happened to have some rescued butter and swiss cheese in the fridge so I was rather pleased at my HCB sandwich. I like cheese on sweetened breads cos it helps to balance out the sugar some. 

Are you having any hot crossed buns today?

NOT A to Z - F is for Food

You have been warned. Move along if this isn't your thing. 

I'm condensing everything into this one post because I've had a week! 

Mum's potassium was elevated on Tuesday so the clinic rang and said we should take her to the emergency room. We did. At 8pm. We had just gotten back at a quarter past 6 and I was barely out of the shower and feeding mum her dinner when we got the call. So back to the hospital we went. 

She was admitted overnight and I suspect the only reason I managed to bring her home on Wednesday is because I pointed out to them that I found her sitting at the foot of the bed, shivering, no one bothered to put the demented old woman who had recently recovered from a hip fracture back in her bed, the food that was meant to be for lunch was inedible cos she literally couldn't eat it - no teeth! They re-ordered lunch (blended diet - which we requested upon her admission) but then I saw a heap of green and excuse me but what's the point of giving her meds for elevated potassium when you're going to shove a lump of spinach into her? The dude who re-ordered her blended lunch didn't inform the kitchen that she was on a low potassium diet.

I spoke with one (thankfully!) clued-in nurse and counted out on my fingers all the ways that she was "unsafe" in the hospital and said if it was just oral medication that they were giving her, then discharge her back into my care cos "you guys are doing a terrible job of caring for her here". She agreed. 

We got her back home that evening. 

And now - PICS!!!

...

I wasnted seafood last Friday. So we went to a seafood buffet. That really wasn't worth the price even tho we had it on a 50% discount! BUT - I suspect it's because we didn't have a plan. Next time (I don't mind a next time) I'm gonna just eat my weight in prawns and salmon. 

Sweet and Sour Chilli Sauce Crab. BIKSS peeled some for me cos I was wearing a white tee! I didn't fancy it so he didn't have to do too much work on my account. 

Tomato and cucumber slices with feta and vinaigrette.

All the meat and fish and stir fried veg piled onto a buffet-line plate.

Yum. Salmon Sashimi.

I had a bun with the lobster bisque. In retrospect maybe I shouldn't have. 

There was no lobster in there. Feels like it was a waste of carbs.

Seafood rolls and butter prawns. I love prawns.

Lychee jelly in a shot glass. It just looks so dirty - in more ways than one! 

...

By the way, did I mention I threw my back out last Sunday? Right. So there was that. I was in so much pain I couldn't get my ass to work on Monday. Went to a nearby GP for a jab. That sorted me out a little. Enough that I could go and have dinner with BIKSS that night.

The sister told me about a pizza place my niece is thinking of holding her birthday dinner at. And I wanted to see what it was like firsthand before I traipsed out there with the mother on her birthday proper.

I wish I hadn't picked that day to try this place out tho. It was noisy. It was crowded. EVEN for BIKSS. Not at ALL conducive to a person who is ultra sensitive to over-stimulation (or someone who's in pain 'dull ache' despite the diclofenac AND naproxen in her system). The salad was just terrible. I get that there is anchovy in caeser dressing, but I'm not sure I actually want to eat the damned things in my salad. Couldn't taste anything in that bowl EXCEPT the anchovies. And if you thought getting it down was bad, burping it up was way worse.

Thankfully the pizza was pretty good so dinner wasn't a total waste of time and energy. The bill was also pretty hefty. But, um, no. Not coming back here, not for the birthday thing, not for anything. 

What else what else... ok so Sunday was bad back day. Monday was bad salad day. Tuesday was mum's bad potassium day. Wednesday was rush around like a mad woman day! 

After organising mum's discharge BIKSS got me and we ran off to dinner at the French place where we had the tartines.  I must like this place cos in the time since we discovered it about 6 and a half months ago, I've been there 4 times now. That I can remember LOL. 

We decided on a tomato salad and a pork cold cut platter. I know I don't normally eat pork, and definitely not cured / processed meats. But I really did want to try the pork rillette. It didn't disappoint. BIKSS isn't an eater of terrine so he asked if I would eat it if we ordered the tray. I said yes. But he ate some anyway cos there wasn't the usual tell-tale meat jelly that most terrines we've seen are wont to feature. And now I'm curious about their duck platter, only I didn't want that cos I'm opposed to eating foie gras. It makes me sad. Maybe we can order it and ask them to omit the foie gras.

Of the three meals in this post, the French one was the most enjoyable.  Strangely, whenever I've eaten there I tend to feel quite "meh" at the point of ordering our food, but end up being extremely pleased with the meal when it's done! I suppose that's a good thing. 

NOT A to Z - E is for Exercise

It's Palm Sunday weekend and I managed to get a seat for Mass. So I went and brought home extra palms for the boss and the colleague. 

And I decided that since it wasn't too far from home, I would walk back after church. A slower-than-usual walk means it took me 41 minutes to traverse the 2.8km (1 and 3/4 miles) back. At my usual speed that distance would have taken me under 30 mins. Oh well, I was carrying stuff, didn't have my exercise shoes or clothes and most importantly I didn't want to overdo it since I'm still semi-achey. 

Still, a slow walk is better than no walk. 

How have all of you been keeping up with your exercise regimes? 

NOT A to Z - D is for Dementia

C is for Chewy - so I shall refer you to the QQ post. 

And moving on in my unofficial A-Z, is D for Dementia. I'm taking a bunch of videos from the dementia course I finished to a friend's place tonight cos his mum's just beginning her dementia journey. Not true. It was mild before, and now it's progressed to a somewhat more moderate level. I think if I had watched or understood some of the things in the videos BEFORE dad gave me an up-close-and-personal experience with it I might have handled some things better. 

As it is I'm constantly learning - even now with mum's situation, and even tho I have had more 'experience' than he, but still have more questions than answers despite the years of caring for dad and mum, I figure I'd give him all the help I can. He did ring me earlier today and mentioned his mother's situation, which for him is the same as saying "HELP ME PLEASE" in  typical male (aka, without really asking) fashion.

On the way home I saw a grown woman berating her mother for something, in Chinese, so I only understood the anger, but not the details of it, and my heart about broke. The older woman must have been 80. And I can't help but wonder if it's a case of not understanding that dementia isn't something a person can control, and no, they're not "doing it on purpose". Sigh. 

My wish for the future of my country (one of them anyway) is that there will be more positive messaging around dementia, more people will be willing to talk about it, and more support and respite avenues are made available to families of those who are affected by the disease. 

I shall leave you with this video by Christine Bryden. 

NOT A to Z - B is for Bicycles

I've decided not to commit to doing A to Z this year, as the days ahead are looking a bit haphazard with medical appointments getting shuffled, my hormones in a mess, and a new online course I'm starting. 

But I WILL try and go thru' the alphabet as and when I can. 

If there's a convenient post that I can also use for whatever letter I'm at, that'll be it. 

Which brings me to A - for Anniversary. I don't know why I forgot that April was A to Z month, especially since I said to myself last year that it'll be easy to start the month's writing cos our anniversary is on the 1st of April so I can use that as every year's A post. So much for that. 

And now, B is for Bicycles. 

Outside a shopping mall near mum's old place - rows of bicycles lined up without locks nor chained to posts (which are on the other end of the stretch of pavement). I'm glad to live in a country where it's so safe, people just leave their bikes out there without worry that they'll get stolen. 

QQ Texture

While describing the chewiness of the pear shaped dumplings in a response to Ronnie's comment, I explained the use of the 'word' QQ. 

Or simply, Q. Most of the time it's used in reference to desserts - specifically the boba ball things in bubble tea. And other sweet treats that have any kind of starchy chewy balls (usually) in them! (See pic at the end.)

Here's a NYT article that explains it SO much better than I did. 

In Italy, ‘Al Dente’ Is Prized. In Taiwan, It’s All About Food That’s ‘Q.’

Here are some snippets - 

It’s “Q.”

“It’s difficult to explain what Q means exactly,” said Liu Yen-ling, a manager at Chun Shui Tang, a popular teahouse chain that claims to have invented tapioca milk tea in Taiwan. “Basically it means springy, soft, elastic.”

Elsewhere in Asia, it is a familiar texture, though the term itself may not be used. Tteok-bokki, a Korean stir-fried rice cake, and mochi, a Japanese rice cake, for example, could also be considered Q. In Western cuisine, the texture is less commonly found, though one could describe foods like gummy bears and certain kinds of pasta as Q.

The origins of the term Q are unclear. Some say it comes from the Taiwanese Hokkien word k’iu. Say Q to an elderly Taiwanese, and chances are he or she will know the term. But no one can quite explain how and when the 17th letter of the English alphabet became shorthand for describing the texture of tapioca balls and gummy candies.

~~~~~~~~~

Have any of you heard of this bouncy chewy sticky texture being described as QQ ? 

This looks so good! 

Sunday Night Chillin'

... and watching telly. I've been looking for old movies for mum to watch. And I do love me a musical. 

This was from A Damsel in Distress. 

And it blew me away. They sure don't make 'em like they used to!

Have a good week everyone!

What a Week Part III - 10 years Later (Anniversary Date!)

On Friday we took the day off and went out to celebrate our 10th year!

It started with a quick pick up of some more food rescue items and then a coffee and shared breakfast croissant.

Chocolate banana (inside) croissant

We chatted and I gave him some advice on mentoring / teaching his junior staff, I mean, since teaching is what I do after all.  He found it helpful which is great! I love being able to give suggestions that might help solve the problem.

Then off to a dim sum lunch at a place where the manager is super friendly and often gives us dessert on the house! 

Snow pear mince pork dumpling - I found it really cute that they made it into the shape of a pear!

Fried milk custard (it was cold on the inside!) coated with batter and almond flakes. I'm not sure I LIKE it, but it WAS interesting, I will say that.

Familiar favourites - fried prawn and mango rolls, dumplings in chilli oil, crystal cabbage dumblings.

We had a mango dessert on the house after that :D

After lunch we took a drive down to the old cathedral for lunch-time Mass. It was the first day of the new Covid regulations where pre-registration wasn't required for attending Mass.  It's been 2 years since I'd been inside a church, and I thought we should go and offer up a thanksgiving for having been safe from Covid and also because BIKSS is leaving to go out of town the following day for his nephew's wedding. In a land where there are way more cases than I'd like. 

Incidentally I've also told him that I'm not going to meet him for a week after he returns in case he catches anything while he's abroad. 

After Mass we went for coffee and waffles at a place my other boss recommended. Sadly, it failed to meet our expectations. The paddle pop ice cream place is still the best for now. Except for the sucky cutlery. But at least the waffle is still good.

Can't complain about the setting (can you see the reflection of the tree in my teacup?), and they had a good selection of Gryphon teas and infusions, but the dichotomy between crispy outside and dough-y inside was just too extreme. As BIKSS puts it, it's just "a" waffle. Not a great one, not a good one. Just "it's a waffle" *shrug*. 

After tea we went to a money changer near the massage place I had booked the night before. BIKSS needed to change some currency for his trip, and then it was a hour of kneading the aches out of my back. BIKSS managed a nap. But the hives came up after that, especially in the spots that he had gotten a longer rubbing. 

Methinks he might not be the best candidate for a massage as long as the hives persist. Poor fella. 

Dinner was a new place in one of the arts centres nearby, but it wasn't fantastic. For starters, the aircon had gone out and they didn't let us know when they asked if we wanted to sit indoors or out. I mean, if you mentioned it I would have picked OUT. 

Anyway we got seated, the flushes came, I got sweaty, and decided nope. We had to move. We did. It was still warm, but at least there was moving air and a bunch of fans blowing a gentle breeze about. 

It wasn't a great dinner, it was ok, but not great. And for the price ($65), there are a whole lot of restaurants I would rather go to which would cost less and taste the same or better. 

Two plates of salad which were probably the best thing on the table that night;

Chicken parm which was a little bit too burnt for my liking;

Fish an chips which had a bit too much batter and not enough fish, plus the fish wasn't firm and flaky enough, more like a mushy white clumpy thing;

Chocolate lava cake that had the lava on the outside and not enough gooey filling in the centre. In fact, I took a picture of the inside but it didn't look like anything besides a clump of brown sponge cake so I decided not to put it here. And that's how BIKSS describes it - sponge cake. 

So that didn't turn out the way I wanted it to, but still, it was a lovely day for the company and the fact that we got so much done! 

What a Week Part II - Mum's Medical Appointment went Great and so were the Chips

Last Monday I took the mama to her eye appointment. The doctor says her eyes are doing great, and doesn't need to do another YAG capsulotomy on her right eye. This was fantastic news cos when she did the first procedure there was no delirium, no dementia, everything was fine. With her current condition I was kinda worried that she might not be able to follow the instructions if she were to go ahead with the procedure. And there was the elevated eye pressure when she did the first one - I didn't want a repeat of that! 

The day after her appointment I went and had dinner with BIKSS near a food rescue location for convenience. 

The restaurant isn't new to us but they also have a new online-ordering system now (without having to log in or register or whatever) which made everything so much simpler. The lady in the queue was taking too long to sort out her order so I downloaded the app and tried it out. It was quick and easy and when the food came we were very surprised. 

Like I said, it wasn't a new place and we'd tried most things on their menu. But for some reason we never ordered the truffle chips. So this time, we did. 

Classic Caeser

Their truffle chips were literally potato chips. We expected fries I guess. But it was crunchy, warm, had a lovely oven-baked flavour, and had JUST the right amount of seasoning. We were both very pleasantly surprised, and decided to put this on the "must order again next time" list.

Battered and fried black pepper wings - they tasted a lot better than they look. Wings don't photograph very well I'm afraid.

Salmon with bechamel sauce and a double portion of veggies.

After that we went over to rescue a box of chips (see below) and other foodstuff like instant noodles, oats, tinned mushrooms and tomatoes, cornflakes and other cereals. Most of that will go to our caregiver's friends, some of whom don't get much by way of food as the homes/employers they live with are assholes and jackasses and expect them to survive on very little money. So whenever a food rescue has non perishable items we try and pass it along to them. 

My chip pic today ~ 

There were 14 packets of these yum yums in the box. The best part - no palm oil! I've kept half a dozen for myself and my colleague / boss, and distributed the rest to the caregiver's friends - they don't make a whole lot of money working the jobs they do and everyone deserves a chippy treat right? 

.... Stay tuned for part III (I told you it was a busy week!)

What a Week Part I - Physio and Spinach

Yes I'm ok. I'm still here. Thanks to Baker for reaching out and checking in with me. I find that one of the things I'm most grateful for is that from time to time Blogfriends will email or text to see that everything's ok. It's very much appreciated! 

Last week has been a busy one for me. I had a physiotherapy appointment - basically my gait (pronating left foot) and the constant turning to one side (teaching piano for 35 years) has stressed out my lower back (which is why it's aching now) around the L1 L2 region and those nerves might be causing pain in my hip as well. 

He thinks it may be a combination - iliopsoas tendinopathy in ADDITION to an isolated hip flexor tightness.

Iliopsoas Tendonitis

He made me move this way and that and also concluded that the knee pain is NOT a knee ligament issue (thank goodness), but a shortening of the IT band which is causing it to pull on the kneecap. The pronation probably doesn't help.

IT Band Syndrome

My right shoulder is also out of alignment, so he massaged that a little bit (ok, more like tried to push it backwards) and then taught me a bunch of strengthening exercises to do to keep the muscles strong enough to hold all the bones steady and in place. This is EXACTLY what my shoulder is doing. The ball of my ball-and-socket joint is sitting too high so that when I move my arm it pinches the tendon. 

Top Rotator Cuff Exercises and Stretches for Strengthening

Let's see... what else. Oh, so there is some disc degeneration in my neck area but we already knew that. He suspects those lower cervical nerves are causing my rhomboids (under the scapula) to feel sore - circled in the picture below. 

Levator Scapula Tension

Phew. That's it for now. It was quite a journey of discovery. Some things we thought were the culprits were correctly diagnosed, and others were not what we suspected at all. 

But all in all it was an hour and a half well spent. I have my answers, and we're working on solving the back and shoulder issues first. I might look at getting new walking shoes with higher arch support to help with the pronation, but that's something to just think about for now. Not running out (haha) to spend more money at the moment. 

At least I got 25% off this consult on account of him being my boss's friend. 

In plant news - my sister decoupaged a planter and brought me some Brazilian spianch stalks to stick in it. 

It's been a week since I stuck them in the pot and I'm happy to announce that new leaves have appeared. 

I'll write more later... stay tuned for Part II.