Can't Wait for Friday

So ancilla_ksst beat me to it! And here I thought I was going to sneak in a post early on Thursday to prep for our very first FFF, you know, so that I'd be on top of things? 

I can throw THAT plan out the window. LOL. 

But seriously...

I've been thinking about what I should post, or how I should go about writing my progress report... 

Also, there are a ton more articles and stuff that I would LOVE to share. So I think I'll do that on the FFF posts too, along with my own updates. 

I've twisted BIKSS' arm and he's agreed to join us. I'm not sure if he'll have anything much to report because the man is notoriously horrid at keeping track of things. 

(*hint hint Daddy...*)

Still, I shall see what I can wrangle out of him by the end of this week. 

If you're wondering where and how to start - perhaps in our first posts we could all write our goals, and, if you like, the motivation behind embarking on this FFF journey! 

Mine? That's easy. My lab results were bad. And the health scare made me sit up and take notice. The weight loss was a great side-effect - one I hope to keep! 

Goals - I'm hoping to get down another 2-3 pounds by the end of the year. It's not a lot, but I seem to be plateau-ing, and all that festive eating didn't help. I also intend to get back to walking at least 3 times a week, with the hope I'll make it to 4 times if weather permits. 

Or you could just write whatever you want because you know what? It's your blog and your plan and the only rule is that we cheer each other on!

I also realise that because of the time difference I'm probably going to be ahead of most of you (with the exception of maybe Roz and Lindy... ) so if you DO write a post on Fridays (after mine goes up), please come by and let us know in the comments!

And feel free to link back to the first post so others can join in the FFF Fun!!

(Thank you all for your participation and enthusiasm - this wouldn't have happened without you! So if you want me to put up anything in particular, or if you've a suggestion, please write me an email OR leave it in a comment. I'd be happy to accommodate as much as I can.)

Excuse Me, Can You Fix My Brain?

You all know how I love to sit here and think about things, and about why I think about the things I think about, and what BIKSS thinks about the things I think about. 

Basically, I Think too damned much. 

But if I didn't, I'd have all these emotions that I wouldn't be able to explain (or deal with) and then I'd be a frantic/frenzied mess all the time. 

Well, most of the time I manage to figure things out. If not sooner, then later. But it usually all works out in the end. 

EXCEPT this one thing. This thing has made me pissy since the first time. 

BIKSS goes and does this training thing with his community kids on Sundays, remember? It started out as a "look-see" thing. His friend had started this group soccer thing, and invited him to go and take a look/ help out / give pointers. I THINK. I'm not even sure. 

The way I remember it, it was more like "I'm not doing anything at this time anyway and my friend is training a bunch of boys, so I'm gonna go and check it out and see what he's doing."

A couple of weeks later HE WAS NOW doing the training, there are training things in his boot, he's committed to this thing and ta-da, it was now a weekly affair that he was in charge of. 

Somewhere between Just-going-to-have-a-look Street and I-have-footy-training-every-Sunday Avenue he mentioned that getting out of the house for a legit reason on Sunday would give him more opportunity to sneak off and see me. 

Has that happened? No. Not once.  

When we were in Ho Chi Minh this is the thing we fought about. Every time he brought up this Sunday thing I would get annoyed and irritated. And I think, hurt.

I can't explain why. At the time I put it down to feeling "cheated". As if he wanted to find legit things to do so that he could have extra opportunities to swing by after he was done, or before. I got all excited about getting a chance to see him on Sundays after work (for me) when the house was definitely empty (yay, no accidental / awkward run-ins with the housemate)... I guess I was waiting for him to deliver. And he never did. 

When I confronted him about it he said at first he thought it might work but it didn't turn out that way. I don't know why tho'. Maybe wife expects him back on time. Maybe footy gets done at an inconvenient hour and he has to go straight back to get her for dinner. I think I would feel better if I knew. 

In any case, I also told him at the time that I felt like it was indirectly costing US time together. If he spent whatever time he had at home (on the weekends) entertaining the wife then at least on weekdays he could spend more time with me after work and what not. 

To be fair, he HAS been dropping in after work a little more frequently these days. So I know I shouldn't be pissy. Hey, eyes wide open right? 

But I dunno. It still pisses me off. Every Sunday when he lets me know he's off to footy I can feel the irritation start to build again. 

Admittedly the time at which he goes coincides with an annoying student I have so that might account for the added pissiness. 

Somewhere inside I think there's also this nagging feeling that's lurking in the shadows... that we always do stuff at his convenience. We meet when he can. Go out for dinner when he can. It's almost like everything else I do has to be planned around his availability. 

That's also the other reason I've been reluctant to go find more "things" for me to be involved in. I don't say it, it's not out there in the open, but I know deep down it's a consideration. There's a soup kitchen that is asking for volunteers on Mondays from 530 - 7. But that's one of the days BIKSS can come by after work and hang out with me, and, as a bonus, without any chance of running into the housemate cos she aint home then. And since I don't see him on the weekends, Monday is kinda a big deal. 

Argh, I hate that I feel this way.

Well, I've grumbled to him about it, and he says we'll talk about this tomorrow. I hope we manage to figure out what gives. 

In the meantime, if anyone out here knows how to fix it, please tell me!

Nap Time

I don't get to wake up with BIKSS too often. So it was good that we had some rainy weather, a quiet house and two sleepy people on Friday evening around 5. It was too early to have dinner, so we decided to take a nap together. I miss falling asleep beside him. I miss waking up more. So despite the yummy dinner we had afterwards, the best part of Friday was still Nap Time!

And yes. There was some 'forking' when we woke up!

The FFF Page is Up

OK all you Fit For Friday peeps! Here it is. The page has been set up (click on the link or on the tab on top) to see who's participating! Their blogs and/profiles are linked there as well!

While we wait a little bit for more people to join us, let's start thinking about what goals we want to put down in this coming FFF's post! 

I know I'm calling it Fit for Friday but it doesn't have to be about only fitness and exercise! It could also be about health, wellness, and of course, weight loss - which to be fair, doesn't necessarily have to include exercise, although it SHOULD!

So come and join us. I'm excited. I hope you are too!

Fit for Friday

OK first of all, feel free to ignore this post if you're not interested in losing weight, getting healthier or being part of a group of people (some of whom are total strangers) who are trying to be fitter.

Now on to the good stuff.

I've noticed a lot of blogfriends trying to be healthier, eat better etc. Most of us are concerned about health, some have chronic issues that require better food choices, others are just missing the days when we could fit into that dress without a tummy bulge!

Wilma reminded me on someone's post (I'm sorry I read it a while back and stupidly didn't take note of whose blog it was) of a movement (heh, the pun!) begun some time ago called GOOB (Get Off Our Butts)!

So here's a shoutout to all the Goobers of blogland who came together to live healthier more active lives. Well done! I hope you're all still staying active and healthy!

I'm thinking a few things here - just bear with me.

I'm a bit of a food nazi now that I've managed to lose a bunch of pounds, mostly due to the Hypertriglyceridemia that I was diagnosed with in Jan 2015. 

I cut out the carbs first - rice, bread, pastries, cakes, noodles, pastas, pizza bases... And most meats except chicken breast and fish; I ate no fried foods and no snacks, only veggies and mushrooms, tofu and eggs, and beans / nuts in moderation. I became good friends with a brand of mycoprotein products called Quorn.

I grilled my veggies and threw seasoning on them, either before or after cooking, or else I got inventive with salads - using low fat dressing or vinaigrettes.

I ate fresh fruit, and cut out the juices and concentrate, sodas and any sugar-sweetened drink. I chucked out all the instant-formula drinks that contained palm oil. And made my morning mocha with instant coffee, non fat milk and cocoa powder.

I got myself a pack of detox tea from Skinnymint, and started walking 10,000 steps at least 5 days a week, and tried to brisk-walk at least 30 mins, 3 days a week.

And after 3 years I am now 28 pounds lighter and have managed to keep the weight off. Am I still on that crazy diet? NOPE.

I did that for the first 4 months. It was super strict at first. After that I started incorporating accidental carbs into my diet - accidental as in the skin on potstickers or dumplings, a slice of birthday cake or two every other month, tortilla wraps that came with my vegetarian (no-rice) burrito... that sort of thing. I would eat the carbs if they were necessary to hold the "insides" together. And I started snacking on potato chips and doritos - but only one small bowl per day at most. What kept me going? Knowing that I could eat a bowl EVERY DAY! So I didn't have to binge.

I don't like chocolates and ice cream in general, so that wasn't a problem.

That probably sounded like a horror story! But here's what I'm saying...

DON'T do what I did. DON'T do what other people did.

DO what's going to work for you in the long run. DO read up and DO make small changes at first so that it becomes sustainable and will become a permanent LIFESTYLE change, instead of a "fad" to be given up on when it gets too hard.

If you wanna know where to start... have a look at some of these sites. The intermittent fasting plan doesn't work for me, but the website has a cool calculator that tells you just how many calories you need to survive each day. Most of us are overweight simply because calories in are way more than calories out.

Start watching your portions and things will start to change.

CLICK HERE for the Calorie Calculator

This one here is about GLYCEMIC INDEX

All you need to know about GOOD FATS AND BAD FATS

If you plan to CUT OUT CARBS be sure you're cutting out the bad ones, and leaving the good ones.

Is it enough to just EXERCISE or is diet necessary? The short answer is - in order to create a calorie deficit you would have to do a crazy amount of exercise. And you can't keep that up long term. So dieting is a useful / necessary way to create that deficit ALONGSIDE exercise. 

OK. Now that I've shared MY story (and I consider it a success story, TYVM) I would like to ask if ANYONE would like to be part of a group that I could host (if you like) - we'll call it Fit for Friday!

Perhaps we could share our goals on the first post, and what we think we could do / would like to do to achieve them. And these don't have to be numbered - it could just be "Start walking more" or "Go to the gym at least once a week" or "Read up on healthy foods". 

Then every Friday we could post updates - and these can be as specific or as generic as you like. We're here for support. Not to shame. I'll set up a page on my blog for FFF and link to your own blog pages so that friends of FFF participants can click on all the participating blogs from one centralised location. 

Let me know what you think, or if you have more ideas on how it can be developed!

And why Friday? Cos there's bound to be over-eating on the weekend and this way we have a few days from Sunday night to Friday to get moving, eat less and have something good to report at the end of the week :)

Don't Take it for Granted

On a recent post about our Friday night date kdpierre wrote a comment about how we find the time and energy to do so many things!

So the thing is, in all my relationships I've always been a believer of not letting the time I could spend with my s/o go to waste. 

A lot of the regrets I hear from older folk has to do with wasted time. Time they could have spent together with their loved ones, time they could have gone out and done something together, things they put off for another day then never found the (right) time to go back and do them. 

And I'm a pessimist by nature. The thought that's always at the back of my head is "what if I die tomorrow?" 

This is truer for me and BIKSS than most relationships I've been in, I think. Given the nature of our erm, well, affair, who knows when the time will come when I never see him again? What if this time we have together is the last time we'll be with each other? What if this is the last time we ever have dinner together? What if today is the last day I'll hear from you ever again? 

Besides, I've seen enough healthy youngish people collapse and drop dead for no good reason - yes, well, I know there's not ever a GOOD reason to drop dead, but you know what I mean. 

So while it's morbid, it also is the driving force behind my wanting to NOT waste any moment I could have with BIKSS doing something else that is less desirable. I won't use the word "important" because there are things which DO factor higher on the importance scale, my parents, my job, things that I need to do in this world to survive, earn a living and all that. But would I rather chill at home alone and watch TV than spend a couple of hours with BIKSS? No. Do I enjoy being in my own little alone-time-bubble? Yes, I do. But I PREFER to spend 2 hours with BIKSS than indulge my anti-social-ness.

Don't get me wrong.. I'm not saying EVERYONE should use the same scale or measure life or possible missed opportunities in the same manner... but that's the scale *I* use. And BIKSS knows this. He knows how I feel about the fragility of life. 

"You could end up in a ditch tomorrow." "I could have a heart attack in my sleep." "You might lose your job and get retrenched and be expected to be home all day, every day, and wouldn't be able to make an excuse to come out and see me quite so easily." 

And the passion? Each kiss really is kissed as if it might be the last. Each encounter, as if it might the last. Each meal, as if it might be the last. 

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what drives Fondles. And probably drives BIKSS... insane having to deal with Fondles!

Perfect Timing

Last night I was grumbling to Daddy about how I felt like my plate was so full I didn't have time to have my own "thing". 

He has his footie thing twice a week, then some racket game thing on Sunday mornings, and in the evening once a week he helps to train a bunch of community boys. Altruism is all well and good, and I respect a man who feels strongly about giving back, but I WANT TO HAVE A 'THING' TOO!

I feel it just as much. I wanna feed the homeless, help the elderly, teach the underprivileged kids. BUT I can't find the time to do all that. 

Yes yes, I know, MAKE time.But I don't want to commit to something and then be all tired out and can't see it through. Between half days at work and afternoon classes and doing laundry / food-delivery runs for the folks, and teaching on Sundays, I'm left with ONE day a week to clean house, maybe meet people, and then head to church in the evenings. 

Of course all this grumbling took up our time and we didn't have time for much else. But before he left, Daddy did spank me in my favourite position - lying beside him with my face buried in the crook of his one arm under me. 

I felt better, but also emotionally drained, so I went to bed early, intending to read, but fell asleep 2 hours earlier than usual. 

This afternoon I had to do a food-run for the folks after work, and I texted Daddy along the way. The sibling was coming along and that's always a potential for stressful times. 

He was heading out to a meeting along with his boss and another colleague. And as he was about to sign off, this is what he sent me - 

And sometimes just calling me lidl one at the right time makes me feel comforted ... and strong enough to keep going. 

PS - I deliver old newspapers to a friend's vet clinic nearby cos they're always in need of more! It's about a 12 minute walk away. Well, my student cancelled today so I took the opportunity to walk over there with a load. And I thought, hey, this is kinda my "thing" isn't it? And now I feel a little bit better. :)

That Vanilla Man Did It

Yes. The Vanilla Man that's still hiding behind the curtains in BIKSS' mind. The one who still questions the kinkiness BIKSS has developed a (relatively) new-found penchant for. The one who waits quietly (most of the time) until something triggers his appearance and he screams "Hey you, that's some deviant shit and you're NOT supposed to be doing THAT!"

pls excuse the watermark

So remember that less-than-spectacular spanking last week? 

As far as we have managed to suss it out, this is what happened - (in point form so I don't ramble on too much.)

1. BIKSS has been vanilla for many years of his life. I am the only partner he has engaged in "kinky" activity with. 

2. His brain has accepted it, except for the Vanilla Man that refuses to be evicted. He takes up about 10% of his brain. 

3. As a vanilla guy (ie, pre-Fondles & BIKSS) there were times (not just the isolated occasion either) when he had been refused sex / intimate play. 

4. When I said that thing about "you can't fuck me from behind" it must have sounded like rejection / criticism to him, triggering Vanilla Man to raise his head and appear from behind the curtain. 

5. Enter a BIKSS who now wasn't his usual kinky settled self, but instead, (as far as I dare speculate), a doubtful-of-this-kinky-shit semi-Vanilla-Man-Daddy-Dom hybrid. 

6. Trying to spank your little (which requires the Daddy mindset) must be impossible if you've got doubts in your head as to whether what you're doing is in fact something you SHOULDN'T be doing. 

7. Also - the gentleman in him was probably questioning the legit-ness of "going up there just to have sex, and spank her as foreplay ... to have sex". Cos Vanilla Man would shave off a toe before ever doing something like that. 

8. He doesn't know it yet, (I'll tell him when I see him later) but I suspect a part of him also felt indignant that I thought he was coming over just for sex. (Not accurate at all, but I suppose that's what Vanilla Man thought I thought of him.)

9. I also suspect he went ahead with the spanking anyway either because :

1) he didn't want to fail me (we were both expecting a spanking session) or 

2) he needed to prove to himself that this wasn't wrong despite what Vanilla Man was telling him, or BOTH. 

And now my brain is tired from all this thinking and psychoanalysis. 

But it just goes to teach me a lesson - Daddy has some previous "I don't wanna have sex with you" issues and I could stand to be a bit more mindful of the way I talk about sex with him, especially since I tend to approach the subject very casually, in an almost too-direct and sometimes clinical manner. 

And now, to dinner. And more conversation!

Friday Night Date

Daddy asked me out. It's not often that we get a whole evening to spend together, so I was thrilled. 

And after the last spanking mess, I was hoping we would get a chance to reconnect. 

I suggested I prepare dinner (I've been eating too much junk so I thought we would eat "healthy" at home before heading out). 

BIKSS dropped in and saw that I was in track pants. He had me take them off and delivered a proper hand spanking before we ate. He wanted to see to it that I got my spanking before dinner just in case time got away from us. 

We ate after he warmed my butt, and it turned out that we had some extra time for cuddles. So we hopped into bed, and BIKSS had me suck on Roger. He pinched my already painful nipples from a session of extra-hard biting a couple of days earlier, and that of course did the job. 

He let go finally, and rewarded me with a "Good girl... " - which makes me wonder, how on earth does he know when the pain is really ouchy? I know I sometimes protest more, but even when I don't he kinda has a sense of when I'm in the "yeah that hurts, ok.. mm-hmm" zone versus the "holy crap that's some super painful shit you're doing and I'm this close to bailing!" zone.

Anyway, after that he told me to lie on my back and entered me. A couple of times before he came he whimpered. I know right? He was tickled by it too, after the fact. What was that about, I asked. He says it was just that feeling of wanting to cum but also wanting to continue being inside me and not cumming just yet. Ah. Well. Makes a girl feel good, that.

After wiping ourselves, and a few more minutes of cuddling, we got up, grabbed some stuff to drop off at my mum's and away we went.

We headed to the cinema for The Greatest Showman. Hugh Jackman and Zac Efron in a musical about the circus. What's there not to like!! (I wonder why it took so long to come to my country...)

Here are a couple of clips in case you haven't seen it. I hope your weekend was splendid too!

Feeling Forced

We had lunch after work today (it's Thursday as I'm writing this) and then I went for a ride along with Daddy cos he had people to see and I had nothing to do in the afternoon. 

I walked around while he went to his appointments. Then we would meet up again when he was done, and head off to the next location. 

After he got done with all his meetings we ended up in a store we both like. Sometimes shopping with Daddy is great. At other times, I think the more time we spend together the greater the chance of things going south. 

I had purchased something then realised there was a similar something on the sale rack. Daddy was holding on to some pants and I said don't pay for them. I might want to do an exchange and the sale item cost less, so if they gave me store credit we could pay for the pants he wanted to buy. 

1) He knew this store did cash refunds. I didn't. 

2) I mentioned - let's not waste it, we can use the credit - he didn't hear either "waste" nor "credit".

3) He didn't know I didn't know they did cash refunds. 

Basically I thought he knew what I knew and he thought I knew what he knew. Yeah. Are your eyebrows raised yet? 

I had abandoned the idea of getting the on-sale item, and said, well, ok, you're on your own - you can go sort out your bill. But before he could head to the cashier (that's how I remember it anyway), his phone beeped and he had to sit and take a call. So I continued browsing and saw something else I thought I would try. Which I did. 

By the time I came out happy with my alternative (I would save $15!) he was carrying a shopping bag. I freaked out a little. Ok a lot. I got annoyed that he went ahead and paid up even tho he knew I was trying something on. He said I knew he was going to pay for it since I basically said I wasn't gonna do an exchange and told him to go ahead. 

There was a lot of who said what and who did what and why didn't you's and why would you's. But in the end I got my refund and off we went. 

I was sorry I threw a fit, I was. I am. I said so very soon after we left the store. But I also needed to talk about how we could have handled it better. Anyway long story short is that it was just a simple case of miscommunication and shit happens. 

And then we headed back to mine. On the way Daddy asked "Spanking?" I said yes, "but you can't fuck me from behind cos I think I've strained my back and neck from arching backwards." 

I found out later that that worked its way into his brain in a manner that he wasn't prepared for. (We still don't quite know what it was about my saying that that didn't sit well with him.)

What followed is that we carried on as usual, chatted, laughed, got undressed, and then he started spanking. But it wasn't a good spanking. It was awful. Also the belt he was wearing wasn't the same one as from the last 2 spankings, and it was landing all wrong. I complained and suggested he use the belt that was hanging on the back of my door. Better. But he was holding it with the end free. Not looped back on itself like before. 

Again, the strokes were just a little bit off. After 3 or 4 "wrong" hits in succession on the same spot I hollered and told him to stop or he was gonna leave a nasty bruise. 

Then I said, double it back on itself, like you did the last 2 times. He did. And it went better after that. But the bubble had popped, the glass had cracked, I didn't feel safe anymore. 

I felt as if he didn't care, or that he was just going thru the motions. I let him finish up with a hand spanking and then we lay beside each other and I interrogated him on his belting technique. He was defensive, I was accusing. 

Hey, this is my ass we're talking about. 

After that I don't know how but we ended up cuddling and I burst out crying. It didn't feel right and I feel bad, I said. 

He agreed saying that it felt forced. 

I dunno what it was, or if it will ever happen again. But he did say he recognised that something inside him wasn't right. And that it began with that "can't fuck me from behind" statement earlier on. As if I thought his spanking me was just for sex. 

Which for the record, let me just say, I do NOT think the spanking is just for sex. 

He also said that maybe I thought that his coming up to my place was just so he could have sex. Which again, is SO not true cos often I'm the one who says "wanna come over and have sex?" or "let's go upstairs and have sex... " In fact we've had hang-out dates before where sometimes I don't feel like it's a we're-gonna-end-up-fucking date, but somehow I end up saying "wanna have sex now?"

It's not like HE always wants to and I feel like I'm having to give in or anything like that. 

Anyway, I'm sure if it's still bothering him in a couple of days I'll hear more about it. But if not, then it's what it is. A glitch he calls it. 

But we have  learnt something today - If his mind (and/or his emotions) isn't where it's supposed to be, then it'll definitely transfer to me during a spanking. 

So the end result is I got a spanking that felt like a spanking for the sake of a spanking. Cos we both expected that one was going to be had. He wasn't in the right mindset. Which in turn yanked me out of MY mindset. 

I said it felt like he didn't care. And he reassured me that that wasn't it in the slightest. But he did apologise (very sincerely, I might add) for how his not-in-the-right-frame-of-mind-to-spank-but-give-a-spanking-anyway spanking affected me.  

As he was looking at the time, I said, "Now look, I didn't even get to have sex." 

He remedied that. 

"Why is Roger hard? We haven't been doing anything sexy."

"You're naked. That's why. Why are you wet? That spanking was 15 minutes ago."

"Cos pussy juice doesn't just evaporate."

After we were done he lay beside me for some more proper cuddles, and as I turned over to lie facing down he reached for my bum and spanked me with his hand. A proper I-Love-You spanking. 

(But he still owes me a proper PROPER one to make up for the yucky one today.)

The Spankiness of BIKSS

I'm sitting here with a sore butt. This is day 3. He has spanked me SERIOUSLY for 3 days in a row now. 

Why? Because. Because he can. Because he had the time to. Because we had privacy. Because I needed it. 

Day one was with his belt. Day two with the Christmas paddle. Today he used his belt again. 

It's like I've struck the lottery. 

But I was curious. I've always said I wanted MORE. Longer. Harder. More intense and intentional. And now here it is. 

We talked about his newfound passion for spanking me. 

In the past it used to be more "playful" - a little bit of smacking about (they still hurt, don't get me wrong) more as a prelude to sex than as an exercise in itself. 

These days tho, the spanking seems to be the main event, and the sex that follows, an opportune bonus.

This is BIKSS' logic - when he's Daddy or when he's himself at work out there in the non-kink world, his two selves are largely overlapping. He is in control, makes decisions, bears responsibility, and takes charge of situations. 

When *I'm* out there in the real non-kink world, I'm all that too. BUT when I'm with BIKSS I desire to be the opposite of who I am when I'm NOT with him. And it takes some doing for me to turn myself inside out. 

He feels that these serious spankings help me get there, and stay there. The sexy D/s is wonderful *during* sex - the hand wrapped around my throat, choking on his cock, the hair grabbing, the face-slapping even. I definitely get turned on; I feel submissive almost straightaway, and we have a great time being who we are to each other in the cuddling sessions afterwards. But once he's out the door and I'm ready for bed I'm back to being the bossy-bitchy me. That's the me that needs to be tough and strong and all-set to face the big ugly world again. In other words, short-lived submission.

These three days of  'proper' spankings have had a different effect on me, a longer residual submissiveness, even when we're apart, when I'm at work, when I'm doing my own thing. Sure I'm still bossy-bitchy me to the world around me, but almost without effort when I'm texting BIKSS or even just thinking about him, I switch back to a submissive mindfulness.

And, he says, that's why he's been serious about my spankings recently. I am made up of both sides - Strong Me and Sub Me. And he reckons I need the space to let Sub Me come out, and possibly stay out. I'm inclined to agree. 

"You need the opportunity to be submissive," is what he said, I think. I may be paraphrasing. And these longer, more serious, spankings seem to be doing a good job of it. I feel more balanced. Less unhinged. Not as lopsided as I've sometimes felt before - where I'm constantly yearning for more submission. 

It might shift at a later date, but for now, I think we've found my equilibrium. 

Submission, Jewellery, A Bracelet and A Spanking

In the car this morning part of the conversation was about how certain pieces of jewellery made me feel. Necklaces and earrings make me feel pretty and girly. Bracelets are what I wear to give off a glam-without-even-trying vibe. And chokers and anklets make me feel submissive. (I wore both to work today - perhaps a subconscious expression of how I'm feeling.) Roger of course woke up when he heard that. 

Daddy chuckled amusedly at how I've conditioned Roger to react to certain key words. "You say submissive, Roger wakes up." Then he shook his head! 

He also noticed my skirt had ridden up and had me lift up my handbag (which I had placed on my lap) so that he could touch me between my legs. He did so thru my knickers, but still... on the way to work???

Talk about making a girl squirm.

We continued the conversation by text after I had settled into my work. He definitely likes that there is a sense of ownership that comes with the DD/lg (or D/s) territory. It makes it a lot easier to reach across and fondle, he says. We agreed that while couples in vanilla r/ps probably do so as well, there is always that uncertainty as to whether the fondlee might brush the fondler's hand away if they thought it wasn't "the right moment" or if they deemed the setting inappropriate. In our case, this isn't even an option. 

In the afternoon I received a second bracelet I had ordered from Wish - gotten specifically to hang my two  pendants (gifts from BIKSS from moons ago) from as charms, as I don't want to wear a chain (skintags and all that...) around my neck. I had already gotten some links to attach them to the bracelet and eagerly dived into my project! 

This is what I have on my wrist now -

 

I'm so thrilled that I can now wear the pendants BIKSS got me. (The first bracelet I ordered arrived last Saturday - it's pretty as heck but way too large for my wrist so I now wear it as an anklet instead. 

I showed BIKSS the finished product. And also wanted to find out if he was able to drop in for a bit after work. He said Yes, and we made some plans. I told him I was going to be done by 5ish. 

He said, "Good, I'll be there around 6, probably, so you have time to clean up and get into position."

Then he sends me a couple of stickers so of course I was confused.

And just like that my pussy was wet. 

I picked out the Christmas paddle. 

He did use his hand. And the paddle. And his belt. 

And you know how it hurts more when your butt is up (and the skin is taut) rather than when you're lying flat on your tummy? 

Well, I have a very sore butt now. 

But the "Daddy's good little girl..." after each spanking makes it totally worth it. 

Needing Submission

Most of the time the D/s is there in the background, but doesn't come to the very forefront of our day to day interaction. 

This means that sometimes when I feel as though I'm becoming unhinged I feel a little lost. Adrift. Like I need to be pulled back into that submissive zone. I feel as if I'm dispersed, and separating into a million pieces and need to be put together again - enveloped, wrapped up by his dominance. Does that make any sense? 

Monday was such a day. I had been sitting at my desk working out my timetable for the first quarter, which not only consists of lessons and hospital appointments, but also making time for my annual layer-cake bake-fest. This happens every year around the Lunar New Year season since it's a family tradition - we bake these extremely time consuming treats for gifting to relatives and close friends. (The recipe I have has been passed down from a great-grandaunt, and sadly, I'm the only one left in my family who still makes them.)

I had even written in the dates that I plan to get a massage! 

Then the thought flitted across my mind that maybe I should also schedule some spankings! After all, I know from experience that when I get into a pre-festive-season prep frenzy I usually end up frazzled and frantic, and spankings during those times are necessary to help ground me. 

When Daddy came for a quick visit that day he must have read my mind. I was wondering how I should tell him that I felt the need for a little more. More dominance. More spanking. More intensity.

But I didn't have to. He came in and we kissed and as I adjusted my pillows he took off his belt. And we all know what the sound of a leather belt being pulled free from belt loops does to a sub right? 

"Oh, the sound of your belt. Pussy just woke up," I rolled my eyeballs in faux annoyance at this betrayal of my sex.

"Good, get into position," he smiled.

I lay down on my front but it was a funny angle so we adjusted and he ended up sitting in bed with his back against the wall. I climbed over his lap and he proceeded to spank me with his hand. But because I wasn't facing the usual way, he had to use his left hand. We chatted and joked a little about how changing the way one does things is good for the brain. Keeps the mind alert and all that. 

It turned out perfect tho, cos it meant his dominant hand was free to wield the belt. He folded it to the right length and alternated between hand spanks and belt lashes. I exhaled and let the pain take over. He rubbed my cheeks at regular intervals and every now and then he put the belt down to place his  right hand on my head as his other continued spanking. It felt safe. Secure. As if to say - Don't fret, I've got you.

"Who's a good girl?" he cooed.

"Me," I said, and let myself sink into the bed some more. Oh, I so needed this. 

After a time he explored my girly bits and announced that I was wet. No kidding. As he pulled down my underwear he rubbed my back, over the sweater I had on (cold, you know?) and somehow that felt very soothing. He proceeded to insert a finger and I let out a sigh. 

And then I could feel myself melting into him. Into the safety of the submissive space he was creating with his dominance - a barrier between me and the outside world - between me and the pressures of real life. 

He continued to spank with one hand while fingering me with the other. I always enjoy that tremendously and told him as much. It does a wonderful job of making me aware of my submissiveness. He ventured up to my bumhole and I made no objection. In fact I welcomed it -readied myself to be open to his probing. 

He fingered me in both places as he continued to spank, and seeing how I was so receptive, he suggested he might use my butthole when it came time for Roger to have a turn. Well, declared, more than suggested.

Patting my bum he instructed me to get up and I got onto all fours while he took off his boxers and I instinctively began sucking on Roger. I can't remember if he continued to spank while I had him in my mouth. Or if he continued to finger me. I really must pay better attention to other things that are happening when I have my mouth over his cock. 

Then he whispered "Come." Not in the orgasm sense, but in the way that he was ready to move into the next phase of our playtime. I got off him and he stood up, beside the bed.

I crawled over to get the lube and handed it to him. Then he entered me. 

As he was thrusting I could feel Roger growing inside me. Thankfully it doesn't take Daddy too long to cum when he wants to be quick - and when it's my butt at play I usually want him to be quick, so that it doesn't get so uncomfortable that I have to call a halt to the festivities. 

It hurt. Not in a good way, but not in a bad way either. It just hurt. In a there-shouldn't-be-something-going-in-this-hole way. In a I'm-submitting-to-you way. And I was panting and yelping and moaning and whatever sounds it is that we make when we have sex, and after a short while Daddy pushed up the back of my sweater and pulled out to cum on my back. 

He said he wouldn't cum inside because clean up for me was more inconvenient if he does. Which is true. And so thoughtful of him. As he got up to grab the tissues and wipes he leaned in to kiss the side of my face - "Daddy's good little girl" he said, sotto voce.

This. This quiet, tender dominance was what I needed at that moment - it made me feel safe. Able. Enough. 

Girl Talk

On the eve of my birthday two of my gal pals came round with food to have a mini celebration. It was a nice little cosy affair, and less "busy" than the potlucks I regularly host which consist of anywhere between 5 and 8 people. The conversation topics flowed more freely because of this, I think, seeing as how there were fewer people to potentially offend. 

We had been talking about vibrators and toy-boys and that sort of stuff.

Then as one of them walked past where I had hung my corset to dry she said "Is that a corset?" 

At this point I rolled my eyeballs inwardly cos I should have taken it down and put it away by now but had overlooked it. So I thought, ok, here goes. Let's just do this. 

Me - Yes.

BFF1 - What do you wear it with?

Me - Nothing. It's for sex.

BFF1 - Oh! Okaaaay... Geez.

BFF2 - Why would you ask her that? What else would it be for?

BFF1 - How would I know? I thought she might be wearing it to hold in her tummy!

BFF2 - Well, then, if that's what you thought it was for why would you even ask?

BFF1 - I dunno, maybe she'd wear it for some other reason!!??

BFF2 -  There you are, you have the other reason!

I was amused.

So was BIKSS when I told him about it.

He gave me a look that said "That's what happens when you don't put things away..." but hey, these were my besties right?

Better a corset than a spanking tool!

On Sale - Veggie Vibes

You know the conservative Asian country you live in is becoming more "open" when the online store you go to for clothing and perfume and general cleaning supplies has suddenly got vibrators, cock-rings, bondage gear and even spanking equipment on their site. 

I had stopped shopping on this site a while ago because their stuff was getting boring and repetitious. Wedge shoes, leather handbags, stretchy tees, same old same old... but I think I might visit a little more often now that they've expanded their collection!

Here's a little intro to their sales model: - 

MySale is a leading international online retailer with established online flash sales and retail websites in Australia, New Zealand, South-East Asia and the United Kingdom. Founded in 2007, the Group provides customers with access to outstanding brands and products at discounted prices whilst simultaneously providing brand partners unique inventory and sales solutions in both the Northern and Southern Hemispheres. 

For more info on their sales and to see if you have a dedicated website for your country, check out their webpage.

Meanwhile, wanna see what I was looking at today? Veggie inspired vibrators. I'd pick the aubergine I think. Which one is YOUR favourite?

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And here's a little something that BIKSS sent me for my amusement.

My Birthday Walkabout

On Friday afternoon we went across the border to shop and eat and spend the day out together to celebrate my birthday. 

The best thing about it is the uninterrupted time we got together, just chatting and joking and discussing stuff. 

We went in search of some Lunar New Year goodies (cookies and tarts and pork jerky) and while it's early days yet, some of the stuff was already on sale. 

We had lunch at a KFC (because I can't have KFC in my country - something in it makes me sick every single time) where we saw this thing called "chizza" on the menu. 

It's pizza on a breaded chicken fillet base. Interesting, but not something we would order again. And yes... pineapples!

Then we wandered around the mall where I gleefully proclaimed that Daddy had to accompany me into ANY shop I wanted to go because it was MY DAY! LOL. He agreed and said yes, that was the deal!

He picked up this tee and smirked.



Considering my recent posts about toys, it seemed appropriate.

I bought a (yet another) black dress, and then we stopped for a drink. Which turned out to be HUGE. 

That's an iPhone 6 next to the glass. We had a drink each. It was a meal in itself!

Then off to a different mall to see what could be got there, and then dinner at our favourite Japanese restaurant. 

First we had a salad with smoked duck breast.

Then deep fried battered prawns with wasabe mayo.



And finally a boat of sashimi - complete with mist from the dry ice!

I got home a very tired but very happy little girl. And fell asleep before I could even send off my usual goodnight texts! The next thing I knew it was 6am and the bedside lamp was still on. Oops. That's definitely a sign of a tiring outing! 

PS. After reading Wilma's comment on the last post, I did some research and found this - I think I shall go ahead and order it! After all, BIKSS' birthday is coming up in less than a month!

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P.P.S. I tried changing my comment settings to pop-up instead of embedded, but the problem with that is that the comments don't appear in sequence (replies don't always follow the original comment depending on the time they were posted). So I've gone back to the original setting, and hope that Blogger resolves this slow-posting issue soon. Meanwhile, I would like to say thank you to all of you who still sit by patiently while your comments take 15 seconds extra to load and get posted. You're the greatest!

The Great Wall

We were talking about face slapping. 

No. Actually, he asked me a stupid question. Something about whether I feel the slapping when he slaps me. I looked at him funny. "Does it hurt?" Again, I can't answer that. "Does it hurt too much?" He was asking me things that I really couldn't answer. DUH! Of course it hurt, and that's what I like innit??

Anyway. In the end he was trying to ask me if it was too much. And reassured me that he would never do the full force swing his arm right across my face type of slapping (he included the dramatic actions and everything). 

"Um, just so you know, Daddy", I said, "In the beginning the first slaps were taps. I could keep my head facing forward (and I didn't say it then but I could also keep my eyes open). These latest slaps I'm moving my head with the force and turning to the side (eyes are also shut) if not I'd probably end up hurting something if I tried to keep my head pointed straight to the front." 

He was a bit shocked at this news I think. 

I reassured him that it was fine, as long as it didn't leave marks, and that I enjoyed it. I also compared the intensity for him - at the beginning it was probably one and a half. Now we're somewhere around 6. 

"But I would never go so far so to 'whuppa' like that across your face (insert action here again)" he said. 

"You said that you wouldn't up the intensity somewhere around 4. And look at us now at 6.  I'm just saying, you're escalating. I'm not complaining or nothing, just giving you feedback."

And then he said the ugliest word ever. 

"Noted." 

(It's a thing with us, we both HATE it when people say that... and were thrilled that we had that in common. )

I shot him a dirty faux-disgusted look. 

He realised what he'd just said and teased me with "Duly noted, with thanks." 

That was when the Great Wall of Bolster came up between us. I just couldn't. Ugh.

Dressed? Or Naked?

I asked BIKSS if he prefers to have me totally naked or semi-dressed.

He couldn't decide for a while, then after some time said "Naked".

"Not even semi-dressed with exposed bits to play with?"

"Oh, then yes, semi-dressed," he agreed.

"So you can play with the fun bits without having to take things off?"

"No, so that I can play with fun bits and STILL take things off."

"So you like me naked? What about guys being visual and all that?"

"I like visual," he confirmed, "but I like physical too" he continued.

"But you can play with all the necessary bits if I'm wearing my corset and peekaboo things" I was getting confused.

"Yes but I like it when you're naked."

So I still don't have an answer...