On Our D/s

Do we still have D/s?

Do you still do what I tell you to? 

Only if it makes sense

Would I ask you to do something that didn't make sense?

Maybe it does to you but not to me

Then you might not accept it. But you'd still do it. 

No I wouldn't

Yes you would. I know you would.

------------ 

And I think he's right.

I'm Not Responsible...

... for making him cum. 

I learnt this almost 2 years after we got together. 

After a fabulous day out together from breakfast to movie date to dinner in front of the telly, we were fast approaching that time when BIKSS had to haul his butt out of bed and head home. 

The usual pattern is he'll have me say goodnight to Roger (whom we have both decided is the reason for all this!) - which usually ends in him cumming in my mouth. 

Last night was no different. I headed down south to say my goodbyes. Usually I'm naked but this time I was clothed on account of having stepped out to the kitchen. Now normally I can kinda tell when he's about to cum. That's how I know to speed things up and maintain a good pace or do the thing he likes me to do with my hand and mouth working together. But last night after fiddling with my tit under my shirt his hand went over to my shorts (which are tight and would take some working around if he wanted to get under it) presumably to get to my pussy. I had to stop and shift and Roger lost interest for a bit. And I told BIKSS to concentrate and not go roaming about. So we re-started and he re-applied himself to pinching and twisting my nipple. But when things eventually heated up again and I was all 100% concentrating on getting him there he reached for my other nipple. Which was no where to be found because I was leaning up against his thigh from the side and my boob was squashed under there somewhere. 

And if I were to give him access to my other tit it would mean stopping, getting up, re-positioning and *then* starting up all over again. 

Now how is a girl to know if the tit is more important or continuing the blowjob the priority?

EH?

I got frustrated, sat up, abandoned the blowjob and yanked off my top then whined and wailed and cried on his chest. 

OVER A BLOWJOB. Sigh. 

Not my proudest moment. But it IS extremely stressful and confusing I tell you. 

Don't forget the clock's a-ticking. I don't have a private carpark so there's the issue of not exceeding the timer on the parking meter. He can't afford a ticket cos in this country it goes to the registered owner's house and shows the location it took place. That would be BAD. 

See? Pressure. 

In the end I explained to him that all I want is to ensure he gets a happy sendoff and I guess I felt doubly bad cos I wanted a perfect ending to the wonderful day we had together. And I suppose I felt like he was spoiling it all by being too gropey and reaching for things that weren't reachable without my having to stop and restart and stop and shift, and stop and move and it was just too interrupt-y. There was NO WAY he was gonna cum like that! 

Maybe if I had been naked it would be easier cos then I could just adjust a little and he'd have better access to whatever parts he felt like fondling. Which is what I told him in the end. It's not that I minded the groping. Far be it for me to decide what he could and could not fondle. That wasn't it at all. (I hope you know that, Daddy.) I was just annoyed that we had to beat the clock and here he was making it difficult for me to get him off. 

Which is when he told me in no uncertain terms that if he was going to cum, and wanted to, he wouldn't do anything to interrupt what I was doing. And if he did, and I lost momentum or had to stop for a while, that it was all on him - not me. Oh.

And he was totally sweet and understanding about how I was feeling. He apologised for making me so confused and stressed out over it, and explained over and over again that I shouldn't feel obligated to make him cum. 

So. Yes. 2 years later we finally sort this out. Better late than never I suppose. 

More Confident

And secure in how I think, how I feel, the way I see things. 

It's perhaps a combination of TTWD, the security I feel being with BIKSS, shifting my way of thinking in light of being taught that I AM WORTH IT - whatever IT is, and getting older and realising that my life is different from what it used to be. 

Sometimes one moves on in years but the view doesn't change. Or we forget to move along with it. 

I know I'm being cryptic but that's the best I can describe it. Like trying to look out the same window when you should be scooting over to the other room and looking at the view from the one-year-older window. 

Oh never mind! LOL

The thing is, I'm not exactly the most diligent exerciser. And the swimming took a back seat when the weather became unfavourable. The walking kinda died down too, what with the haze that's settled over the city. 

Yesterday I  felt the urge to hop down to the pool tho. The weather was scorching and I've been feeling flabby. So off I went. 

And today I grabbed the housemate and suggested a quick walk around the block. She agreed, and was glad for someone prodding her into getting some exercise. 

That's when I realised that I'm feeling a bit more positive and confident about myself these days. In the past I think I would have been upset or depressed or just made a fuss about how much weight I've been putting on. But this time, the thought process was a little more secure. "Well, if you don't like your current shape, get up and get going. And be motivating to someone who needs the push while you're at it. You get company, and she gets some exercise (which she wouldn't do on her own)"... and THAT made me feel empowered. Empowered to take charge of my own body, and to help someone out at the same time. Which is a real positive psychological boost. 

Right. I'm rambling. (It's an awful habit, watching telly and writing posts at the same time!) So that's the end of this installment then. 

Hurray for feeling awesome about me. It's not a feeling I'm familiar with. But I could definitely get used to it!

A Quick Note about Kissing and Appropriateness

BTW, that's a real word. I looked it up. Altho it does look cumbersome doesn't it? 

So a while ago I commented on Conina's post about why she doesn't like kissing. I was elaborating on the point in explaining to BIKSS that for me if felt like the first 60% of the kissing (yes, even french kissing) was just waiting it out to get to the later 40% of the kissing where the turn-on happens.  But BIKSS is a big kisser. Just the promise of a kiss will get Roger interested. 

A kiss (by itself) to me is more tender, playful, affectionate, than a lusty & hot blood-pumping promise of sex. However, put the kissing together with grabbing, holding, whispering (between kisses) into my ear all the dirty things you will do to me, and you've got something else altogether.  

Now that you are all experts on the different ways we view this activity, here's today's story:

We're in the bedroom and in the midst of getting undressed to take a shower and I'm rambling on about the new price plan (for my mother) from my mobile phone service provider. Imagine how disconcerting it is when I find my nipple getting tweaked and my mouth getting accosted for some kissing action! 

I mean, seriously? I'm telling you how much 2GB of "free" data costs and you're twiddling my nipples through my top? 

I giggle and point this out to him: this - THIS - is why we so often hear men say "My woman / girlfriend / wife isn't interested in sex." Hellooooo, inappropriate timing much?

It went like this:

"So after I checked out the (kiss) fone that they (kiss) were giving away for free (finger on nipple, I look down) the lady said if she is above (shudder from ticklish ear kissing) 55 there's a (ouch, pinching nipple) discounted rate and (kiss kiss kiss) it will only cost like (other hand on other nipple now) 32 bucks or (attempt at kiss while I move my head backwards) something."

See? I really don't think it's our fault if we're not immediately turned on while we're sharing our day of mundane stuff with you and you're trying to punctuate our story with kisses and fondles. 

BIKSS laughed and said this was what it felt like to him:

Talk talk talk - oh, I wanna kiss her - talk free fone talk - hm, I see nipple - MINE - and exposed neck - talk talk 55 years - wonder if she'll notice me pinching her tit -  heh, she did, and still talking - maybe rapid fire kissing - oh yeah baby where's that other tit - talk talk 32 bucks - ok stop talking and let's do this!

SO the summary is that while I was telling him about a new mobile price plan, he was getting a hard-on. 

And THAT is the difference between boys and girls. :)

I Cooked, He Came, We Cuddled

...and that, folks, was last night's date night.

But the coming... oh the coming... he had me on my hands and knees on the bed, and sucking his cock as he held on to my hair and fucked my face. The spatula was making quick work of my now-too-sensitive butt cheeks, as they haven't been properly spanked in ages!

"Are you protesting?" he asked when my hips wouldn't stay in one place.

I grunted something that was meant to be a no.

"Cos you know if you're protesting we can see about more spanks with the spatula."

This time the grunts were more emphatic. No. Not protesting. But oh the pain...

"On your back then..."

And then he 69-ed me, his tongue probing my folds, a finger rubbing my nub... and then another seeking refuge in my pussy.

I was trapped by his cock in my mouth and my legs spread open for him.

Then he stuck a vibrator inside me and fucked me with it, while all I could do was moan and gasp and try to suck his cock at the same time.

"Cum for me" he coaxed. He left the vibrator in my charge and I asked for permission to put my legs together, so it would be easier for me to cum.

He withdrew his cock from my mouth and leaned in close to my ear...

"Concentrate. Cum for me, hmm?"

And I did. Quickly enough.

And when he fucked my still spasming cunt all I could hear was the sound of my own moans.

"The best part, is you can make all the noise you want today." 

Which we did.

Presenting Fondles

Literally. We haven't seen any kink in these parts in a while... what with having an extra person in the house and all. 

But we had the good fortune of having the place to ourselves tonight as my tenant had to work late. Bad deal for her, awesome for us. 

I found a new massage place near where-I-live with couples rooms and en suite shower facility, which makes no pretense about being some posh spa-type establishment just so they can charge you for ambience. So you call up, book a time, tell them you want a couples room, and bingo! It's affordable and the people don't try and ram a frequent-flyer type package down your throat. You know the ones, pre-pay 10 sessions and get one free. 

like this, only on the bed

So after a quick dinner where I made a herbal chicken dish for BIKSS (his first time trying it) we hopped over to get our massage. After that we came home and as he dropped me off before parking the car he started to give me instructions. I was way ahead of him, and told him so! LOL

"I know what you're gonna say, I've got it planned!" I said. He smiled and said Good Girl. 

Presenting.... Fondles! 

It's been a while since I've had the chance to present and wait for BIKSS to come into the room. Judging from how wet I got, I've missed it tremendously! 

He spanked me (FINALLY!), we played with the canes, and I must have said "ow" a hundred times! 

"You say 'Ow' but she thinks differently..." he noted as he eyed my pussy. 

:) 'Twas a good night. 

Unfortunate Contraction

Have fun with this one :)

The Anniversary Date

OK, so our actual 2 year mark will be on the 1st of April. And BIKSS is taking a day off work to take me to lunch! 

But by way of a gift to both of us (I keep doing that - buying gifts for him that end up being for US!!) I got us tickets to our local ballet company's performance of Romeo and Juliet. 

It was my first time to the ballet, and his too! And I must say it was way better than the opera. It might be that the costumes were prettier, or that we didn't have to read subtitles causing us to focus away from what was happening on stage, BUT the sad thing is that we couldn't see the"balcony scene" from where we were sitting! I had gotten us box seats but they were off to the side, so the off-centre balcony was blocked from view! ARGH! 

Still, it was a lovely evening, except for that little incident of BIKSS accidentally boxing my ear in the dark. He DID lean over and apologise as profusely as one possibly could in the hushed surroundings of a concert hall during a performance! And kissed me too. Then later realised and told me that that was an automatic kiss - and probably would have transpired even if we had been in broad daylight and in full view of the world!   

SAY WHAT NOW?

Well, I'm just glad that it didn't happen in the middle of a busy street then. Where that would be a higher risk of being seen! Which brings me back to the whole musical theatre / opera / ballet thing. 1) I love this stuff! 2) I haven't had much opportunity in recent years to attend these things on account of having to work on weekends and till 9pm most days. Now that I have Fridays off it makes it a lot easier to indulge in such performances. 3) BIKSS likes this stuff too, although he's more used to the mainstream ALWebber and other broadway shows. But he's game to try anything which makes it great for exploring new concert types together! 4) Most fortuitously, his friends aren't the opera / ballet types. Which means we get to go on dates with less risk of being seen. Always good in a relationship like ours!

We had a late supper after the ballet - which we both enjoyed tremendously! - and then came home. We showered, cuddled, and then we had the best blowjob session ever! 

Hair was grabbed, head was bobbed, instructions were given, talk was made dirty, balls were licked and sucked, and nipples were pinched. He did it all. I gagged, my eyes watered, I moaned in pleasure - or in pain - and I think at one point I was even panting!

I sucked and licked and flicked and swirled, his groans and grunts and gasps for air only fueling my desire to satisfy him. Then he came, thick and creamy in forceful spurts against my palate, his cum pooling on the floor of my mouth after running down the sides of my tongue. 

After we cleaned up he pulled me close and cradled my head and stroked my hair, kissing me wherever and whenever his lips touched my face. In these gentle moments I feel his dominance the most - it is not in his forcefulness or commands, not during a spanking or chastisement - but in his ability to hold me and make me feel safe ... all without uttering a single word. 

Looking Back

We're coming up to two years! Yippee! 

I was wondering aloud to BIKSS if I'd changed much... and after a not-so-lengthy chat I think the long and short of it is that I'm way calmer now than I was before. A large part of that has to do with how BIKSS managed me whenever I flew off the handle. 

From what I can tell, my reactions used to stem from feeling unwanted, like I wasn't a priority. It's taken a while (BUT WE GOT HERE!) for me to understand that BIKSS isn't going anywhere, and that I'm not unimportant. 

Part of it is also that I always felt like I had to pick up the slack when things went wrong. When stuff didn't get done I was the one who ended up being responsible for fixing it. With BIKSS I've learnt that sometimes he's going to forget things, or not have them done according my schedule (or the trip schedule, or the dinner schedule... ) but instead of fretting it's ok to let him be the fixer. And it's even ok for me to expect him to be the fixer!

And I think that's the best part of it. Of this. Of us. 

I've also figured out his trick!! When I get naggy or go on about something that I'd like done a different way he grabs me by whatever piece of clothing I have on and pulls me in for a kiss. LOL. That's a really good way to stop me! I'm glad he figured that out too!

And when I'm upset about something that's happened and need to get it off my chest, I tell him. And we think about how it could be avoided in the future. The focus is on "next time" instead of laying blame. On his part he's been awesome about understanding that when I tell him I'm unhappy, it's not because I'm complaining or pointing fingers, but merely letting him know how I'm feeling and why I feel that way. 

A lot of this is a result of us both being determined to try and try, again and again. And in some weird way I think embarking on a relationship under the circumstances that we did is a big factor in our commitment to making it work. 

So thank you Daddy BIKSS, for "getting" me. For understanding my needs, understanding my quirks, and giving me enough leeway to be myself while I shift gears and make adjustments to fit into the WE equation. You've made some huge adjustments too, and there's a YOU that I see now that was never there before, a better, awesome version of you. And I wouldn't give that up, US up, for anything! 

Happy anniversary, hun. I love you! 

My Latest Faves (aka Facials)

The last 10 days have been overly dramatic and too ridiculous for me to relate. Suffice to say there were huge all-out scream-fests among the family, mostly because a certain sibling is being a totally fucktard. Ok, I kinda feel like I shouldn't be using vulgarities on the blog, but hey, we say Fuck a lot anyway right? 

So now that things have settled down somewhat, I've moved past it and made some decisions and have gotten my life back on track. 

In the meantime, let's face it, I ain't getting any younger. There was a MEGA drugstore sale last week and I found myself stocking up on the anti-spot cream I use (see image on left). The lady at the counter recommended me an exfoliating gel that costs twice what I pay for the one I use presently. "Isn't it the same?" I asked. "That's just a regular type, with some whitening properties... this one is better for you because it helps with anti-aging." 

Right. Thanks. Grrr. 

(That reminds me, I shall have to change our ages on the little introductory paragraph on the top of this blog!)

Did I buy it? No. But she did give me some samples to take home with me. I've used them. Oh, it's SO good! Smooths, soothes, and seems to exfoliate less harshly than the one I've been using. Fine. So maybe I WILL switch over to the new one when I finish this tube. 

And while I was in the shower and washing between my legs, it made me laugh when I realised my pussy was much smoother than my face! Ahem, thanks to the hair-zapping I've been so diligent about since the beginning of this year. There's still a little growth but I'm happy to report it's way better than having to shave the entire forest all the time. 

OK, so where was I?

Right. The thing is, it's a slippery slope, this Vanity thing. You can't stop. Really. You can't. I've seen some literature about BB Creams but have been reluctant to try them. For one thing, people generally tell me I have good skin. So I don't think I actually NEED it. Secondly, I figure anything that comes out of the Korean facial product market has GOT to be just a fad. I was wrong. BB Creams have taken the world by storm, it seems, and every other person swears by them! 

*If you are already part of the BB cream revolution, SKIP THIS POST!*

*And really, when I titled this post Facials I didn't mean THAT kind!*

I had to see for myself. I asked the nice lady who had politely suggested I needed anti-aging skincare if she had a BB cream to recommend. She did. I tried a little on the back of my hand. It looked awesome. There was a 2-for-1 offer on the cream so of course I bought a set. I had to! 

I've been wearing it everyday since. And if you're still wondering what all the fuss is about, you really DO have to go get a sample from somewhere and try it out. It makes my skin look bluddy fantastic, I tell you. Kinda like when you run your photo thru' an editing software that leaves you looking all dewy and dreamy. 

Here are some links you might like to take a look at:

What is BB Cream? (About.com) (With links to other things... go read this one first!)

What are BB Creams? (WebMD)

8 Best Multitasking BB Creams (Allure)

How to Apply BB Cream (WikiHow)

OK, I hear you, enough of the damned cream already. Sorry about sounding like an infomercial - but it really is all I'm raving about this week to EVERYONE I SEE! Heck, I even convinced my mother to try some! She's like the skin nazi and even SHE couldn't deny how much better my skin looked after putting some of this miracle goo on! 

MOVING ON-->>

In other news, last week BIKSS came over and I had him use some of the regular exfoliating gel thing on his face. And then I put him in bed with a facial mask on! Who says guys don't need pampering?

The way I figure, if I'm kissing his face, I'd like it smooth and baby-soft too please :)

I'm going to see if I can make the quickie facial a regular affair. Heh. 

Oh yeah, and since his mask came off before mine, he took advantage of my position and had Roger in me before I could say "parsnip pie". He didn't seem too bothered by my strange visage - but I was secretly mortified. I guess what they say about guys not caring whether you shaved your legs is true after all!

Dialogue Snippet

"Sleep well and dream happy dreams Daddy"

"Of milkshakes and women in bikinis"

"Milkshakes ON women in bikinis"

"Ah. You know me"