The Gift of Dominance by FTLOAS

http://ftloas.tumblr.com

I often read at For the Love of a Submissive and today I came upon this latest post which spoke to me. 

If you have some time, go check it out : The Gift of Dominance.

Thank you, hun, for making our D/s relationship possible.

http://ftloas.tumblr.com

It's Worth It

Sometimes we don't seem to connect. Or I don't seem to think things are awesome. See, cos I need awesome. I don't wanna settle for just OK, or so-so, or we'll always have tomorrow / next week / next month to do / be something special. I want every moment I have with BIKSS to be special. 

Only cos I don't know how long we can BE. 

Don't get me wrong, I don't worry that he'll get tired of me or someone new will come along. 

It's the stuff that's out of our hands that I am talking about. The specific conditions surrounding our being together, plus the uncertainty of life, mean that the day could come that that goodbye kiss could very well be the last time I feel him; that phone call before he boards the plane could be the last I hear his voice. 

And sometimes we don't see things the same way. So while he's not stressing out, I could be freaking out of my mind that he sounds distracted on the phone. 

Do the "off" moments make me want to wrap this whole thing up and go look for a single guy who doesn't have to sneak around to be with me? In theory the thought is appealing. The reality? Nuh-uh.

"I've never been to *** on a weekend! Dammit I've been there often enough, but never ever been to the weekend markets! Next year I'm going to make an effort to plan a trip there that INCLUDES a weekend so I can go!"

"Yes you should. And you should go with me." 

And just like that I'm reminded why it's all worth it. 

Just a Quick One

Blood test results came back good! Hurray :)

And BIKSS left this evening, after we had a couple of days of angst - I suppose he was busy and distracted with all the travel details on his brain, and I was stressy cos going-away is always hard for me. 

Sigh. I told him that I felt we were unravelling. He did manage to pep talk me last night, so that helped some. 

I suppose I shall just try and be nice while he's gone when I get texts from him... altho I do miss him terribly.

Warts are rapidly shrinking so I'm quite happy about that at least. 

I might not be posting for a bit.. so I'll see ya when I see ya :)

Meanwhile I shall be busying myself with catching up with people and cleaning the house... yes, some more!

What's Going on Down There

I'm paranoid. After being told I had some trauma inside my walls and on my cervix, I think I've been dryer than usual. Or something. I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm just afraid. 

I've gotten BIKSS to use lube twice now, once cos I had wiped up to check for traces of anything except what being wet is supposed to look like, leaving me dry; and the second time last night right after he woke up from a half hour nap with Roger eager to plunge into his pussy - who also had just woken up and was completely dry from being in happy slumber. 

I know they were both valid reasons for dryness and needing lube but a part of me is worried that all the vaginal trauma has left me stressed and anxious when it comes to sex. 

I know too that I'm being ridiculous cos during the first round of play I was wet enough for BIKSS to go for 4 fingers. And I think after a while it got stretched to a point that it wasn't a turn on anymore, and that's why the lubrication stopped flowing. But prior to that point, cumming and having his 1 or 2 fingers burrowing up into me didn't seem to be a problem. 

Ah well, I'm just a worry-wart I suppose. Speaking of which - mine are reducing in size and drying up nicely. (How's that for a segue?!) I'm happy for it. So the Doctor-man has me continuing the cream at my discretion, and the next "viewing" will be next month! 

The infection has also all cleared up. No redness, no itching, no bleeding, no discharge. TOTALLY CLEAR. Whoppee!! Thanks for your comments and emails offering support and encouragement. 

I've been to the doctor today to get my bloodwork done. I'll have results in a couple of days. My fingers are crossed and I'm quite certain it won't be anything to worry about. 

In the meantime remember how I said we were gonna stop all "hard" pussy play? Well, we forgot didn't we? What with 4 fingers and all. Sigh. I might have to put a notice up on my headboard soon. If not for him, then for ME to remember. 

Snippets - Treats, Footy and Not being a jerk

1) Last week BIKSS took a day off and played hooky. We went for a Brazilian churrascaria lunch at a swanky well known integrated mall / hotel / theatre venue. It's the same place we watched Phantom. And at the time I begged him to take me to Starlight Express  as I've always wanted to see it but never had the chance. He agreed to treat me to the show, and after lunch that day we wandered over to the ticket booth and he bought our tickets! I feel like the luckiest girl in the world! (Ok, I hate to say this, but honestly I thought it would take lots of reminding and prodding and asking and... oh, you get the picture right?)

2) Footy season has begun. I got to hang out with him for drinks and dinner at a pub tonight (Sunday - very rare!) as he was going to be out watching the match, and invited me along.  Incidentally I tagged along this afternoon to his car-polish appointment too where we spent 3 hours buying groceries, walking about a mall, and having frozen yoghurt while we waited for the car to be done. TWICE in a day! Woohoo!! Lucky is me!

Oh, and since we usually have spanking wagers (on the scores) during league season I asked him what the wager was on tonight's game. He said it didn't matter cos he'd just spank the crap out of me either way! LOL

3) We were driving along and he said something about checking my map and I remarked that the app I have was awful. Wouldn't even display the block numbers. He insisted it did. I explained that my version was different from his and the old one did, but this one didn't. Again he insisted it did. I actually outright told him I was getting irritated cos how would he know if it did or didn't when it was MY app on MY phone that I use. 

And then he said ok, never mind, he'll figure out how to get where we wanted to go and didn't need the map anymore. THE AIR WAS SO THICK you could slice it with a knife. But because we have TTWD and I'm a talker and I won't let things go I apologised for raising my voice and I asked him why he was upset. He said he wasn't. And I said, I knew he was cos there's a tension. I justified my statement. And he agreed it was valid. But he was still affected by it, I could see. 

And because I'm a clever girl, I figured it out. He was upset cos he knew that technically he didn't have a reason to be upset with me. I was right. He had no clue if it DID show the block numbers or not so he shouldn't have insisted. And THAT upset him. I told him I didn't mean to upset him, and I was sorry if I did. And I wasn't a jerk about it. But then, the most wonderful thing is that HE wasn't a jerk about it either!

We didn't have a stressful serious tense argument. There was smiling (albeit reluctantly) and teasing (on my part anyway) and eventually what could have been a huge fight faded away into a simple hiccup that was easily sorted out. I had my hand on his lap and I leaned over and kissed his arm lots to keep the "loving" atmosphere going, and I had just picked up some chocolate-filled donut balls before he came to get me - I wanted to surprise him when I got into the car, so there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to let the mood go sour. 

He graciously accepted my gestures of affection and didn't allow himself to get angry as we put it behind us. How amazing is he eh? And then I shared my donut balls with him :)

Did I just challenge my Dom and get away with it? I prefer to think of it as standing up for myself when I think I'm right. I challenge what he says quite regularly... but I think challenging HIM is a thing of the past.

Stripped to be Spanked

I have some thoughts on this floating about in my head. 

We usually just make do with whatever state of undress I'm in when BIKSS is spanking me. Often I'm already naked and in bed. But if I'm not, he'll lift a skirt, or pull down my pants / knickers when I'm in position. 

I was reading some stories on Experience Project about dads who spank their teenage daughters, some of them requiring them to strip before a spanking. I suppose it's the humiliation that they're after. I don't agree with this of course, but that's not the point of this post. 

The point is that it got me horny. I know. I felt a little perverted for it. And told BIKSS about it. He is rather more certain that it's the spanking and stripping that registers in my head, and not so much the father-daughter connection. 

I'm relieved to say he's right. Upon investigation I realised that it's the idea of being undressed or being told to strip before a spanking that is causing the tingling in my girly bits. I discussed this a little with BIKSS and I think I know what it is. 

Our spankings tend to be fun, playful even, and definitely lead to arousal on both our parts. During re-sets or grounding spankings things are a little more focused and less haphazard. But I have found myself interjecting with humour to lighten the mood from time to time. 

So I wonder if that is my way of coping - as in, coping with the feeling of being stripped of any last vestiges of power I may still believe I have, coping with being totally humbled before my Dom. I think I should like to experience being instructed to remove my clothing, or have it done for me, and then spanked. I will resist it, I reckon. Or try, as I am wont to do, to make light of the situation. 

Add to this I feel embarrassed about my body (Hey, which one of us doesn't have body-image issues eh? Even if only a little teensy bit?) I think an exercise in nakedness might be in the pipeline. I don't know what this will serve to accomplish, or if it will impact me at all, but I intend to delve further into this topic the next I see BIKSS. I think we will have lots to talk about.

Confident...?

... or embarrassed?

The Mad Libs Liberation

Kenzie has decided to have some fun this week with her very own version of Mad Libs - Spanko style of course. I must admit it's not something I'm familiar with so I had to look it up. But what the hey... let's play along. I'm going to ask BIKSS for his answers then put it down here!

Are you ready? Let's go!

Prelude to a Spanking

What in the world was I thinking? Was I even thinking at all? How could I have possibly thought I was going to get away with this? If only I had listened to BIKSS when he warned me to behave. Why couldn't I have listened, just this once? I had a few simple rules I had to follow, and not only did I break one, I broke 7 We even went over the rules the other day. I can hear his voice in my head right now. He was standing over me, looking me in the legs telling me he wanted to make sure I understood what was expected of me.

1.) No cursing allowed. Especially not the dreaded swear word, Flutterby If that word even came close to coming out of my mouth. He'd make sure to wash it out with Fish & Chips.

2.) If I was going to be home late, let him know. He wanted to know I was safe, and not lost, wandering around in London.

3.) Have dinner on the table when he comes home from work. It's a long day when you do what he does. I can't imagine being an Island Caretaker. So if he wants a hot plate of cream puffs and eclairs waiting for him when he gets home, why not make it for him.

4.) Corner time will always be done as follows: Hands on boobs facing the corner. Don't speak unless spoken to, and only answer respectfully, making sure to say Hunnybunch after each yes or no answer.

That's it! It really shouldn't be that hard to follow those rules! So here I am, waiting for him in the corner. Oh Ahbudden! I hear his footsteps. Here we go!

Well, well, what do we have here? Looks like my naughty little Fondles with her legs pressed into the corner, waiting for her punishment. Maybe if you hadn't been so yummy you wouldn't be waiting to go over my ass to receive your spanking. Out of the corner, come over to me, and let's see what two implements you picked out. Ahh, perfect choices, the thong and the paddle.

These two always seem to do the trick nicely. They change your attitude pretty quickly, don't they? You go from being a little brat, to being a sweet little skirt. Now, let's get started. I've had it with your attitude. You've been so flared lately, so let's see if we can put a stop to that.

------------------

I suppose I don't mind getting my mouth washed out with fish n chips... and you know, going over HIS ass is going to make it hard for me to get spanked. Unless he has a seriously extended reach! Although I don't know why he would punish me for being Yummy! LOL

This was fun to do... thanks Kenzie!!

A Very Dommy FF

We hear so much about the D/s life (TTWD / DD / etc) from the sub's point of view that when a Dom pops his head out to say something it's like the world stops turning for a little while. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE it when Doms write. So in honour of Doms everywhere, I declare today Dom-Appreciation (Follow Fri)-Day. 

It's been a while since we heard anything from Jake but it's good to see everything's ok. He popped in about a week ago with an update. Here's A Modicum of Patience over at LCSB. (The site format's been fixed too, and updated with a new look!)

Spanky at Bright Bottom wrote about how he feels about women with ink. I think he should write more often, instead of just sharing pics. But that's just me. Not to say I don't like the pics. I do. But I love the way he writes. But ok. I'll shut up now.  

I've always loved how-to's and guides... so I enjoyed Joey's first ("Safe") in a series of 4 (I'm assuming) posts entitled SAFE, SANE, CONSENSUAL AND PLATONIC. Can't wait to read the rest.

Speaking of safety, I think Grand is new to Blogland (or at least, a couple of his blogs seem new), but definitely not inexperienced. Here's a good reminder piece on safewords. Hmmm, how about I change mine to "Please let me suck your cock"... what? Bad idea? Bah... everyone's a critic.

And DV was so kind as to give me shout-out in his post The Fear of a Dominant, where he divulges that *gasp* Doms are human too! *looks furtively around*

Well, there you have it. Doms who write.

(I haven't decided if I should capitalise the D in Dom/dom or not... I'm inconsistent with this and it's driving me crazy!)

Mouthy Me

The Topic : Cutting of hair, when to say yes, why he'd say no, and how I'd react.

We didn't get far. 

What if I said no? 

I'd explain why I wanna have it cut. Falling hair, too much maintenance, weather making it impossible to not wash twice a day, impossible to dry, split ends...

(I just cut about 4 inches off a week ago.)

You know why I cut my hair right? 

Cos it was too long.

Well (I couldn't resist it...), no one cuts their hair because it's too short right? 

*Giggles that turned into gales of laughter from me*

A very un-amused expression from him.

Come on, you want to laugh right Daddy? Huh? Huh? It's funny! 

His hand found the back of my head and I got my mouth shoved upon Roger. I happily sucked on him but continued to try and convince him it was hilarious. It all came out muffled tho.

No dice.

All I got was another shove downward. When I was getting into it he pulled me off his cock - amid protest, of course.

Mouthy, somebody. Eh?

But it WAS funny right? Right? You have to admit it... I mean... 

*My head ends up impaled on his cock again*

I wanted to stay on there but he yanked me off. I whined my objection but he wouldn't let me continue. 

Yup. Definitely mouthy. 

I made up for it later with a blowjob and a finger all the way up his bum. :) 

Safewords

We were talking in bed, as we are wont to do. And discussing scenarios that might go down better for us than the last debacle. 

"What would you immediately think about when planning a scene?" I asked BIKSS.

1) Bondage

2) Some kind of struggle

3) Some measure of force

We talked about my refusing to let him fuck me, or refusing to open my mouth for his cock. 

SCREEEECH! Sorry about the noisy brakes. Hello? Why on earth would I not want to allow him to fuck me or put Roger in my mouth? 

"Yeah, see, that's the problem. You'd be like 'But this is me... hello?' " he replied.

So I made him a pinkie promise that in my bedroom there would be NO circumstance under which he isn't allowed to fuck me - anywhere. Subsequently, that implies that if I should push his hand away from my tit, clit, anything, or if I were move my face away from his approaching cock, or if I clamped my legs together to prevent entry, he is to take that as a sign of "play" and go ahead and "force" me anyway. 

You see, the problem is that BIKSS is too nice to "force" anyone to do anything. Even now, and I told him this and he agrees, if he were to reach over for a nipple while we were rolling around in bed and I moved his hand away, holding it tight against my face or tried in any other way to distract him from his original intention, he would acquiesce. Willingly. Readily. 

I am sympathetic. This man has gone beyond all that he was taught regarding respecting and treating women in a certain manner, to be the Dom he is to me today. He doesn't deny there is a part of him that finds a thrill in it, takes to it easily even. But by and large he is really quite comfortable being an easy-going sorta guy. Yes, even in bed. 

I reassured him by saying that if it got too scary or too real (the way play-fights between kids can turn into real fights) I would safeword my way out of there. In my mind I thought, well, at the very most I would break down and cry and wail again...

But he was concerned about a safeword for HIM. 

That threw me. 

"You have a safeword. I don't," he stated. 

Um, well. Okaaaay. I thought about it for half a second. 

"You can use my safeword too!"

The Doctor Man Says

(This post may not be suitable for anyone who doesn't wanna know about the stuff that goes on inside!)


The good news is that the warts are responding well to treatment.

The bad news is the itching isn't a reaction to the cream. My cervix shows signs of trauma. Striations on the inner walls of my passage isn't a good sign either. I also have a polyp on the posterior vaginal wall. The verdict: Yours Truly has a yeast infection aka vaginal thrush. I go back next week to do a blood test to check for diabetes. There is a family history altho I tend to have low glucose levels according to the finger-prick test.

This pussy is out of bounds till Friday. 

Thank goodness for blowjobs!

(We have also decided that pussy is exempt from spanking and any other kind of "torture / rough-play" until I have been incident-free for an extended period of time. We didn't set the duration, but I suspect we'll be broaching the subject once all infections, warts, growths, bleeds, etc have been sorted out and eradicated!)

A Word from the Dom

My Dom that is. This interview was inspired by a chat conversation I had with a fellow sub and as we got to talking about her recent punishment session and how it made her feel after, the topic moved towards doms needing reassurance. She suspected, correctly, that there would be a post on the topic - in which Fondles interviews BIKSS in the hopes of getting proof that doms (or at least this dom) need the reassurance of aftercare as much as subs do. 

After a punishment (or conflict resolution as is the case in our relationship), the "aftercare" session is the time when a dom can shower love and re-establish a connection, and reassure the sub that there is no more anger / hurt / disappointment - that all is fine between the two and the balance of their relationship is once again restored. 

However I also firmly believe that it does more than that. Does the sub's acceptance of this provide reassurance to her dom that she will continue to accept his guidance and/or punishment and is ready to continue on the same path? Is it instrumental in indicating to her dom that she does not resent his leadership?

(While for many, spanking is part of correction / punishment, do note that in our case it is part of aftercare.)

Here's BIKSS:~

1) Why do you think aftercare is necessary?

BIKSS: To provide you with the understanding that u belong to me : to spank, to play with, to love, to keep that connection between us.

2) After an emotionally distressing episode where a conflict has been resolved, what does a typical aftercare session look like?

BIKSS: A tight cuddle, a cry from you, soothing words from me, more cuddles, a hand stroking your face to reassure you that all is forgiven, a kiss...oh, and apologies where necessary. Then leading you to where you are to receive your spanking - probably a hand-spanking cos it is a reconnection spanking - then more cuddling, kisses and stroking.

3) How would you describe the way you feel during the whole aftercare session (from the cuddling to the spanking and then back to cuddling after)?

BIKSS: I want you to remember that I DO love you. That you still belong to me, that everything is forgiven. Like a Daddy comforting his little one.

4) How would you describe my demeanour during this time?

BIKSS: Hopeful, wanting. After said spanking you curl up into me, bury yourself in my arms, pushing yourself as close to me as you can, and I pull you in. The look in your eyes and the pushing into me says you want me to still accept you for whatever has gone on. When you look at me the look says, "Please say everything will be OK again." I see hope from your actions, from the look in your eyes. Then I see happiness when the realisation hits - when you realise I'm not leaving; that everything is past and everything begins anew and there really IS nothing to worry about. 

5) So far this has been very sub-centred. What about you, though, as a dom? Does an aftercare session affect you emotionally?

BIKSS: Seeing the hope and happiness in your face as you lie in my arms tells me I'm not wasting my time. That this (taking the time to clear the air and resolve the problem) is worth it - for the both of us. Satisfaction from doing what is good for the both of us; happiness that you are back to a good place.

6) Do you ever feel you might have been too harsh? Expected too much / been unrealistic in your expectations of me?

BIKSS: No, I've always tried to be careful in what I say, given how particular you are about the nuances of words. But as I've said before, over texts and messengers, those subtleties are lost and misunderstandings occur.

7) You mentioned that you feel you're not wasting your time, that taking the time to solve our issues is worth it. But on the flip side, do you ever think that I may get tired of 'listening to you and doing as you say'? Do you ever wonder if I might pull the plug and say "I've had enough of you controlling me"?

BIKSS:  There is always the possibility of you saying, "Bugger off, I'm doing this MY way!" Are you going to do it now? No. Could it happen? Yes. Would you do it? If a tipping point came you would - but that point remains a mystery. I think that would be the case with almost anyone in this sort of relationship or any relationship for that matter. I don't think I've been enough of a hassle for you to want to pack up and leave.

8) You seem certain that I'm "not going to up and leave" anytime soon. How do you know I'm prepared to carry on?

BIKSS: The same way I know you love me. I just know. 

9) Do you think the way I react and behave during aftercare impacts how you proceed? For example, how would you feel if I didn't want the aftercare, if I didn't 'curl up into you', as you said? What if I was passive, allowing you to cuddle me and spank me etc, but if I myself seemed distant / neutral?

BIKSS: I'd feel rejected. Disappointed. In myself as well. 

Fondles: That's an interesting choice of words. Rejected?

BIKSS: Yes. It would be a rejection of us in my eyes. Even with the spanking over, the reconnection should be ongoing. But a distant or neutral look means there are lingering issues. Ones you haven't told me about. That would also be disturbing, especially given how you usually talk about everything. Having you harbour thoughts without sharing them would be worrying.

Fondles: You also used the word "disappointed". Care to elaborate?

BIKSS: ... that I haven't managed to bring you back into the fold, back to a place where you are once again a happy sub. 

[edit : Said passivity would also cause him to question my desire to continue to be his sub.] 

10) Aftercare is very reassuring to a sub. It tells her she is loved, she is valued. And that the relationship meter is once again in the "we're all good" zone. Would you say that as a dom it provides you with reassurance as well? 

BIKSS: Acceptance of the aftercare provides me with the reassurance that you believe that everything starts afresh and that you still believe in the relationship (and in me). I cannot move on until this is clear to me. 

[edit : In further discussion BIKSS added that it also reassures him that I don't think badly of him.] 

Q. E. D.

Legs in the Air

The spatula, I offered. But no, you had to decide to be generous and let me have the cane too. It's my favourite is it not? Hrmph. Well, yes. But the spatula is kinda ouchy, you know. 

Sure, I'll roll over and settle in for a nice, warm... what? On my back? 

This smells fishy. Something is afoot. Or abutt. NO... you can't be expecting me to... what? Hey, you've got my ankles held together with one hand... are you thinking what I think you're thinking?

imgur.com

You want me to put my legs up? Like in the air? YIKES! Didn't you said you had no pressing desire to try out the diaper position? I thought we were happy with our usual, you know... the one where I'm cuddled in the crook of one arm, or I'm comfy lying on my tummy in bed amidst piles and piles of pillows? 

Fine. Up they go. But that's not really diaper, I'm just lifting my legs in the air and hugging them to me with my own arms. Aren't you supposed to lift me OFF my butt to get access to it?

Ouch! You're evil! That's my sit spot! OK, I guess that one counted as butt cheek. EEK! I can't move or react in this position. At least if I'm lying down I get a little relief from being able to react by kicking my feet up or squeezing a pillow with my arms. 

I can't do very much with my knees in my face and my feet dangling in the air like this. And my arms are occupied too, wrapped as they are around my legs to hold them together and upwards towards me. 

This is NOT a butt spanking, I tell you. This is a sit-spot-upper-thigh spanking. Ouchy Daddy...

Ahhh rubbing. Rubbing is nice. Is he grinning? He's got his evil grin on!  Urgh. It's my fault I suppose. I should know better than to expect he won't use the things we talk about and turn them to his benefit! 

What's that now? Time for the cane. OK. I like the cane. Mmmmm, yummy. Especially when he goes tappety tappety continuously in one region! 

OW! Not so yummy anymore now. I know... the skin is stretched when my legs are up this way, and the tappety tapping isn't on my butt cheek proper!!! He's pulsing the strokes on the bottom curve of my bum! 

Does the word "sensitive" mean anything to you Daddy? Ack! Ok, ok, I get it! Enough! 

Look I'm all sweaty now from the exertion of taking a spanking! It's not so often that that happens anymore. Mmmm hands. I like it when you use your hands... ow ow oW OW! That hurts! 10 smacks in the same spot DOES that to a girl!

*Flop* Ooooh my legs are tired from trying to stay up during that session! 

Hey, what are you doing with the spatula now? Mmmm love it when you play with my nipple, er, why are you pulling it to the side... oh great.. I get it. You're keeping it out of the way while you *smack* *OUCH* slap my breasts with the spatula... argh. 

Look it's so red. I suppose the skin on my boob colours more easily. Heh. Breathe... breathe... ow ow ow...

I'm sure you're going to want a go on the other boob... oh right. There you are. Moved the other hand to the other nipple to keep that one out of the way while you work my right side now. Are you counting? Hey it's not a contest. You don't have to speed up. Ouch!!!  Going faster hurts more you know... wait, silly me. I'm sure you knew that. 

The cane? You want to use the cane on my breasts? Why not. I suppose it can't hurt much more than anything else you've done. 

I was wrong. It can. Notice my eyes are closed and I'm wincing? That's me saying OW OW OW OW. But again, I'm sure you already knew that. Evil Man. Mean Daddy. And lucky me - for I love EVERY minute of it!

The Tale of a Tail

"Will you be sad if we're not together anymore?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Will you be mopey?"

"Yeah, I probably will."

"You mope? You? You don't seem like the moping kind."

"I only mope when I'm alone."

"What about Roger, will he mope too?"

"Yeah, I expect so."

"Oh, then he'll be a Mopy Dick!" 

...and then I collapsed in a crazy fit of giggles.

Have a good weekend everybody!

If He's Daddy...

..then I'm little. His little.

I regress. I stop worrying. Stop thinking.

Daddy likes this pic. Says it speaks to him.

I let him. Love him. With all of my heart and soul.

For those few hours the rest of the world doesn't matter.

He cradles, cuddles, consoles, controls.

I'm provided for, protected, possessed.

Responsibility and rational thought are thrown out.

I am playful, cheeky. I test boundaries, push and goad - in fun, of course.

He pampers, indulges, raises an eyebrow in question.

I light up - my eyes, my face, my heart, when he reacts.

Can I / Will you / May we ? I ask and I plead and I make known my wants.

Outside of this realm I should know better; I do it all myself. I do not depend on anyone. Except me.

But within his arms I am entitled. I get to ask and I get to need.

And I get to say Weeee! and Yay! and hug him in glee when he says Yes.

I snuggle and cuddle, and cling to and burrow into him. I climb and crawl over him.

And he lets me. He lets me because he is my Daddy, and I'm his little one.

from someone's tumblr... (I clicked the X and now I can't find it again)

Seeing Red

I was. 

For a little while.

BIKSS made an offer to someone that I felt wasn't his to make. I didn't say no when he told me about it cos I thought it would have sounded petty and selfish. 

I've since explained to him how it makes me feel to be put in such a position, and he has since apologised and instructed me to say at any given moment if I feel uncomfortable with something and not worry about how I think I might sound. 

We put it behind us (after much pouting on my part) then got down to some spanking fun. I suggested that to make up for earlier he could make it count!

And he did! With the paddle. 

You know how I say I don't colour easily? Well, he managed to get some red on these cheeks tonight!

What about these Warts

I have some. 

On my outer lips. 

I don't like them. 

I got them looked at.

First I need to try and shrink them with some crazy-expensive cream thingamajig. 

Then every 4 days I go back to the clinic to let the doctor-man take a look to see if it's still working. 

Then hopefully once they're small enough we can cauterise the daylights outta them. 

Are these the kind that can pass back and forth between my partner and me? I asked the doctor-man. 

No, he said. They're harmless. And are caused by micro tears on the skin causing the HPV to flare-up at a time when your immune system was low, most likely. 

He says I could just leave them be, not bother about them, and not let them bother me. 

But it DOES bother me. 

And so, off I go to the pharmacy to get my cream.

(You can see a pic of the flat warts that mine look like HERE and HERE... only I don't have that many, thank God!!)

Not a Cock Worshipper?

Why NOT?

Honestly. I love giving blowjobs, as long as a few simple conditions are met. 

1) he doesn't automatically expect that I'll do it every time (only applicable to vanilla relationships)

2) he's clean and smells of nothing, or detergent (from his undies/boxers), or shower gel

3) I don't have to part hair to find penis / scrotum (shaving is nice, but a neat trim is just as good)

Once that is all sorted out, there is absolutely nothing else I like better than to nuzzle my face against the velvety smooth skin that is the shaft of a penis, and snuff his wrinkly ball sac to inhale the intoxicating aroma of lust and manhood!

I am glad to say that BIKSS has NEVER once smelled bad, not even when unprepared - straight in from work, after a soccer match (I KNOW RIGHT???) or just woken up from a night's slumber. Roger is immaculate!

I'm attracted to his crotch like a magnet. We could be just chatting in bed and I'll find myself sliding down beside him so that my face is level with his cock. Who by this time has been conditioned to wake up and wave hello because Roger is a quick study and he recognises the Fondles sidle. 

So I noticed that when I write about our blowjob / Cock-Worshipping encounters, I get some pretty encouraging comments. Also, I sense that some of them (YOU) have a desire to enrol in the club. The CWS club that is. 

My question today, then, is

What's stopping you from declaring yourself a full-fledged 

CWer or CWS?

What can I do to help you become one? What would you like to know? 

What problems do you have? Or do you THINK you have? 

The thing that comes up often in my comments is the issue of gagging. I'm sorry I can't help you there. I still gag. It's not called a reflex for nothing. But thankfully, you don't have to NOT have this reflex in order to be a class-A CWS. Yes. I am going to be full of it and consider myself a top notch Cock-Worshipper. I'm certain BIKSS will attest to that. 

Can I deep throat? Yes, just not for very long. I'll start gagging. Then I gotta pull back a little and compose myself, get settled, then go for it again. Does it put them off? From my experience, no. And that's assuming they can even tell. Will it feel better if they're all the way in. Yes, but then, even when fucking the idea is to MOVE in and out. So being all the way in and holding that position is good for 2-3 seconds, but at some point he's going to want to pump! And that's my take on the whole gagging thing.

SO this is like my little rulebook - feel free to borrow!

1) Keep the suction on! No cock will be happy just plunging into a hole where the only contact on skin is where the lips make an O. And it's good for your face muscles too!

2) Use your tongue. It is possible to suck and flick at the same time. Try out various actions with your own (clean) finger in your mouth. That way you'll know what sensations you're bestowing upon his cock. 

3) Look into his eyes. And smile. It lets him know you're enjoying this as much as you know he's enjoying it. There are moments when BIKSS knows I'm probably enjoying it more than he is, and that in those moments my own satisfaction takes top priority, while his is secondary to it. 

4) Be lighthearted and open about it. It's perfectly acceptable to talk during a blowjob. "Do you like this? What about here? Hmmm I can tell you like THAT!" It doesn't have to be all serious and stressful. Plus it encourages feedback. He's not going to be forthcoming with praise and suggestion when there's a mouth engulfing his cock, let me remind you. So extract the information from him. 

5) Don't forget the balls. If you can't get down there with your mouth just yet, or the position is awkward, use your fingers and hands, cup them, stroke them, trace the wrinkly lines with your fingertips - a little bit of nail never hurt anyone, roll the skin between your fingers... there's a reason women are better at multi-tasking, I always say. 

6) Don't neglect the thighs. Nipples on his inner thigh as my mouth moves up and down his shaft is a huge turn-on for BIKSS. I'm sure your man will enjoy this too. Hand gripping flesh on thigh, buttocks, all add to the overall effect. 

7) Make some yummy mmmm-ing noises. But only if you're really starting to enjoy it. It does wonders for his man-brain if he knows you're relishing every moment of this too!

Open Season on FA - Questions from Anonymous

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Open Season on FA - Questions from Sarah

Sarah asked -

- You've known Bikss for 25 years. How was it you 2 got together, finally?

- Is this your first D/s relationship? If yes, who brought up the subject? How did it get started?

So the story of me and BIKSS can be found HERE...

...but in a nutshell, we've always been friends, but free and forthcoming with the flirtation. One day at work I said I was bored and asked him to tell me a story. He started texting this rather hot and steamy tale and I got turned on. I challenged him on some of the positions he wrote about and we said we'd try it one day. Block it, as it were. (In theatre, blocking is like trial-running the positions where everyone would stand etc.)

One thing led to another, and I decided, Fuck it, I'm just going to get the sexual tension dealt with, dragged him into the room and we had sex. Not the greatest performance for either of us, I admit, but it definitely got better with practice!

And to answer the second question, well, yes, this is my first (and his as well) D/s relationship. Again you'll find some answers in the post that describes the story of us, but it was actually really quite simple. After our first encounter I left for a pre-planned vacation with the folks. I was in the hotel room, my parents were asleep, and I was on the "extra" bed settling down for the night, and texting BIKSS. We were still exchanging naughty stuff, sexy stuff, and I said I was horny. He asked me to put my hand down my panties and check if I was wet. I replied that I would, but does he wanna go down this road? 

Where "this road" meant he would tell me what to do and I would do it. And then we talked about Taken in Hand - I sent him links, and then we both researched it some more... and this wasn't quite news to him cos I'd mentioned my desire to be sub (not the word I used, but same difference!) in my relationships before, only I never met a guy whom I trusted enough to actually go down this road with.

Well, the rest, as they say, is history. Where "history" in this case means "chronicled in all the posts prior to this one". LOL

Ra-Ra, Gung-Ho Man

(As we were leaving the supermarket)

Are you being all ra ra gung ho man for me? 

No, this is just me being the way I am.

But you're showing me the ra ra gung ho part of you ...

Not really, I'm just carrying your groceries. Nothing too showy about that. It's normal.

But relatively MORE ra ra and gung ho than you usually are around me right?

Since you say it's relative, then even more, no, this is NORMAL. 

Ra-ra would be way more than this. Something to cry about. 

Grrrr - ok, let me rephrase that - since I seldom have you out and about where you can show me this side of you, can't I say that this is the more ra ra gung ho part of you that I seldom see...?

Haha, well, it's the normal part of me, not the relatively more ra ra gung ho part of me. 

Oh pffft. Can you just say you ARE cos you're helping me with my heavy groceries so I can beam and be happy that you're being all ra ra gung ho (and my hero) for me? 

Ok ok, fine. This is me being ra ra and gung ho!

What? Just cos you're carrying a couple of grocery bags?! 

Oh you'll pay for that one. 

Pity your hands are occupied with them heavy bags huh? 
*scurrying off anyway... just in case*

*SMACK* on my tush in the parking lot. 

As he caught up with me, he transferred all the bags to one hand, 

and landed one really sharp one on my left butt cheek. 

Oh but it was SO worth it! 

Open Season on FA - Question from DelFonte

I'm intrigued how you keep the spark alive, the creativity in a D/s relationship. I don't necessary mean sexual things but I know you buy sexy clothing and toys, is this initiated by you or BIKSS?

 ~ DelFonte

First of all, I apologise for taking so long to answer your question. It's a big toughie and I thought I'd just get thru the others before trying to tackle this one. 

OK... easy things first. Let's just say, I'm more inclined to go surfing and purchasing items online than BIKSS is. We HAVE been talking about shopping together but we usually end up in bed instead of in front of the lappy. He has also been thinking about getting me some nipple clamps but that's still in the works. So I think it's safe to say that it's initiated and mostly executed by me. 

It's a little bit difficult for him to be surfing for kinky toys as there's the issue of his family (at home) and, well, his bosses and the resident IT department when he's at work. So I don't resent him for not showering me with kinky gifts. He DID make the slapper(s) (and this one) for me when he had time to go to the workshop and play with some tools, but mostly he's more likely to bring me pervertables rather than the "bought-straight-off-the-net" kind of toys. (Bungee cords, Christmas Paddle, long thwacky pet training tool thing whose actual use we can't quite fathom till today, collar, paper binder clip things.)

So that was the easy part. 

The other part about keeping the spark alive and maintaining the creativity? I think aside from the sexual side of things, there really isn't very much creativity in the relationship. The D/s is constantly part of my mindset. So it's not like he has to think up things for me to do or give me instructions that will enable me to practise my submission. In general we just go about our usual stuff like an ordinary couple, just without the resentment, impatience, screaming, name-calling, blaming, and other unloving gestures. 

The spark in our relationship is largely based on our ability to converse with each other. We talk about everything, about the state of our government (not that often), about religion (even less often - unless it's other religions and not our own), about word or language related things. A typical conversation could cover such topics as which student pissed me off, which fella at work said something funny/strange to him, what "superfluous" means, and why "recalcitrant" always comes out "recaltricant" instead, what developments are taking place with that friend's company that I'm helping, how his pants are getting rather tight and he might have to go on a diet soon, and maybe a little joke or two we read on the web. We also discuss the things we read on the blogs, so there's a lot of fodder for chit chat right there - who said what, who did what, why we agree or disagree with certain things that certain people's other halves did or said. 

We're both rather equally matched in the wit department, and our arrogance quotient is pretty similar too. So there's a good lot of laughing going on and we often try to outdo each other, all in good fun, of course. I think that's fundamentally the thing that keeps us going and high on each other. Oh, that and the awesome sex!