D/s The Musical

Um, I mean, The Phantom of the Opera. Which is where we were tonight. 

The Phantom, I told BIKSS, is definitely Dom. Only he got a bit nasty and carried away with his power at the end there. I mean, think about it. He trains Christine, claims her, makes her depend on him, guides and guards her, and announces multiple times that she belongs to him. 

And when he was no longer playing by the rules and threatened to hold her against her will, she said, F*ck this, I'm outta here. BIKSS thinks she's a good sub. Strong when she needs to be. 

Ta-da!

Now on tonight's date I wore some pretty shoes, a lace top and cami to match the colour of said shoes, and sexy jet black jeans. I didn't bring a bag, since I wouldn't need anything aside from the house keys (he suggested leaving them in the car) and  my phone.

BIKSS offered to hold on to it for me, so I let him put it away in his pant pocket. It began flashing thru the fabric in the middle of the first act. I whispered to him to let me have it. I was going to fiddle with it and switch off the light-flashing feature so it wouldn't be distracting. But he turned to me and growled replied rather more sternly than I've ever heard him before, "Leave it." 

I think I might have been a little taken aback at that. But despite a tiny pout, I sank back into my cushioned seat and leaned my head on his shoulder again to continue watching the performance.

dreamstime.com

At intermission he handed me my phone and I replied whatever messages needed replying. But when the lights began to dim he held his hand open for me to hand it over for safekeeping again. 

And that's when I realised what he was doing. He was confiscating my phone for the duration of the performance so I wouldn't be tempted to check e-mail, facebook and game updates. Admittedly it isn't beyond me to have done so. 

When it flashed again in the middle of the second act it was in his shirt pocket this time. So he got a little shock too. He promptly took it out and stuck it under his thigh between his leg and the seat. Hrmph. Still no phone for me!

Mean Daddy. That's the name he picked. I asked him if he preferred Evil Man or Mean Daddy. He picked Mean Daddy. So yeah. Mean Daddy. 

And when I play-whined about it in the car on the way home he looked at me rather pointedly and made his case, reiterating the words I've been recently using in our convos - "You would have fidgeted and ended up playing with your fone during the show. So What Would Daddy Do (WWDD)?"

I Need a Spanking

Sunday~ 

BIKSS told me recently that he'll be making 2 trips out of town in the next couple of months. I assumed they'd be short-ish trips, 3-5 days or so each, similar to when he's been out of town before. He mentioned one rather far away trip involving a time difference and I figured, ok, maybe a week.

Today he confirmed the dates on our shared calendar and I freaked out and felt the panic start to rise.

He'll be gone for 9 days, and then 6 days later he'll be gone for another week. OK in the big scheme of things it's not that bad, I know some of you have to manage for months at a time without your other halves, but I'm not used to this! 

Sorry. Didn't mean to wail.

Anyway, the thing is since we have pretty "fixed" meeting days, if the days he's back don't coincide with our regular schedule, then it might be a long while before I do get to see him. And there's no guarantee that wifi will be available, or the connection decent, where he's going to be.

He promised to chat and Facetime and what not, but I'm still feeling a little frazzled. That's Fondles-speak for  "I know I'm being ridiculous but I still feel like you're leaving me. And I don't know why I'm feeling this way but I don't like it so please make it go away!"

So I did what I've been preaching on everyone else's blogs. I mustered up the courage and texted him and asked if he could give me a spanking when we meet tomorrow. Not that we don't always have spankings, but I meant not one of those erotic types we usually indulge in. I need some grounding, re-centering, and that calls for one of his cuddle-and-spank specialties. You know the one... where he wraps me up tight in one arm, holding my face close to his chest, and then spanks me with his free hand. Long and determinedly. Uh-huh.. yeap, that one.

And I also added that I felt like I was being a bother, and troublesome, needy. Ok, I didn't say that last bit. But I'm saying it now. I feel needy for wanting to be spanked so that I'll feel less stressed about his upcoming work trips. After all, shouldn't I be able to deal with it? Geez, I'm 40 years old, for pete's sake.

But that's the wonderful thing about TTWD now isn't it? I don't have to sort myself out anymore. I don't have to face it on my own and tell myself to grow up and get a grip. I feel what I feel and I need him to help and I am expected to open my mouth and be honest about my needs. (He reassured me that I wasn't being a bother and he'll give me a spanking and as much cuddle time as I need.)

The alternative - that is, if I didn't come out and ask for a spanking, would be a really touchy, over-sensitive, easily upset Fondles between now and the time he leaves, and THAT would be a recipe for disaster. So it's better this way. I'm glad to say definitively that this is ONE lesson I've learnt.

I'm a little bit nervous, but I know I'll feel better when it's over.

I'll write more about it AFTER.

------------------------------------------------------
Monday~

Did I dilly dally? Yes

Did I stall? Yes

Did I doubt he would keep his promise? Not for a minute.

BIKSS got out the Christmas paddle. He wanted me on my front and moved to get up behind me. I wailed. I wanted his spank-and-cuddle special! The one where he does both at the same time.

He acquiesced and slid down back beside me.

As he delivered his 200 smacks (100 on each cheek, alternating sides now and then), we talked. He told me that he's already asked the company to spring for data-roaming on his cell, so even if the wifi where he'll be is sucky, we'll still be able to chat on one of the myriad of apps we have on our fones. He spanked and rubbed in between, and I was feeling much better. Still sad and pouty, but less stressed and frazzled.

After he was done with that, and my bum was nice and warm, he then moved on to the Christmas Paddle: a hundred swats landing evenly across both cheeks. Non-stop.

And then when he was done, we talked some more, while he held me. And my eyes began to tear as I thought about how much I would miss him. But we actually talked specifically about which days he'll be gone, and which days he'll come over in between the two trips, and his plan for swapping out our regular meet-up days so he'll still be able to see me before he leaves and after he's back. So it was really good all round.

I also told him about how I've made arrangements on some of the days he's away to meet with friends whom I don't get to see often - and we both agree it's a good plan.

So while my bum didn't even turn the slightest hint of pink (he checked), I can still kinda feel it. And I asked if he would do this again when we meet on Friday. I suspect I'll be wanting to be consistently cuddle-and -spanked right up till the day he leaves. This is harder than I thought.

"Thinking about it makes me sad, but blocking it out would be bad," I told him about my mental dilemma and this was his reply (I may be paraphrasing), "Don't block it out, you know that it's coming up, but you also know that I'll be coming back."

Words to keep me sane.

Open Season on FA - Question from Saturn2013

Hi I would like to know more about how to deal with sub frenzy. I want MORE (control, kink, etc..) and I want it NOW. My bf is going so slooow and it's making me crazy. hugs, saturn

Hi Saturn. LOL I mentioned your question to BIKSS last night and he said "What's Sub Frenzy?" 

Then I went on to describe it. The madness I went thru early in our relationship and he laughed. And raised an eyebrow. "Oh. Uh-huh." 

He's also said maybe he'll add his two cents' worth so I'll see if I can get him to add his POV below. 

--------------------

What is it? 

Says Urban Dictionary -- It is a feeling of excitement in discovering the world of BDSM, leading them to want more and more and more, NOW!

Sub frenzy encompasses more than just that tho, and you can read more about it on this post at The Safe Sub Center blog.

I remember feeling that way myself. I wanted the rules. I wanted to know if he was keen on having me perform rituals, wear a plug? Do an assignment? I wanted to know if all the stuff that I did (which I considered submissive acts) were pleasing... enough. And then I wanted, well, just more and more and I think I might have given myself a bunch of headaches wondering why he didn't desire more of me when here I was, ready and willing and basically throwing myself (body and soul) at him. 

Yeah. It sounds kinda pathetic now.. but I understand the feeling. And I've been there. I suppose a lot of us have. 

But as someone kindly pointed out to me - you don't need the Dominance to be submissive. Well, it helps... but it's not ALWAYS necessary. 

For me, submission doesn't have to be reactive. It can be pro-active. "What's that?!" You say? It's true. Let's not pretend that you're not trying to manipulate him into being more dominant, that you're not trying to control the speed at which you're moving along on the D/s timeline. I've been there. I've done that. Sometimes I still think I'm running the show here. LOL. And I ask BIKSS ALL the time if he enjoys being Dom. Or is he only doing it to make me happy since I wanted the whole D/s thing in the first place. 

See, I brought it to the table so I'll always feel like I'm steering the ship. Or feel that I have to. Because I'm in charge of the control panel. But you know, at some point they'll get clever and figure it out, then they'll sneak up on you and take over the remote control and you won't even know it. 

But until then? WAIT. I'm sorry there isn't anything else I can tell you besides wait. However, there are some things you can do while waiting. 

1) Be submissive - all the time. In thought, in preparation, in how you address him, in your choice of clothing - just be aware of the submission in your mind. This does two things - i) You'll always be focusing on being submissive. I assume you are feeling it more obviously only when he is being Dom around you and the rest of the time you're missing it. This way you'll NOT miss it cos it'll be something you think about "being" all the time. ii) It encourages him to be more dominant quicker because he will be accustomed to your constant submissiveness around him.

2) Communicate constantly - Talk a lot about it. Tell him how being submissive makes you feel. Reassure him that you don't need him to necessarily DO anything about it right now, and you understand how he needs to get used to the idea, but that doing this or that really makes you happy and you feel proud to be able to serve him or do nice things for him. I say things like, "You can always ask me for a back rub you know? I'll be happy to give you one." Sometimes specific suggestions could be helpful. 

Think about it, here's this girl they love suddenly offering to be their slave, practically. I know that's not exactly the word all of us associate with, but to a guy (as BIKSS would call it - Boy Logic) that's what they hear I guess. And they're conditioned to treat us with respect, never hit, be polite, so it's like back-pedalling. And it's going to make their head hurt too! And I think half the time they probably don't know what's "acceptable" to ask. 

And always ask him for feedback. How did this or that make him feel? It's at the forefront of your brain, but he's just trying to play catch-up right now. So help him put it in the forefront of his brain too! Talk to him about stuff you read on the blogs, give him your opinion of things, tell him what you like or don't like, what parts of D/s or BDSM or TTWD you agree with, and what you don't. Ask him to share HIS views. You'll get a better understanding of HIS opinion on this whole thing as you go along probing this way... (ask BIKSS, he says I do nothing better than PROBE and DIG into his brain!)

3) Up the ante - Sex-talk him. I don't know many guys who don't like it. It doesn't have to be dirty wash-your-mouth-out kinda talk (unless you both like that!). Something simple like a text mid-day saying how you're missing him and wishing he were there to stroke your ________ (insert preferred body part here) could put the idea in his head and leave it stuck there till he gets home. Or... "I had a thought... I wonder how it would feel like to give you a blowjob while having my hands tied behind me" or something else you would like to do that you haven't already.

A picture speaks a thousand words - find some nice pics on the web and save them to send him via text / IM / email. BIKSS and I regularly surf when we're not too busy and send "notable" pics or poems or sayings / posters to each other. It keeps us connected in a D/s frame of mind, rather than just "vanilla-ly" connected. 

PLUS it keeps YOU focused on the submission and BUSY looking and researching rather than worrying about WHY he isn't more dominant. 

4) It's not only about the kink - I'm not sure if you are D/s in the bedroom only, or all the time. I fancy myself a 24/7 sub, even tho we don't "display" it all the time because we're not together 24/7. But in terms of mindset I think it's safe to say I think of our roles as D/s as the default setting. It's not possible for us to be kinky all the time in our daily lives, so a lot of the submission involves things I do in my vanilla life as well. And that includes making the house extra clean on days he's coming over, learning to make a new dessert as a treat for him, finding out what foods he likes and cooking those for dinner. I think just paying attention to the things that he likes and making them more available / accessible to him all speaks of submission too.

Again, this means you won't only feel the submissive cloak when he's being dominant, but all the time. Making it less stressful for you since you won't feel the "loss" of dominance. (I'm assuming part of the reason you want more dominance from him is so you will be able to show your submission... cos that's how it was for me.)

THE BOTTOM LINE is that if you feel a lack of dominance, it could very well be that you just crave feeling submissive. And you can do that WITHOUT him first asking you to do this, that or the other. Just focus on the BEING rather than the DOING. 

____________________________________________________

AND NOW, BIKSS' POV:

Do you have regular chats with him about what you feel and what you want?

Fondles and I do that ALL the time.

Well, she asks me questions that I have to think about and THEN we talk. She shows me the direction she wants to go, over and over again, until that EUREKA moment when the light comes on and I figure out what needs to be.

She doesn’t force me into doing anything I don’t want to do. It helps that my mind wanders each time I find something on the net as well that is related to D/s, or any porn for that matter.

I could be going out on a limb by saying this but I think that unless your Dom brings the D/s into the relationship, the going IS going to be slow. With Fondles I understood that there was a need, but she was speeding down a German autobahn driving a Lamborghini and I was riding a dirt bike off a dirt track. 

Bringing D/s into this relationship set a whole bunch of questions swirling in my mind as well. I had years of conditioning to overcome. That’s important to remember. Your Dom has questions too.

Does she want it as much as she says or is this a phase?

Can I tell her to fall to her knees and get to cock worshipping? No, really! Can I? (Insert amazed, wide-eyed look of lust.)

During and after a scene… Have I gone too far? Was it too much?

If she is  spanko or into any other form of physical play…….am I spanking her to hard? Too soft? Does she want bruises? Do I?

Those were some questions that kept going through my mind, as I guess they might be going through the mind of YOUR Dom now. These questions act like brakes, keeping us in check.

In these next few statements I might be speaking only for myself and what is stated may only apply to spankos like Fondles.

While many a man would likely be more than happy to spank his woman when asked, most of them would take it to be one of those “who’s your daddy?” spanks like one sees in those pornos. They would give a cursory spank, or two maybe, and stop. After a short interval, he might do it again. Seeing no resistance, he might hit a little harder, a little sharper, just to see if welts appear.

Then the realization hits him. Am I hurting my woman? The brakes come on.

That’s where communication comes in.

Wriggle your arse when he spanks you and make suggestive noises, don’t pull away. Ask him for another smack, and another and when everything is over, tell him how much you enjoyed it. How you’d like him to do it all the time. Fondles does this all the time. The fact I know she gets turned on, and I like her turned on and ready for me, keeps me wanting to spank her.

My walking up and spanking her, twiddling with her nipples and getting her all wet and horny, is a simple reminder to her that I can do that because she belongs to me.  If I wish, I can take her anytime, anywhere, anyhow.

It took me a while, and much discussion, to come to that point and I still have moments where I stop to think before I act. It helps immensely that I read her blog where she can tell me stuff indirectly.

Does your Dom read your blog? If he doesn’t you might want to give him a reason to read it. Keep posting your thoughts and wants on the blog.

I practically stalk her blog (her own words, not mine) and I build my future scenarios from what she says about things she has seen or read and how they turn her on and how they affect her.

I’m certain we wouldn’t have moved this far along this quickly if I hadn’t been checking in on her blog and those of her fellow bloggers.

Last words…get him to read the blogs with lots of sex. They write great posts about their sex lives but almost, if not all, all of them are also great ads for the D/s dynamic. Read enough and he’ll be equating great sex with D/s in no time.

Weekend Pics

Hey, I hear scrotumlickers make great homemakers~

And here's one that BIKSS sent me during the week - just cause he knows it'll put a smile on my face :)

Have a good weekend everybody!

Open Season on FA - Question from His Slut

Because you see your Dom once a week (if I'm reading right), how do you get yourself in the mindset and stay in your mind set for your sessions? I'm struggling with this, and would love some advice. ~His Slut

I've gone and looked at your blog and it seems you don't have a fixed day (?) to see your Dom? Also, I'm not sure what kind of relationship you have with him, and how long you've been together so I can't really offer suggestions or useful things-to-tell-yourself. I can only tell you what I know from my side of the fence, and hope you'll find at least SOME bits of it useful :)

Schedules / Rituals

I see BIKSS twice a week. It may not be much, but we make the time count. This doesn't stress me out too much because I'm a creature of habit. I have routines, I make plans, I am borderline OCD (or OCPD according to Wikipedia) and am usually most comfortable when I know stuff in advance. 

In the early days it used to drive me insane not knowing if we were meeting up that evening, or the next day, and it hampered my ability to make plans with my friends. After all, I'd much rather be hanging out with BIKSS than just sitting around a cafe having chai latte with a pal, ya know? 

So when we DID meet, sometimes it was really hard for me to turn off the control-freak-teacher-in-command and get my mind into the right space. On my part, once I knew we would be meeting that evening, I would get ready by doing my hair in a ponytail, wear the perfume he liked, and made sure I was freshly shaven. These "before-meeting" rituals helped me get into sub mode. Sometimes it was strange cos I'd get ready BEFORE going to work as I would be meeting him right after I got done, so it was like a half and half. I'd get ready in sub-mode, but then at work I would be teacherzilla, and then have to quickly get back into sub mode while waiting for him to pick me up. 

In a way, having a scent that I associate with BIKSS helps, because the physical reminders help shape the mindset. (You've heard about how a person who's unhappy could change the way they feel simply by first forcing the appearance of happiness? Laughing, smiling, etc... The feelings will flow to match the physical actions.)

There were other rituals too. Upon meeting I would kiss his hand, and him, as soon as possible - one or both were not always immediately possible cos he might be driving, we'd be out in public etc.  If he came to pick me up then it wasn't a problem. He'd often place his hand on my thigh, and if I'm wearing a skirt he'll let his fingers wander up towards my pussy. It may sound a little vulgar to some but there's nothing like a Dom immediately reaching for your "private" parts to immediately remind you that you belong to him - ALL of you. I'm sure the purpose of his doing so wasn't explicitly to help get me back into the mindset, but it worked all the same. 

It didn't shock me into being defensive or immediately putting up barriers because BIKSS was never gruff or overtly aggressive. His gestures and instructions always came across as gentle and coaxing. "You know you want to because it will please me" was more the order of the day than "Do it or else". So it was relatively easy for me to flow back into submissive mode. 

Keeping Busy but Staying in Touch

When I'm not with BIKSS I'm busy with other stuff - work, which takes up about 60% of my energy. Half of that is spent in a school and the other half is freelance. So when I'm in school I'm kept occupied with colleagues - we have meals together and plan movie dates and dinner parties. I'm also helping a best friend with her new business so I do a lot of writing for her. That keeps me kinda occupied when I'm at home. Then there's housework - my floor is spotless and I hate clutter. So I'm pottering about my little apartment all the bluddy time in cleanup mode. And when I'm NOT doing that, I'm baking. I like baking stuff and trying out new (easy) recipes. 

It's also hard to miss him too much or slink out of sub-mode 100% when the man is readily available to text / IM. I'm lucky that way. I see a lot of part time D/s couples (I mean part time as in they are not living together, not that they aren't D/s with each other all the time) who don't get the opportunity to chat on a regular basis. I suspect it makes a big difference when I can text Daddy and tell him I'm missing him, and his pussy is missing him, and he can text back almost immediately and tell me to go have a cum and send him pics. OR when we say goodnight and he tells me to show him my nipples (his girls, he calls 'em) so he'll go to bed with lovely images in his mind. AND the best part is when I'm back home and text him to say I'm in the shower (so I'll be a little while more before getting on Skype), and half the time his answer to that will be "Prove it." 

A sub gets to keep the mindset rather easily this way, since there are constant reminders from her Dom that she belongs to him. That even little things like taking a shower or settling into bed can be made into D/s moments. Thank goodness for smartphones and built-in cameras, I say.

In the past it wasn't this way. I didn't feel "connected" to him enough. I would throw raging, ok, hissy, fits cos BIKSS wouldn't be forthcoming in sharing his movements and whereabouts with me. Am I asking too much? Is it NOT my place to expect him to "report" to me? First, I call OCPD. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. 

OCPD is a chronic non-adaptive pattern of extreme perfectionism, preoccupation with neatness and detail, and a need for control or power over one's environment that causes major suffering and stress, especially in areas of personal relationships. (It)  is a personality disorder characterized by a pervasive pattern of preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, mental and interpersonal control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

And now that my defence is in place, I may carry on. It isn't that I want BIKSS to report his every movement to me. It's just that it helps me remain close and connected to him in a way that helps me feel less stressed out and therefore less likely to put up my "Fine, don't tell me, see if I care" walls. *I'm cringing writing this cos it was actually the way I thought in the early days!*

and Earning my Trust

I'm lucky that BIKSS has known me as long as he has, and he knows all the crap I've gone thru with my exes in my sordid past. So he understands my need to know, to feel safe, to be reassured, to feel secure. I've been hurt TOO many times in the past, taken advantage of, sexually abused? well, if you want to put it that way, then yes, I suppose that too. There is an insane train of thought running thru my brain that I'm not worth it. Not worth the time. Not worth the love and effort. Not worth anyone's affection. He's trying to stop that train and put it out of service for good. But it's a long process and I'm only just starting to believe that I AM worth it. All of it. 

The way I used to function was - if i don't know where you are and what you're doing, maybe you'll just disappear and never come back. Crazy, I know. But true. And it's a secret so you can't tell anyone alright?? But yeah, he knew this and so he made an effort to keep me in the loop so I would learn that he's not going anywhere. Oh he must have said this a million times by now. I'm only starting to believe it a leeeeeddle bit. But I'm getting there. *LOL*

Oh, and then when I'm convinced they'll leave me as soon as they can, I turn into a class A biatch. Self-sabotage? It's like I would rather that I gave them a reason to leave, instead of because I just wasn't worth it. It was also a way to test them I suppose, can you take me? Can you take this? BIKSS did. Oh he took it and he crushed it up and he chucked it in the bin, then he said "Now look here, I'm not leaving, I'm in charge, and this is going to stop."

It's the Big Picture

And why am I going on and on about this? Easy. The way the relationship as a whole evolved, I learnt to trust him more, and my desire to please and serve him grew as well, in direct proportion to how I felt his love for me grow too. So really, in a way I don't EVER get out of my sub mindset now. The relationship developed in a way that made it possible for me to think of myself as submissive and subservient to him all the time, except for when I have to put it aside for the duration of the time I'm actually WITH a student.  I think of the sub me as the default me now, and teacherzilla as the mask. In the past I think it was the other way around. Hmph. This is kinda news to me too - thanks for giving me the opportunity to realise this about myself. 

I asked BIKSS just a couple of days ago, if he thinks I'm submissive all the time or just in the bedroom, and he said - mostly in the bedroom cos there hasn't been much reason for me to "have" to be submissive when we're out and about. But that he can still see that spark of feistiness in my eyes. I asked him if he would prefer I work on quelling that or leave it be... and his answer came almost immediately. LEAVE IT. 

But the outcome of further conversation on this topic revealed that there wasn't much opportunity for me to "show" my submission outside of the bedroom because there haven't been any hiccups - possibly because in the first place, I'm in my sub mindset already. I'm never rude to him, and even in teasing if I've gone a little too far I apologise straight away - he has a higher threshold for this than I do tho, sometimes I'll feel bad and say I'm sorry and he'll look at me strange, wondering what in the world I'm sorry for. Then I have to explain that I said this and that and it was kinda rude and I went too far, and it'll turn out that he didn't think so at all. 

When we do eat together at home I relish preparing food, and serving him dinner, getting the wine glasses out, and I always try to have a dessert ready. The man loves his food. When we eat out, I'll let him order for me, but if we're at the food centre near my place where I'm more familiar with the fare, he'll let me run off and buy my favourites! 

When I'm dawdling he'll give me sharp one on the butt to get me into the shower pronto, but when I'm set on putting things away he'll let me have my 10 minutes to get everything back in its place so that I can relax properly with him after. He understands what I need to be a settled, stable sub, and he gives me every opportunity to be the best version of me I can be to him. 

Finally, a Conclusion

Ok, so the point, in a nutshell, really is this - keeping the sub mindset, I feel, comes with time and growing together in a relationship. A large part is the sub's willingness and determination to do so, and to put aside her OTHER self, but the Dom really is very instrumental in helping her get there too. He can expect her to be super-sub at the snap of his fingers, and I suppose it is within his right to do so, but he can also help his sub to transition more easily with specific gestures, well-timed words, and consistent behaviour. And the easier the transition becomes, the less distinct the line between sub and non-sub is.

I'm not sure if this helped you any, but it sure gave me tons to think about and an opportunity to reflect on my own relationship and submission. So thank you for your question! Do feel free to ask more. 

Over Time

When I first started blogging it was because TTWD was so new to us that I needed some security in knowing what I was doing wasn't entirely insane. 

Over time I have found my own footing, we've worked out our own dynamic, and even tho our style of TTWD may evolve we're comfortable in our kinky skin enough to be able to navigate the changes, acknowledge and discuss them, and then move forward - hopefully leaving the stuff that doesn't work behind, and only going on with the stuff that does!

In the past I wrote a lot about dilemmas, I asked, I wondered, I pondered, and needed direction. 

The people who commented wrote plenty helpful stuff. And then I hit a plateau. I didn't need them anymore. The comments that is, the ones that would validate me. I didn't need them because I grew into this lifestyle and we became secure in our roles, we understood, and got it! (That doesn't mean I don't enjoy reading comments... I DO! I just didn't depend on them for answers!)

And then the writing changed. Now I'm mostly sex-blogging. And I wonder if this is what I want to do - have my Monday night dates then write about the sex we had. 

I took a look around and figured there were a few different types of blogs - 

1) The Beginner - what is wrong with me / am I doing this right / I need to know I'm not alone

2) The Working-It-Out - submission is hard / the problems I'm facing (includes HoHs who aren't quite on board with the programme) / I'm really trying to be a good wife / Dom-less or sub-less at the moment

3) The All-Sorted-Out-And-Happy-With-The-Way-Things-Are-Working - this bunch consists of a few categories (some of which skipped 1 and 2 and ended up straight here):

i) the authors - who either have published books, or write and share their short stories

ii) the sex reporters - who are great to read when one needs a mid-day kick

iii) the sharers of pics and quotes and other blogs - who are generally just connectors and fab resources for not-so-personal TTWD / DD / Spanko stuff. 

I think I'm in the sex reporter zone at the moment.... what about you? 

To the younger / newer readers of my blog, is there something you'd like to know that my older followers have all pretty much gotten sick of reading about? To my older blogfriends, is there something you'd like to know that I haven't grumbled about to death yet? 

I've effectively run out of interesting stuff to say. My brain isn't in my blog right now. So ask me something, ANYTHING - it's open season on FA.

Presenting the Gander's View

(You might want to read MY VERSION of this adventure first...)

and now... here's BIKSS ~

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There’s very little I enjoy more than having Fondles between my legs, her lips around my cock, and when Fondles moved down to say her customary hello I was looking forward to one more great blowjob.

She, however, had other things on her mind besides a blowjob.

She looked up from between my legs and asked if she could use a plug on me.

That question did its rounds in the deepest, darkest recesses of my mind, where all such questions go to find answers and I think the “yeah, sure” was out even before I actually registered the question properly.

Quicker than one could say whoop-dee-doo, Fondles reached across and got a few plugs out and I was faced with choices, including a larger one that I had forgotten about.

She has written about my earlier experiences with fingers and butt plugs up my arse but the previous butt plug was the same size as her finger. I now faced the option of having a larger plug in me. It may have been smallish to Fondles but to me it was HUGE!!!

We read a lot about the trust subs have in their Doms, but we sometimes forget that that trust has to go both ways. This woman has given herself over to me and she has my trust as well, so I went for the bigger plug.

I can’t say there wasn’t any trepidation. It was something new but I wasn’t going to decline a plug up my arse and a blowjob at the same time.

The plug went in slow and Fondles watched me as it settled in, then she went to work with her mouth. As her warm mouth engulfed my cock, I lay back and savoured the sensations.

I never thought I’d enjoy using the plug the way I do. The butt plug/blowjob combo is a keeper.

The orgasm was intense and, as far as my “boy logic” is concerned, something I would think any man would enjoy at least once.

So, would I recommend it to every Dom?

I wouldn’t go so far as to say they all HAVE to do it because I think there might still be the stigma of sticking something up a manly arse that prevents more men doing so. The thought that I’d one day have a butt plug or anything else up my own arse never, ever crossed my mind. Not once.

Then one day, she asked me if she could stick a finger up my butt and everything changed.

I’d say if he’s willing to experiment, he should definitely give it a try. The love and trust that his sub has already given over to him precludes judgement so there should be no reason for embarrassment if he does like it.  After all, “real men” don’t stick things up their bottoms.

If they don’t like it, no worries, don’t do it again. Simple….

What's Sauce for the Goose...

ours is black

...is a butt plug for the gander.

So since we've had good results with my finger in BIKSS' butt, and since we've used the tiniest butt plug we have with no negative repercussions, last Monday as I was fondling Roger with my face and, eventually, my mouth, I suggested we try putting a plug into BIKSS again. 

He was game... so I gave him a choice. The small pink one from the trainer set, the medium one from the same (which is a little long and not as comfortable, in my opinion), or the Doc Johnson Mood Naughty (which he has actually forgotten I had purchased and so I have been safe from it for a rather long time!)

He picked the Naughty and we got naughty with it. I washed it, dried it, then came back to bed. Brandishing said plug in one hand, and reaching for anal lube with the other, I was overcome with a strange feeling. Here was this man I call Daddy lifting his legs for me to insert a plug into his butt. Because he trusts me. And he trusts that I will not judge, take advantage, think him weak nor perverted. His trust in me gives me more reason to admire and serve him, to wonder at his immense gift of himself to me, despite having to work around our limitations and time constraints. 

And I was distinctly aware of the difference between our butt plug escapades. When we involve any anal play while I'm giving him a blowjob, the desire is for him to have an intense, more pleasurable orgasm. Sure I enjoy some anal play too, but when it's MY ass getting plugged, there is one big difference - it is one of many symbols that all of me is for his taking. 

So even tho the physical gestures may look the same, the psychology behind his anal play experience and mine are significantly different. And that's perfectly alright by me!

It's also reassuring to know that he'll be careful when he's fiddling around my back door cos he knows what it feels like to be, er, fiddled with?

Now we really should think about getting me a pink one so that we can BOTH wear them while having sex. That'll be fun!

Tuesday Toon 23rd July

Sometimes when BIKSS isn't around I wish I had a spanking machine of my own!

Enjoy...

(unknown)

Thank you Walt Disney Studios

And their biggest rival in those days, Fleischer Studios

And of course, good ol Warner Bros too

The Monday Post 23/07/13

I've decided that post-Monday-date posts shall be simply known as The Monday Post. Only because I'm too lazy to think up new titles. There was a time I wanted to be witty and clever and smart. I'm over that. 

-----------------

mine looks exactly like this

It began with a corset. After a shower. With a spaghetti shift dress over it. No knickers. No bra. And a good measure of anticipation.

In the kitchen. Cooking dinner. Pasta.

Sitting up straight. Watching tv. Waiting. For the sound of the car. For the sound of the elevator ping. For the door latch to click open.

He kisses me, untucks his shirt. Sits beside me on the couch, on the chaise, and pats the area in front of him. I move. I lean against his chest. He feels the corset under my dress. Approval. Lust?

I suggest we eat. I'm hungry. And I want dinner out of the way.

I'm done with dessert, and feeling warm. Bad weather. Humid. I need to escape into the room where the aircon's running, I tell him. He gives me permission to leave the table and go into the bedroom. "Get into position, and put on those nipple clips with the chain," he instructs.

On the bed, eager. Presenting. He comes in. I hear the ice cube he's playing with in his mouth. Cold tongue on my bum. A kiss. Cool wet hands on my cheeks. The cold tongue has moved forward to my pussy lips. Welcoming. Perfect for a hot sub.

He begins to spank me. Then moves on to the belt. We talk about subservience. About presenting. About the significance of such a posture.

A finger. Touching. Barely. Pulling up the juices that my body is producing. The juices that tell him I'm ready for him.

He fucks me, then stops to reach for something in the night stand. The double dildo makes an appearance. He fucks my asshole with the smaller arm, while pumping into me with Roger.

"You should turn over" he says. I get on my back, he places the dildo back in me. "Lift," and the toy is held in place by the other arm snuggled nicely under my bum. I lower my ass and Roger is fucking my pussy again, the rocking motion causing the dildo to fuck my butt hole in perfect sync.

Cap'n Silver is placed on my clit and we spend some time getting me off.

I am spent. And he is ready to shoot his load. He pumps into me, dildo too, and when he has cum I let all my muscles turn to mush and lay lifeless on my back.

"I still have a dildo up my ass," I whine.

He removes it and we clean up with tissues. Well, he cleans up with tissues. I just hold my wad between my legs and don't move for 10 minutes.

I only have enough energy left in me to move my head. Which I do, to turn and look at him, and be rewarded with a kiss. And I am aware of my corset once again.

The Lone Ranger

Let's just say this movie (and its already famous theme song) will forevermore be associated with having Roger in my mouth, 2 fingers in my pussy, and BIKSS alternating between smacking my ass and pinching my left nipple. Yes... on the couch. 

We adjourned to the bedroom 10 mins before the movie ended (cos I couldn't wait anymore), and then it was Hi Ho (Cap'n) Silver, AWAY!

Don't you just LOVE movie nights in? ... oh, and curtains, of course! :-)

Follow Friday 19th July

Hello all, here are the people I've started following this week:

1) From submissive to spanko -  have a look at Mickey's blog Blissfully Submissive.

2) And here's a recent addition to the CWS family (also my favourite breakfast cereal), Special K - The Sexual Submissive - with the added bonus of pictures scattered throughout the blog.

Alright then, off you go to visit some new friends! Happy weekend!

A Figging Fantasy

It's been a long while now since we tried figging for the first time. 

And while some of my fellow subs around Blogland find it intense, it didn't really do as much for me as say, bondage or blindfolds do... 

So anyway I was reading some other blogs recently and I might be ready to give it another go.

Galangal

But since I live in Asia, I was wondering if any of the other 'spicy' rhizomes would work too?

For example, how about some galangal?  

"Though it is related to and resembles ginger, there is little similarity in taste. In its raw form, galangals have a stronger taste than common ginger. They are available as a whole rhizome, cut or powdered. The whole fresh rhizome is very hard, and slicing it requires a sharp knife."

Turmeric

And what about some turmeric? This one stains too so a Dom could "mark" his sub's butt hole at the same time. Nothing says "this ass is taken" like a bright orange stain now, does it?

"Its active ingredient is curcumin and it has a distinctly earthy, slightly bitter, slightly hot peppery flavor and a mustardy smell." 

The reality of it tho, is that since I haven't seen anything on the web anywhere about using an alternative root, I'm not going to be the one who tries to experiment - not in my own butt anyway! 

On a related note, if you ever want to experiment with "burning" sensations, have a go at Yoko Yoko.... now THAT is hot! I can't imagine having that applied over a freshly-spanked bum! (I've banned BIKSS from ever using this on me - it's on my list of hard limits.) Have a good rest-of-the-week everybody!

Out Damned Spot

"Out, damned spot! out, I say!" ~ Lady Macbeth

Ok, I'm no Lady M but I DID find myself muttering that same line earlier today as I was cleaning. 

You see, last night part of our session involved BIKSS positioning on the mat beside the bed, kneeling, and bobbing my head on his cock with my mouth wrapped around it (yes, I know this last bit with the mouth seems obvious, but you never know which wise*ss might pop up and be difficult about it). 

And since I wasn't quite kneeling up, I kinda had my knees shoulder-width apart and sitting back on my calves in order to be at a suitable height for said bobbing.

Now usually we're in bed so when the juices start a-flowing the sheets'll just soak 'em up. (I'm reminded of Kitty's wet spot post.) But this time my pussy was hovering a good six inches off the floor (or more) and there was a pretty darn decent amount of lubrication, lemme say. 

So much so that I felt a cool trail on my inner thigh as my calisthenics caused me to shift my legs ever so slightly together and apart again in the same rhythmic motion as the bobbing action from above. I looked down as I mentioned it to BIKSS (yes, while keeping Roger within the general vicinity of the inside of my mouth) and that's when he reached down and did his own inspection and assessment. 

He sat on the edge of the bed and I relinquished my hold on Roger so that I was now straight-backed and I humped BIKSS' fingers inside me. 

After enough of this he had me up on the bed and we carried on the usual adventures... 

When I looked over at the floor after our session I saw nothing. No telling signs of a wanton pussy having been anywhere nearby. Nada. Zip. 

Which is why I was amused today while tidying up - as I reached the mat while cleaning the floor, I stuck my toe on it to slide it out of the way - and it wouldn't move. So I leaned over and pulled it clear off the floor with my hands and then realised at the edge of the mat where I was happily dripping away last night, some of my juices did in fact get on the floor, making the fabric stick down a little as it dried. 

Oops. 

Er, but I've mopped now, AND changed the sheets. So the room is clean again! 

Because It's Monday

It was a heavenly evening, and too many things happened... the collar came back out after a long hiatus, BIKSS was more vocal than usual, instructing me to kneel and suck him off, to sit on his fingers as he inserted them upwards into my wet pussy - and I ended up humping his hand! He discovered that I didn't mind having the collar pulled a little tighter than usual, and I discovered he really enjoyed having Roger sucked on when my mouth is still cold from drinking water. He played with my clit so ferociously that I bucked till I was exhausted. He spanked me with the paddle while he fucked me (erotic, not painful), and then again later with his hand (totally way more painful - I can still feel it!).

Yup, too many things happened for me to go into detail, but here's a little Monday ditty for your reading pleasure.

M is for Making me suck on his dick

O is for "Ouch", on my ass, with a stick

N is for Nuzzling his crotch while he rests

D is for Daddy massaging my breasts

A is A cold mouth that got him off right

and Y is Yours truly, now saying Goodnight!

Dos, Doughs and Don'ts

It was Friday again and we had planned to stay in and watch a streamed copy of "White House Down" since neither of us was sure if it was worth a trip to the cinema. 

It was going to be movie and pizza night and I had been badgering BIKSS for donuts all week (ok, maybe the last TWO weeks, to be honest) so I was thrilled when he picked me up with a box of donuts in tow. Sure I could have gotten my own donuts, but that's HIS job!

We came home and ordered the pizza (while munching on a donut each - hey, you can't blame me, they were RIGHT THERE!). Then it was shower time, and because he's always grumbling about me walking around the house in my panties (and he does NOT like it one bit, let me tell you), I waited for him to come into the room so I could ask if a particular pair of boyshorts was acceptable attire. He said yes, cos the curtains were drawn. But before I could pull on a top he had me on all fours on the bed. 

And he spanked me. Hard. With his left hand. (He claims not to be able to tell how hard he's hitting with his left! Pfft!) With my bottom up and my legs at a 90 degree angle to my back like that, the skin is stretched rather more than when I'm lying flat on my belly in bed. So the pain was magnified by just *that little bit* and since I had knickers on he decided to aim lower, towards my exposed sit spot. OUCH.

Of course to thank him for my spanking I sucked on Roger (not that I ever need a reason to) and of course when he started pinching my nipples, I just HAD to get me a fucking. And of course when I told him that now he had to fuck me cos he'd gotten me all wet and horny, he was more than willing to!

Some lively discussion of DD and punishment followed while we were laying in bed and cooling off, then for some strange reason the word "baby" slipped out of my mouth. I am NEVER to call him baby. NEVER. The connotations of my using that word have to do with the role I found myself in in previous relationships. And we had decided early on that I would never slip back into the domineering persona that I was forced to adopt in those relationships. 

Never mind. It's a long story. But after a raised eyebrow in my direction, I realised what I said and apologised. It wasn't any serious offence or anything but we've managed to keep this at bay all this while so I was just (and he was too, probably) amused that it popped out. 

I playfully asked him if he wanted to spank me for it. His reply was, "You just wanna get spanked again don't you?" What can I say... he knows my heart. 

I nodded and he did. Again with his left hand. And I just HAVE to share this conversation with you cos it had me so tickled.

Me: Ow it hurts! If you're not even left-handed how do you deliver such painful smacks?

Him: Cos usually I smack you up here (on my bum) and you're used to it, it's seasoned! But down here (sit spot) it's still fresh, raw, un-used to a spanking. 

Me: So do you also hurt more when you're spanking me with your left hand? Cos it's fresh, raw and un-used to a spanking? (I'm being cheeky... )

Him: Oh, it's not painful anymore. It went numb way, way before. 

I'm filing this under "Things you never hear a Dom say"!

After that he experimented with spanking my inner thighs. I lay on my back with my legs bent at the knees, open, and soles touching each other, making a diamond shape on the bed. It got me so turned on! I think it  was the combination of the sting, knowing my pussy was on display and willing myself to leave my legs spread for his spanking. 

BIKSS alternated between teasing my clit and smacking my inner thighs and that did me in. Eventually when he was done dishing out the pain, he concentrated on torturing me with some clit-rubbing. This doesn't get me to orgasm. But what it DOES is after enough manipulation it sends a zing through me so that I want to pull my legs together, a reflex, if you will. But knowing that I'm not to do that so as not to block his access to my girly bits, I end up bucking and panting and all sorts of things that he enjoys watching me do. 

And then when it gets too intense it culminates in what I described to BIKSS as being like the first 2 seconds of a pee - that internal electric shock of satisfaction and release - and sometimes I think I leak a few drops of something-that's-not-pee, and then it subsides and we're back to just plain horny again. Rinse and repeat. 

Now I never really noticed in the past, but last night there was definitely a wet patch on the bed that didn't quite smell or feel like pussy juice, it smelled more metallic, kinda the same smell as the stuff that comes out when there is a squirting incident. So we're just assuming it's the same stuff, just delivered intermittently this time. We've decided to call it squirties. LOL.  

I *am* certain, tho, of one thing - it feels awesome, and tiring, and after a while I'm not even really there anymore. I sorta float away and then back and then away and then back. Heavenly!

After another good fucking (Roger was loath to let all that wetness go to waste) we eventually got out of bed. BIKSS let me wear a top even tho he had planned to have me walk around topless - I complained that I was feeling out of sorts and the wine and the slight haze from earlier in the day weren't exactly a good combination. I must have whined about "feeling ill" rather a fair bit cos he relented and I got to wear a tee. 

This Daddy lark is working out great! If there's a word I could get used to, it would be "indulgent". (*Kisses* I love you Daddy BIKSS!)

We settled on the couch and watched our movie and ate our pizza and then at some point I moved down on the chaise and wrapped myself around his stretched out leg, my head nuzzled into his crotch, and I just lay there for a little while watching tv while his hand made circles on the back of my neck. 

Bliss!