Home Sweet Home

I'm back everybody! 

The flight was quick, I napped the whole time. 

The cab queue was short so I got home in a jiffy. 

But I'm missing him BADLY!!

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This is somewhat of a rushed post - cos I've gotta get ready to work (yes, I chose to fly back on the same day I have to work) but I didn't want to forget all the stuff in my head. 

If I let it out here, it means I can forget about some of it and clear up the RAM in my brain. 

I knew I was going to miss him terribly. And I think we BOTH wanted to make our last night together count. 

There was some good ol' spanking going on with his self-made porto-spanko. I lay over him in reverse cowgirl style, only my body was bent down onto the bed, and he took a video and wanted me to show you guys how red my bum got (this is rare let me tell you).

After that, as we lay enjoying each other's company, we ended up talking about some deeper stuff - why I am submissive. 

Our theory is this, and Aisha, this is probably up your alley so if you want to explore it some more I would be happy to chat with you. 

When I was young I was deathly afraid of abandonment. I had a recurring nightmare for 2 years - about 3-4 times a week. I would be on a hospital gurney and being wheeled away, down some sterile looking corridor in lime green, and knowing that I'd never see anybody I knew ever again. That feeling of not being able to control what was happening to me filled me with fear. It is this particular brand of "fear" that I will be referring to when I use this word in the rest of this post. 

Later on I experienced some sexual abuse (story for another day) but again the feeling of not being in control was all I could remember. 

I grew up to be a control freak. I had contingencies aplenty. And I would never be caught without an answer. I planned, and I plotted, and I prepared. For everything, in every aspect of my life. It is what makes me the awesome home-maker and teacher that I am. (Fact. Not arrogance.)

I told BIKSS that strangely enough before I left on this trip with him, I felt that familiar "fear" of being out of control. The same one that I woke up feeling in the middle of the night when I had those nightmares. 

And then I recognised it as the feeling I get when he is dominating me in bed - when his hand is around my neck, when I'm forced to spread my legs, when he hurts my nipples. Only it doesn't REGISTER as "fear" but as arousal. 

We talked and I concluded that it is perhaps my way of controlling that particular feeling. My inner psycho at some point decided that the way I would face it head on would be to associate that *negative* "fear" with a *positive* sexual arousal. In that way I am able to take it, turn it around, and make it mean something else entirely. 

Any thoughts?

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After talking about all that abuse stuff, he decided he would "illustrate" his points with some throat grabbing and forceful talk, all the while filling me with more and more heat! Then he plunged into me, with no ceremony, fucked me madly and came! I was Immensely Happy. 

I snuggled into him and we watched the rest of our movie. He was tender and loving and cuddled me close. And before going to bed I told him he needed to know 2 things. 

"1 - I am glad you're my Master. You're awesome at it."

"Whats 2?"

"2 is that I've always said I love you, but it's so disconnected. It's not meant to BE disconnected - it's actually,  I love you, BIKSS (I used his actual name here)."

He breathed deep, and as he exhaled he kissed my forehead *meaningfully* (yes you can FEEL THESE THINGS!) and said he loves me too. 

And then we slept. 

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Before he left for his class today he kissed me a million times as he walked past me (still in bed) gathering up his stuff for the day. 

And on his final pass he leaned over - I had kicked the covers off cos it was getting too warm - and he smacked me 10 times on each cheek. 

"What was that for?" I smiled as I asked him.

"To remind you that you're mine." And I got one last lingering kiss before he left. 

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When I got to the airport I received this on my phone, along with an I Love You - he can be such a teenager in love! (There were other emoticons but I'll spare him heehee.)

And I have to say a special THANK YOU to SirQsMLB for keeping me company via chat this morning when I was at the airport - I was missing BIKSS so terribly but he was in class and I didn't want to disturb him too much. It was a welcome distraction, so thank you Fiona!

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Here are some pics from the trip - I thought I'd share them with you since I have some time (and a proper internet connection) now.

See the Rain Shower?

A local stall-holder keeping his hair dry from the drizzle

Got this on the way to the airport

Delicious King-Size Bed to roll around in

Master's lap on the plane

It's Almost Time for Home

For me, that is. I have one more sleep then I'll be heading for home. BIKSS will be in another country next week for yet another round of courses. And I'll only have him back home in the 2nd week of Dec.  >sob<

Having spent so much time (and whole nights) with him, it's going to be doubly awful not having him around at all for another 10 days. But that too shall pass. If there's one constant in life, it's that time keeps moving.

Which is not to say sometimes it can't move v-e-r-y-s-l-o-w-l-y. 

It was pouring when I got back from the mall yesterday, and BIKSS was already lying in bed with his book, waiting for me to get back. We hung out at the dresser, I showed him my buys, including some new socks for him. And after we took the "under the dresser" photo for Ana and added that to my previous post, and perused the comments, he put the clips on my nipples again. OUCH. 

This time he was kind, he didn't leave them on too long cos there was the question of removing my pleasure balls. He pointed over to the bed, laid out some tissue, and instructed me to get going, so he could "remove those balls and replace them with something else hmmm?"

Mmmm... as I spread open for him to pull them out I teased him, "What are you going to replace them with huh?"

Yes. I know. I should learn to keep my mouth shut. He rammed his cock into me. You know what comes after. 

So we lay there a bit and I dozed off for a few minutes. Then it was time for dinner. WHAT? It's not even 7? Yay! Hurray! That means tons more time tonight for us to snuggle together.

The rain wasn't anywhere near stopping, so he suggested getting take-out from the nearby Hard Rock Cafe. I was happy to agree since he offered to make the dinner run. Off he went, while I hopped around Blogland catching up on some reading. We ate in bed, and watched Armegeddon on Fox Movies. When dinner and the show was done we showered together and hopped into bed. 

It was barely past 9. Gee. Time seems to be moving real slow tonight. 

"Uh-huh. There's LOTS of time for us to do stuff."

He stroked my bum a little, which meant that chances were good he'd move on to spanking. Which he did. With his hands. Once cheek at a time, all in the same spot, rhythmically. Smack smack smack smack. I think it was in sets of 10. I complained when he was done with my left cheek. "My ass isn't small you know."

"Yes I know. I like landing them all in the same spot. The other side, come on."  He did the same thing on my right cheek. I was being cheeky (no pun intended) when I said, "You know if you insist on making all the smacks land on the same spot there's an easier way to do that without hurting your hand."

"That's right. You brought the hairbrush didn't you?" And off he went to the bathroom and got it. And then my butt got it. *Yowzer*

this is the exact
brush I have

After he was done spanking me (again all the swats landing on the same spot, including some sets where he got at my sit spot!) and I was nice and compliant, BIKSS wanted dessert. He decided that taking up residency between my legs was the way to go, so that's what he did. I think I stupidly said something like I didn't feel very subby when we were in that position. He shushed me but I kinda went on. And on. So the man left me on the bed, legs open, told me to stay there, and went off in search of something. The sash from the bathrobe. It's broad enough to cover my mouth - which is what he did, tying it up behind my head. 

"Now lie down, and shut up," he said, in a most matter-of-fact tone.

"Mmmphh," I grunted. 

"And keep both hands behind your head, go on."

I did so. 

"And you just answer yes or no from now on with a nod or a shake of your head, understand?"

"Mmm-hmm," I ventured.

"Nod or Shake your head. Do you understand?"

I nodded. He went through some rhetorical question that he made me answer, you know, mostly about what he was doing to my clit, did I like it, did it feel good, that sorta thing. 

And that was how he made eating pussy a submissive exercise for me. 

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"You feeling subby enough now? Let's see how you feel when you have me in your mouth, hmmm?"

He lifted himself off me, pulled the sash down to let it hang around my neck and put his cock in my mouth. Then he fucked my face. Without letting me get my hands anywhere near his member. 

"You want to be subjugated and made to feel submissive don't you? You want my cock fucking your face? And my finger fucking your pussy?"

I moaned and I whimpered and he plunged his finger into my cunt and I was dripping from BOTH sets of lips. He smacked my pussy as he fucked my mouth. And I made the noises I like to make around his cock, and then he came. And I smiled and said thank you like a good sub would.  

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It wasn't quite as late as I thought - perhaps because when we're back home we don't meet up till after 9 or 10 some days. So I'm used to it being midnight way too quickly. :-(

He's SO patient when I want to
do these kinds of things

Since we had time, we ended the night with a movie on his laptop, and potato skins on his tummy - leftovers from dinner which we didn't want to keep overnight. And then when I was tired and dipped my head under his arm for a bit, he stopped the movie, shut the lappy and decided it was time to go to sleep. 

"Why did you turn off the movie?" 

"Because you're tired and we can continue tomorrow."

"I'm not..."

"And I'm tired too. It's time for bed," he interrupted my protest.

Then he kissed me and cuddled me and we said our goodnights. 

I think I like the non-kinky D/s just as much as I like the hot-sex D/s. 

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BIKSS woke up feeling ill in the middle of the night, I got up and made him take some pills. What is it with boys? They'll be sick NOW, but insist on taking meds LATER. How is that logical I ask you? Well, none of that when I'm around. It was nice being able to take care of the man. But I hope he's feeling better at the end of today. 

Right then. I shall leave you with a pic of some Perfect-Gift-for-Doms cuff-links I saw while I was at the mall today. See you when I get home!!

sorry about the glare...

Keeping Quiet

It's not easy to keep the volume down in a hotel room. On the one hand, you don't have to worry about your neighbours like you do back home, so you THINK you can abandon caution and just scream away. But on the other hand, when one of the trainers from BIKSS' course is in the room down the hall on your floor, you kinda want to keep the noises to a minimum since technically I'm NOT supposed to even be here. 

But I get ahead of myself. 

I have a vanilla friend who knows BIKSS and when we got together I told her. She's the only one who knows his identity. She lived with me a year or so, and then moved back here to get married and settle down. We arranged to meet her and her husband for dinner last night. Now they live in the outskirts and our hotel is in the city so they were a while getting to us. It was pouring, and traffic was horrid. 

Ana, this is for you

What could we do to pass the time? (I can hear you lot shouting out your answers like an audience in a game show!) 

Yes I got under the dresser where BIKSS was browsing on the laptop and proceeded to give him a blowjob - a very neat one. No mess, no fuss. And then it was time for dinner. 

Which wasn't very exciting, we spent a couple of hours at a local street side stall - it was inexpensive, delicious, and the conversation was great. There was so much catching up for us girls, the guys were meeting each other for the first time... and they seemed to get along well.

Soon it was time to go and we said goodbye, going our separate ways. 

There was a little incident where a cab almost ran us over. We were at a pedestrian crossing, where the green man was lighted up - it's not like we were jay-walking, and the taxi didn't show any signs of stopping for us. Halting in our tracks, BIKSS reached out and slammed the cab's bonnet as the fella was making the corner - he had slowed down enough by then. 

The scary part is the cabbie actually hit his brakes and stopped in the middle of the road. And I think he would have come out to have words (and maybe throw a punch) if the cars behind him weren't honking madly. 

Later, I gave BIKSS a back massage, and after that we discussed the incident and I admitted I was afraid. Not at his reaction - I know he was taken by surprise and merely reacted out of anger as our safety was at stake - but because we're not at home and while BIKSS is large enough that no one would challenge him in a fist-fight (Asians are small, BIKSS is an extra-large in this part of the world) the people here have been known to carry knives and other weapons. Or things that could be used as weapons. 

I was afraid that he would get hurt. He apologised and said he should have handled that better cos it's not like he isn't aware of the danger of instigating an altercation in this part of the world. I reassured him that it wasn't him that scared me, but what COULD have happened. 

Anyway, that done, we headed to shower. To calm our nerves. Only we never got there. As I was going to the bathroom he accosted me right there and reached into my bathrobe to grab at my breast. You see where this is going don't you? 

The robe came off, the tits were fondled.

My arms were held tight behind me, while he attacked my nipples with his lips, his stubble rubbing against the smooth flesh of my breast. 

"Spread your legs" he grunted into my ear. 

I complied. 

He rubbed me till I was making noises. 

He told me to keep quiet, releasing my arms and placing his hands on my shoulder to urge me downward.

I took him in my mouth. He was hard. The skin on his bulb stretched shiny and smooth. 

He held my head in place with one hand on my crown. And fucked my mouth till he came. 

And THEN we made it to the shower.

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Last night's spanking was standing, bent at the waist over the back of the dresser chair, facing the mirror. Thankfully he didn't make me watch (I whined "Please don't make me look in the mirror"), though I stole a few glances. He porto-spanko-ed me and then whipped my ass with his belt, finishing with his hands. As promised. There's something very sub-inducing about being made to GO to a spanking position instead of just rearranging myself in bed. I was a happy sub as I crawled into bed with him, well, on top of him, letting the coolness of the smooth blanket soothe my warm bum. 

We fooled around a bit and I was getting more and more turned on rubbing my wet clit over his cock. 

I asked to use Capt. Silver (yes, I brought it along with me) and he had me on my back, holding on to my vibe and buzzing my way to an orgasm... in the last couple of minutes before I came he covered my mouth (the bottom half of my face, to be exact) with a cupped hand, nipped at my ear and told me to cum for him. I'll say it for you. HOT HOT HOT. That's what I felt anyway. 

So I say again. It's hard to be quiet of one's own accord. But thank goodness for a helpful Dom. 

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Today I went swimming. BIKSS came back to the room to check email etc. and I found him here when I got back from the pool.

Before he left I showed him SirQsMLB's message that I should tell him to "spank often and spank long".. well he didn't have much time for a long spanking, but he DID spank me with the porto-spanko before he left for his afternoon session.

It hurt. He was spanking harder cos I was clothed. He didn't take into account my pants were very thin. Sheesh.

Right. I'm going shopping! With my pleasure balls inserted cos he's just messaging me now to put them in! Yes, I brought those too. At his request. What fun...

Will update later!

Our First Sleep

But before that, all the stuff that led to it. 

When we left you last night, BIKSS was telling you about going out to dinner. We had just gotten back to our room and I was ironing his clothes for today. I think it's hard for him to just sit back and enjoy having me do stuff for him. I detect a faint embarrassment every time I ask him if he'd like a drink - coffee or tea - and he says yes. There is something to be said for a man who allows you to serve him even though he is unused to it, just because he knows you want nothing else more than that. 

So he called me over to him where he wanted to show me a video on his laptop. The armchair wasn't big enough for both of us so I cuddled up on the floor next to him and leaned my head against his side as I watched. When the videos were done I knelt up and kissed him. He chucked the lappy onto the coffee table and freed up both hands - one to hold my face, the other to caress my bottom where he held me in a one-arm hug. 

It was beautiful - meaningful, passionate and earnest. As we kissed he fondled me, pinching and tweaking my nipples, causing the straps of my dress to fall off my shoulders, exposing my breasts to him. We broke for him to whisper to me that I should get around to the front. As I moved into position he lifted himself partially off the seat to undo his jeans and pull them off along with his underwear. I got them the rest of the way off and came to kneel between his knees. He leaned back and watched as I took Roger in my mouth and began sucking him with gusto. I didn't waste any time teasing and touching, I impaled myself on his cock straightaway. 

After just a minute or two he gently moved my head away from his crotch and leaned to the side, reaching into his duffel for the clips he'd brought along. He gently placed one on my left nipple, allowing me time to adjust to the closing clip, and when it looked like I was coping with it he repeated the process with the other nipple. 

I was breathing deeply, trying to accept the pain that he had applied via those clips. After some time it seemed more bearable and while I could still feel them distinctly biting down, it wasn't too excruciating. I continued with my task. 

Only as soon as I brought my head down on his shaft the realisation hit me that this was going to be much harder than I thought. For every time I leaned forward, the handle of the clips bumped against his inner thighs, causing a fresh wave of pain on my nipples.. And there was no way I could give him a blowjob properly without inflicting pain on myself. It was as if my brain was short-circuited at that point. I had to continue - this was not negotiable. I was meant to finish giving him that blowjob. But it came with a conscious knowledge that I must suffer this pain in order to do so. Babes, let me tell you, I was in sub heaven. There is nothing quite like the knowledge and acceptance of suffering a self-inflicted pain to service one's Master.

He hadn't planned for this, it seems, but was pleasantly surprised that such an outcome had presented itself.

He raised his arms and laced his fingers behind his head as he watched me struggle those first moments when  it dawned on him, and me, what I was in for. I looked up at him and forged on. Every stroke on his cock I made with my mouth left a jolt of pain on my breasts; each time I breathed and moaned over his shaft my sounds were a testament to my endurance. 

He had reached the point where he was ready to orgasm into my mouth, as he usually does... he guided me with his hands on either side of my face, sometimes moving to hold on to my ponytail handle, continuously bringing my head up and down over his length as he prepared to cum. The whines that were coming from my throat were a combination of expressing my desire for him to use me and protesting against my hurting nipples, which were now rhythmically bumping up against him, quicker and quicker, the lapse between each moment of contact growing ever shorter, thereby heightening the pain. 

He came in spurts down my throat and allowed me some reprieve from my torture. After he was sated he leaned forward and kissed me, then as he reached for the clips he asked me if I was ready to have them taken off. I nodded and he removed them as gently as he could. The blood rushing into my nipples was a pain I welcomed, knowing it signaled the end of that episode. He massaged my breasts and rubbed my nipples gently, kneading them back to normalcy. 

I leaned on his thigh and basked in his approval, he stroked my face as he asked "Who's my good girl?" 

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We hopped into bed after we both spent TOO much time under the rain-shower. While in there, he hugged me, and I held on to him, enjoying the hot water cascading over our backs. I knelt and worshipped Roger a little before we eventually toweled off and called it a night. 

He had his laptop propped up on his lap, defying gravity as he bent his knees and held on to the top of the monitor with his hand. I don't know how he can be comfortable in what looked like such an awkward position to me, but realised that was a sight I don't normally get to see. 

I looked over at the screen with half-interest, choosing instead to concentrate on how it felt to snuggle up beside him. He put away the lappy when he was done and paid some attention to my tits, now hiding under a black lace camisole.

"What shall we do now?" I asked.

"Now I fuck you", he replied. 

My breath caught in my throat. "I don't think I'm wet enough yet", I confessed.

"You will be soon enough", he whispered into my ear. 

The fondling and kissing continued as he moved one hand to my pussy. I couldn't help but moan when his fingers floated over my thong, stroking my clit as they did. He positioned one leg between his two, holding me spread open and proceeded to push the fabric of my tiny underwear to the side, exposing my girly bits. 

"Do you like it when I touch you? How does it make you feel?"

I answered him with my moans, but he was not having any of that. 

"Answer me. Do you like it when I do this?"

A breathy "Yes" escaped my lips.

"How does it feel? Hm?"

"It feels good... ahhh feels so good." I was wriggling about under him now. And feeling myself getting soaked at being made to answer him. 

He dipped into my pussy to wet his finger a little more then came back up and touched my clit ever so lightly. 

"I want you to move against me, push up against my finger. That's it, good girl..."

I was practically cumming in my brain! That felt so good, it made me feel so submissive, so owned. I complied, lifting my hips to meet his finger, grinding my clit against him like a wanton slut. And happy to do so at his command. 

He made sure I was good and juiced up before teasing me with a finger, then two, inside my cunt. I removed my panties as he began to climb on top of me. 

At this point he said something like "see how wet you are now? " but I can't exactly recall because everything in my mind had shut off and all I could think of was wanting his cock inside my pussy. I began to make the noises I am wont to  make while he fucks me, but was forbidden from doing so.

"Not a sound!" he commanded as he pointedly thrust deep into me, making me bite my lip and pant from trying to hold on to the moans threatening to rise up from my throat. I think a whimper or two might have succeeded in escaping, whereupon I got a reminder to keep quiet, his thrusts, deep and sudden, punctuating his words. 

I caved and tried to bring a pillow over my face, struggling with the weight of it in the process. (The hotel pillows are HEAVY!) He helped me drag one out from under me and announced that if I must scream, I should do it into the pillow. I hid under it for a few moments and enjoyed the luxury of letting my cries of pleasure out, but abandoned it again, choosing instead to obey his command to be quiet so that I could look up into his eyes as he pumped himself into me. 

The connection was intense, knowing I must do as he instructed, feeling his cock plunging into my pussy, seeing he was reaching his climax. We were looking into each others' eyes when he gave in to his release. 

He rolled off as I rolled over to grab some tissues to wipe ourselves up. Then I snuggled into the space formed by his torso and his outstretched arm, wrapping my legs around his, as he kissed me good night and said "I love you". 

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We slept in a flurry of tangled arms and legs all night. I know I woke up 2 or 3 times, once to go to the loo, and the other times cos it got too hot or too cold. And each time I came awake, BIKSS was there, holding on to me in some way. I declare our first sleep a success! :)

Oh, and of course, his 7 alarms woke me up this morning too, so we had some morning sex before he had to get up and go. And I rolled over and went back to bed.

Vacation Update - Leaving on a Jet Plane

'Twas a dark and stormy night…..no wait, actually it was only just after lunch. The rain was pouring down like someone forgot to turn the bathroom tap off and visibility was down to about two inches in front of my nose.

Anyway, we met in the departure lounge. She was waiting in the bookshop, standing by a bookshelf, looking at, wait for it….her phone. I picked her out by her earrings, then her hair. 

“Nice earrings,” I WhatsApped and she turned with a smile on her face. She came forward , leaned towards me and gave me a peck on the lips.

The flight was ordinary, no dangerous situations despite the lousy weather we were having. Immigration, on the other hand was a feckin’ disaster. It was as if tourists were no longer welcome in this country.  What should have taken about 15-20 minutes at most, took almost an hour. All this in a country that supposedly takes fingerprints from tourists so that they have records for tracing purposes should some crime take place.

So we finally get out of the arrival hall and get into the taxi for a 45 minute drive to the hotel.  

The hotel room was spacious enough and had a nice king-sized bed where we soon found ourselves lying down and where I started tweaking her nipples. 

She said she wanted to see the Porto-Spanko so I showed her, but not before making her lie face down on the bed and unceremoniously pulling down her tights (along with granny panties in sky-blue might I add), exposing her butt. A few smacks later and her butts cheeks were getting red, in no small part due to the fact I kept on smacking on the same spot. After about 20 smacks or so, I switched to my new belt and gave her a few more for good measure.

We figured that we should get off the bed because we had a dinner to get to. A few half-hearted attempts later we decided that we might want to christen the bed first. After all, a little dessert before the main course never hurt anyone.

Fondles lay on the bed with me kneeling beside her, and began to work on my cock but we didn't stay there for too long. I soon had her kneeling on the floor by the bed, in front of a mirror with her top off. Holding her face I made her look at her reflection as she took my length in her mouth. This was, as she said in a moment of Roger-not-in-mouth, a first.

As I came I watched her look at herself in the mirror.

We adjourned to the bathroom that fit two people and spent some time under the shower. Fondles got some body scrub on her hands and gave me a nice little rub-down.  She said I should lean forward on the ledge to take some stress off my back as she scrubbed. The ledge was perfect for the next phase with Fondles taking her turn to lean against it with her butt out towards me.

I wonder if we have neighbours next door.

*****************

We went for dinner a little later than planned but it was good Thai food. Not much to say there……………

Oh, just so you guys know, Fondles is nagging me now to tell everyone that she is insistent on using the phrase “Role Affirmation” in place of Maintenance because it makes much more sense in that neurotic brain of hers. Me, I don’t really care, just as long as I get to spank her butt.

Servicing Friday

I had to attend a church thing last night. BIKSS would have gotten here before I got back. 

So I left a tray on the kitchen counter - cookies, mince pies (I love Christmas season), coffee mug and teaspoon, and a coffeebag for instant coffee.

On the bed, a towel, his tee and shorts, all folded and stacked and tied up with a piece of string (like the drawstring on a pair of pants).

MY STACK WAS MUCH SMALLER THAN THIS THO'

I got home to find him reading in bed. 

We talked a whole hour before I crawled out to shower and feed him some frittatas that I had brought home with me from church (the snack shop sells food to raise-funds). 

By the time we were done and back in bed, I practically attacked Roger with my mouth. I didn't use my hands at all. It was all lips and tongue - mouth only... and he cupped my cheek with his palm, pinched and tweaked my nipples, my reaction serving to fuel his lust even more. Evil Man. That's what I've been calling him. He smiles when I say it. Because I say it when he turns me on and I can't get release. It's the time of the month for me, and I'm convinced he spends extra time fondling my tits during my no-fucking week. 

He moved his hand away from my face and grabbed hold of my bun on the top of my head. Then using it as a handle he made me go up and down on his cock till he came right into the back of my throat. 

Do you see how evil is he? Here, let me count the ways:

1) messing up my hair

2) making me me gag when he came into my throat

3) at times my face was pushed down so far onto his cock I had no air

4) torturing my nipples and making me crazy horny

5) lifting my face off his cock to deprive me of Roger

6) ENJOYING all of the above.

See how Evil he is? All this after I prepared the tray and clothes so lovingly before I left. *hrmph*

A Final Word and His POV

... on this whole abuse thing. I don't quite mean physical or psychological abuse ONLY - I think at this point I'm also referring to the abuse of power.

I can't help it. I'm sorry. I have to say it. If you are offended, I do NOT apologise because these are my views. Touchy subject ahead... so please proceed at your own risk. 

Some of the people I read started out a little shaky, unsure, and trying to make sense of this DD / TTWD thing.

Then they got to the point where the wife is wondering why her HoH is so inconsistent. 

Then the HoH decides, ok, you know what? We're GONNA do this. 

Then he takes the power and runs with it. 

Now the wife starts wondering : why is he so mean to me? But that's what I asked for. And I really should be glad that he's on board. So she keeps silent and accepts that she got what she asked for. 

I think I can handle the kind of DD where the HoH says:

"This was what happened, and you know this is not how we want things in our home. I think you will agree that a spanking is warranted."

What I can't understand is the HoH who says:

 "You get over here and put yourself over my knee cos I didn't like what you just did cos I'm the man, and I say so."

I talked with BIKSS over this and his view is that "whatever punishment the sub/wife receives should be as a reminder to do something that is, in the long run, for HER own (or their collective) good. Punishment just because I can would be a sign of me going power-crazy". (See his POV at the end of my post... clearly the man felt a need to address this.)

My view is that when your man suddenly decides to be HoH he shouldn't suddenly be not fun, boring, unable to joke / laugh with you, serious all the time, and always ready to pounce on your behind. I think I would like my HoH to continue to be (if not be MORE) loving, fun-loving, playful, lighthearted and communicative, WHILE holding on to the responsibility of keeping me safe, keeping the family safe, keeping our home running (even if that means tasking me with it, or us agreeing in the beginning that since I'm awesome at it that I'd take care of it) and ensuring that all of us grow to be the best of ourselves we could possibly be. 

And one more thing - a man who baits or says things that are KNOWN triggers merely to prove that his woman is still the weak, unworthy, imperfect person that he's always known she is, is a man who is himself weak, and seeks to put down others in order to feel strong and powerful. This is NOT dominance. This is despicable. 

And that is the end of that topic. 

***************************************

And now a word from BIKSS:~

The topic of abuse has been on our minds for while now. I brought it up to Fondles early in our journey, mainly because I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to handle the submission and might go overboard with the new-found thrill of knowing that MY word was law. 

I have a theory, heretofore unproven , that for some men in companies or organizations where we are in positions where we do not have the deciding powers, suddenly being given the gift of submission can be a heady experience. Unfortunately, like some of us who simply cannot handle our liquor, there will be those of us who will fail to reign in our natural (possibly) instincts to dominate completely with total disregard of the needs of the submissive who loves us. This denies the submissive of the exact thing that her submission was supposed to give her, a responsible man who cares for her well-being, above all else.  

I have to say I was particularly lucky that some of the blogs on Fondles’ blogroll are written by some great Doms. I wouldn’t usually name names but these Doms have been my guides down the path that I hope to follow. For that I am grateful that we had Jake of Leather Cuffs and Silken Bonds and Dauntless Vitality of A Dauntless Journey among the first of the blogs written by men on Fondles’ blogroll. The other blogs that came along written by Doms only served to reinforce what these 2 had shown me beforehand. I am grateful to those men as well, for they have brought humour and a greater understanding to our relationship. 

That said, I spend way too much time surfing the net and the strands in the web that I slowly untangle from the different links on each of the blogs Fondles has on her blogroll bring me further and further into the deepest, darkest reaches of the Ethernet. 

These trips sometimes bring me to blogs where my spidey senses start to tingle. They seem innocuous enough but, for someone like me who is usually distrustful of anything that seems too good to be true,  I sometimes come across references that lead me to believe that there are hidden stories. 

Far be it from me to think that in our short journey I have suddenly discovered the book of truth that will miraculously explain and define the answer to every question in the universe and that I have a right to preach to any of you on the topic of how you should properly and correctly lead the lives you lead. 

The problem is that in my travels I see certain stories that seem to indicate abuse in some form or other, although the incidents are usually explained by the writers as instances where they deserved what they got, the spanking (if it was a spanking) turned them on, or it was an eye-opener for them which showed them the error of their ways. 

There are many, many examples but I will highlight only 3 as this post has gone on a wee bit too long. 

I have seen stories which have isolation of the submissive from her friends and family as a punishment. In no way do I think this is healthy and many blogs actually indicate, quite clearly, that the submissive’s support structure is extremely important to her. 

I have read about emotional abuse (real life cases as well as blogs) where the men get involved with single mothers, and ingratiate themselves into relationships with the children to maintain power over the woman. Any act seen as disrespectful or disapproved of on the part of the woman leads to the man threatening to move out, breaking up or an ultimatum of some sort. The woman runs the risk of having her children lose the man in their lives and guilt leads her to cave and let the man do as he pleases, over her better judgment. 

Finally, and most abhorrent of all, are those men who punish their women excessively for indiscretions on a whim. In my humble opinion a man who punishes his submissive (notice I didn’t call them Doms) just because he can, no longer has the right to call himself a man. He has simply become a bully. 

Fondles and I do not practise punishment spanking but I accept that there are many who do and do so in very healthy ways. In my opinion these Doms have found that balance (although they may not call it that) where the welfare of the submissive has become the prevailing factor. Would I consider them bullies? Never. 

I finish by saying this; I wish all of you a safe and healthy relationship, whatever form of D/s you choose to practise. 

Happy Thanksgiving and a Prototype

To those of you who are in the US of A, Happy Thanksgiving!

And to my spanko friends,

 and spanks-receiving!

Now some of you may remember that I'm leaving on Sunday for a mini vacation with BIKSS. 

So far I've packed the collar, the hairbrush, and a ton of lacy underwear. But my man wanted to surprise me so he made what he's calling a Porto-Spanko. Apparently it's an implement that will fit into his pocket. And I have to wait till we arrive at our destination before I get to see it. 

BUT to give me (and you) a preview, this afternoon he came over with lunch - and the prototype : 

Guess who got her maintenance with a new toy! It stings too... and it leaves a nice red glow on my cheeks for a little while longer than most of the others.

Can't wait to see the improved version!

Monday Funday

It was mum's birthday - me and the sister took our parents to lunch

We went to a mall and walked about, on the side I was keeping an eye out for a cabin bag

BIKSS picked me up at 615

We came home and I popped a store-bought pizza in the oven

Then I put on some tv shows and folded laundry on the couch while he sat and watched telly with me

Ate pizza at 8pm

Ran into the bathroom for a quick rinse

Hopped into bed to continue what we started during TV time (lotsa kissing - with tongue - the way he likes it)

Had a quickie, rough and raw

AND THEN IT HAPPENED 'FELINE FLATULANCE' <--- figure it out

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figured it out yet?
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*pussy fart*  So . Totally . Uncool .

What's a girl to do tho... it's not like I could control it :-(

[For those of you who missed it, I got an email from M3 who wanted me to let you know she says hi -->

Hi Fondles,

I have actually managed to get into gmail,though I have no idea for how long as it is blocked in this country.  Could you please let willie and others know that all is good, I have been behaving myself rather well...with a few slip ups! 

so much to do, so not a lot of time to be thinking about slipping up ..will be posting hopefully on the 1st december, hope all is well with you and everyone else in blogland, thinking of you all often

Hugs]

Can You Feel The Love Tonight?

UPDATE: M3 wanted me to let you know she says hi -->


Hi Fondles,

I have actually managed to get into gmail,though I have no idea for how long as it is blocked in this country.  Could you please let willie and others know that all is good, I have been behaving myself rather well...with a few slip ups! 

so much to do, so not a lot of time to be thinking about slipping up ..will be posting hopefully on the 1st december, hope all is well with you and everyone else in blogland, thinking of you all often

Hugs


********** and now, on with the post *********

OK, with all the Liebster (Loved One) Awards going around, and my mind stuck on Disney stuff (for the workshops we're doing in school), I couldn't help the title of this post. 

Now, on to business. First - thank you to Aisha , Rogue , Blue Bird , Renee Rose and Ward & June for nominating me for the Liebster Awards.

Here are the rules:

• When one receives the award, one posts 11 random facts about oneself and answers the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you.
• Pass the award onto 11 other blogs (while making sure one notifies the blogger that one nominated them!)
• One writes up 11 NEW questions directed towards YOUR nominees.
• One is not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated one’s own blog!
• One pastes the award picture into ones blog. (You can google the image, there are plenty of them!)

Since I received them all over a 24-hour period, I shall try and answer all the question in this post- altho Rogue did only post 10.  

First Aisha's:

1.  Who was your most important role model?

Mum. For a long time she's all I ever wanted to be. Now it scares me that I'm the most like her among all my siblings.

2.  What’s your favorite meal?

NY crust pizza. It's almost impossible to get it here. Thin and floppy pizza. Yummm!

3.  What one food would you NEVER eat?

The stuff listed HERE - not for the squeamish.

4.  What do you like best about being kinky?

That I'm not stuck in the mainstream. I've always been a bit of a rebel. I'm not sure which is the result of which, or if they're all just interlinked on a lateral plane. I hate commuting at regular work times with the rest of the world in crowded trains. I cannot bear fighting with lunch crowds for a mid day meal. I thrive on forming my own opinions and standing up for what I believe in, and loathe the guy who will sit and gripe and grumble and make a huge fuss but won't stand up when opportunity knocks. 

A more traditional design

5. Do you have a hobby?  What is it?

I sew beaded shoes... when I used to have time - blame Blogland. Haven't finished a pair in years. The one I have going on now has been sitting in its frame for about 4 years. Mine aren't anywhere as intricate as I prefer less gaudy, non-floral patterns. I sway towards geometric patterns, diamonds, lines and 'V' shapes altho traditionally the designs are mostly flowers, animals (birds / phoenix / goldfish - all with their own symbolism as per the Peranakan culture) and fruit - I'm not kidding, oranges, basket of fruit, strawberries and cherries etc.

6.  Is there a sexual position you haven’t tried that you’d like to?

There are more than a few I haven't tried... but nothing that I particularly WANT to.

7.  When was the last time you danced with someone?

I think the last time I danced WITH anyone might have been with BIKSS actually, last year, at a friend's birthday celebration at a pub/club type of place. Incidentally, that was also the FIRST time in the 23 years I'd known him (at that point) that I'd danced with him. 

8.  Were you in a clique in high school?  Which one?

The one with power. There were 4 of us girls. One Vice-head Prefect, one regular prefect, one class Treasurer and me - I was the resident music geek.

9.  If you could live in any time era, which one would you pick, and why?

I'm gonna say to a time when life was simpler and gender roles were more clearly defined. When girls were girls, and boys were boys.

10.  Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?  Why?

Giving. I put my hand up to be CWS #1 for a reason :) Click on the link for a whole essay on WHY.

11.  If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

I can't name you a place but I can paint you a picture. Beachfront, lots of open grass, floor to ceiling windows, furnished in glass and chrome, with accents in every shade of purple, fresh cut Easter lilies in a tall vase, and the scent of vanilla and chocolate chip cookies in the air. Oh and I'm taking my bed with me. It's ultra comfy and I wouldn't give it up for anything!

And now Rogue's:

1.  What is the first thing you notice about a man you just met?

His hands. I like manly hands. 

2.  What celebrity do you resemble?

I've been told by a friend I look like Devon Aoki - the lips are about right. And the cats' eyes. And I often wear my hair back in a ponytail that way too. 

3.  What is one thing you swore you would never do....and did?

I mentioned this in a post a while ago... I swore I'd never get involved with a married man... look at me now.

4.  How tall are you?

1.65m / 5 ft 5 in

5.  What color is the underwear you have on right now?

I'm not wearing any. I've got on some sleep-shorts from VS in lemon yellow.

6.  Are your dreams in color or black and white?

I've had both.

7.  Are you a morning person or night owl?

Definitely a night owl

8.  What is your nickname?

Um, I'm gonna pass on this one. Anonymity and all that, you know...

9.  If you could go back in time, where would you go?

To when I was 15 and I had just met BIKSS. I'd let him know how I felt about him way back then... instead of keeping mum about it and waiting for him to make a move. 

10.  What is the funniest thing you've ever heard a child say?

-- I really canNOT think of anything right now --

Here are Blue Bird's questions:

1. What did you want to be when you were little?
A teacher! Mission accomplished.

2. If you could meet someone famous who is still living who would it be?
OK I'm going to be shallow right about now and say Chace Crawford. (aka Nate Archibald in Gossip Girl)

3. If you could meet someone famous who was dead who would it be?
Mother Teresa

4. What kind of car do you drive?
I don't.

5. Where is your favorite spot in the world?
I honestly can't say cos I haven't seen enough spots to make an informed decision on the matter. But I do love travelling and seeing new places. So that's all I can say right now.

6. Is there one thing you wish you could change about yourself?
My gift for putting on weight by just looking at a plate of good food.

7. If you could get close and touch a wild animal, which one would you want to touch and why?
 A tiger in all its magnificence. They just look so stunning and imperial. And MEAN.

8. Do you like hot or cold weather?
Cold please.

9. Coffee or tea?
BOTH - Coffee in the morning, preferably a hazelnut latte, and tea anytime after 5pm - peppermint tea, green tea, regular (decaf) tea, any tea!

10. What is your favorite cuisine?
Thai.

11. What is your shoe size?
US 9

Now Renee Rose's lot of questions:

1) favorite implement
leather belt

2) favorite position
missionary - legs up, feet over his shoulders

3) What is your chosen vice
Blogging

4) What is your most unusual skill?
I don't know. No one's ever mentioned that I could do anything they can't. And anything I can do would seem usual to me until someone calls it otherwise.

5) How long have you been in a D/s relationship?
um, since the beginning of this blog - 6+ months?

6) How long have you been "into" spanking?
almost 20 years

7) favorite outfit for playtime
I like the corset. But BIKSS would probably like me "Nekkid" as he likes to always remind me. 

8) very first boy/girlfriend - what age, any details you remember, etc.
16. after O Levels. he was the first boy I kissed - a week before my 17th birthday. And that's as far as we got physically. 

9) which movie star/famous person you most resemble (physical or personality)
Devon Aoki - I've been told. See above.

10) what you order at Starbucks 
Ice tall hazelnut frappuccino with whip cream and chocolate drizzle, no lid.

11) favorite flavor of ice cream
good old fashioned vanilla


OK Here are the questions from June and Ward

1. What is your favorite pizza topping?
CHEESE. I love cheese pizzas

2. What is your favorite eye color?
Green

3. Who is your favorite actor/actress?
Whoopi Goldberg

4. What is your favorite song to sing in the shower?
"Mary's Song" (Whatever He says) - from the musical "The Witness"

 

5. What is your favorite way to connect with your partner?
Cuddle and chat

6. Who is your favorite Author?
I have a few - J Evanovich / J Grisham / M Crichton / C Jacq 

7.  What is your favorite spanking memory?
The first time BIKSS laid beside me and I got maintenance with his arm wrapped around me and my face buried in his shoulder. He was making soothing sounds. I'm sure they must have been words but I forget now what he was saying. Only that it made me feel very safe.

8.  Who do you find inspirational?
My friends. Each one of the people I choose to surround myself with on a regular basis (my inner circle so to speak) has been and continues to be inspiring in their own way.

9.  What is your favorite article of clothing?
My Banyan Tree bathrobe - my sister gave it to me when she realised I was looking for one and she generously passed it on to me saying that while she liked it a ton, she doesn't have much use for it and would rather that it went to someone who would appreciate it. 

10.  If you could meet a famous person (living or dead), who would you have dinner with?
I can't say that anyone famous comes to mind. But I will say that I have never met my grandparents - any of them - so I'd like to be able to have a traditional sit down dinner (called tok-panjang in my culture) with them and my whole family together.

11.  If you could have any one wish, what would it be?
BIKSS. 'Nuff said.

***********************

I know I'm supposed to nominate 11 blogs but the last time I participated in one of these Blog-love-taggings I ended up feeling so awful and missing some people out that I came back and nominated a second batch! 

SO I'm going to direct you to any of my Follow Fridays posts and you can go over to those blogs if you'd like to meet some bloggers that you may not have on your blogroll yet. OR just take a look at my own blogroll --->>

and go visit some of the people whom you don't already follow :)

Now, I believe I am supposed to leave you with 11 random bits of information about myself (like I don't already tell you EVERYTHING that goes on in my life...) but answering 5 sets of questions means you actually already got tons of info about me. Anyway, since I AM a piano teacher, here are some music-related tidbits about me:-

1. I taught my first music class when I was 9 - I had a music teacher who had great faith in me and had me teach the 7 and 8 year old classes.

2. I play piano better by ear than with a score. I learnt to play the flute, but never excelled in it. I played organ for Mass in church when I was 11 (and my feet couldn't even reach the pedals) all the way till I was in my mid 20s. That was the first time I touched an organ. During a church service. I was young, and I was daring.

3. I don't like listening to music. I can't switch my brain off and I start seeing notes and chords in my head.

4.  My favourite composer is Mozart but my favourite orchestral piece is Beethoven's Sym No 7 - Movt II - I fell in love with it the first time I heard it played at the concert hall when I was 17.

5. I get turned on by BIKSS whistling a tune and sending it to me on Whatsapp. 

6. Speaking of, I can't whistle. It's pathetic.

7. I love to sing. And I'm quite awesome at it. 

8. My first live solo performance was at a community D n D when I was 16. 

9. I have been in a total of 9 choirs. 

10. When I was in (the equivalent of) high school I knew more songs from my parents' generation than my own. It did NOT make me popular.

11. I got full marks on the Aural component of every test through high school.