A Flogger? For Me? (Part I)

There's something wonderful about getting presents!

And there's something extra wonderful when one of those presents is a flogger. Home made, with me (and my bottom!) in mind.

Isn't he the sweetest?

It looks something like this - same material, but the handle is bound differently.

Also, he'd been walking around the DIY store and found this wonderful bamboo massager. Ahem. Well, I suppose whether it massages or causes pain really depends on the person wielding it. 

Ah but I'm getting ahead of myself.

You see, we arranged to meet and get some exercising done, before hopping into bed for any sort of sexercising(!). But because we met straight after (my) work, I needed to change first before heading off on our brisk walk.

As I'm walking to the room to do just that BIKSS pulls out the bamboo massager (aka Bambu) to show it to me so I pull up my tight skirt and stick my bum out at him for a preliminary swat. He swings. Contact is made. And I get wet. LOL.

I smile, and nod my approval, a gleam in my eye lets him know that we're going to be having ourselves some good times later. But first, to get out of these darn clothes. Well, that takes longer than expected cos he pushes me up against the wardrobe doors, puts his hand around my neck and kisses me fierce and hard. I melt into him and let him turn my insides to mush. It takes everything I have to NOT buckle and give up on exercising completely!

I know I'm being manipulative, but in my head I've worked out that if he gets off now, then we'll be good for a little while - meaning I can get my walk in! Also, it's not exactly a chore is it? Since I LOVE sucking his cock... 

In true CWS fashion, I squat (yes, not terribly glamourous but it's the perfect height for me to get at Roger) and put his cock in my mouth. Rough. Urgent. Demanding. (That's me, by the way, not him!) Bikss has his hands against the wardrobe for balance, and leverage, as he pumps into my face. I look up at him often; he watches me worship his cock, and I'm convinced the view from above does something for him, if his thrusts are anything to go by. 

He pushes deep into my throat and I turn my squat into a kneel, for better stability, as he pumps right in and cums directly down the back of my throat. At the end of this I'm tearing and my nose is all stuffy from the gagging. Strangely my man never realises he's choking me. Not until I'm wiping my face with a towel. In all innocence he asks, "Sweaty?"  "No, gag reflex. Tears and snot, hun."

I swear I can almost see the amusement on his face as he says, "Oh, did I make you gag?"

HMMM.

So we go off on our walk, and an hour later we're back home and in the shower. There's a little 5-minute blackout in my memory as he has me facing up against the wall with water running down my back, one finger in my pussy and another alternating between my clit and my nipples. I make all sort of moaning noises until he leans into my ear and shushes me. I bite my lip and lose myself in a haze of pleasurable sensations.

Somehow we manage to get clean and hobble back to the bedroom. By the time I get there he's already sprawled in bed and waiting for me to join him. Which I do. And so does the Bambu. Somewhere between his kissing me and playing with my nipples, and my trying to cool off, I manage to sidle up right next to him, half turned to face him on my right side, with my left leg carelessly wrapped over his hip. He swings the Bambu on my left cheek. Heh. Nothing. That was almost a waste of time, I think. After about a little more than 10 swats I casually mention that maybe we should count so we'll have an idea of how many swats it takes before it actually starts to sting. In retrospect I shouldn't have said that. Because the man with the plan decides then to start counting at 13 (I think it was)  and doesn't stop until he gets to 100. Uh-huh. Ouch. 

By about 50 or 60 or something like that he manages to find a balance between rhythm and force and it begins to hurt. Not as much as a spoon hurts, or even his hand, but perhaps like the spatula. I'm wincing as I count along with him, and when I stop counting he realises that it's getting a little ouchy. In a somewhat surprising move, he cradles my head in the crook of his arm and holds me tight as I breathe into the space his embrace has created for me, not stopping his flow for a second, but the remainder of the swats are much more bearable and we make it to 100. 

+++++ to be continued +++++

Quickie Post - Before I go to Bed

SO how many types of spankings ARE there?

I have 3.

Well, I mean, we practise 3 types.

I'm also familiar with Punishment Spankings, Good Girl Spankings, Maintenance Spankings... ok that brings the total to 6 (altho I'm certain my Incentive Spankings may double up as either GG or Maintenance Spankings).

So I went hunting on the net.

And found this blog. And OH MY OH MY OH MY! For details, click on the link but here's the list that's on there.

1 - Good Girl Spankings
2 - Erotic Spankings
3 - Stress-Relief Spankings (similar to my Grounding spankings I think)
4 - Introductory Discipline [Hi, bum, this is hand. Hand meet bum.] Sorry I couldn't resist it!
5 - Pre-emptive Discipline Like the Minority Report of Spanking
6 - Submission Spankings BIKSS - can we add this one in? 
7 - Maintenance Discipline
8 - Punishment Spankings
9 - The Short Sharp Shock Spanking (SSS Spanking) The Staccato of Spanking
10 - Transformational Discipline (supposed to last twice as long as the Punishment Spanking)
11 - Multiple Discipline When one round just isn't enough!
12 - Disobedience Discipline Up-Sizing a spanking for disobeying DURING a spanking 

And this is the reason why we don't use spanking for discipline. Because while I was reading this I got massively turned on. Spanking just equals sex in my brain. And I think BIKSS would never want to change that! 

Snippets - Obedience / Master / DD / Self-Talk

This is what happens when I read and read and don't write. I end up with a bunch of thoughts running about in my mind all at the same time. And if I don't spill them here, I'll positively explode!

So don't expect any flow or plan. This is going to be one random post.

1) Submission vs Obedience

Those of you who follow Kitty's blog will recognise that this is the result of me reading her recent post (about whether Submissive and Obedient are one and the same). I started asking myself if I saw the two words as synonymous. And the answer is no. As I said in the comment I left on her blog - Submission signifies a willingness to give up control to another whom you deign fit to have authority over you. Obedience, on the other hand, implies blind submissiveness. That's it then. Submission vs Submissiveness. They're not the same now are they? Submission implies a choice, an active decision. Perhaps one that takes place on a constant basis. You cannot SEE submission. It's a state of mind, or a choice of will. Submissiveness, however, like obedience, is a descriptor- you can SEE obedience and submissiveness. 

Recently I've also mentioned to BIKSS that I don't even think Dom is the right word for me to use to describe him. It would be more apt to refer to him as my Master. While in many of our cases, Dom is a comfortable term we use to refer to our significant others (sorry, I don't mean to offend or exclude Girl/girl Guy/guy or FemaleDominant/MaleSub relationships but to include everyone in the narrative would take too long every time I were to refer to something relevant so for the purpose of my blog I'll just use the hetero MaleDom/FemaleSub model ok?) to signify that we are their subs, I also acknowledge that there are people for whom the word Dominant means "the one who commands me to obey"- think "slaves" rather than subs. Ok, admittedly what any label really means should matter only to the people who are involved in the relationship. But I'm just saying, in my head, I'm no slave. (Again, no offence to people who use and are comfortable with that term.)

I've used this before, but I really like the bit about serving

But then if I'm not a "slave" how do I prefer to think of him as my Master? Cos I equate the flip side of that with "servant" which in a way is how I'd rather think of myself. As Serving. And in that respect, I choose to be obedient because I have submitted to him. I serve his needs, his wants, his desires. Does he call me his servant? Nope. Would I balk if he did? Probably. *But calling him Master is ok?* I hear the derision in your voices. Yes. It is OK. Because Masters have a duty- a responsibility to ensure the well-being of the people they own. 

If you look up the meanings in a thesaurus, you will find that "slave" gives you a more negative set of meanings - forced / against the will / endure / compulsory / strained - these are the words that I got. However "servant" gives you related words like - employee / attendant / helper / assistant - words which imply betterment, or helpfulness. 

Which brings me to number..

2) Master

Kitty mentioned in her comment to Conina's post (All You Need is Love, a good read even if you're not remotely interested in how it connects to what I'm going to say next) that she noticed she was using the name Master a little more these days. 

Riley was also talking about finding a nickname for Cael and of course it occurred to me that aside from referring to him as BIKSS on my blog, I don't really have a name for him. Sometimes I call him Big Man, as in, "Hey big man, watchu up to this evening?"  And at other times I call him Hun, as in "Goodnight Hun" but then I, too, was toying with the idea of something I could use that would help me get to my sub zone. (And possibly signify to him that even though we're just fooling around and having a regular time I'm serious and committed in my submission and haven't forgotten it - that it's an all-the-time state of mind.)

So one day he tells me a funny story (not relevant so I'm not sharing) but the result is that he said he'd like for me to call him that the following day. And we'd see how it fit. Well, I delayed actually saying it as an address. Hey, I had a really good excuse. And throughout the evening I may have slipped it in once or twice and eventually at the end of the night I asked him if it sat well with him. So he was on to me. He said - you haven't actually called me Master. EEK. I hate it when I don't succeed at out-manoeuvring someone. 

It turns out he does like it. So I said I would call him that. And I think since then I've used it a LOT on text. But not so much in person. It feels weird. So I take my hat off to those of you who DO use it naturally. It's hard for me. But I'm determined to do it. Because I know all I'd have to do is tell BIKSS I can't do it and explain my reason and he probably wouldn't push it. But I don't have a reason. And I want to do this for him. 

Cos I'm all about pleasing him. Which brings me to number..

3) Domestic Discipline

Ok, not directly. Well, when I think in terms of my wanting to please BIKSS, I think of it as service. As making sure he has whatever he needs (that is within my means to provide him - food, attention, pleasure, love, advice etc.) So I was daydreaming about what it would be like if we were living together and whether we would take this TTWD dom/sub thing to a level that I could call it DD. 

Now when I was reading ReneeRose's post on the topic I made a comment and she responded saying something about taking it in the spirit of "the couple loves spanking and they've come up with excuses to make it real". Now what I said was that I don't quite understand DD. Ok I get it in theory. But we don't do it. Well, we're not living in the same house so that's moot for us. Right. First, if the couple likes it so much they have to make up reasons to spank and get spank, why not just incorporate it into maintenance / erotic / daily / good-girl spankings? (Sheesh - before TTWD I never realised there were so many types!) 

And secondly, this is the problem I have with DD. (Again, not to offend, but if I'm wrong or have misconstrued anything PLEASE enlighten by leaving a comment or three or seven.) Assuming the heterosexual model again - 

Does the husband make rules about 

A) the actual chores / household duties? (laundry / dinner menu) or 

B) how the wife conducts herself when on her own (no texting while driving / smoking or drinking rules) including her personal presentation to him (what she wears / how she looks) or

C) her behaviour in relation to how they interact with each other (including how she presents herself to him as in B) above / no disrespect / no vulgarities / no violence)

What I mean is, how DOMESTIC does Domestic Discipline go? 

I mean, I'll be damned if BIKSS and I ended up living together one day and he gave me a laundry schedule to follow! I'm quite sure he'd rather be with someone who can take care of such things in a timely fashion without having a timetable, for the good of everyone's clothing needs! And if a woman really is NOT the sort to be able to get her household chores done in a somewhat timely fashion, shouldn't the emphasis be on the result/outcome rather than on the actual chore?

Eg, Ensure that there are clean towels / socks / ANYthing for the people in the house to function normally; or Do not allow laundry basket to overflow! Ensure dinner is ready by the time the kids need to eat at 7 so that they can get to bed on time.

I mean, there are going to be days when you just can't get to the laundry / mopping / de-cluttering because of one thing or another. And shouldn't it be allowed that if I'm feeling tired and lazy I get to choose to take some time off to put my feet up and read a book? After all, if the laundry gets delayed by a day no one's really going to suffer anyway. 

That's just me though. I'm almost certain I'm missing something. Or there's some part of the equation I'm skipping over. Someone please explain this DD thing to me. Cos I've read a blog where the wife didn't want to do the laundry and went out to have coffee with a friend and then got whipped when her husband came home and found that she had shirked her duties. OK, maybe there wasn't enough explanation there, perhaps she'd been procrastinating too long, they'd run out of wearable clean clothes, or all the towels were in the laundry bin, or whatever... but then, (hey, I'm sorry to say this but I'm going to say it anyway) what self-respecting wife and mother (and indeed, PERSON) would let their family walk around in dirty underwear? And wouldn't SHE need to do laundry for herself too? Cos that would mean she's run out of clean towels as well? 

So the thought of her getting spanked and being in pain brings me to number..

4) Spanking - as if I would let this post go without mentioning THAT

Hermione took over Bonnie's MBS Sunday/Spanko Brunch (I'm not sure what it's officially called) last week, and I was reading everyone's comments on self talk. I didn't say nothing this week just cos I DON'T have a mantra. And I asked BIKSS and he doesn't have one either. 

But here's a comment that caught me eye - enough for me to highlight it to BIKSS and have him read it too :

Reneerose said : I say "ouch" out loud, and then when he backs off, I think, "No, harder! don't stop!" but of course I don't say that out loud (sigh).

Which sounds like me. I squirm and I say OW and I scowl and I make hissing noises cos for some reason I think sibilant noises describe pain better and can more effectively communicate to BIKSS how sting-y my behind is getting. But we all know this is rubbish. And the minute I look like I can't take it anymore, and in my head I really think I can't either, he stops and goes back to being loving and endearing. And then almost immediately my bottom calms down and I think, hey, there's some spanking left in there after all. But I don't tell him this either. 

It looks like she's in pain but HAPPY!

Maybe I should let him know that when it looks like he thinks he should stop, or where he might have done so in every instance so far, to just relax instead - pause, let me regroup, then keep going. No? Bad idea? Good idea? Any other ideas? Or should he just ignore me and keep going to really make it hurt? Cos even when I'm complaining that it hurts I know I could probably still take another. And another. And another. 

Unless he's using the spoon. I'm not sure about that hateful thing just yet. Ideas, anyone?

Whoops. I've gone on too long and BIKSS is ready to chat. So I'm going to leave this here. Hopefully I get a bunch of comments tomorrow morning when I log on. 

In Fantasy Land...

... we would all be living in the same neighbourhood

... there would be no vanilla folk

... the kids would all LOVE to hang out in each others' homes

The Result

~ no raised eyebrows when suspicious spanking sounds are heard coming from the neighbour's house

~ kids would have sleepovers/play dates so that parents can have playtime / date nights

~ other kids won't look at your kids funny when they talk about mum being unwell cos she's sitting on a pillow

~ a real-life support system within reach for emo days

~savings on shipping costs when ordering implements from web-stores (LOL)

Now wouldn't that be nice?

Having a D/s Relationship - A Re-Post

THIS POST HAS BEEN CONVERTED TO SEVERAL PAGES - 

PLEASE NAVIGATE VIA THE TABS ON TOP

or click on the following links:

Having A D/s Relationship : (1) Introduction

Having A D/s Relationship : (2) Why She Wants to be Submissive / (3) Being a Master

Having A D/s Relationship : (4) Erotic Pain / (5) Limits & Rules

Having A D/s Relationship : (6) Spankings & Discipline / (7) How to Enjoy Your Slavegirl + Summary

Monumental + Momentous = Monumentous

Last night was absolutely perfect.

Remember how I mentioned a while back that BIKSS was thinking about having me wear a token of our relationship? Something that would remind me I belong to him? Well, not remind, as much as symbolise I suppose. Ok, more on that later. First...

This weekend was kinda special for me. I won't say why or what the significance is, cos it's not really relevant here. But I wanted to do / give BIKSS something special so he'd remember it. I told him I was ok with the small and medium plugs, but with the large one I've had a couple of "incidents" and I'm not sure if it's because my tummy was just doing a number on me, or it was in too deep, or too long, or what!

But I chose this weekend to tell BIKSS that if he wanted to try anal sex, I thought I was ready cos honestly, I was just tired of waiting! LOL. While it's all well and good to imagine everything being perfect, I did ask him very pointedly if he would be freaked (and grossed) out should we have an accident while attempting it. I mean, one cannot control everything (even though one wishes one could) and even when one thinks all the planets are aligned and the cosmic forces are combined in the most positive of manners, things MAY still go wrong. BIKSS chuckled and said he was willing to have a go, despite knowing there was no guarantee of success. 

He came over at midnight cos I was out with the girls from school. I had just gotten out of the shower and was cooling off in the air-conditioned room. Naked. He walked in, we decided I shouldn't bother getting dressed and that he should match my state of undress, so he started stripping and then promptly tucked himself under the covers. When I came to join him I saw a little jewellery box on the bed. My heart skipped a few beats. Oh - just when I thought I was going to give him the perfect present, the man goes and gets me one too!

You know how in my nipple bling update I said I love dolphins? Well, this is what he got me, to wear around my neck. It's a white / rose gold pendant with 2 dolphins, one on the top and one on the bottom. I asked him which was which. *Grin*

"The top one is Master dolphin and the bottom one is slut dolphin," he says.  Yeah, yeah. I knew that. I put it on and couldn't stop touching it!

[I hadn't worn anything around my neck in such a long time that when I woke up this morning it was the first thing I was aware of. And it felt so good!]

We lay there touching each other, talking about our day, well, my day, his turn would come later. And then I started stroking Roger. Now, just the day before, I think it was, I asked him how long he thought I could have Roger in my hand before he needed to put him in one of my holes. He retorted with, "The question is how long can YOU last before you want Roger inside you somewhere."

Fine. Challenge accepted. We looked at the clock. I was stroking and licking up and down his shaft, the tip of his cock, teasing his balls, putting them in my mouth, I ran my tongue along his perineum, nuzzled my face into his crotch. It went on forever. Oh, but he was evil - he had his finger all over my clit, dipping in and out of my pussy, making me wet and horny and slutty for him. And then I asked him if it was time, and he said no. It had only been 7 minutes. WHAT?? Seriously? I sat up. 7 minutes? ALL THAT TOOK ONLY 7 MINUTES? 

Groan. After a bit he relented tho, and gave me permission to take his cock into my mouth properly. Ah. Bliss. This was MUCH better. All that waiting must have taken its toll cos he was hard as anything and all ready to fuck. I offered him my ass then, and he was happy to reach for the lube. He got me into position and stood up behind me. While applying the lube I think he realised what a daunting task lay ahead of him. 

"There's no way Roger is gonna be able to get in there. You're so tight." 

"Yes he can. Really. Just use lots of lube. Get in there with your fingers first, get it nice and stretched and then when you pull your fingers out and it's still a little bit "gaping" shove Roger in."

Not the most romantic of moments, let me tell you. But after some finger-in-butt action, hand spanks on my bottom, and crazy screaming and groaning from me (in a good way), eventually (and I really mean, eventually) Roger made it into the promised land. I'm not sure there was milk and honey, but at the end of our ass-capade there surely was lube and cum. *MEGA-grin*

It was my gift to BIKSS. His first ass-fuck. And it went off without a hitch! Lovely! 

After we washed up and got back into bed it was his turn to tell me about his day. And I didn't even have to ask. This is strange because :

1) In my experience guys hate volunteering information about what happened at work. Most of the time the response I get is, "Why would you want to know? Its not like it concerns you, and we're at home now, so I'd rather not think about work."

2) When it comes to BIKSS, even when I do ask, often he'll say something in general and then meander off topic to something else. 

So that's where we were when Roger decided to wake up again and soon enough he had my hand on his cock, pleasuring him. He himself had gotten busy with my girly bits, teasing my clit, rubbing my wetness all over my pussy lips and making me writhe and moan. 

"Don't torture me," I said. He smiled and kissed the side of my face, then got me ol' Lilac and lay back to enjoy the show. He likes watching me cum. I personally STILL don't get why. But I've learnt not to question.  Off I went, buzzing away while my Master watched with lust on his face. He busied his hand with the nipple closest to him, absent-mindedly (almost) pinching and pulling, caressing and stroking. 

I scrunched my face up, tensed up everywhere and climaxed, jerking both my legs up towards me as I did. I turned off the vibe and rolled over to face him and smile. My heart was beating madly from the exertion and everything was tingling. Sensitive. He climbed over me, kissing me something fierce, pulling my nipples, his stubble rubbing across my face. I was his to take. And take me he did. There was very little preamble this time. It was almost quick. Before I had any time to calm down, to move over him and take Roger in my mouth (did I mention I love having Roger in my mouth?) he had thrust into my pussy, still throbbing from my orgasm, and began moving in and out of me, making me groan even more. 

He deftly lifted my right leg up over his shoulder and turned slightly so he was fucking me at an angle. My head was thrown back, I couldn't keep my eyes open, no matter how hard I tried. He stared down at me with pure primal lust on his face. I felt so used, so owned. By this man, by my Master. I watched him cum this time. From start to finish. It was so raw, so basal, so rewarding. And it that instant, with the pendant lying against my chest, and his cock pulsing away inside the folds of my flesh I felt once again, truly his.

Fiction - For Now

This is what BIKSS and I were getting up to via text this morning... He was kind enough to collate the chat and send it to me via email for me to share. Enjoy.

-------------------------------------------------

“It’s good that you know who your Master is", he says as he leads her to the cushion on the floor and directs her to kneel.

Her clothes lie in a pile at the foot of the bed, left there as he discarded them one by one, as he stripped her.

She felt like it was more than just clothes he had stripped her of.

She kneels and he reaches for the blindfold, hidden under his pillow. “Close your eyes. You don’t need to see what I intend to do to you.”

She shuts her eyes, her breathing deep, almost as if she is inhaling his confidence and releasing her own control.

“You don’t need to blindfold me….I promise I’ll keep my eyes shut," she says.

He replies, “ I know, but I want to, and you might be tempted to sneak a peek. This way you won’t fail me and open them.”

She sucks in her breath and accepts the covering willingly. All at once her world goes dark as she feels him tying off the blindfold behind her head, her blindness disconcerting yet extremely erotic as she struggles to fight the conflict.

He goes quiet and she strains to listen for his breathing, anything, to know where he is. She can almost sense his presence. Almost.

As she turns her head to where she thinks he is, he moves and she feels a change. He isn’t there anymore.

She feels a feathery touch on her shoulder and she leans her head towards it, desperate to feel his touch.

Then there is a different feel, the feel of hard leather, fleeting. Almost like she didn’t really feel it. She quivers and he says, "Shh, trust me.”

She whispers, “Master!”

A hand reaches for her back and pushes her body gently down towards the floor, her head still facing forward.  She complies without resistance, her ass rising slightly, She feels exposed, open.

He leans down and moves a hand down her back towards her ass, her pussy.

She tenses slightly, expectant. She breathes deep, always breathing. Seeking to control the one thing she can. She wants him inside her, taking her as only he does. Hard and demanding.

“Relax, it’ll be better for you if you do.”

He sees her visibly relax, as if melting at his words, and delivers a sharp smack to her ass with the leather belt in his hand.

(SMACK!!)

She flinches and gasps at the sudden pain. Her face scrunches up, her whole being embracing the sting. Finding it comforting and reassuring, not knowing how pain could be so welcome, she awaits the next.

He moves to stand before her and she senses his movement, his presence filling the space in front of her. She tries to remember what he was wearing because she knows that this is the position he always takes up when he demands that she suck his cock.

She reaches forward to touch him. He smacks her hands away and another swat is delivered to her ass with the belt, harder this time.

(SMACK!!)

Her mouth opens slightly as a soft groan escapes her lips, and suddenly his cock is there, pushing against her lips, demanding entry.

She hesitates, unsure if she should take him in her mouth or wait for instructions.

She licks the tip tentatively. She flicks her tongue over the sensitive head, all the while breathing heavily on his erection.

He feels the heat and moves back, forcing her to move forward a little.

She stretches, eager to reach him and another swat is delivered to her ass.

(SMACK!!)

She jolts upright, not sure if that was a reward or a correction. Hesitantly, she leans forward, searching with her mouth. She reaches his manhood and opens her mouth to take in his head. He smiles, but she can’t see it through the blindfold.

She wraps her lips just over the bulb of his cock, holding it there, savoring the way he fills her up. She is almost afraid to make a move that might displease him.

He rewards her with a soft moan and a gentle thrust forward, feeling her lips part, accepting him. She sucks on him greedily, bobbing her head forward as she does. She lifts her hand to hold his cock in her grip as she licks the tender underside, sitting on her own ankles to get a better angle. All the while feeling the sting on her bottom left by the strokes of the belt.

Es-car-pade

The parental units are at home with me this week. This means I don't have the luxury of making hot passionate love to BIKSS in the comfort of my bedroom. LOL.

The solution? At first we thought we'd just wait till next week or make do with lunches and stolen moments, kissing, touching...  It was wishful thinking. As IF that was going to be enough?!

Yesterday began innocently enough. I talked dirty, he talked dirty, and Roger decided that he wanted to say Hello.

We met for lunch. But there was no way my mouth and Roger could connect without at least a dozen people seeing. So we held off on that and agreed to meet after my appointment that night. 

It was like we were teenagers again. Sneaking off to a make-out spot (BIKSS seems to know too much about such places - I'm beginning to wonder if he makes a special effort to seek out secluded areas!!) in the middle of the night, we couldn't help but be amused at our situation. It would be prudent of me to mention at this point that neither of us have actually made-out in a car before. No, not even when we were teens! 

He pushed the seat back, I reached for his cock under the leg of his very appropriately baggy shorts, and after he said "Buckle" I slithered out of my jeans and leaned over to put Roger in my mouth, my bottom nicely exposed in a G-string. It was a tight squeeze but exciting nonetheless. As I licked and sucked and stroked him with my hand, he consistently swatted my behind. Only one cheek was reachable so my spanking last night was concentrated on half of my butt. Talk about feeling lop-sided.  

When we were done I fed him - yes, I brought some food out with me - and wiped Roger up with wet tissues then tried to make myself as presentable as possible while he proceeded to tell me about another spot. 

"Wanna go for a drive?" I asked him. 

And away we went, stopping at Starbucks to get a drink en route. It was almost like he was taking me sight-seeing. A tour of make-out districts. 

we did NOT look like this

The place he took me to was REALLY dark. And since Roger was adequately recovered (it was a decent drive) I got BIKSS to climb into the back seat and I knelt on the floorboard between his legs. It had to be diagonally of course, seeing as how we weren't lithe teenagers (in fact neither of us ever fit into that category even as youths!),  but definitely more comfortable than round one. He pulled down the top of my smocked tube top and teased my nipples, which always makes me moan uncontrollably. And I've accused him enough times of doing that to me when I've got my mouth around Roger for the sole intention of enjoying the additional vibrations on his cock. 

He hasn't disagreed with me yet. 

On the drive home we talked about some more deep stuff; my need for approval, how I put forward the kind of image that can land me in trouble; I teared a little from being called on it, and a little from shame; but he was true to his name, my Master, in controlling the situation and reassuring me that there was no need for blame, that he would be beside me to protect me, that he needed me to learn so that I would be safe even when he's not around. 

Before I got out of the car I told him how grateful I am that whenever we're out doing regular things, just having fun, he still always finds a way to sneak in a lesson, a reminder, that will help shape me into a better person. That's love, that is. 

Finally Arrived

Some time ago I ordered some nipple bling and promised an update.

Well, they arrived a while back. But I had to send back the sun design one and exchange it for something else cos the dam thing wouldn't fit! LOL. Try as I might I just couldn't squeeze my nipple thru!!

The handcuff design chain was great tho' - it was adjustable so I was pretty happy wearing it. (That's the one I had on during this interlude, by the way.)

It took some time for the new ones to arrive, but they're finally here! And I love them!

Did I mention I love dolphins?

Vulnerable Stance

I was reading Poppy's post and when I came across this bit I actually wanted to skip past it -

"... I feel a little wretched when I stand in front of you and you are fully dressed and you just look at me. I would like very much for you not to look at me at these moments. When you have had your fill (or brought me to a point of tension and embarrassment that pleases you) you turn me away from you and guide me to the bed and you position me on all fours with my head lowered and my bottom raised in the most indecent posture ever devised."

Because it is the ONE thing that I feel totally embarrassed to do too.

Last week as he was getting dressed and I was still mucking about semi-naked (I had just pulled on some knickers) he was sitting on the bed (pulling his socks on I think) and with my back facing him, face poking into my wardrobe I heard him say, "Turn around."

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So I did. There he sat just staring. I felt myself start to fidget the way a 3 year old does after being told to stand still cos they'd been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. He just looked. At me. All of me. I didn't know where to rest my gaze - should I look at his body? his face? his eyes? his hair? And what's he looking at now???

It might only have been 5 seconds, but it felt waaaay longer. And then he looked up at me and reminded me that when I did the Survey ages ago I mentioned that I felt most vulnerable standing in front of someone, naked. Well, nothing's changed there! I immediately started talking (that's the quickest way for me to get over an awkward situation) and then as if suddenly unfrozen, I began to move about and eventually collapsed into a sit next to him, feet under me, trying to make myself as small as possible as I confirmed this as fact, and still valid to date.

So reading that post, I could identify.

Do you feel vulnerable standing in front of your partner as he's/she's looking at you? Just looking?

Is there any pose / position your Dom puts you in that makes you feel the most vulnerable?

The Power of His Word(s)

I was in the midst of my usual Monday evening meet-up with some friends when I received a long text from BIKSS who was intentionally trying to get me hot and bothered - and he succeeded. I felt myself getting wet right there at the coffee shop.

"... My finger slides between your legs as you clench your thighs. A soft sound escaping from between your lips. I pull my hand away from between your legs and give your ass a smack... You're not supposed to deny me when I try to touch you. I smack you again and I can feel you lean into me..."

Is that not something that would get you heated up when you're supposed to be chatting in vanilla company??

==============================

We had lunch today... it was very nice. All regular-like. Then we got back in the car and as BIKSS was driving me home I let my hand slide from its usual position on his thigh down to his crotch. I could just feel Roger stirring... Oh hello? Is that a hand I'm feeling? - I imagine him saying...

BIKSS looked at me with a glint in his eyes. He reached over to where I was sitting with legs together and with his hand hovering ever so slightly above my mons uttered, softly, a single word. 

"Spread."

And I did. My insides melting from his command just as my pussy melted under his touch. 

Quickie Post - Before Cooking Dinner

Today, in a continuation from our last convo about taking on this role and accepting me as his sub, BIKSS (after I went off on another micro-managing spree) put his foot down and basically told me to stop being a worry-wart, quit thinking for him, trust him, and give us time to find our fit. 

Of course I felt really bad about it. And told him I did feel adequately chastised.

But aside from all that, he is also resigned to the fact that no matter what he says it's gonna be tough for me to believe that this is what he wants too and that it's a choice he made, that he came in with his eyes open. (TRUE.) And that I will always worry and he can't stop me from worrying (also TRUE) but that someday I'm gonna find that I'll be going down this road and he won't be contactable at that very moment I need the reassurance, and when that happens...

"You need to remember one thing - I love you too."

And I never pegged him for the sort of person to fuss about my weight or size or whatever... that's something I've imposed on myself. Well, until we got into a discussion about (his) weight and then I got, "I don't expect you to put on anything, but I also don't expect you to start to lose any weight ... I like what I see now. That means no binge eating for self pity, if ever... and you will watch your weight. "

I told him I wanted to drop another 2 kilos and he's alright with that. But if I take the dieting too far he'll make a fuss.

So I'm to eat healthy, not gain any weight, and have permission to try and lose a few pounds. And throughout that whole weight conversation in the cab I was getting wetter and wetter. There is something about him imposing his will on me that turns me the fuck on, I swear. 

Just because he can.

Master

I've figured it out. The reason I feel as if he's doing this merely to humour me is cos I never really gave him a choice. I didn't ASK him for an answer. I just told him what I'd like, he tried out some of it... then I told him what else I'd like, and he tried the new stuff out... we got caught up in the blog-reading and the emotion-sorting and all that other healthy ought-to-be-discussed stuff. 

But I never asked him if he wanted to come on board. 

So tonight on the way back from a lovely evening out at a cute pub - cute cos it had a slideshow of jokes flashing on the TV screens - I tucked my feet under me in the car, turned to him and explained that I never really asked. And therefore, now I was asking. Do you want to be my Master? 

YES, he says. With no hesitation. And I pick up his hand and kiss his fingers. 

We've added Master to the list of names I use to address him. It'll take some getting used to. But I'm happy to do it. 

=================================

On an aside, this came in the mail yesterday! My very first egg. EVER. *Grins*

And as a treat for both of us, BIKSS had me wear it as we headed out to town tonight. Of course he took the remote control from me as soon as I got into the car. 

Let's just say our night our was very egg-citing! LOL

==================================

We took a 10-minute nap after stepping in from the shower and when we woke up we were happy to have our hands on each others' bodies. He pulled me even closer, if that's possible, and kissed me, pinched my nipple, then reached down to massage my butt. 

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"Roger's awake again..." 

I smile at this. "Does he want to fuck?"

Turns out he did. There wasn't much time, nor energy left in us, to do very much by way of acrobatics so BIKSS got on top of me and thrust Roger in my dripping pussy. 

He was varying his speed and rhythm and I think at one point was about ready to release his cum but he stopped himself, savouring the pleasure of being inside me.

"Do you want to cum? Hmm?"

I hear a half-moan half-grunt in the affirmative... And just as he's about lose it I say the words I've been dying to say for the longest time. "Does Master want to cum in his slut?" 

But by the time I finish my question he's already doing just that. 

And as he collapses over me I hear the sweetest words. "Yes. She's MY slut... All mine."

Verbatim

HIM (5.35pm)

You hear me coming into your house and you come to stand at the doorway to your room, naked and eyes down. You wait patiently. As I come to you you reach out your hand and take mine, bringing it to your lips. You kiss it and back up to where the ottoman cushion lies on the floor.

You kneel on the cushion and look up to me for approval. I nod and you reach for my belt buckle, undoing it slowly. Your breath controlled... you undo my jeans and pull the zipper down so you can slide my jeans off, leaving me standing in my underwear. You nuzzle my crotch, feeling me hard and ready. Taking in my scent. 

After a time you look up for approval once more. Again, I nod and you slide my underwear off, releasing my cock. You run your tongue on him, tasting him, before you take him in your mouth, your lips engulfing him. I leave the rest to your imagination...

=========================

ME (7.53pm)

I have an image in my mind. I picture you beside me. Hand on my neck as we walk along casually, perhaps just from the car to whichever coffee stop it is that we're going. It means nothing to the passers-by around us. But you and I know it is your hold over me. Your Possession. No, he is not 'possessive', not in the way you think, not in the bad way - I send a psychic message to the girl eyeing me with curiosity (?) or is that pity? It is Possession. And I look triumphantly at her, knowing that she may never experience the love and guidance and control of anyone in her lifetime. 

The hand you place at my nape is a symbol of every instruction you have given me, a summary of the rules I obey, a physical sign of my belonging to you. Your acceptance of my submission.

Surfing

I had some time on my hands.. so I went on a virtual sightseeing tour. So far I've mostly been to blogs, both instructional and informative as well as narrative and revolving around personal explorations. Curious I decided to poke around a bit and see what else I could find. 

Here are some pages I found interesting:

1) Yahoo! Voices has an article on Being a Good Submissive. I liked this bit -

"The truth of the matter is that many dominants actually enjoy a submissive who is a bit bratty from time to time, because it gives him a perfect opportunity to put his power moves into play. Just as he enjoys this feeling of taking things and getting them back in control, so does the submissive. When a dominant shows his power, it makes her feel safe and loved."

2) While browsing SubmissiveGuide.com  (main link on FAVOURITES to the right) I found a piece on being a high maintenance submissive. I sometimes worry (ok, all the time) that I'm whining too much. Should I even bother BIKSS with this or that... at other times I feel like I'm demanding too much. But my approach has always been to tell him what's going on in my head. It's not for me to judge if it's worth telling. It's up to him to decide what he wants to do with the information when he's done listening to me offer up my thoughts. 

"You should never be afraid to express concern and things that bother you with your partner. Fear erodes trust and trust is a cornerstone for a strong relationship."

3) And for my Master, here's a page I found to be very enlightening, on How To Be A Good Dominant. Cos you know, I really didn't want to put this all on BIKSS but hey, you can't fight the fact that:

"Dominants hold the keys to the success or failure of their relationship."

Here's another on the same topic, again from SubmissiveGuide.com and I couldn't agree with this more:

"I think a Dominant should be a friend as well as a partner , owner and sadist. My Master is really most undoubtedly my best friend in the world and has been for a very long time."

4) Now here's something interesting that's health-related from D/s Seekers Resource (also a FAVOURITE). My family has a history of diabetes, and while I'm still in the healthy zone, I have passed out from a drop in blood sugar. Do take the time to look these symptoms over. You never know when the information might come in handy. And the most important thing to note -

"Persons that are diabetic should always avoid having their feet bound, whipped or tortured in any fashion. Poor wound healing may result in the loss of a limb and feet are particularly vulnerable."

5) Once in a while I come across a website that I'm ecstatic about finding. This is one of them. I like the tone, the way it looks, the colour scheme is pleasing and the fonts are large (I know some people who'll be happy about that). I think I'm going to add A Submissive's Journey to my FAVOURITES.

Enjoy, and happy Friday!

--------------------------------------------------

And if you're wondering why I'm so happy... 

"The next time I see you I'll expect you to call me Master and kiss my hands, eyes down."

A tiny part of me giggled. But I know deep down that's what I want. I want him to be my Master. 

Embracing Brevity

There were tears run amok.

Then an unexpected visit. 

Serving to comfort yet underlining the complexity of the situation.

His gentle caress. Brushes away doubt. My hand in His. I kiss it. As is my way.

He never forgets to spank me. Never.

Will you make love to me, I say after much awkward silence. In reality He utters the words for me. The words I could not bring myself to say.

Tears are flowing again. It is dark. He cannot see. I reach up and cup His face in my hand. I love you, I say, sotto voce. He hears me though. I love you so much. This time a whisper to accompany His proof of love. 

http://www.ana6y.com/details.php?image_id=2160

A Spank by Any Other Name...

... would sting as badly. That is unless the wretched wooden spoon is involved. Then that would be WORSE.

I was browsing through some older posts in Blogland and came across Kitty's one on spanking and submission. If reading it didn't bring up enough questions, continuing on to the comments surely did. 

The way BIKSS and I have set things up is that we don't have punishment spankings. This was something we agreed on early in the relationship. He knows I find it a turn on and so does he. So he was concerned that if we turned it into a form of punishment then I would associate with it negatively and we didn't want that to happen.

So at the moment we don't REALLY have any form of punishment set up. And in my mind, as Conina said, I don't believe I'd do anything so awful that I would need that sort of consequence anyway. I generally have a good head on my shoulders. (But let's get to that later.)

What we DO have are :

1) Erotic spankings... these will almost always lead to sex cos I'll be so turned on that when he's done with me I'll charge at Roger mercilessly. 

2) Incentive spankings... (I suppose some of you call them good girl spankings) which are for the purpose of rewarding me for not falling off my ciggy-free wagon. These sometimes double up as Erotic spankings too. I mean, if I like spankings, and we use them as an incentive to remain good, then it's not unnatural for me to get turned on by them right? 

I'd say the only difference between the two is in the labelling. The term "incentive spanking" refers to its particular purpose. Whereas when we say "erotic spanking" I think we're referring to the result or outcome. They don't have to be separated. 

3) Grounding spankings... these are the ones that don't necessarily end up in sex. I sometimes get carried away and emotional and my thoughts go in every direction they're not supposed to. I second-guess, I doubt, I worry, I feel badly about myself, I lose self-confidence and I become insecure. Not the best side of me. And sometimes I get hysterical - not literally, but emotionally. Inside. When I feel this way I tell BIKSS that I need a grounding. (Not the "you're not allowed to go out" kind, but the "bring you back to earth, focus on reality, anchoring" kind.) And the spanking that follows serves to remind me that he is there to care for me, to be in charge of things and that I shouldn't allow myself to be frazzled. He describes it as having the same function as slapping a hysterical person to snap them out of the hysteria.  And it works as a reassurance that I'm still his.


Right. Now that THAT's all out of the way. A few questions :

Maintenance spankings - what are they? And can they exist without Punishment spankings? 

I've been poking around the blogs and the websites and I seem to gather that A) they're a regular occurrence and in most households smaller infractions get listed and worked off in these sessions; and B) this means there are the more serious Punishment spankings that take place for MAJOR fuck-ups.  Does it then follow that the former cannot exist without the latter?

Those of you who don't practise Punishment spankings, how DO you handle misbehaviours and/or infractions?

I was never punished as a child. (I think I mentioned this in a comment on someone's post) and the consequence of that is I've always carried around a huge burden of guilt. Perpetually aware that I didn't have my parents' total approval. I still carry these feelings with me. It's as if everything has piled up one on another. Every crime and misdeed has been added to the list and I never quite had the luxury of knowing what a clean slate feels like. And this is also true of my adult romantic relationships. Every time I did something wrong and we fought or argued about it, I knew it was never TRULY over and done with. Each new argument was grounds to drag up an old offence. 

So now that I have a loving man and a responsible Dom to take charge of my life and whom I am so eager and happy to submit to, I would like to know that if I failed in any way to meet his expectations (for me to grow and become better and stronger) that I wouldn't have to be burdened with feelings of guilt, inadequacy and self-worth. That there would be SOMETHING we could do to have me atone for my sins and then be forgiven entirely so that I can continue to walk the path of self-betterment with his guidance. 

How does your Master / Sir / Dom actively put you in your place so that you are once again aware of your submission? Is spanking necessary for this? Is there some ritual / gesture / motion?

I suppose any spanking is automatically going to put me in a subby mood. I don't have to explain this, I'm sure. But there are other things that make me feel this too. Mostly it's his tone. Either in person or via text. Yes. Amazing. On the physical front there have been times when I get a look - his eyes bore right into me and I feel immediately chastised without a single word being spoken. Also his hands on my lower back as we're walking makes me feel like he's leading me, albeit from behind.

(As far as sensual, sexually connected actions are concerned, I think we're all in agreement - hands held together (or tied) behind the back, his hand wrapped around neck or holding chin and made to face up, arms pinned down on either side, nudged into a kneeling position, motioned towards cock for a blowjob, and all the accompanying instructions that we follow in bed.)

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I also enjoy kissing his hand / fingers. When he's holding my hand it's natural for me to lift up my own hand to bring his to my lips; or turn my face just a shade so that my mouth meets his fingers as he's stroking my face. However I do sometimes wish he would require a ritualistic greeting, something that we can use both at home and in public, that would signify by submission to him whenever we meet. Do any of you have such a gesture?   

[Incidentally, there are way more pics of guys kissing girls' hands than girls kissing guys' hands. ]

***CWS Challenge #1 - Why I Love Sucking Cock***

Spanky asked. So here it is.

+++++++++++++++++++

It has the power to subdue the most manly of warriors; to appease the most angered of kings.

It is the most hidden away morsel of the male anatomy.

It is private and sacred. It is not to be trifled with.

It has a texture unlike that found anywhere else on the human body. The velveteen stretch of the skin along the shaft; the silken shine of the bulbous head; the accompanying maze-like texture on the scrotal sac. 

It is a paradox of nature. An appendage that is at once hardened from within yet soft and yielding on the surface. Again a rod of immense strength yet devoid of calcified bone. It will inflict its will upon that mouth within nether lips, yet yield its own will to lips which conceal tongue.

It has a life of its own. Pulsating, twitching, jerking; growing ever harder, reaching to its full height and span. Stretching, expanding, until it can take no more.

It boasts an intricate pattern that is peculiar unto itself. Never to be repeated, replicated. A design that is unique and specifically its own. 

It brings to its owner untold pleasure, emotions; underscores its owner's great power and majesty.

It brings me to a place of surrender - to be able to please my Master, to honour him with the sensations such worship affords him. To take willingly that which is so securely guarded and give it pride of place upon my visage is the ultimate submission. And to me, the acceptance of said submission is in his giving permission for me to undertake an avocation so intimate, a proffering of my love.

vi.sualise.us

==================================================

More CWS Challenge Essays here:

Kitty's

Conina's 1st post

Conina's 2nd post

Cutiebootie's

Kitty - The Submissive Wife's

ReneeRose's

t1klish's

Julia's

Kitty for Mr. Woods'

Anastassia's

Non-Swim Monday (A 2nd Attempt)

I'm SO pissed with BLOGGER right now. I stayed up to write a post last night BEFORE I even decided to write Silly Doms and Silly Subs. And now it's missing. It was a lovely long post too... and I'm pissed, pissed, pissed!

Anyway, I'm going to try and recreate it but it probably won't be half as good as the original. Still, here goes.

[Addendum - thanks to Conina for saving and sending me a copy of the original - this version is the end result of merging the two.]

===============================================

*SUPER LONG POST ADVISORY*

I usually try to get in a swim on Mondays but the weather looked terrible and not conducive to swimming at all. So I decided to stay in and do some cleaning - the house needed some sprucing up and my virtual spaces were a mess (laptop, desktop and 3 hard disks were terribly cluttered and needed organising).

When BIKSS came over he found me in the study. I was done with the task at hand and as soon as I heard his "Hi gorgeous" my heart leapt and I powered down the PC.

Then I lured him into the bedroom. The a/c had been on for a bit so it was nice and cool in there. Not wanting to muss up his shirt I suggested he take it off while I knelt on the edge of the bed and tilted my head up to kiss him. As soon as his shirt came off my lips went to his nipple and I flicked my tongue over it. He let out an approving Mmmm. I moved to the other one as he tugged his jeans off. My hands were roaming all over his skin. Then he was ready to climb into bed with me. So I stopped teasing his nipples and we resumed our easy banter. He knelt in front of me and then leaned forward so that I had to shift myself into a sit. And he continued to move downwards toward me so that I was forced to balance on elbows with his face hovering over mine. Occasionally kissing, smiling, eyes looking into mine, willing me to lie back and let him have his way with me. 

I did. How could I not. We lay there kissing and touching each other and his hands found their way to my nipples. Oh how I've missed them fondling me. I closed my eyes and let out a sigh of contentment. Then he squeezed them, and pinched them and I gasped and opened my eyes to look at this man who knew just when I needed a little bit of pain and more importantly, how to deliver it. 

"Off," the one word, said in that way that he says it, was all I needed to suddenly lose myself in him and become his sub, his slut, once again. My hands reached for the hem of my chemise which by now was sitting under my armpits. He pulled himself upright over me, kneeling and watching me disrobe, and as soon as I was free of the fabric he lowered his lips to one breast, taking the other in his hand.  We enjoyed each other this way for a bit, my hands reaching between his legs, stroking his thighs, his butt, running up and down over his chest and arms and then we tumbled over to lay side by side. Still caressing and kissing, pulling away now and then to say something that needed telling. We hadn't seen each other all weekend so there were updates to be had. 

As he nodded at something I had just said I felt a slap come down on my left butt cheek. Whoo! That was unexpected and sting-y! I shut up straight away and closed my eyes. He kept on going. I flinched after the 3rd smack and then realised with a slight dread that he was landing all his smacks in the same place. Uh-Oh. Same-Spot-Fixation. Yes. There's a term for it now. I willed myself not to move. Oh but it hurts. I clamped my lips together and don't make a sound. I was determined not to wiggle away. 

And just when I thought I really couldn't take anymore he stopped. Relief swept over me. I complained to  him. "P-A-I-N," I wailed. He smiled and hugged me, rubbing my sore ass at the same time. 

"What's with the Same-Spot-Fixation recently? Is that your new thing now?"

"We can stop doing that if you don't like it."

"Nooooo!" and the word left my lips as if spoken by a stranger. Erm. What? It hurts, silly! Why'd you say No? But I knew why. Truth be told. I like that it hurt. And I like that he chose to hurt me this way. I love that he lets me submit to the pain. HIS pain.

"Well, then, you owe me the other cheek."

"Don't you mean YOU owe ME a spanking on the other cheek?" I asked playfully.

"No. I mean you owe me the other cheek."

Right. And I turned over for him to begin on my right cheek. Somehow this didn't hurt as badly. Maybe it's because I was prepared for it. I knew what he intended to do so I managed to brace myself for the pain. Soon enough it was over and as I collapsed into the mattress still face down, all the tension having left me, I turned to face him and he wrapped his arm around me.  Only to flip me over onto my back quite sharply. I yelped! Now I don't got 1500 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets so my just-spanked ass hurt something fierce as it scraped against the regular cotton stuff that I have. OW! I wailed again. He didn't apologise, neither did he stop moving me into position. He wanted me on my back and that's what he was going to get. He DID move one hand to my ass and rubbed my sore bottom, and I suppose he knew I was being overly dramatic. (Sorry, I can't help it. I always get a little indignant after a spanking and then he admonishes me and I'm happy to be a little puppy again. I think he knows this too!) There was no real danger of my being hurt so he just ignored my whining and continued to hold me and rub me and kiss me while I was squirming under him, on my back, under his power. [Sometimes I think I'm quite a handful.]

I wound up turning around so that our bodies made an L and my head was in his crotch. No surprise there. There's a reason I'm part of the CWS Network. (Here you go, Spanky... my turn at a shameless plug - that one's for you!) I tell him I wasn't going to put Roger in my mouth. I wanted to see how long I could go just licking and flicking my tongue over and under and around his cock without putting all of him inside my mouth. He was amused. Daring me. "Alright then, let's see how long you can go..." he replied. So I get to it. The exploration was exciting in that I was doing things with my tongue and my lips that I usually don't spend too much time on. Things he approved of, clearly. I spent too much time rolling his balls around my mouth, nibbling, pulling with my lips, then going back to using my fingers, and now I was sucking them, one by one, into my mouth, and running my tongue over them in a circular fashion IN my mouth. Not an easy feat mind you- there isn't a lot of space in there! Worth it though... BIKSS was enjoying himself - his breathing was uneven, and gasps were escaping from his seeming controlled (yeah right!) demeanour.

Originally he had wanted me to wear a plug and then vibe myself off for him to watch. But as (bad) luck would have it my tummy chose to do a number on me in the evening and I didn't want to make things worse so he said we'll do it another time. But I could still kneel and sit on my heels and masturbate with the vibrator for him to watch couldn't I?

So I sat up and asked him if this was a good time to do that. He was happy to let me go off and get ol' lilac  and then since I was already in position, I turned on my vibe and applied it to my clit. He was squeezing my nipples and stroking me all over as I felt the vibrations work their magic. I don't get why he enjoys watching, but I've been told not to try and understand it. "Babe, I'm a voyeur, I like watching. You don't have to understand it - just cum for me." So I did. I don't quite recall what he did with his hands until that one point when I distinctly remember him reaching up and putting it around my throat. And that gets me every time. In that one movement I feel like he has claimed me as his own. I belong to him. I lifted my head upward allowing him more access to my neck, my clavicle. Don't ask. I have a thing about offering up my collarbone. And he accepted my offering. His hands, large as they are, had no problems covering the expanse of my neck and shoulders, and that's when I buckled and twitched uncontrollably as I came for him. 

"You made quite a mess," he observed, looking at the wetness my thong was trying ineffectually to soak up.  

I shot him a look then resumed my attack on his member. I leaned over him and continued to tease Roger. He reached down and pulled on my nipples, hard! And I lost myself to the lust, and rising up on my haunches a little so that I could descend upon his cock, by now throbbing and ready to explode, in my opinion, I sucked on him like there was no tomorrow. His breathing became ragged and I knew he was getting impatient. I couldn't help but moan against the head of his cock as he twisted first one nipple, then brought the other hand down to match the first and suddenly I was just a slobbering cock-sucking slut, whimpering and groaning and moaning and sucking and licking him with very little idea what I  was going to do next. All I knew was I wanted to fuck and I wanted to suck and I wanted him to cum.

I looked up and asked him if he would like for me to suck him till he came? Or would he like to fuck me? (In my head I'm chanting Fuck Fuck Fuck.) At this point he was being held hostage by his dick and didn't seem to want to make a decision. "What do you want?" He asked me. "Do you want me to fuck you?" 

"Hun, I always want you to fuck me. But it doesn't matter. You tell me where you want to cum - in my pussy, in my mouth, on my back, on my face. I don't care. " I sluttily replied. *Sheesh, I know right?*

"Get off then. I'll fuck you," came the decision. 

He put me under him and lowered himself into my wet cunt. He thrust into me again and again then suddenly  he stopped and rose into an upright position, so that my arms couldn't reach his neck, and then lifted my legs up into the air on either side of him so I was lying completely open to him. And he still wasn't moving. I looked at him with curiosity on my face. He understood and replied my unasked question, "No, I'm not moving." My pussy was suddenly very upset. I wanted to pull him to me, with my arms, or with my feet, or something! But there was no way I could coax him into me. I was helpless and frustrated. He smiled a devilish smile and watched me squirm as I tried to bounce my ass up and down in an effort to encourage his cock to resume its rhythmic pulsing in and out of me. 

"Don't torture me," I wailed. (Seems I was wailing a lot today.) He released my legs and leaned forward with his arms on either side of me and he was thrusting deep again. I groaned from the pleasure of feeling his cock fill me up. Then he stopped. And waited. Again and again he did this. Deep insistent thrusts, then complete stillness. It was driving me insane. In the end I could take it no longer and I dug my heels into his butt and reached down with my hand to place my fingers around his shaft so that he could feel them as he was moving in and out of me. 

Now it was MY turn to tease him, "Do you want me to move my hand away? Shall I leave it there? Or would you like it gone?" I  increased the pressure of my fingers around his cock and as he was thrusting I knew he was about to lose control.

"It doesn't matter whether you move your hand away or not cos I'm gonna cum," he panted as he forced himself deep within me in the throes of his orgasm.

As we lay there chatting and cuddling we talked about things that had been going on in Blogland. Who got tied up... who liked standing Os (or giving them)... we talked about the stuff revolving around the most recent topic of "breaking" a sub and how a word could have so many implications. (If you go to Aisha's post you'll find links to some of the others.) And he asked me again if I wanted to be spanked to tears. And again my answer was I didn't know. And I really didn't. I suppose part of me felt like if I said No, I would be wimping out, and that wasn't true. I DID want to experience it. But another part of me, the perfectionist part, didn't want to say Yes because if it didn't happen I would feel like a failure. Or at least, I'd be impatient and constantly willing it to happen so that I could rack up another point in my Success column. I know. It's silly. But it's how I'm wired.

He wasn't unhappy with the response. As is his way, he just said, "Well, let's see where it goes, then. You've got a belting coming though."

I thought he'd decided to forgo it since I got my incentive spanks earlier. "I do? Still? I thought you'd decided not to since I already got my spanks."

"Nope. Go get the belt off my jeans," he says, gesturing towards where his jeans lay heaped on the side table.

"I gotta pull out the belt from the loops myself? That's kinda wrong don't you think?"

"Not at all. It's better this way. You bring me the implement that I'm to spank you with."

I did. With a flutter in my tummy. And he was still laying there, languidly playing with the belt. I sat a little farther from him than before. Eyeing the length of leather. Noticing for the first time the crease where the buckle sits day after day holding the belt in place. Noticing the stamp on the inside of the belt proclaiming it to be genuine leather. Noticing the length and the width and the thickness. He was wrapping it this way and that around his hand... and then he got up.

"OK, get in position."

I got on all fours and curled up against the bed. I knew my ass wasn't high enough. I was sitting on my heels, essentially, with my shoulders bent forward and head touching the bed.

"Arse up."

For some reason I was a little reluctant. I think it was a natural instinct. I KNEW I wanted this. But my body just wouldn't comply.

"Whachyu say?" I asked.

"Arse up," he said, tapping my hip with something. His hand? The side of his belt? I couldn't tell.

I obeyed and braced myself. Then it began. It wasn't as sting-y as the wooden spoon. But it hurt in its own way. Heavier, weightier strokes than the spoon. More 'meaningful' somehow. I let myself enjoy the pain. And then I wondered aloud if clenching one's buttock would make it hurt more or less...

He ordered me to clench. I do. And he lets it land on the fleshiest part. But the pain was so unbearable I flopped down to my belly flat on the bed. Without missing a beat he said "Don't clench." And I was up again presenting my ass for the comparison swat. Which was less painful. "Clench," he said again. "No, don't want to," said I.  And really I didn't. Cos that felt BAD. Whack! He continued till I got 10 on each cheek. And I was exhausted. I collapsed into the pillow and just lay there.

He came to lie beside me and I turned my face to look at him.

"Was it painful enough to cry?" Because I think I was almost there. My face was contorted into that scrunched up style that is often the prelude to a cry.

"No. I'm not crying. But if you had carried on I would have," I said. And really if he had continued with the lashing on my behind, and punctuated his machinations with appropriate words and admonishments I might very well have. This is a big man. With strong arms and heavy bones. He's designed to hurt. I said to him in an MMORPG he'd be a perfect tank. So yes. It wouldn't take very much more for me to get there I reckon.

Remember I don't colour easily? Well, there were marks on my behind this time. He rubbed them and soothed them, soothing my soul at the same time. I snuggled into him and then bid Roger farewell (with a fuss-free blowjob) and as I lay on top of him in his embrace I asked him for 2 quick goodbye swats. He was only too happy to oblige. And by the time he was dressed and ready to go, my bum had regained its original colour. No indication whatsoever of having been on the receiving end of some quite ouchy blows.

POST SUPPER UPDATE :
All through supper I felt a little sore on the left. So when I got home I looked in the mirror and saw a slight bruise on the left cheek just outside of my pantyline. That must have been the one that landed on clenched cheeks. I'll not be doing THAT again no more.

But you know what? I'm kinda proud to actually have something to SHOW for all the spanking. Cos god knows the colour never stays longer than a couple of minutes. (BIKSS says I'm lucky. HRMPH. I think he's just glad he can spank me some more after a short recovery period.)

And since I'm ahead of you, I'll wish you all a Happy Monday! Mine surely was.